


First Love - Twice Over

by nyny_68



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, M/M, Slice of Life, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-04-10 07:58:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 130,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4383686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyny_68/pseuds/nyny_68
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>10 years after they were parted, once-best friends Tao and Sehun find themselves reunited - as high school roommates! Will they be able to pick up where they left off... or will the changes time has wrought prove too difficult to overcome?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One - Have We Met?

**Author's Note:**

> TaoHun / SeTao  [High School au!] [ONGOING] - Angst-driven fluffy romance starring everyone's favorite hunky, fun, cute, 'confused',  sometimes really dumb,always super hot  maknae duo.  
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> || Contains Explicit Language and Swearing. 
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> **₍₍ ( ๑॔˃̶◡ ˂̶๑॓)◞♡ Hope you enjoy it!!!! ⌓⌓⌕(˃̴◡ुؔ՞ઁ)♡⃛**
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> ps || Please don't hesitate to leave comments!!!!! Tell me what you think, if you liked it, loved it, hated it, despised it, anything - even just a smiley/frowny face will do, i'd be SOOO grateful!!! m(_ _)m 
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…….

NO FUCKIN WAY

!!!!!

Tao stared in shock at the new transfer student who was writing his name out in big letters on the blackboard. Finishing, he dropped the chalk on the teacher’s table, and dusting his hands, shot a cheeky grin at the class – the girls, who had been squealing and giggling ever since Laoshi had walked in with the incredibly hot, blonde guy in tow, going even crazier – and bowed. ‘Good Morning. I’m Oh Thehun…I’ll be in your care from today.’

His voice…that lisp…

 

It was really him..

 

Tao held his breath, waiting for the reaction he knew would be coming –

 

Only….

 

_Huh?!!_

 

Sehun nodded confidently at the empty seats at the back of the class that Laoshi pointed out, not even glancing at Tao..

Or rather, just including Tao in the general once-over he had given the entire class, without even the slightest hint of recognition.

_HUH??!!_

 

Maybe he didn’t recognize Tao??

 

_Maybe he didn’t even remember._

 

This blond haired, super cool, utterly self-assured, arrogantly confident  _hunk_ who flipped his bag over his shoulder……

 

_Sehun.........???_

 

_No Fuckin WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

 

Smirking as he stuck his hands into his pockets, Sehun strutted down the columns of desks, ignoring the tumult that his progress occasioned, till he’d reached the back of the class, swinging his bag down on the empty desk beside Lu  Han – quirking an eyebrow as if to ask if it was okay, and receiving a broad grin in reply. Flummoxed, Tao found he was unable to tear his eyes away – as did the rest of the class, till Xing Laoshi was forced to start in on them in highly sarcastic tones, hinting at a test on relative clauses, before anyone turned back to their books. Clicking his pencil lead out, Tao flipped through to a blank page, and proceeded to take careful and thorough notes on everything Laoshi said – but his mind was more than nine-tenths away, far outside the sunny classroom, with its view of the ocean, and vase of begonias beside the chalkbox.

 

 

 

 

A week earlier – to the day in fact, his mom had called him – her voice swelling high with suppressed glee… He’d had to pretend he didn’t notice of course, that he didn’t know she was planning on surprising him with some grand project she was sure he’d be ecstatic about – but when she did finally spit it out, after 15 minutes of ‘airy’ subterfuge, he had been actually surprised – taken aback, so for a long moment, he hadn’t known what to say…

 

_Xiao-er, you remember little Sehun?_

 

Funny how that name, after so many years, flooded him with so many random images – and tastes and smells, and emotions, he had been struck speechless.

 

_…. ……………………_

_Kinda….. why?_

 

_Well, It seems his parents have decided to take up that offer to go abroad – and they aren’t bringing him with them, so when his mom asked me about it, I recommended your school – they were more than happy, after all, you’re there, right? I promised them you’d take really good care of him – they’re nervous about leaving him alone.. he’s never stayed away from home, and with them going all the way overseas… -_

 

_Wait, when did you speak to his mom!?? I mean… how come……_

 

_…Eeehhh!! What are you saying!!! We’ve been friends for ages now!! How long has it been… ten years?_

 

_ye..ah… eehh!!! Wait, you’ve been in touch with them all this while!??_

 

_Yes, of course!! Ehh…. I thought you knew... Well anyway, it seems they’ve already made all the arrangements – they’ll be leaving in a month’s time, so by next week, or the one after, they’ll be dropping him off there…Aren’t you excited!!!!_

 

_….. well….. yeah… I guess….._

 

_Eheheh~~ trying to act all laid back and ‘cool’, are we~~ don’t try to fool your mother, I remember how you cried when they left – locking yourself in the bathroom and wailing.. sobbing so loud I was afraid you’d be sick, and of course, then you couldn’t unlock the door yourself, so your father had to break down the door and you started crying even harder –_

 

_MOOMMMM!!!!! I was SIX!!!!_

 

_And then you refused to eat anything for a whole day – but in the end you got hungry so you snuck into the kitchen and stole all the food you could find, and packed it into your little satchel – remember the one with the Scooby-Doo pictu-_

 

_MOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

_And you actually got as far as the supermarket, before Mrs Chuo down the street saw you and brought you back – and you were crying and kicking up such a huge ruckus, saying you were going to run away and find Sehun.._

 

_MOMMM!!! I’M HANGING UP!!!!!!_

 

_And when we tried to explain that Sehun had to stay with his parents, you said, Fine, you’ll marry him, then you two could stay together forever, even if his parents had to move – your poor father, he was so shocked, it took him days to recover –_

 

_GOODBYE MOTHER!!!_

 

Flustered, embarrassed at this recounting of his childish gaffes, blushing, and above all filled with an unaccountable nervousness – almost like panic, his stomach feeling queasy like right before a big match, Tao’d hung up over his mom’s laughter, flicking his phone off and tossing it onto his table before rolling over to bury his face in his pillow.

 

_Sehun….._

 

 

 

_Sehun, huh…._

 

 

Tao wasn’t some weirdo genius with a super awesome memory, the type who could recount exactly what they had for breakfast on the morning of July 29th, 1969, Tuesday at 10:10 am [‘scrambled eggs on toast, and a rather weak cup of coffee’] – but somehow, to his surprise, the rest of the week, things kept coming back to him – little incidents, inconsequential events, random bits of no importance at all, mundane and stupid… yet so clear and sharp, it was almost frightening.. It had been ten whole years ago… and he’d only been six years old…

But somehow…

 

Even though in the intervening time, in this whole time, he’d never even thought of him once, even though he’d never consciously tried to remember…

 

He could recall pretty much everything that happened that year Sehun had moved in next door.

 

Like he’d carefully taken every single memory and soaked it in resin, and painted it carefully with amber and strung it through his vena cava to hang locked up in his heart, perfectly preserved for all time.

_Or something._

 

 

 

As the day passed, Tao couldn’t help darting glances back at the new kid – it was incredible, so unbelievable that this could be….

Blond hair, almost white, replaced the deep brown-black strands that used to turn midnight when they got drenched in the rain as the two of them ran about, trying to splash each other, or wrestled their rubber ducks in the bath..  Long fingers, their tips strong and manly squares replaced the chubby little hand that used to slip into Tao’s  - hot and slightly damp, pudgy fingers clinging to his as the kid – now flashing a teasing smirk about the class, chatting easily with Lu  Han and Xiumin and the rest of the most popular crowd in school, while effortlessly,  _thoughtlessly_ , flirting with Lin and Suki who had twisted back in their chairs so they could get closer to him – hid behind him, shy and hesitant even to reply to direct questions anyone put, whether it was the old ladies from their street, or the other kids who were playing soccer in the back of the old Garage shop….

 

If it weren’t for those eyes – still sparkly and surreal in their beauty.. that habit of licking his lips every few seconds, that little lisp… even he’d never had recognized him, not in a million years!!

 

 

_Ah!! That’s right!! Shit I need to –_

The moment the bell rang twice, signalling the end of the last period of the day [Math], and the class had bowed out a smiling Chen Laoshi, Tao hurtled from his desk, grabbing his bag one-handedly as he swerved into the corridor; waved vaguely behind him at Bo Xian and Chan Ye who called after him in astonishment about Club, and sprinted all the way over to the other end of the campus, where a low, long building at the crest of the hill, with a creaky old oak board outside saying, imaginatively enough, HILL CREST DORMS, housed his room – his, and, according to a toothily grinning SuHo Laoshi who’d accosted him in the dining hall three days ago, ‘the new little boy who will be coming, his parents said you were friends, isn’t that nice, I’m sure he won’t be lonely at all with you looking after him, little Tao’…. For some inexplicable reason [which may or may not have anything to do with the rather greedy feeling he got every time he remembered a certain someone’s excessively pleased reaction to a birthday gift he’d given him for his fifth b’day, right after he’d moved into the rambling villa next door to Tao’s], he’d spent the last three days scouring the dorms – all nine of them, located at various scattered parts of the campus, plus the little town that sprawled about outside, for all the Batman comics he could get his hands on… Just this morning, he’d packed all of them – shiny, still in their cover, or ripped and torn; old ones, new ones; dog eared, scribbles in margins, and ones that still smelt like fresh ink – neatly into a cardboard box, and set it in the middle of the empty bed that took up the opposite wall from his [after of course, having aired out the room, and cleaned everything up properly, and even sunned the mattress all yesterday afternoon, so it still retained the fresh warm scent of the spring light]…

Panting with the effort, Tao grabbed up the box, quickly sliding back to his half of the room, to shove it under his bed –  _Of course, that blond playboy who’d body-snatched his once-best friend wasn’t gonna want a bunch of Batman comics, what had he even been thinking –_ And just in time too, coz –

‘Yo~~’

‘Ah!’

Still on the floor, Tao angled his head back – stepping into the room, through the door he’d left open, was the very alien himself – blonde hair gleaming in the sunlight that streamed in through the windows Tao had had the curtains freshly laundered to, long, grown-up fingers curling around the straps of a black carry-all he leisurely dropped in the middle of the room as he strode in, walking through to peer about the little space.

‘..Sehun..’

Whistling softly through his teeth, the boy just twirled around, taking in everything – the two matching beds with the buttercup covers that lined opposite cream-coloured walls, the gleaming wood fashioned into two desks that stood beside each bed, against the windows, leaving a gap about a metre wide in between of common ground.. – till he’d competed one revolution, to face Tao again, breaking into a grin – that same wide mouthed, honest to goodness breathtaking smile he’d always had, that for some reason just seemed totally painful to Tao -  _when the fuck did he get so tall anyway!! –_ Tao stood up, brushing himself off, as he reached almost automatically for the bag Sehun had dropped –  _he used to barely reach my shoulders –that too, only on tip toe, and now look at him, he’s my height!! –_ But Sehun circumvented him, grabbing the straps again and hefting the bag himself. ‘This one’s mine, right~’ He tilted his head towards the bed on the left, bereft of the pile of random junk that dewed over Tao’s on the right. ‘Ah……urm..’ Tao nodded trying to smile – and force down the sudden feeling of something being very wrong indeed, the ominous, annoying, throbbing ache that had been haunting him all day since this new Sehun had appeared in class….  _I always… but wtf, why the hell am I… of course he can carry his own things now, wtf.. WTFWTFWTF get, a grip, Huang Zitao!!!_

 ‘That’s..it..?’ He continued, his voice only slightly shaky.

‘…Eh..? Ah! Umm, no, I left the rest of my luggage in the Warden’s office…eh… Suho Loashi? I’ll get it later, Lu  and the guys invited me out, we’re going to get something to eat – apparently there's a really good pancake place somewhere in town?..... and then karaoke or something…’ Sehun had been rooting around in his bag as he spoke, and now, straightening, he waved the wallet he’d dug up at Tao before stuffing it into the back pocket of his uniform trousers, pulled his jacket straight, patted his hair ensuring it was as perfect as could be desired [it was], before heading to the door – ‘Ah!’ stopping just as he reached it, to glance back at him. ‘….Tao..should come along too!!’

‘Ah!...er….no..’ Stepping over to the door himself, Tao pulled out his keyring, twisting out one shiny new steel key and handed it to Sehun. ‘I have Club….This is yours, Suho Laoshi gave it to me in case you’d wanted to come in during lunch…’

But the new kid was focused on the first part of his sentence, only vaguely taking the key and sticking it into his pocket – ‘Club??’

‘..Um… Wushu-‘

‘EH!!!!’ beaming broadly now, looking more than ever like his once-best friend, so damn poignantly familiar, that for a moment, the blonde hair and long limbs seemed to vanish completely, Sehun gaped at him in excitement. ‘Tao still does Wushu!??’

‘ehehe.. yeah..’ For the first time that day, a smile creased Tao’s lips – a rush of indescribably delirious relief as he grinned back at Sehun.  _Maybe….. it was really….. gonna be okay… -_

‘SEHUUUNN!!!’

‘Ah!! COMING!!! Ah, see ya, Tao~~’ Hurriedly, Sehun waved at him, before tearing down the corridor in response to the voice that had yelled out from outside.

 

 

 

And as it turned out, Tao’s initial unease had been spot on – coz as the days passed, those few lines they’d spoken turned out to be one of the longest, best conversations they had.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter Two - Prime Concerns

 He tried.... He really did..but...

‘Ah…. My mom just called..’ Tao tossed out into the room in general, not particularly looking over at its only other occupant - the guy over at the other end, dancing to the beats that thumped out into the little white buds in his ears. ‘Eh…. Really..’ He popped one out, still holding his body curved –  _seriously, that was so annoying, when the fuck did he get that good!!! He’s basically pro level, like, for real!!_  - ‘Ah..umm.. She asked after you…’ He dropped his gym bag onto his bed, pulling the towel that had been draped over his shoulders up to wipe his face – his hair was still dripping icicles from the showers behind the Club Hall - the heaters actually ran on some old world wood fire system, and really… who had the time… ‘She said she’s couriering over a box of her melted chocolate and peanut butter cookies for you – ‘ His voice had been muffled under the thick cloth, but apparently, the blond heartthrob had no problem understanding him-  ‘Eehhh!!!!!!!!!’ He cut in, his usually deep –  _that too!!!! Honestly, breaking is one thing, but how the fuck did it get so fucking deep and gravelly and manly!???!???!??_  - voice rising high in excitement. ‘I LOOVVVEE those!!! They’re so yummy – crumbly and hard, but squishy right in the middle…eeehhh…lucckkyy~~’

 

For a long moment – so long Sehun actually stepped towards him to see what was wrong, Tao froze, his face still buried in the terry cloth – before yanking it off, a blithe smile on his face as he waved vaguely at Sehun. ‘Ah…umm… well….anyway, I’m going to sleep, practice was brutal today… aah-ah, man, I’m tired..’ Yawning widely, he flopped down into his bed, rolling over to face the wall, so his back was to the boy who now solicitously asked him if he should get his dinner [Tao only grunted a negative], and flicked the lights off, before quietly sliding out of the room so he wouldn’t disturb him.

 

_So that he’d remembered._

_Mom’s cookies._

 

_And he still liked them, huh._

 

_Wow._

_ That _ _was the one thing that had stayed the same? That hadn’t changed??_

 

_Fuck._

 

_Like Honestly, do you mean to tell me the only thing you fucking kept the same was your taste for mom’s COOKIES!???????!????_

 

_Aaarrghhhh_

 

_Fuck.. they’d finally been talking normally that too.._

 

Angrily, Tao tapped his fist against the wall, frustration spilling through him in huge suffocating globs.  _Of course he knew what was wrong with him – it wasn’t Sehun’s new hair, or his height, or his voice or his dancing or a hundred other things… it was that he no longer needed him._

_OF COURSE it was STUPID – it had been ten whole years, obviously they’d grown up – thinking about it rationally, it would be utterly ridiculous if he’d spent the last ten years unable to move coz of the absence of someone he’d actually known for only a year!!_

_Yet…_

 

_Fuck_

 

_FUCKIT._

Everytime he saw him with his new friends – Lu  Han and Xiumin and Suki and Risa from the next class, and Lin and Fei and Wang and every other member of the uber popular ‘In’ crowd – and it was everywhere, in class, downtown, hanging out behind the basketball court during lunch, or at the high end cafes and patisseries that lined the East-Side avenue in the evenings – everywhere he turned, the crowds of Navy blue blazers and deep red scarves bobbed about that now-familiar white-blind head, preening and dazzling in subservience to the new kid who had so easily formed the crux of their crowd –to be honest, at this point, it seemed extraordinary that the group had even existed before Sehun’s advent – everytime, he felt this inexplicable urge to scream welling up, to hurl himself at the oblivious idiot and demand he give him his best friend back, to punch the living daylights out of everyone who hung about him and spoke to him and played with him so casually…

 

_Fuck, he knew it was stupid, k, he just….._

 

 

 

_He still remembered so clearly… and he couldn’t help comparing….. and…_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Tao!! Tao-er!! C’mere – look, this is Sehun, he just moved in next door, say hello_

_…Heelloo.._

_Ah!! Is this your son??_

_Ah –yes, this is Tao – c’mon Tao, bow properly, now –_

_Waa~~ what a cutie!! Tao, this is my boy, Sehun, he’s just about to turn five, how old are you?_

_..Shix.. May.._

_Aaahh!! How cute, he speaks so well!! You'll be six in May?_

_Um!!_

_Tao-er, go take Sehun and play inside, k – play nice!!_

 

_Grunting, Tao set off through the large doors and hanging curtains, past the paper screens..  climbing up the stairs to his playroom on the first floor, trailed by the little kid with the bowl head, who was silently following him, tentatively sucking his thumb as he walked.._

_This is my room! Tao proudly threw open the doors  - his especial super-duper playroom was the fulfilment of every fantasy any kid had ever had - the walls painted with towering Power Rangers, shelves and shelves of shiny toys grinning down at them from behind guns and ballistae, a super complicated, ginormous Hot Wheels track taking up a quarter of the room and a fully equipped gaming centre another…_

 

_......................................._

 

_Huh!???…_

 

_The kid didn't say a single word!_

 

_The kid..didn't say... a single word._

 

_Even though he was just six, Tao was used to having everyone react to his room in satisfying wonderment – awe or envy or happiness, it didn’t matter, but this was the first time someone had said_ **nothing** _– and Tao felt a stab of annoyance at the little boy – ha!! Babbbyyyy, he was only 5!! – who quietly walked in, popping his wet thumb out of his mouth only long enough to reach for Primus –_

_Sehoon! Shehoon, no – Squatting down, Tao picked up one of the Minimums, and stumbled across to place it in front of the kid, grabbing Primus back. I’ll play with Primus, you can have one of these –_

 

_Round eyes snapped at him – round full eyes that widened, starting to swim in little pools, the lashes quickly turning heavy and sodden –_

 

_Aaahh!!!!! Are you going to CRYYYY???? BAAABBBYYYYYY~~~_

 

_It was just that he was already irritated – usually Tao never teased the younger kids, or..bullied.. anyone, but somehow…_

_he really didn’t like this boy._

 

 

_To his shock, to his everlasting surprise, the boy immediately stopped –with an abruptness that threw him completely off, his expression changed - Still wordless, he stared accusingly at Tao – and then, with an almighty sniffle, with a great big snorty intake of air, he sucked it up – literally, his face turning red with the effort as he seemed to deliberately pull back his tears, willing them away… Scowling now, he grabbed for the Minimum – his wet sticky fingers closing over Tao’s for a moment – before he scuttled back, holding the gleaming little red figure close to his chest as he scampered to the other end of the room, his back firmly to Tao. He plopped down in the corner, not deigning to look back at Tao at all, as he walked the toy over the ground, whispering something at it Tao couldn’t make out…_

 

_It took all of 2 minutes for Tao to edge slowly towards the corner, driven by his curiosity and the uncomfortable, muddy taste of guilt – but everytime he tried to see what the boy was doing, he quickly turned around to one side, refusing to show him, or let him listen…till finally, frustrated, Tao held out a hand in front of him, bearing Primus as a peace offering. ‘…..He..re….’_

 

_The hot little hand immediately snapped out, grabbing Primus – then, realising Tao had actually given it to him, that he was letting him have it for real, the boy titled his head back – looking full at Tao – before bursting into the wildest, cutest, fullest, most sparkling smile he had ever seen_

 

 

 

_The boys spent the rest of the hour fighting a mock war, Sehun and Primus vs Tao and Minimum, Tao letting the younger kid win every battle – each time being rewarded with the crowing smile, so brilliant that by the time their moms had come to pick Sehun up, he was one thoroughly happy willing slave-from-the-defeated-planet._

 

_After that, they were never apart for long – Tao went to kindergarten, but Sehun was deemed too young so that couldn’t be helped – but everyday, Sehun would come over after lunch, and perch on the step outside Tao’s porch – refusing all of Tao’s mom’s invitations and coaxing and stern admonitions to wait inside, till, giving up, she just deposited a plate of cookies and a glass of juice beside him and let him be – he’d fix his gaze on the road in front, waiting patiently till 3 pm, when the big yellow bus’d drop Tao off, welcoming him with his big beaming grin.. Tao’d just fling his bag up on the porch, and hold out his hand, and Sehun would hurtle down, grabbing it, and they’d set off to play – Sehun was super shy, painfully so, that he hardly spoke to anyone, ducking behind Tao if anyone seemed to be taking an interest in him – but his position as Tao’s best friend protected him from any unpleasant moments that might’ve brought. Even though he’d just started classes, all the kids in the neighbourhood knew Tao was doing Wushu, and rumours of how good he was had even the third graders treating him – and by association, Sehun – with a grudging respect.._

_Sometimes they’d play about with the others – always on the same team, so picking Tao meant any team added two players – soccer with old car parts lying around in the yard behind the Garage-Shop was all the rage that summer – and in the heat of the battle, Sehun was proficient enough, his wiry speed, and spot-on passing combined with Tao’s strength and tackling skills making them an unbeatable pairing everyone clamoured to have on their side.. But more often, they’d wander off on their own, making up quests and vast escapades in their own world that admitted no other…_

_When the sun set, and it grew too dark to see whatever scrap piece of iron passed for a ball, or to accurately judge the distance to the vine that hung across the lake, the boys would trudge home – taking turns to drag their muddy feet into one house or the other, to be promptly scolded in tones even they knew wasn’t serious, and dunked into a big steaming bathtub, with admonitions to_ bath and not play _– which warnings they obviously ignored, as they splashed each other, playing Pirates and Navy or held the championship rounds of Rubber Duck vs Green Dog.. Till whichever mom was at hand had had enough of the sounds of her bathroom flooding, and came to grab them up and wrap them in big fluffy warm towels and dry their hair, before sending them to dress – within a week, both of them had managed to convert half of the other’s closet into their own free clothing store, with Tao claiming all the flashy shiny shirts Sehun never wore, and Sehun absconding with every dark coloured tee and checked shirt Tao had kept stuffed to the back of his drawers… Except for those occasional moments when one of the moms would have a temporary burst of formality, insisting their kid stop imposing on the other household, and come back, [none of which lasted very long, or laid the slightest damper on the boys, who just went on spending all their time practically on top of each other], they’d dine at whichever house they happened to be in, Tao always picking out the best of everything for Sehun, every other bite punctuated with attempts to feed Sehun ‘this piece is so yummy!!’ from his bowl [his little fingers could barely navigate the chopsticks for himself, and every night the moms ended up having to clean  various bits and scraps of meat off the floors]…._

 

_Before he knew it, Sehun had become his whole world, his old playmates long forgotten.. Every day, he’d keep glancing impatiently at the clock - all through the alphabet, the rhymes, drawing classes, and story time and afternoon nap time; till the little hand pointed to three, springing up, he’d be the first one to pull on his coat, and get his bag out of the little cubicle in the hallway with his name on it, racing to pick a seat close to the door of the bus.. Ol’ Mister Wang, the driver, would smile at him, gap-toothed as he said, ‘the little one will be waiting for you today too, won’t he, Mr Huang’ [He loved it when people called him Mr Huang, like he was grownup like his dad] and he’d smile and nod in reply, swinging his body back and forth in an unconscious attempt to try and speed the rumbling yellow bus up.._

 

_After dinner, Tao would have to do his homework, or study, and Sehun would sit on the floor beside his desk, quietly playing with his action figures, coming over every ten minutes to wind his little arms tightly around Tao’s neck and demand he finish quickly.._

 

_Everyone thought of Sehun as the weird new kid.. the strange boy who didn’t speak.. the grown ups just thought he was quiet and obedient and polite, while the other kids regarded him more as Tao’s ‘follower’ than anything – though they couldn’t have put it quite like that, they tended to dismiss him, underrate him.. even when they wanted to call them to play, it was always Tao they addressed themselves to, waiting for him to reply for both of them.._

 

_But only Tao knew…_

 

 _Late at night, when they’d cuddle into bed together – both moms having long given up, kept a pair of futons in their bedrooms so every night the boys had a sleepover – wrapping themselves in a big comforter they pulled over their heads, flicking on the little blue lights atop Primus’ guns, they’d chatter and giggle in the faint gleam, and Sehun was more talkative than any other kid he knew – Only Tao heard all the crazy things he’d come up with, the ghost stories that would frighten him out of his mind, so he’d have to bury his face in that slim chest, ignoring the way it heaved with giggles, while a totally unrepentant Sehun patted his head… the plan to go hiking in the hill behind Mr Fan’s for ‘glowberries’ was Sehun’s, and the theory that the howl they heard was a werewolf, not Mrs Chuo’s old Lab, and it was their ‘djuuty’ to sneak out of the window and find it before it ‘turned’ anyone else; that the apples in the yard were poisonous, and that smugglers used the caves near the beach; that pirates had buried their treasure in the sandy cove beside the ice cream shop, and that Mr Zhang was really an alien… Even at six, Tao knew how incredible it was, the way he’d be going on for hours about something that was bothering him, and suddenly Sehun would slip in one line – a single sentence, the solution to the entire wrangle so obvious, he’d gape and gasp in shock that he hadn’t seen it all along – and that Sehun had. Even if he couldn’t_ understand  _how it happened, he knew how valuable it was to have someone, whom just hanging out with was so much fun, he’d forget all about the things that were troubling him – little, tiny, six-year old worries, that were no less heavy to bear than grown-up ones… Only Tao knew Sehun was the brave one between the two of them, the daredevil… yet his shyness was real too, and that little streak of introversion that had him open up only to Tao, the little anxieties that meant he needed Tao around, needed to slip his hand into his, or lean into him for support, when facing the rest of the world….  the way he himself dismissed everyone else – all the other kids, without even trying to get to know them, without giving them a thought, having decided with so much surety that Tao was the only friend he needed, that Tao was the only person he wanted to talk to, or play with, or hang out with – and that Tao needed only him too, so inevitably, after at most an hour of playing with the rest of the neighbourhood kids, he’d come over, grab Tao’s sleeve, and yank it a couple of times, in full confidence the older boy would ditch everyone else, and follow him anywhere, so it would just be the two of them again…_

 

_So every moment with Sehun, every second, was so incredibly fun, and so incredibly exciting, the flavour made a million, trillion, gazillion times better by the knowledge only he knew about it…_

 

But now…

 

Tao rammed his fist against the wall again, harder each time

 

It was like there was this huge gap – an ocean – between them he just couldn’t bridge.. everytime they tried to talk, they quickly fell into silence… they had nothing in common – no interests, no hobbies, no dreams… Sehun had been snapped up by that crowd so quickly.. and Tao had his own friends too, the kids who did Wushu with him, Bo Xian and Chan Ye, and Terrance and Kevin and Lee… Between him off playing around, and Tao having practice all hours of the day, they rarely even saw each other anyway – and when they did, at night, just the two of them in the little room, perfectly still ‘cept for the whirr of the air con, their only contribution to any sort of tête-à-tête was Awkward Silence. Every attempt at talking quickly petered out – c’mon, he couldn’t talk about anything that they’d used to do or that had happened way back then –  _I mean, its super weird that I even remember so well, theres no way Sehun did too - in fact, quite the opposite, coz he NEVER mentions anything about that time, ever, even in passing and I didn’t want him thinking I’m was some giant weirdo._.. Comments on this teacher or that, or something that had happened in class that day only went so far…  -  _I’m so lost –_ and everytime it seemed like there was some light on the horizon, some hope – like right now – something would happen, some damn shit senseless nonsense in Tao’s head and he’d wreck the conversation _AAAarrrrrgghhh!!!!_  - but Sehun too!!! He’d suddenly freeze up on him… he never came up to him the way he used to, he never stuck to him, never once did he grab his hand, or demand Tao hang out with him… and he always spent all his time with those kids… or anyone really, he’d quickly made friends with basically every clique in the school, and was on speaking terms with everyone, that same kid who’d always….

 

 _AAarrggghhhh_!!!

 

Groaning out loud, Tao firmly squeezed his eyes shut, determined to get to sleep  - why was he even stressing so much!?? He didn’t know why it  _annoyed_ him so much, till he was practically foaming at the mouth all day long, this change in Sehun, he ought to be happy right? That he was so popular, and confident and shit, right??? He ought to be happy for him, yet he absolutely, utterly, one hundred fucking percent could not be. Even otherwise… One year, ten years ago, they’d been friends… why’d he even  _care_  about him now, about anything he did, or who he might be, it sooo didn’t matter!!

 

_To be honest, he felt exactly as he had, the time they’d said Sehun’s family was moving away.. the time they said Sehun was leaving.._

 

Somehow, in between making up the room perfectly, and collectin all the Batman comics he could lay his hands on,  bartering his precious limited edition Puma kicks for tickets to the Spring Festival in town that he’d been sure Sehun would love to go to, and all the hours, all the time he spent day dreaming, fantasising, staring out the window with a stupid grin on his face, imagining and building castles in the fluffy cotton wool clouds that sped by, he’d actually build it back up in his head – reconstructed it like brand new, freshly minted, like it had all happened just days ago, their friendship - the most special, perfect relationship he’d ever had, those moments he’d spent each one of which had felt so _ right_, when he had never had to even  _think_ , even wonder, when everything he’d been, everything he wanted, and needed and felt had been understood so correctly by the little kid who belonged to the hand he could still feel in his, a lingering memory that seemed to point out how precious those days had been

 

And each day that passed, it felt like he’d lost him all over again – the pain something he couldn’t acknowledge now, after all, he wasn’t six, he couldn’t lock himself in the bathroom and cry his heart out – he had to close his eyes to it, and pretend not to see, he had to keep telling himself it wasn’t true – coz it was stupid.. irrational… senseless…. He had had to tear up the tickets in secret when Sehun waltzed into the room excitedly talking about how Lu  and Xiumin had invited him to the Spring Festival; he had had to shove the box of comics under his bed, he had had to forget all the stupid dreams he’d spun…

 

_If only it didn’t hurt so damn much._

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter Three - Man Eaters in the Sand

 

Down the hall, Sehun jerked his body to the right, spinning on his toes, and finishing with a flourish, the thrill of the bass still pounding through him.. Luckily their building – the Hill Crest Dorms, was pretty sparsely populated, and at this time of the night, he had the landing all to himself…

_But Tao must’ve really been tired ne~~_

Suppressing the now familiar breathlessness that gripped him everytime he thought of Tao practicing with his Club, Sehun flicked the volume up, throwing his body through the steps of the next song.

Of course he’d gotten the shock of his life  - stepping into the class, and his eyes had immediately been drawn to the seat beside the far wall, next to the window..

Black hair, impossibly glossy, shining like an ink bottle had upturned itself over his head – only managing to shape itself into a spiky, almost punk hairstyle.. like a fuckin rock star or something… piercings –  _my god_ ,  _the kid who used to HATE even getting shots –_ so many of them – sparkling in the morning sun, framing the perfect whorls of the ear.. drawing his eyes to the sturdy, manly jaw, those lips that were fuller than he remembered – yet sharper too.. broad shoulders, and the hunky cords on his neck that led to them.. He’d always thought of Tao as the manliest person he knew, so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise..

Yet..

Something about how unrepentantly…  _virile?_... _potent?_.. he looked..just…

The long fingers – just like he remembered, long and shapely, just bigger now, as they caressed the mechanical pencil he was holding absentmindedly…

When Tao told him he was still doing Wushu, he’d understood, it was obvious, then, right…

Still….

_Dammit_

He’d changed so much!!!

Tao had always been so much taller than him – though of course, he’d kinda caught up – still, his presence was so huge in his  mind, it was always weird when he stood beside him, to realise he didn’t have to crane his head to speak to him.. But now, it wasn’t just a matter of height – his shoulders had grown so strong and broad, his arms fleshed out with muscles that for some reason always made Sehun feel strangely nervous when he looked at them – his whole body was like that, ripped, buff, his thighs –  _not that he spent any time staring at him, or anything_ , of course.. but it was like all this time, his Hero he’d been building up in his head - the real version was just so much much  _more_ than anything he could’ve imagined!!!!!!!

 

When his parents told him they were going abroad, it had suddenly clicked – the vague fantasies and weird, half-formed longings that had filled his head for the past ten years, the memories all woven around the boy who’d never been far from his mind in all this time, despite never even having spoken to him once in the intervening time – abruptly everything had taken concrete structure and he’d suddenly insisted he didn’t want to leave -  he wanted to stay here, not go overseas to a brand new country in his second year of high school, it was too much, a new language and culture, he wanted to stay on here… Once he’d brought them around, it had only taken the slightest of hints to get his mom to talk to Tao’s about it.. And well…

Ehehe~~

 

Sehun twirled, kicking out into the empty air, bending, straightening, swooping about, sliding back..

But even getting to share a room… this was soo much more than he could have hoped for! Now he’d show him!!!

 

_He’d show him!!_

 

Grinning as a trickle of sweat slid over his eyebrow, Sehun held it close – his deepest desire, the main recurring dream of his ten years – he’d promised himself.. if he ever got another chance – if he ever met Tao again – he’d be different. No more clinging to him helplessly.. no more following him about like a little puppy, no more sticking to him like glue..

When he remembered the way they used to be, back then, Sehun couldn’t help blushing in shame.. If it had been him – if their positions had been reversed, surely he’d have thought of him as the most annoying thing ever! Following him everywhere, getting in his way, hanging onto him very moment..

_No!_

If he ever got to be with Tao again, he’d be different – he’d prove that he was worth being his closest person.. he’d be strong and independent, he’d be  _awesome_ , so Tao couldn’t help it, he’d  _have_ to admire  _Sehun_  the way Sehun’d always thought of him.. he’d be someone Tao could respect and see as his equal; Someone he’d  _want_ by his side, trust and depend on, someone  _he_ could lean on for support, instead of always being the other way around…  till finally, he’d come to like him more than  _anything_  at all..

Till finally, he'd come to  _need_  him around, the way Sehun had needed him, all these years…Whatever it took, he’d become Tao’s most indispensible person,  _he’d become Tao’s strength,_  so he’d never be able to let him leave again, he’d never let anyone separate them again…  He'd be interesting, so Tao would never tire of listening to him, he'd work hard, so he could stand by Tao's side, He’d be popular enough that Tao wouldn’t feel forced to hang out with him out of pity – and even though it had been so hard, over the years he’d fought against it, his shyness, his fears, he’d crushed them in the sole hope that one day he’d be cool enough that  _Tao_ would be breathless around  _him…._

 

_Ah! He’d messed up a bit earlier hadn’t he.._

_About the cookies…_

 

He remembered the long pause when he’d said he loved them… of course Tao didn’t remember… probably Tao didn’t remember anything about that time.. it was only natural, right? It had been so long ago.. and for so short a time while it happened.. Biting his lip sharply as the pain ripped through him again, Sehun shook his head, snapping through the moves faster than ever, fighting to suppress it –  _it was good, it was good if he didn’t remember, if he didn’t have any recollection of what a pest Sehun had been.. right…_

 

So why did he keep feeling like screaming, like crashing down on his knees and screaming till his throat bled

 

 

_His grand Plan..._

 

He hadn't really thought it through... He hadn't allowed for the changes in Tao he ought to have foreseen. 

 

Every moment was torture… Tao was barely interested in him, he had his own world, he was caught up with his Wushu, with classes… for him, who’d spent the past 10 yrs holding onto their memories together like a permanent undercurrent of his mind, it was a shock to find Tao really wasn’t even curious about him in the slightest, like he had no feelings for him beyond those of the vaguest nature of ‘that kid I kinda knew, sometime..’,  that he didn’t even bother to hang out with him, to insist Sehun talk to him and tell him everything he was thinking.. the same guy who’d never let him out of his sight, without a thousand warnings and admonitions, never let him sleep alone, or shower alone, or eat alone – never even ate a single meal without making sure Sehun had all the bestest bits…… the boy who always kept such a firm grip on his hand, enclosing his fingers in his with so much assurance….. Now no matter how much he tried to invite him about, how delightful he tried to make anything sound – karaoke, pancakes at that really cool New Zealander’s place, or spaghetti dinners at Verde, it was no use, Tao always had his own thing to do… even when he made sure to mention Lu  and Xiumin and the others would be there, to make sure it didn’t feel like he was forcing him along coz he didn’t have any other company [which would make Tao feel indebted to go]; n so he’d be sure it wouldn’t be awkward, just the two of them, with nothing to say to each other – even then, it was no use, Tao always had Club, or a study group, or plans he’d already made with his friends…. even the Spring Festival he’d been so sure Tao would love to go, he’d begged and begged Lu  for a pair of tickets for days, till, relenting after making him promise to do his Language and Algebra homework for a month, he’d finally given him two – he’d been so excited, he’d been so sure that he’d finally get to hang out with Tao again, planning everything they’d do, down to the littlest detail… but hardly had he caught hold of him, hardly had he started telling him how Lu  and Xiumin had got the tickets and he’d managed to get a couple – than he’d flippantly said something like, ‘have fun’, and walked out, some college entrance book in his hand….

_He didn’t know what he ought to do…_

 

_It was so easy for him to make friends now, he could get along so easily with everyone…_

_‘cept…_

 

 _He never knew what to say…_ He couldn’t ever say what he wanted, what he really felt like, he had to keep biting the words back, coz of the Plan – to show Tao he wasn’t the same little pest he’d been then… He couldn’t talk about the past Tao clearly didn’t remember at all… and stupid jokes about things that had happened in class, everyday stuff – it was too difficult to keep that up either, to talk about mundane things when inside, you had all these heavy, serious, important thoughts welling up, and before long, his words would always get pinched off..

And Tao too!!!! He didn’t care – didn’t even  _notice_ , casually waving goodbye as he went off busily doing something or the other…. He’d break off in the middle of sentences, sometimes, like he just forgot Sehun was even there… like he had a gazillion more important things to do and think about…

 

 

Till it got to the point it felt like even sharing a room – that he’d been so damn excited by – even that just made everything worse, having to be around Tao in such close quarters…

 

Yet…

 

The more he learnt about the person his Tao was now, the more he longed for him, in a way he couldn’t describe, almost like it was a physical pain… but way way worse. None of it was really new to him -He’d always thought Tao was the smartest person he knew, so it didn’t come as any surprise that he was the top student in their class… He’d always thought of Tao as the manliest guy he’d ever seen, so it came as no surprise that all his friends were from his club, boys who could probably stop a runaway rhino in its tracks with a punch… and Tao was the best of them all, he was the Captain!!! It hadn’t taken very many ‘vague, pointless’ conversation to hear the whole story – how the club hadn’t been anything special, scraping the bottom of the barrel at Competitions and stuff, till Tao’d come along, and in just two years, made them the best in the whole prefecture!! Everyone was kinda in awe of him.. and that was a whole ‘nother thing, coz everytime someone said something about him, telling the new kid about their star classmate, he felt so proud of his Tao, and simultaneously so annoyed they were tryina tell him about him,  _him_ , who knew his Tao better than all of these idiots [even if the topping had changed a bit, Sehun was convinced he knew the base thoroughly, knew all about who Tao was at his core], annoyed they’d speak about him like  _they_  were his friends…

 

Yet…

 

As the days passed, slowly, a realisation dawned on Sehun he absolutely didn’t want to face, no matter what –

_What if he didn’t….?_

 

 

_Didn’t know really know Tao as well as he’d thought??_

 

Everytime they spoke – everytime they had a conversation, he’d feel the words slipping away… he didn’t know what to say – he’d rack his brains for something smart and clever to say, something Tao would be impressed by… but the last ten years told, so heavy and unbreakable, the wall time had created – he didn’t know anything about Tao’s fav music, or movies or anything.. he didn’t have any of the same interest, or hobbies, he couldn’t… even when he tried his best, he couldn’t hold his attention…. And…

 

Everytime it cut him so hard, but Tao didn't care at all..

 

_That they couldn’t go back to the way they used to be…_

 

 

Of course he didn’t!!! He didn’t even remember what they’d been like, he didn’t care, and that was normal, right!??  

 

_It hurt._

 

Every day, he casually pumped his friends for information about Tao, his interests, what he liked, what he did – Lu  and Xiumin, and everyone in his new class, they were all actually super fun, he had fun with them – but it was useless, when deep down, he ached for Tao, when all he wanted was to throw himself on the oblivious idiot and demand he give him his best friend back, when he was filled with murderous thoughts towards his Club members, who sparred with him, who played around with him,  _touched_ him so casually…

 

In the afternoons, sometimes, he’d casually, absentmindedly, ‘unintentionally’, lead his group the the grass behind the basketball courts, plopping down to chat, or eat, or just while away some time -  he’d found a rather convenient window that looked into the Wushu Hall, and with judicious use of his book bag, and angling his head just so, he could watch, his whole body trembling, his contribution to the conversation less than a jellyfish’s would have been, as Tao flew through the air like gravity was a myth, slicing and darting across the floor - no one could stand up to him, his kicks that cut the air so loud Sehun could hear it clear all the way here, his punches that would have even the third years crying for mercy…

 

When he walked into their room with wet hair, a towel draped across his shoulders every night, it was all Sehun could do to remember his Plan, to stop from grabbing him, telling him all about how awesome he was….

 

He remembered so clearly!  

_Weekdays, Tao had to go to school, so Sehun had to spend all day alone, aimlessly wandering up and down his house in boredom, finding his way into the kitchen fifteen times a morning to ask for lunch, so he could go wait for Tao next door – sitting on the porch dreamily thinking up everything they’d do just as soon as Tao got back.. But once he did, time went by too quickly, they barely had a few hours together, it seemed, before it was morning, and someone was pulling him out of Tao’s arms from the single futon they always ended up in, despite the moms always laying out two…._

_But weekends – weekends were the best!! He got to spend all day, from morning to night, with Tao – early in the morning, they’d eat breakfast together; Tao would always scoop up all the chocolate flakes of his cereal into Sehun’s bowl, and eat his fruit for him… then Tao’s dad would pack both of them into his car, and they’d drive to the giant sprawling building beside the river an hour inland.. He’d drop them off there – Tao running to the clusters of assembled kids who thronged the various teachers, after ripping off his jacket, and handing it to Sehun, who held onto it carefully, along with his back pack that held bottles of water and juice, and energy bars, and made his way to the stands… Soon they’d all fall in, lines and lines of boys in orange Wushu outfits – but Sehun’d have no trouble spotting Tao – at the head of the line for his weight class, his stances, his every movement so clearly outclassing every one else - at least, that’s what it looked like to him… For three hours, Sehun would sit entranced, holding the jacket carefully in his lap like it was some precious bounty he had been trusted with, his eyes never shifting off for a moment from the figure in the orange suit as Tao went through his practice – from his warming up, to the last warming down lap, all the kicks, and punches, twists and jumps and even weaponry in between… Each second only increasing the secret admiration he felt for him, convincing him even more firmly that his best friend was actually a super hero..[Sehun thought his disguise was rather dumb, coz anyone could tell… but then again, so was just adding a pair of spectacles and if it worked for Superman..] In between bouts, and during the five minute break they got at the end of each hour, Tao’d run over to the stands, where Sehun was waiting, ready and prepped - he’d hand him a bottle of juice, while carefully soaking a towel with water from an iced bottle, before leaning over the big iron bar in front, to pat it gently over his flushed cheeks and neck.. He’d give him an energy bar too, and make sure he took the wrapper back, folding it into a pocket at the side of the backpack.. the bottles of juice and water went back into the bag too, and the wet towel he’d spread carefully on the rung in front of him, just like he saw some of the moms who were waiting do… Just before he ran off again, Tao’d turn expectantly to him, not moving away, despite the teacher blowing his whistle loudly and angrily, till Sehun reached forward to softly whisper ‘jiayou!’ in his ear… only then, with a red, beaming face, and shining eyes, would he sprint back, ready to fight…_

_On the way back, they’d climb into the back seat together, and drive to the beach, and Tao wouldn’t let him rest till Sehun’d told him exactly how he’d done – which parts he’d done well, which exercises he’d messed up.. He wanted Sehun’s detailed reports on everything, irrespective of what the teacher or the other students said, satisfied only if_ Sehun _assured him he’d been ‘awesome’….  They'd tumble out together onto the golden sand, racing out of the car to see who could get to the oddly shaped rock near the sign to the lighthouse first... Tao’s dad would buy them a BIG lunch at one of the restaurants that lined the beach-front avenue, and ice creams for dessert from one of the stalls near the pier – the boys always picked two different flavours, and ate half of each other’s so they could taste both.. they’d play in the sand, and splash about in the little pools that collected in the rocks, where the water wasn’t too deep for their short legs..they built giant castles and impenetrable forts, which were actually just little triangles of sand heaped up, both of them burrowing in from either side, till their hands met in the middle… sometimes they’d take little sticks and pretend they were Hunters, after Dangerous Wild Beasts, they’d root about in the sand and frighten the crabs, who’d scuttle away sideways – Sehun always found them immeasurably funny, like little sandy clowns, and Tao’d keep digging up more and more, just to keep him laughing..  sometimes the balloon man would be there, holding out a huge handful of brightly coloured, rainbow filled globes in his hands, and they’d get one each, racing up and down the stretch of warm, toasty sand, weaving in and out of the crowds of people, their balloons whisking through the air behind them.._

 

_Till finally, they’d wear themselves out to exhaustion, falling asleep in the car on the way back, their cheeks pressed together, ice-cream flavoured breaths mingling, tired little hands drooping weakly to let the balloons escape to float near the roof… His dad would be waiting at home, and he’d scoop him up, and stand talking to Tao’s father for a while before carrying him home – but unbeknownst to them, that was when the Intrepid Hunters would crack their eyes open, and code to each other with a complicated set of blinks and grimaces [such a code was indispensible while Hunting Wild Beasts, so their voices wouldn’t give them away] – their moms would hurriedly bathe them, dress them in their PJs and tuck them into bed – but once the lights had all been flicked off and the door closed, according to the secret message, a series of fingers would be tapped out on a chosen window, and they’d run to open it and let the other in, and as usual, they’d cuddle into bed together, Tao’s arms wrapped about Sehun.. they’d be too tired out to talk, but Sehun would bury his face in Tao’s chest, and Tao would press his cheek against his hair, and everything was perfect and special and just the way it ought to be….._

 

Sehun sighed as the song rolled to an end, his legs feeling shaky as he stopped moving after pumping them so vigorously for so long

_He had to keep trying.._

Anyway he looked at it, it was just a matter of getting Tao to himself…that’s all, once he had some time with him, he could show him how the Plan worked – and everything would be fine again….

No, not just fine, everything would be better!!!!

 

That’s all.

 

 

Pushing away the fear and grief that filled him – well, at least managing to shift it a bit so he could breathe, Sehun slipped back into the darkened room.. The shadows flowed in unbroken lines, but he could just about make out Tao’s breathing – the steady, low rhythm as he slept… 

 

in and out..in and out….

 

_In and out.._

 

 

Suddenly, he shot up, running into the bathroom, catching himself barely in time to stop his hand form banging the door shut, pushing it to, and switching on the faucet in a single turn, before sinking down onto the floor – the cold marble quickly heated up from the water that splashed all over him, drenching his clothes – but Sehun didn’t even mind, didn’t even notice really, as he clenched his fingers into his chest, biting his lip so hard it split, his mouth filling with the sour metal of his blood –

 

_He couldn’t he couldn’t I canti canti cant ohhgod its too much please I can’t!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

Tao..

 

_Why….. why did it have to be like this!!!!!_

 

_I miss him so much, I can’t bear it, please, I_

 

 

It was so STUPID, so utterly ridiculous to feel your heart rip and tear in longing for someone who was barely feet away.. to miss someone so bad the pain made you drag your fingers over your chest raising long red welts when he was so close by… to scream and scream and scream, but without letting a whisper pass your lips, coz the person you were screaming for was just outside the door…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It must have been a good hour later that Sehun finally got out, shutting the bathroom door behind him, and plodded his way to his bed.. stripping off in the dark, his soaked clothes flomping onto the ground softly, and pulling on the shorts he’s left on his chair… Climbing into bed, he pulled his phone to him, popping his earbuds in, setting the volume as loud as he could, as he finally closed his eyes – at least with the pop blaring in his ears… he wouldn’t have to hear…..

 

_He just had to make an opportinuty for the Plan to work._

_Whatever it took..._

 

 

  
__Tomorrow he'd do it!! Tomorrow... tomorrow, finally, he'd do it!!!_ _

 

 

 

 

Unfortunately, the next morning only brought with it an arrival that would make any hope of fulfilling his dream tenuous at best.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter Four - Somebody to Love

 

 

When Sehun walked into class next morning – well, 'sprinted in' would be more accurate, seeing as how he’d ended up oversleeping, plus it had taken a good half hour to get his eyes down to unsuspicious levels of whiteness and un-puffy them, there was a strange buzz in the air – Xing Laoshi wasn’t in yet by some miracle, so he leant sideways in his seat to kick the leg of Lu ’s with one foot.

‘Whats goin’ on?’

‘Aah!!! I forgot, Sehun hasn’t seen her yet!’

‘Whoaa~~ You’re in for a treat!!’

‘…huh?’

‘The Queen’s coming back today~’

‘…huh?’

‘Her Highness Mai – ‘

Sehun didn’t have time to ask anything further, nor the need, coz the next moment, a girl walked in – long brown hair, almost auburn in the sunlight, streaming behind her, silky and soft and gleaming.. a sharp little dimple played in and out of one cheek, and her skin was like porcelain, flawless palest butter poured over her bones, which were delicate and fragile, lovingly flowing in a petite framework under her perfectly proportioned curves, and long, slender legs.. Immediately greetings rang out throughout the class, everyone calling out to her – but she had barely enough time to glance about and smile before Xing Laoshi walked in, grumpier than usual, with a stack of their test papers he’d been correcting [trying to decipher] all night.

As the class progressed, Lu filled him in – she was the celebrity of their school – the hottest girl, the number one cutest girl [he didn’t need him to tell him that], and all round most popular – but she was also  _actually_  a celebrity, she worked as a model for a teen magazine, and there was talk about her agency wanting to release an album.. she’d also played a couple of bit parts in some movies, and this was why she’d been out of school recently – she had been playing a side role in a movie set to release at the end of the year, starring one of the most popular action actors in the country - cementing her position as ‘Queen’ of East High

‘Ehh….’  Sehun only drew in his breath out of politeness – he was clearly expected to be impressed – and sure she was cute, and usually he would  _so_  be all up on that, but somehow…. Honestly, it was weird now he thought about it, but it had been almost a month since he came here, and all this time, he hadn’t really thought about girls.. Flirting around with the chicks who hung out with them was just reflex, ya know, he barely paid attention to what he was saying even..

 _More importantly, the Plan. He had to…._  Without another thought, he dismissed the girl, setting his mind on more pressing matters..

 

 

 

While Sehun spent the rest of the day plotting exactly how he was going to ‘get’ Tao [‘get him all alone to himself for a period of time sufficient to demonstrate the steps of the Plan, thereby ensuring his eternal love and admiration’], the target in question was obliviously taking down immaculate notes on Passive Speech, Proportions, Pachyderms, and State-approved History – till Lunch, at least, when a familiar hand leaned against his table, and tendrils of his favourite perfume floated down

‘Taotao~~ This is one measly Welcome~’

Grinning, he quickly finished the sentence he was writing, before glancing up, right into a pair of beautifully gleaming big eyes that were now narrowed teasingly at him. ‘Ehh… but geography is so important~~’ Clicking her tongue, Mai leaned forward further, giggling as she played right back. ‘More important than me?’ ‘….weeellll….’ She burst out laughing as he did too, relief thrumming through him like some weight had been lifted – leaning up quickly, for a moment forgetting all about the fact that they were still in the classroom, with pretty much all eyes on them, he pressed his lips softly against hers – soft, quick rush of berries and cream and soft, firm flesh – before settling back down, one hand reaching to stroke a dangling strand of her hair. ‘I missed you, kid’ ‘..eehh..’ Blushing furiously, Mai spluttered for a moment, before suddenly leaning back down to kiss  _him_ , swift and strong, blushing even harder as she pulled away. ‘Me too..’ Chuckling at how cute she was – this shyness even after all this while – her timidity, yet determination to go through with things, that little hesitation even though she was so cute…for some reason it always made his heart clench, these moments when he felt he’d do anything for her.. ‘Let’s go get lunch, c’mon!!’ ‘Umm!’ Happily – feeling more happy and light and free than he had in  _weeks_ , he stuffed his books back into his bag, standing up and taking her hand as they walked out of the class – everyone still staring at them, whispering like a beehive –  _you’d think they’d have gotten used to us dating, its been a year!!_   - Bo Xian catching his eye winking exaggeratedly, accompanied by Chan Ye's very obvious gesturing had him almost laughing out loud, though… before his eyes caught the empty seat at the back of the class.

_Ah! That’s right, Sehun had been called to the staff room by Xing Laoshi…. I wonder what’s up…..  It can’t have been homework or something, coz I know he was doing next week’s assignment the other day…._

 

 

_Ah!!!_

Glancing down, he suddenly realised he’d lost track of the conversation – Mai was still talking about something, gesturing widely, her voice slightly pitching high with excitement –  _ah!!!! Fuck, wtf, WHY am I thinking about him all the time!!!!!!!! Even when I’m with my girlfriend!!!!!!!!!! That idiot!!!!! First of all…_

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘Yo, yo yo~~ Hun Babbehh~~’

‘Akfjsl, Cut it  _out_!’

‘Yeah Lu , don’ mess up that hair, it prol took him three hours to get it lookin just so~~’

‘Huuuhhh!? For your information, I was just  _born_  looking this  _fine~~_  ‘

‘….bwahahahaa..’ ‘Fine he says~~’ ‘heehheeee’ ‘ohh shuddup, that’s so not funny, lamo!!!’

‘So, what was that all about?’

‘….hm?’

‘Xing Loashi… What did he want?’

‘Didn’t you turn in your assignment or something?’

‘..Ah… erm, no, nope, he just got a call from my parents.. apparently they’re going to Greece the month after next, so they wanted to know if I can stay here during the hols..’

‘Eeeehhh!!!’

‘Hunnie!!!’

‘Se-xiong!!! That’s so sad!!!’

‘Staying at school even during the holidays!!!’

‘Well, well, calm down, he said it’s not possible, coz everyone’s leaving – like, the staff and stuff, they’re closing down the dorms, so I can’t… he was like, talk to your parents and make some alternate arrangements, etc… ‘

‘Eehhhh….’

‘Whoa….. where will you go….’

‘Yeah….’

‘I have no clue~~ Aaahhhh I feel like an abandoned pup, lol..’

‘Ehh!! Then Sehun should just come stay with me!!’

‘…huh??’

‘Um!! Um, that’s right Se-xiong, Lu  Han has the most ammmaazzinngg house!!’

‘Um!!! It’s like a palace!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

‘…ah…ermm…’

‘Shuddup, it’s not a palace – but I mean, I’m serious, you should just come stay over during the hols’

‘…Lu  Han…. Man, I can’t, it’s like, four whole weeks, I can’t just – ‘

‘No, no, what’re you sayin.. even my brother won’t be there, coz he’s at college… and my parents will be at work all day, anyway, in fact, I was planning on being bored out of my mind… so you’ll actually be doing me a favour!!’

‘….ah…..if you’re sure..’

‘Yes!!!’

‘…ah..well…ehehe..i’ll ask my parents, then~’

‘Um!’

‘..Ehehe.. thanks..’

‘Aahh, it’s alright~~ C’mon, let’s go, ‘fore all the dumplings get sold out~’

‘Yeeeaaahhhh~~ all of us don’t have Lu ’s unlimited private dumpling supply, ne~~’

Laughing raucously over Lu Han’s blushing protests, the group headed out to the courtyard, where a sudden cold wind was skimming over the fresh green grass, setting the flowers dancing, as they made their way to the large cafeteria building.

 

 

 

 

 

Still sitting up, Tao closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of the shower shuddering against the tiles, broken by a sweet, liltingly hummed tune… his whole body felt so heavy…languorous and tired in such a good way… the sheets were cool and silky against his legs, the pillow soft and enveloping….fitting so perfectly into his back… The covers still smelt like them…

His eyelids growing heavier and darker, he sunk down into the ease, feeling so thoroughly together and himself and happy after so long…  Vaguely he heard the shower turn off… the humming growing louder in contrast.. still smooth and soothing… soft sounds of cloth and the rasp of skin… the blackness underneath his lids wrapping soft, strawberry scented arms about him.. –

‘Tao~~ Don’t go to sleep, we have to get back to school, ne~’ Her breath wafted sweet over him, and grinning, his eyes still closed, Tao reached out – grabbing hold of her, he pulled her back down into the bed, laughing as she burst out giggling and squealing, trying to bat him away as he buried his face into her neck, nibbling playfully at her neck. Her hair was dripping, cold and wet, streaming trickles of water over them both… her skin bore a coat of dewdrops, cherry blossoms and honey, and he couldn’t help suckling a mouthful in, rubbing his tongue almost abrasively over the delicate velvet till she was breathless under him, her hands scrabbling against his scalp as her fingers clutched into his hair… pulling away, he looked down as the girl in his arms, smiling tenderly at her as he bent to plant a soft peck on her lips.  ‘Wanna get pancakes?’

‘..Um!!!’

Rolling over, Tao reached for his clothes that were lying scattered about the floor, and traipsing off the footboard.. ‘Let’s go then~’ - grinning at the eagerness with which she smacked a kiss against the back of his neck, and jumped off the bed to get her clothes – she totally lived for the chocolate pancakes from Kiwi Café – that was another of the things he loved about her, her unapologetic love for chocolate anything, it was so cute, the way she’d pick out the chocolate chips from her ice cream, the way she’d light up everytime they went out to dinner, and the waiter brought out the chocolate construction that was desert… Even the first time he’d suddenly felt like he  _wanted_  her, wanted her all to himself – it had been at a party the Student Council had thrown for the newly elected First Year Reps – being from the same class, they’d been seated next to each other.. though having barely said a word to each other before this, they’d quickly fallen silent after polite ‘hello’s. Luckily, the guy on his other side turned out to be a Senior from his Club, so dinner was quite fun, he’d spent all his time discussing the upcoming exhibition match with him, not really paying attention to the girl who was already known as ‘Queen’ throughout the school – till someone jumped up and called for the cake – it was super cheesy, getting a giant cake in, and having all the Third Year members of the Student Council, the students who’d be graduating in a week’s time, cut pieces for the new First Years who were just entering; he’d totally felt nothing short of utter embarrassment .. till the waiter had rolled up with the cake on a giant trolley, and the girl beside him had gasped that unmistakable breath of pleasure, whispering ‘chocolate _!!’….._

Like a firework exploding in his throat, he’d spun to look at her – seeing her for the first time, it seemed – his breathing going crazy, his insides clenching as he stared at the gleam in her eyes as she delicately filled her fork…

He couldn’t believe how gorgeous she was… the candlelight playing over her, stroking over her skin with almost possessive golden fingers.. her hair glinting like finest silk…

By the time he worked up to speaking to her, he was already three-fourths gone – and even if she’d turned out to be terrible, he wouldn’t have been able to help himself – but she hadn’t!! She’d been – she  _was_ , incredible – fun, and always up for anything, she could get pretty wild when she let her guard down – hanging out with her, even just talking, was really enjoyable… yet the way she still blushed so easily, the way she would get tentative and hesitant.. it bowled him over completely! Even her likes and dislikes somehow made him treasure her all the more – exactly like this chocolate thing, it -

 

_Choco!!_

 

 

Tao gasped, freezing –

 

that..

 

 

 

_That…_

 

_Fuck_

For a moment, he couldn’t breathe – the image, the voice so clear, it was like he was actually here, in the room –  _Choco…? Yes, Sehooon, you have the chocolate, okay~ Choco!!!! –_  shitshitshitSHIT –

 

‘……Tao…?’

 

……………………………….

…………………..

 

…….

 

‘…Ah!! Ah, sorry, eh?’

Smiling weakly, forcing his expression to calm down, he reached out trembling fingers, as Mai pulled her hair over one shoulder, displaying her back for him. Shaking his head firmly, he grasped the two flimsy wisps bearing whorls of satin in the shape of roses, hooking up the back of her bra, trying to ignore the strange suffocating cords that had looped about his heart… _Those eyes, widening, gleaming hopefully at him – just to see them, just to see that expression, he’d wait, keeping a straight face… scooping up a giant spoonful, and raise it to his lips, all the while sneaking glances through lowered lids at the eyes opposite that grew wider, the glistening cherry lips that parted breathlessly – and in the very last second, the last moment, he’d stop, and abruptly turn the spoon towards him, saying, ‘Sehoon, you can have it..’ And immediately, like a fire lighting up inside him he’d glow, he’d squirm and giggle with pleasure – and still ask him a zillion times if it was okay, ‘Tao doesn’t want..?’ fearfully, and he’d hurry to reassure him, and finally, he’d lean forward, and open his mouth wide saying ‘Aaaannnn’, his eyes closing, his hands fisting in pleasure, and Tao’d pop his spoon into his mouth…_   

 

_NO!!!_

 

_Stopit – it doesn’t matter, goddamit, it was –_

 

_…………………………………_

 

_Okay_

 

_Okay,  deep breath – c’mon man, get a grip._

 

 

Sighing, he leant his forehead against her silky skin, planting a kiss between her shoulder blades.

‘…Tao….’ Gently, she reached one hand about, stroking his arm. ‘What’s going on, babe, you’ve been kinda..off.. all day…’

He scooted forward further, wrapping both arms about her stomach – her soft, cosy, middle, womanly and gentle and comforting, even though there wasn’t even a single smidgen of fat anywhere… Leaning in to rest his chin against her shoulder, threading his fingers between hers and holding her hand in her lap. ‘I don’t really know..myself…. somehow… my head feels just messed up, ya know..’

‘Hmm? What happened?’

 

‘….’ Sighing deeply again, setting even the damp laden strands of her hair fluttering, he played with her fingers, letting the words flow at last. ‘You saw… the new kid?’

 

‘…eh…umm.. Se..hun, right? Ah! I heard he’s rooming with you?’

 

‘Umm.’

 

……………………….

 

‘Well?!’

 

‘The thing is….. we used to be friends.’

 

‘…oh?’

 

‘Way back – like, years and years ago, when we were really little! But…um… we were like, super tight, ya know… He was my bestest bestest closest friend….

And…                  

Now…….’

 

‘…Did you…. fight, or..?’

 

‘Hmm? Ah, no, no, nothing like that, it’s just….not the same.’

 

‘…eh???’

 

‘Well, I can’t – and.. I mean, I try to, I really do – but- God, he’s just gone and – like the way he talks!?? It’s so..it’s just  _wrong_!! And that get-up!! I mean, sure it works, and he looks really good and stuff, but I can’t… it’s not at  _all_  how Sehun is supposed to look, k!!! Blonde hair, are you kiddin’ me!! Where was the need to do that!?? No, seriously, I really wanna know what the fuck he was thinking, like, oh, from today I wanna be someone else!?? And the way he talks now!!!! That’s the worst!!! And my god, his – even before that,  _first of all_ , where the  _hell_  does he get off – ‘

‘Tao..!’

Gasping Tao realised he’d been almost yelling – his fingers tightening over hers so hard, she was struggling against him, her eyes beaming fear – ‘Mai!! Sorry!!! God..’ Quickly, he pulled her poor fingers to his lips, begging forgiveness. ‘Sorry….whoa…I’m so sorry, I’m just…..

Messed up..’

He ended lamely, running his fingers violently through his hair, shifting his eyes away from Mai, who turned to look deeply at him…….  

before pecking his cheek reassuringly, and standing up to grab her shirt, buttoning it up…

 

Still watching him…

 

A gradual speculative light starting to glow in her eyes as she regarded him.

‘…Eeehhh~’

 

‘…..huh?’ Something about the drawl in her voice made him look up – his eyes narrowing as he saw the smirk playing in and out one corner of her lips as she pulled on her thigh high socks, placing one perfect, slender, arched foot on his thigh after the other as she sedulously slid the nylon up….

 

...Successfully distracting him completely from his roommate troubles for the next half hour.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

Somebody to Love by Queen [Honestly, it was just a.... pun..kinda thing, but the song is a classic, right ^^] <https://youtu.be/kijpcUv-b8M>

 

 

 


	5. Chapter FIve - Despair

 

Thirty minutes later, they were both dressed, heading down to the lobby – the hotel was a beautiful, well furnished place, the corridors lined with wall to wall carpet, the fittings all gleaming and polished… the cheap hourly charge rates and its surprisingly well maintained, clean to the point of obsessiveness décor made it the go-to hang out for couples from their school – where the dorms were strictly supervised, and gender segregation a religion the teachers fanatically worshipped.

‘So?’ Tao pulled her closer, his fingers encircling her wrist.

‘Hmm?’

‘What was that about?’ He growled, his teeth nipping teasingly – but sharply behind her ear.

‘Weeelll…’ giggling, she danced out of his grasp, flicking the key onto the marble-top counter, where the polite receptionist took it, bowing, like he was completely blind to their uniforms, and their two hour receipt. ‘It’s super rare, that’s all.. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before’

‘…eh?’

‘Well…’ As Tao stepped up too, dropping a couple of bills on the counter, she slid her hand back into his, her voice turning serious as they headed out of the revolving doors. ‘Usually… usually its everyone around Tao – everyone’s always wondering what you’re doing, what you’re thinking, and why you did something in a particular way.. Everyone’s  _always_  trying to figure you out… Everyone’s always bothered about you..– aahh, I don’t know how to put it.. But it’s the first time that’s been reversed – it’s the first time I’ve seen  _Tao_  trying to figure someone out – ehehe, and so desperately!!!  _You’re_  never the one who spends hours worrying about someone, you  _never_  bother with people’s mannerisms - you never think about it at all, right? or the way they look – like, if I change my hairstyle, you never even  _notice_ , leave alone start questioning it, or wondering why I might’ve done it; and complaining about the change coz you were so attached to my old one??!! I can’t even  _imagine_  that!!!’

 

‘……hey!!! C’mon, it’s totally not like that!! He’s – ‘

 

Mai laughed, patting his arm. ‘Well… well, all I’m saying is, it’s interesting to see you dying to figure someone else out, that’s all… besides, anyway, why don’t you just talk to him, then? If you guys were friends ‘ _way_   _back’_ , it’s obvious that he’s changed in all this time – and it’s prol the same for him, right?  _You_  would have changed a lot too…. It might indeed be impossible to go back to being exactly the way you were… but why don’t you just sit down and talk to him, tell him how you feel, say, ‘look, things have changed, we’ve grown, but I want us to try and be friends’?’ 

Hardly had the two of them stepped out of the short, tree-lined drive-way though, that they found themselves smack in the middle of a crowd that was heading past the gleaming, plaster lionheads of its façade to the shopping mall at the end of the street – a crowd of navy pullovers tied about waists revealing crisp white shirts, long navy trousers and pleated navy skirts swishing, trailing deep red scarves – ‘Ah!!’ ‘Queen!!’ ‘it’s the Queen!’ ‘And Zitao-jun!!’ ‘Ahhh!!’’From the hotel??’ ‘Eeehhhhhhhh’ ‘Whoooooo~~’ Immediately the ‘whispers’ and catcalls burst out, ‘Ahhahaha~~ the royal couple is having fun, ne~~’ ‘damn, get some~~’ everyone arching their voices and teasingly plucking at Mai’s sleeve, giggling up at Tao..  Tossing her head defiantly, though her cheeks burnt crimson, Mai merely jerked a polite glance at them, tugging Tao through – lost as he was in turning over her words in his head, he barely even noticed the crowd, intent on figuring out…

‘I can’t just  _talk_  to him!! I mean, about this, esp.. how do I even start!?’

‘…Eh..’ Blushing still, Mai straightened her clothes fussily, still preoccupied with the hoots of laughter coming from the groups that they’d walked away from – raising an exasperated eyebrow at her oblivious boyfriend. ‘Well.. how about, ‘Sehun, I need to talk to you’’?

‘..Eeeh!!! That’s so…. ‘

‘…’ Laughing and shaking her head, Mai pulled him along towards the road that led to the café, changing to subject to discuss which of her fav pancakes she should order today – only laughing even louder as Tao replied in indecipherable grunts, engrossed in his own thoughts..

_Was it really that simple? Just talk to him.. about it?? But what can I say… Sehun, I really don’t like how you’ve changed, please go back to being exactly the way you were; you’re not allowed to talk to anyone else, or hang out with anyone else, and you’re definitely not allowed to let go of my hand for the duration of the rest of your life!????_

Biting his lip sharply to try to suppress the stab of pure, concentrated pleasure that rushed through him at the thought,  _gawddamit, seriously_  he couldn’t help fixating on the idea – it seemed so obvious when Mai said it  - just tell him how you feel.. yet it was the most difficult thing… They weren’t at the point anymore where he could just say whatever he felt.. n there was NO way he could say any of it without coming off as SERIOUSLY weird!!

Yet..

Somehow, at this moment, he was so twisted up.. everything just knotted up inside him into such a huge tangle that he just wanted to slice the cord off, and spill everything, even if it meant looking like the World’s Number One Creep, just the idea of letting it out felt so…liberating!!! There had to be a way he could put it, right? Maybe if he started talking about something about Back Then..

Looking at Mai gloating over the menu, it seemed like it could actually work… like if he ordered some chocolate pancakes  - one of the special ones Hunnie would like, like the cinnamon and walnut pancakes with chocolate ganache stuffing, or the iced berry stack with ricotta-chocolate frosting, or the coconut-chocolate hot cakes… and had them packed up.. and take it back for him, and he could  - casually – say something like.. how he thought he’d like them, coz Sehun always used to like chocolate..or something…  _ah .. that’s right..ne… I actually don’t know if he still does though.. maybe.._

Once he started actually thinking about it as a viable notion – to somehow tell Sehun how sad he was that things had changed so much – both of them individually, so that their relationship had, too… still nothing could replace how he felt about him.. so even if it was hard, or took some work, he wanted them to.. at least  _try_  to.. be friends again… - once he accepted the scheme, the ideas flew – get pancakes back for him, and remind him how he used to like chocolate so much, that Tao used to save up all his pocket money to buy little bars, n hide them under Sehun’s pillow, or in his pockets without him noticing, or inside his toy car – that had been one of his favourite games, to surprise him with… or maybe he should just go to a toy store – there was one just down the street from here.. and see if they still made those robot toys, he’d buy a Primus, and….

See, once he had an opener, it would be easy to bring the conversation around to what  _had_  been, and from there to… well, hint about how unsatisfied he was about what  _was_ , and how he wanted to do something to change what  _would_  be, right?

So engrossed was Tao in planning around the sudden ray of hope that was blowing helium balloons in his chest, so engrossed had he been, ever since Mai had magically cut right through the problem he’d thought unsolvable, with a single new idea, [she had a tendency to do that, everytime he was going on for hours about something that was bothering him, she’d see a side to it that was so obvious, yet had escaped him… he loved the way it felt when she did that, comfortable, and an oddly potent sense of security]  that he’d really not paid any heed to their surroundings as they made their way to the café – or he’d have realised the crowd outside the hotel was a part of a certain group… that the leaders, the kings, of that particular group wouldn’t have been far behind as they made their way to the mall they were clearly headed to; that the route from the school to the mall crossed the one from the hotel to the café, so the chance of running into them was quite high – and that they had, in fact, done exactly that.

Of course, even if he had, he wouldn’t have particularly minded that Lu Han spotted them from across the street, quickly crowing as he tugged Xiumin’s hand, pointing them out.. or that Wei and Fang immediately fell about joking, guessing what they’d been doing in highly graphic terms..  But maybe he wouldn’t have been completely indifferent when Baozi, laughing knowingly, and pulling the rest of them along, paused to casually throw back, ‘Ah, that’s right, Sehun, those two’ve been dating since like.. first year… We call them the Royal Couple, ehehe..’,  to the guy bringing up the rear.. who hadn’t asked, but whose sudden gasp had been interpreted by the others as surprise..

And of course, he  _was_  surprised..

 

The girl he’d been hearing about all day, the one even he could easily tell was the hottest in the entire school – prol one of the cutest he’d  _ever_  seen for that matter… dressed in a slightly oversized navy pullover, her skirt super-incredibly short, revealing long, shapely legs encased in nylon… her hair… clearly wet.. loosened to dry in the breeze, the scrunchie that had tied it up, the fluffy, oversized pink whorl now slipped over her wrist like a bracelet.. the wrist.. leading to her hand.. the fingers clasped into……

 

Tao’s..

 

 

_Tao_

 

 

Smiling down at her, looking at her like she was ….  _Incredible_ … like she was  _special_ …. An expression he knew so well, like ice, like a giant jagged clump of ice shattering in his brain, he knew.. that expression that was only meant for  _him_ , now just… so easily….

 

The street they’d been coming from.. the discreet sign outside the hotel… her wet, heavy hair… his rumpled clothes…

 

Even if it weren’t for Wei and Fang’s more than adequate imaginations…

 

 

 

_Ah…ahaha… c’mon Sehun…even if…if nothing had changed.. if you’d been best friends for all these years too, one day, he’d… have.. gotten a girlfriend, right… aha..ahaha…. so.. eeehh…it’s so weird, why would i…_

 

 

Everyone gasped, a small cry bursting past Fang’s lips as they spun around, the echoes of the loud CRASH!! Still ringing in their ears.

‘….Se….hun??’

 

‘Sehun??’

 

‘…..eh……?’ Sehun looked down – at his hand.. swinging the book bag he’d just smashed viciously right into the side of the dumpster they were passing, with enough force to set the huge green oblong rattling, titling forward, before careening away from the wall like a drunken elephant. ‘……eehhh……ah! Ah, umm.. I – I forgot I got some stuff to do!! Um, that’s right – i… had some work I really need to get done – ah.. sorry, you guys go ahead, ne, I’ll see you at dinner!!’

 

‘…Sehun?!?’

 

‘Bye~~~’ Cheerfully calling out behind him, Sehun waved as he spun about and ran – heading back through the town, winding his way past the shops, the streets lined with flowering trees holding Spring proudly up like a kid at Show&Tell,  the people walking about in clusters, brandishing packages and foodstall-boxes and their shiny cling-filmed happiness…

 

 

 

 _I HATE him!!!!!!!!!!!!HATE I hate him  I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_  Sehun slammed the door shut, sending the whole room reverberating, slumping down onto the floor.  _It’s always been this way, always always, I was just fooling myself all this while.. stupid stupidSTUPID why didn’t i… why didn’t I see… even then, even then he never stopped them, he let them take me away like it was so … natural, he never said anything..looking at HER like that.. holding HER hand, just exactly the way…. He threw me away so easily,  when I needed him – I needed him all the while –_  starting school, all the crowds of kids…everywhere… everyone talking at once, he’d been so terrified, his heart pounding so hard, he’d thrown up all over his new shoes polished to a buff so shiny he had been able to see his reflection on them – the laughter, the pointing fingers.. everywhere…  _I NEEDED him, he always.. he always used to say he’d take care of me, he’d look after me, no matter what… thats why when we were playing.. no matter how many other kids were there, I wasn’t afraid, coz Tao always.. he.. but when I needed him more than ever, he wasn’t there… all this while.. only I was waiting.. HE DOESN’T EVEN FUCKING REMEMBER!!!!!!! Nothing.. nothingnothingNOTHING.. ha.. haha, I was so stupid.. so naïve, I thought – I really thought it mattered to him too… those days.. I never forgot… everytime his mom and mine talked on the phone, I would hang about, waiting for mom to say, ‘Sehun, c’mere, Tao wants to talk to you..’ –_  and initially he had, they’d talk about everything they’d do when Sehun went back – both of them believing their parents vague promises that they would go for a visit.. ‘soon’… -  _but then… soon enough… even that stopped. Coz he didn’t even care about me right????? He didn’t even want to talk to me anymore… ha... I was the one who was so happy about coming here…_

_Sharing a room…_

His heart pounding so hard, so excited, his whole body…

To see his Tao again..

To see his Tao again..

How he’d…

 

_The Plan.. even when it was so frightening i couldn’t breathe, when my hands shook, sweat pooling between my fingers, when my stomach twisted and I was sure I’d throw up again, I’d smiled, I’d chatted, I’d learnt.. fought and fought, my very hardest – just so… just so he…_

 

_Every moment I missed him so much.. i.._

 

The room fell into darkness and still Sehun sat there, his face buried in his hands… Not a single tear dropped past his eyes – they just burned, like someone had stuffed pieces of fiery coals into his skull, smouldering, but he wouldn’t – couldn’t = cry.. everything, all the pain, all the grief and longing and hurt just winding tighter and tighter, swelling inside him, draining him, it was so intense, the way everything was coated in his bewilderment.. he still couldn’t believe it himself, how unhappy he was.. how this could have happened to him.. to anyone, how things..could have turned out like this… somehow everything felt so surreal..  Yet so powerfully real – everything shattered and broken, falling about him like burnt shards of paper after a bomb went off, floating through the air to rest on the charred, smoky ground, useless tortured hopes, every single futile hopeless plan he’d made.. everything..

_Nothing_

 

_He had nothing left_

 

_He was nothing_

 

 

When the lights winked on in the corridor behind him, sending a faint triangle of light into the room, and the lampposts outside the window fluttered white icicles in everytime the wind teased the curtains, only then Sehun moved – reaching to pick up his backpack that had slumped onto the floor beside him, gathering up the notebooks that’s had slipped out, a bottle of water he’d stuffed in after lunch, his pencil case – it had burst open, and he reached for his things in the darkness, his pens, an eraser, the pencil that had rolled under Tao’s bed, coming to a stop right next to….

 

 

 

 

 

Tao gripped the neck of the paper bag, taking a deep breath for courage. He’d gotten pancakes after all – unsure about how Sehun’s tastes might’ve changed, but refusing to even consider ‘choco’ wouldn’t still be his favourite, he’d just ended up buying three different types of chocolate pancakes and a chocolate butter crepe.. Staring unseeingly at the door to his –  _their_   - room, he whispered the words in his head.  _Hey…Sehun, I got you some pancakes!!...._

_Hey, Sehun, I happened to be at the pancake place and…_

_Sehun~~ Guess what we’re having for dinner~~_

Aaahhhh, whatever, he can’t stand here forever practicing!!

Drawing a deep breath, Tao reached for the handle with his free hand – trying to stop it trembling  - nerves, anticipation, relief at just  _doing_  something, finally – everything melding into him, he threw open the door, stepping in with a beam already fixed onto his face. ‘Hey, Sehu-‘

A face looked up at him.

A face he.. for a moment.. he.. didn’t even recognize.

White, hard…. Frozen, the eyes so dead, it was like… his skin totally bloodless… Sitting on the floor beside his bed with –

‘AH!!!! Wtf are you doing!!!’

With a soft, splurty thump, the paper bag dropped to the ground as Tao sprang forward – grabbing the corners of the box that was open in front of Sehun, colourful pages spread, shiny covers laying about on the floor around him –

‘Aah… It’s Tao..’

If he hadn’t been panicking so completely about Sehun finding the one thing he’d been so intent on hiding from him, Tao would have stopped at that – that voice, colourless, inscrutable, dragging past deep deep waters like the prow of a ship long sunk.. He’d have noticed the pancakes he’d dropped, the ones he’d agonized so much over, and planned so much around.. he’d have remembered his plan, and realised Sehun finding the comics wasn’t such a big deal now – in fact, as an opener to lead to a conversation about the past, it was actually just as good as chocolate pancakes, or buying a new Primus…

But at that moment, he forgot all about that, yanking the box away from the boy who looked at him with absolutely no expression on his face – like a lifeless doll, like a ghost…

 

‘Tcheh~’ The alien who had once been his best friend clicked his tongue – and just like that, an expression flew back into his empty eyes – but one Tao had never seen, one that had him gaping in shock. ‘Ehh~~ so you read this sort of crap, huh~~ ‘ Brushing himself languorously, his hands suddenly seeming super long and refined, Sehun stood up – stretching up, his new height suddenly oppressive – almost  _frightening_ … Sniggering, he turned around, kicking the box deliberately with one foot. ‘Who the hell reads this now.. that too a high schooler..  Ah!’ He continued in exaggerated tones, as he reached his bed, glancing over at his shoulder back at Tao – Sehun-but-not-Sehun, not even the new Sehun, but a totally different creature, a raw steel knife edge.. ‘Of course, it’s probably right up your alley, huh, a nerd like you~’

‘….Huh!??’ For a moment, sheer shock prevented anything akin to anger rising in Tao – but only for a moment – before rage, like he’d never felt before, poured into him –  _he’d even – he’d even gone so far, gotten those –_  ‘Well, its obviously better than being some weird freak like you – heh, tailing around behind anyone at hand~’

_The words were out before he could stop them – he couldn’t –_

‘Eeehhh, is that what you thought – so, you might be right ne, at one point I might have felt sorry for a loser like you – no one else would hang out with a crybaby, scaredy cat idiot who thinks he’s some sort of God, even though he’s just a total loser, just coz his parents have a bit of dough, ne~~ Poor little master, noone to play with till i came along..Aahh, sorry I’m not that into social service now – even though  _someone_  is still exactly the same~~’

‘huuh?? If its social service we’re talking about, wasn’t it me, I wonder… honestly, having a stray dog follow you about all the time, panting, its no joke, man.. I should prol go give poor Lu Han some pointers..’

_No one was yelling – both their voices cold and sharp, polite, even formal, it made it so much worse, like they were –_

If only one of them had really lost it – yelled, broken down, anything.. if even one of them had been honest, even stemmed the venom in their words..

 _Even though they didn’t mean it, any of it, not at all.. even though they’d do_  anything  _not to let the other get hurt, to protect them.. at that moment, they both truly hated each other – for reasons that were not true at all, their misunderstandings, their half-formed interpretations piled up and they hated themselves and each other, and what had happened to them, they couldn’t…_

Every word that passed their lips lanceted agony – like a cold, implacable fire, their insides twisting and burning helplessly, horror and pain vying for control..  _Stoppit!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stoppit!!!!!!! Nomore, I can’t -  why is he – Even though I – today I was finally, today I was FINALLY going to fix everything and –_

_He doesn’t care._

 

_I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

‘Haaahha!! What a cool line, ne, Lord Huang Zitao.. too bad someone like Lu  would never look twice at a loser nerdking like you, even out of pity… unlike the teachers, heh,  _they_  actually feel sorry for you don’t they.. poor Xing Laoshi, all the hours you spend tagging along him – I bet you think he really likes you or something, he’s your  _friend_ ,  riiigghht~~  Honestly freak, It’s better for you to stick to your own kind, those dumb-gorilla club members – after all, throwing up a kick or two is the limit of your abilities~~’

 

 

 

Neither of the boys slept that night – each of them lying in their beds in the dark, refusing to back down.. refusing to speak the words that screamed inside their ears.. biting down the guilt, coating it over with the pain – like claws ripping into them, tearing them up from the inside out in ragged, patchy strips.. loneliness like they’d never felt before pounding into them with each breath they heard from across the room..  playing the..conversation… over and over again…

 

Convinced they were hated…

 

Convinced they hated the other….

 

 

 

By evening the next day, Sehun had cleared out all of his things, moving out not just of the room, but HILL CREST itself, shifting down to one of the other dorms that were scattered about the campus, rooming in with one of his friends – Tao didn’t really know who – and he sure as fuck  _did not_  care.

 

 

He also didn’t give a shit that they never spoke again.. it was so whatever, that even though they were in the same class, it was like they were worlds apart. It was none of his business if Sehun became closer and closer to the group he was hanging out with; and he told Mai so when she told him she’d heard Sehun was going out with Eiri, a third year, and Captain of the Cheer Club.

 

 

Nothing he did had anything to do with him any longer.

 

 


	6. Chapter Six - Amtrack Blues

 

Nothing Sehun did had anything to do with him any longer -

 

Unfortunately, there were still people who didn’t realise that.

 

 

 

 

‘Sehun.’

‘..huh?’ He stopped, angling his head back to look at Tao – it had been a whole month since… _that_ , and in the interim not a word or glance or gesture indicative of even the slightest recognition had passed between them, and for a moment his surprise was clear – but quickly enough, it was wiped away and he quirked an eyebrow at Tao, his expression superbly debonair, liberally coated with imperious superiority. Gritting his teeth, Tao plunged on, struggling to keep his voice urbane and casual despite his mounting irritation. ‘I need to talk to you.’

‘Ehh~’ Drawling like he couldn’t possibly imagine what someone like _Tao_ would have to say to someone like _him_ , he waved the others – everyone who’d stopped to watch their exchange with exceedingly curious eyes – on, calling out that he’d catch up with them ‘in a minute’ .. before turning to face Tao, leaning against the bars of the window. The corridor was empty, their classmates all having already made their way out, to the dorms, or the dining hall for tea.. The evening sunlight filtered in, golden over that white blonde hair – not so pristine anymore, the roots starting to show..

_Whatever, he’s just gonna colour it again, anyway right.._

_Though I couldn’t care less what colour his fuckin hair is._

 

‘My mom said you’re supposed to come home with me.. for the hols..’

‘…. Eh?!’

‘Tcheh!’ Clicking his tongue, Tao turned a thoroughly bored expression on him, drawing out his words like he was speaking to a child. ‘Your parents are going to Greece, so you can’t go home; My mom offered to have you over, and your parents were totally all for it, so my mom called me, and said to ask you about it. Anyway, you’ll- ‘

‘Ah.. if it’s that, it’s fine, I’m staying with Lu  Han.’ He grinned, like it was the most exciting thing he could think of – and so much indescribably better than the alternative. ‘I’ll let my parents know. Please don’t bother about it anymore.’

‘Ehh..’ Tao grinned right back, injecting as much relief into his voice as possible – like it would have been the most annoying thing _ever_ to have him accept, to have to spend the hols with him. ‘Well, that’s great, then. Goodbye.’

Jerking his head, dripping politeness, Tao turned away – as did Sehun, equally patronising in his courtesy, not to be beaten, and the boys walked off in opposite directions.

 

 

 

 

 

The wheels clacked against the rails in a neverending melody, rocking them slightly with each movement – this far from the city, the trains were old ones, the seats just a few steps away from being ‘worn’, the rods marked with scratches and scrapes.. the floor clanked under his feet in time to each Choo! Of the engines, the roar droning on… somehow the whole thing much more comfortable and relaxing than the brand new, shiny car that had dropped them off two stations back… Tao stretched his arms out above his head, twisting his head to work out the kinks in his neck. _Aahhh, I’m hunngrryy~~~_ He peered out of the window at the late afternoon sun – golden and warm as it shuttered over the ground, the shadow of the rails running along beside them like an eager little python.. the fields were awash in a brilliant, fluorescent green, and the trees that rose here and there were laden heavy with flowers, their fragrant branches bowing… every now and then, with a little deeper clackety-clack, the train would shift rails – and the hills speeding backwards on the horizon would jump a step forward, trailing their mist creped peaks behind them.. Through his lowered lids, he chanced a glance at the boy in the seat across from him – he was resting his chin in his hand, against the big glass windows… his attention focused on the distance, the white wires of his earphones silvering down to the gaping pocket of his jacket..

‘Sehun.’ Tao straightened up, tapping the table between them to draw his attention. Wordlessly, the boy – his transformation to total stranger made complete by his icy expression – pulled one bud out, merely raising an eyebrow at him in question. ‘It’s gonna be late by the time we arrive.. I’m going to get some food from the dining car, do you want something?’

Shaking his head slightly in reply, Sehun popped the ear phone back, and returned to staring out the window. Shrugging, more’n a little annoyed, Tao slid out of the seat, sticking his hands in his pockets as he made his way to the little sliding door at the end of their car – other than an old lady with a large straw bag overflowing with cabbages of all things, it was deserted ‘cept for them – as were all the other cars he strode through on his way… Last time he’d gone home, it was for the Christmas vacation, so the train had been pretty full up with people going home from the city for the hols.. kids scampering about underfoot, excited laughter ringing; their parents smiling indulgently, or picking them up to tell them stories of all the fun they were going to have… more than once Tao had wished he wasn’t travelling alone, that he had someone to talk to too or plan his adventures with, as he wistfully watched the girl with the umbrella seriously describe their grandmom’s house to her crowing sister in the baby basket, or the pair of boys who’d run up to press their noses against the window, looking out at the strange blue lights flickering on the hill in the distance.. their hands tightly intertwined as one whispered to the other about the ghouls that lived up there, drawing people in with the dancing magic glowberries.. It had made his heart ring with nostalgia, even though he hadn’t specifically remembered at the time..

 

Well, it was no use thinking about that. Now he had someone with him, and it was only fathoms worse than if he were alone.

 

As he ought to have foreseen, Sehun’s parents had completely vetoed the plan for him to spend the hols with Lu Han – as anxious as they were about him being all the way in a different country, they had only tolerated the arrangement thinking there were just two months left till the hols when he transferred in – their Plan was to have him fly out to them, and then they could decide for certain to let him stay there or not.. But like every other carefully thought out plan, this one was doomed to failure too, when an unexpected business problem came up, demanding both of them attend meetings with a bunch of banks in Greece right when Sehun’s holidays were to start.. The thought that he would at least be with Tao’s parents, whom they were friends with, and knew so well, was their only reassurance – so obviously, they were absolutely unreceptive to the idea that their son gallivant off to the home of someone they didn’t know at all… 

 

 

Wordlessly, Tao tossed a pack of chocolate wafers into Sehun’s lap as he sat down, spreading the rest of the food – he’d gotten armfuls of everything they had on display, figuring both of them, who hadn’t had anything to eat since breakfast, would be more than capable of finishing the lot – onto the table…

 

 

Somehow they’d had shied away from telling their parents that… well…. It was just awkward to talk about.. and anyway, parents would just say something like ‘no, you shouldn’t fight with your friend’, or ‘you should make up’ and force them to apologize or whatever… so after trying his best to get them to agree to the Lu Han’s house plan, Sehun had given up with good grace, pretending he was happy enough to be going to his ‘best friend’s’ place.. and Tao had only told his mom he was excited to be bringing Sehun back after all this time..

A deception both of them found inexplicably easy…

 

 

Without bothering to thank him, and too hungry to say ‘who the fuck wants to eat this crap’ like he wanted to, Sehun pulled open the cover of the crinkly pink packet, plucking out a long, chocolate coated wafer and crunching down – _this was the pits!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was the worst, the one thing i absolutely didn’t want - to be indebted to this..this…this… AARRGHHH!!!! Just when I thought I’d be rid of him, forever and ever, they just had to…_

Even the fact that it looked like he was sitting here sulking – which he actually was – just irritated Sehun even more, like little insects were crawling all over the back of his neck..

Didn’t this just make him the same as before, the freak who couldn’t say anything… argh he really _wanted_ to say something though – do something, wipe that self satisfaction right off this idiot’s face…

 

_Ughh_

 

_Dammit, even these wafers tasted so good…_

_Stupid Tao!!!!!!_

 

Muttering and swearing internally, Sehun crunched through the pack – he _had_ been famished – and before he knew it - _AHH!!_ – there was only one left!!

 _Aarrghh gimme a break, I hadn’t even meant to eat a single one..and now…_ Gritting his teeth in frustration, Sehun tossed the pack at Tao across the table – _there, now it won’t look like -_

_Ah!_

 

Reflexively, he put his hand up to catch the paper bag Tao threw him in return – and the scent of warm chocolate coated éclairs wafted up, making his stomach clench in desire –  _my favorites!! -_

  _No!_

‘I don’t like eating just sweet things.’  Flicking his fingers superiorly, he dropped the bag onto the table, raising his eyebrows at Tao. _That’s right, you fuckin shit, don’t think you got me all figured out – ha!! You don’t know the first thing about me, I’m FAR from the little kid who used to follow you about all the time!!!!_

 

‘Ehh..’ Sounding absolutely, 100% uninterested in whatever he might’ve meant, Tao just pushed across the bag of super spicy squid chips he’d been eating, reaching for the last wafer from the pack Sehun had given him instead.

 

……………………….

 

‘Humph!!!’ Super annoyed at his lack-of-reaction, Sehun grabbed the bag, diving into it and pulling out a whole handful he stuffed into his mouth in defiance

 

_Ah……._

 

_AAARRGHH!!!_

The chilli burst into his mouth, flakes of paprika exploding into his throat.. The chips had a sticky sauce that kept the spices coating his mouth, the crisp fried squid doing nothing to detract from the overwhelming heat… _Tsss tsshootttsstss_ it was super salty too, the granules of salt actually palpable on his tongue -  Desperately, Sehun swallowed the lot – only to have the aftertaste of peppers sliding searing tentacles over his tonsils.

 

 _AHHH ah ah ah ah Crap_   _crapcrap_

 

His eyes watering, Sehun looked up – to find Tao holding out a bottle of chilled water, the condensation sending a trickle over his fingertips as he shook it slightly at him.  If he’d been looking anywhere at him, Sehun would’ve seriously exploded right then – but he wasn’t, he was looking out the window, the long wafer sticking out of his lips, engrossed in the landscape, only his hand with the bottle turned towards him. Grimacing, Sehun snatched the bottle, twisting the plastic cap with a snap, and downed half of it in one – panting, as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, relief spreading through him as the fire vanished –

 

‘These…aren’t very sweet.’ Dropping the words casually – so smoothly, that even though Sehun stared at him for a good while through narrowed eyes, he couldn’t detect any sign of amusement..or..anything provocative in his expression, Tao just held out a pack of rolls – the buttery yellow cover gleaming in the sunlight.

 

 

‘..uhm.’ Sehun grabbed the packet  - this time managing a grunt that might’ve been thanks, biting into a roll – they were filled with a buttery berry filling, that burst into his mouth – the sprinkles of sugar on top complementing them perfectly, and chasing away the last vestiges of the burning heat of the crisps…  like Tao said, not too sweet.. yet sweet enough even for him, who really did like to eat sweet things.. Somehow, that just made him angrier, and he swung about, staring outside with unseeing eyes, frustration piling on his irritation, anger and exasperation and the feeling of having lost to Tao – _it was unbearable!!!!_

 

 

 

 

Opposite him, Tao was watching the same scenery fly by, with the same unseeing eyes – _it was just the same…_

He couldn’t stop the way his heart was pounding..

 _It was just the same.._ _God, how many times had this same sort of thing happened_ – _Sehun always turned oddly defiant like this when he was mad, and…_

And for a moment, he’d actually forgotten, it had slipped his mind completely!!!!!!

That was what was making his heart pound like this, pure fear crawling down his spine-  _how could he have!! –_ He’d forgotten that they’d fought, he’d forgotten they were grown up, he’d completely tripped over the step of time, he’d just…. _He’d held out the water, only thinking how mad Sehun’d get if he thought he was ‘being nice’, and the rolls too - it was always better to go along with him; later on, at night in the dark under the covers together, he could persuade him to tell him what it was he was upset about – anyway, it will prol be something stupid again, like the time Tao had let little Shun down the street play with his big red truck – the one Sehun always played with - the next time they were racing he’d offered it to him, only to have him fling it in his face yelling he was ‘too old for stupid toy cars’…  -_ for that moment, that instance, he’d slipped back so easily into his six year old self, he’d really thought that, for real.. he’d…

Crushing the pack of crisps in his hand, Tao pressed his forehead against the glass – warm from the sunlight, it didn’t help – he’d really…  time had slipped away so easily, like water flowing over his hands, and …

 

_Can you just want something so much, you could convince your brain it was real?_

 

 

 

 

 

Indifferent to the tribulations of the boys inside, the train sped on, running through fields of rice, the paddy glowing like neon lightsticks in the sunlight.. the clouds rocketed about overhead, and the rhythm of the wheels danced about with the dappled shadows of the trees… in the distance, the mountains turned almost blue, darkening – before suddenly, like a mischievous young God had thrown up his arms and laughing, flung his paints all over the firmament, the skies burst out – reds and oranges, deep rosettes of pink and flaming whorls of russet, purple tingeing the leaves on distant boughs, and copper reflected in the waters under the bridge they sped along… For a moment, both the boys gasped, their minds momentarily turning away from their problems in awe at the beauty… the colours flowing and streaming and melding through space – and then abruptly, just as suddenly as it had began, the splendour vanished, and they were flying through the night.. dark shadows laid their hands over the land, and the occasional cluster of lights signalling one hamlet or other only made the surrounding gloom that much inkier – the tall grass beside the rails rippled in the wind as they passed, lit fleetingly by the icy light that spilled out from the window he was leaning against, and the curves of the tracks flashed the tail of the train at Sehun, the red lights blinking out of the depths, like the eyes of a feral beast…

As the darkness deepened, the outside turned invisible, and only his own reflection looking back at him on the glass, eerily backlit by the clinically bare tube lights that had flickered on on the ceiling… seeming to float through the surrounding gloom..

Sehun idly flicked an empty wrapper on the table, peeking a glance at Tao – _ah.. He’s dozed off.._

For the first time since the start of their journey – the first time in a month – he turned to look at him properly – he couldn’t help it, he couldn’t stop his eyes from raking over that face, suddenly filled to bursting with a hunger he just couldn’t resist –  the coal-black lashes fluttering against those tan cheeks.. as he slept, his expression turning so much less intimidating… _eh??!!! Why did I… since when did I start thinking of_ Tao   _as ‘intimidating’??!! –_ Those lips, parting as his breathing grew deeper.. his chest rising and falling, and the arms crossed over them.. the open ‘v’ of his shirt… gentler..softer…

Unable to look away, Sehun drank it in, in the grips of a strange new feeling – it was discomfiting, yet intoxicating, like he was totally disconnected from himself and his surroundings, like Tao was.. somehow.. _everything_.. each little jostle as the train moved, each little vibrating strand of hair that pressed to the window pane, and each little strand that covered those arms, each breath – his focus so intent, his concentration perfect, he could see it all – yet at the same time, he’d never been more aware of his own body – his heart pounding against the walls of his chest, he could feel every gush of blood it sent out, burning in his vessels.. his every breath – he could smell every last thing they’d eaten, the empty wrappers that were piled on the table between them – the movement of the train, and the rocking of his bones; the clack of each wheel, the hair on his body standing up as goosebumps spread over his skin, like a breath of cold air wrapping over him.. the feel of his clothes almost abrasive, the linen of his tee almost slimy, the tug of his jeans against his thighs -  

 

He lost track of time, the minutes meaningless, the seconds worthless, the only thing that mattered was them.. here… now… And himself, more alone than ever.

 

 

 

 _Aahh..._ Slowly, Sehun turned away to look out of the window again – just as a wash of light woke Tao up – his lids flickering open as the train streamed into the station, the countryside and the looming darkness banished by the fairytale wonderland of glowing, burning orbs and tubes that bathed the town. ‘Gruhmm..’ Rubbing his eyes, Tao glanced over at the boy who was sitting across from him, earphones gleaming in his ears, resting his chin on his hand against the window… Sitting exactly the same way he had been..all this while.. _Since we started… He.. He’s so…_ Suddenly, exhaustion poured through him – molten lead filling him up, like he was up against something that was too huge, too solid; and no matter how hard he fought, he could never hope to even make a crack in it.

 

The next moment, with a jolt that had him rocking backwards, the train screeched to a halt. Shaking himself mentally till the tautness disappeared from his limbs, Tao stood up, stretching, and leant over to fluff out the paper bag that had held the éclairs, before sweeping the rest of the empty wrappers into it, twisting up the head. The sounds of the station echoed through the train – and announcement over the PA sys, the crowds of milling people, the sharp ping-ping of something mechanical, and the slow, deep rumble of the trains whooshing by other tracks…. He reached for his big carry bag and swung it up on his shoulder, before calling across – ‘We’re here’

 

 

‘….’ Merely tilting his head up to look at him, with no change in the unreadable distant expression he was wearing, Sehun stood up, grabbed his own bag and looped his back pack over his shoulder, before, with one last glance about to make sure they hadn’t left anything behind, he followed Tao off the train, setting foot for the first time in 10 yrs in the town that had changed the course of his life so dramatically.

 

 

 

 


	7. Chapter Seven - Through the Looking Glass

 

‘SE~HUN!!’

While Tao paid the taxi, Sehun stepped out – right into the warm circle of arms that enfolded him in. Tao’s mom hugged him tight, cooing over how tall he’d become, pulling him away so she could look over him properly, before hugging him close again, exclaiming over his hair, his height, his face, his height, his voice, his height, all in the space of a minute. Unable to stifle his smile, Sehun hugged her back, squeezing his eyes closed at the stab of love and security and family, suddenly remembering Tao wasn’t the only member of his family precious to him – it was so nostalgic and painful, the way she ruffled his hair, then tugged him over to Tao’s dad, who was standing beside her, grinning with his hands in his pockets as he fondly watched their welcome; holding his hand out to him in acknowledgement of his grown-upness, and shaking his firmly…

‘What is this, no one cares about me~~’ Mock-pouting, Tao stepped up – dropping the bags he held in both hands – _ah… He’d picked up Sehun’s too_  - to laugh and hug his mom who reached out for him, before hugging his dad too – everyone smiling and talking at once at the top of their voices – Sehun too, before he’d realised it, he was laughing along, protesting loudly as Tao’s mom teased him about how, now that he was taller than Tao, or at least _as_ tall, he had a fair shot at being the ‘gangleader’;  grinning at Mr Huang as he patted him gruffly over the head in affection, and leading the way into the house as they ushered the boys in.. Into the hallway, the sense of.. _homecoming_ smothering him even deeper in wave after wave of recognition – it was all exactly the same, the same lighting, the same tiles on the floor, the same blue and purple painting of a tree on the wall winking down at him….  Tao waving in reply to his mom’s familiar rapidly fired orders and leading the way, Sehun following him – through the large door, the hanging curtains, the paper screens –  nodding and smiling back as she admonished them to hurry up, it was already late, and they were tired..the stairs suddenly opening up before him – exactly the same.. nothing had changed…

_Eh!??_

_Nothing……._

_??_

‘…This…’

‘Um.’ Tao flung the door open – for a moment it seemed to flicker before Sehun’s eyes, the towering posters of Power Rangers, the shelves of toys – before it disappeared, and reality hit him – a large, comfortable bedroom, a desk against the far wall, against the window, beanbags, a poster of a bunch ‘ov girls in bikinis on one wall, shelves of CDs and a rack of manga… two futons laid out on the floor, fresh and pristine white, a single large comforter folded at the foot of the individual sheets and covers like an afterthought.. _Tao’s mom_ had _said something about how she’d made it up exactly the way it used to be, the way she knew we liked.._ -  ‘I thought I didn’t need a playroom anymore, so I made this my bedroom..’ ‘….Ehh… it actually seems bigger now..’ Having dropped his backpack into a chair, Sehun twirled around, trying to get used to the change – somehow it seemed earth shattering – the familiar space.. the room he’d never thought he’d see again, while praying and hoping endlessly that he could.. it was gone now, never to exist again, the toys and action figures, the Hot Wheels track that used to stand in one corner, the boxes of lego, all obliterated without a trace… _so much for childhood, huh…_ –

 

_Wait….._

‘Wha..?? This wall…… this isn’t…. ’

 

‘……………………………  ……….  Eehhhh…’

 

‘Huh?’ He spun around, still frowning, to see Tao looking at him – his expression _seriously_ weird –

‘Huh!??’ He repeated, taking a step back, for some reason – _his eyes.. why is he looking at me like.. -_ he was feeling super nervous, his heart beat thudding..

Clicking his tongue, Tao turned away abruptly breaking his gaze, setting his bag down too, before heading to his closet. ‘Dad’s study used to be next door, remember? I got him to shift to my old bedroom downstairs, then knocked both rooms together – ‘ He stuck his head out to point a finger at the wall that had bothered Sehun, before ducking back in… only to come out a moment later with a bundle of clothes in his hands. ‘Hehh.. I’m surprised you remember, ne~’

‘Ah! Urhm..’ Growling incoherently, Sehun snapped around, blushing angrily – _fuck you you prick, of course I remember unlike YOU, I remember everything, I’m not the one who just trashed that whole year in the garbage -_

‘….so..you wanna bathe first, or will I?’

‘I’ll go first!!’ grabbing his whole back pack rather than spend another minute in the vicinity of this idiot while getting his things out, Sehun stormed through the frosted-glass fronted door and slammed it behind him – the bath had already been laid out ready, the steam wreathing about in coconut and berry scented flavours…

 

 

 

‘Ah! Sehun’s back~~ Had a good bath? Ah, sweetheart, here’s some juice – if you want something else, there's a bunch of stuff in the fridge, help yourself~~ Something cold right after a bath is the best, right?’

‘Um!’ Grinning, Sehun took the glass she held out,  sliding out one of the stools that stood at the counter – Tao was perched on another one, where he’d been pillowing his head on his arms while he chatted with his mom, who was whipping up something light for the boys.. the door to the living room was open, and the sound of the news channel that his dad was watching echoed through, the light flickering blue and green and red.. Taking a sip of the citrus and grape juice, Sehun sighed loudly in pleasure – ‘Ahhhhh! This is the best, you always made this for me, Mrs Huang!!’

‘Ehh..that’s right, ne~’

‘Um!! With your cookies!’

‘Ehhh..’ Tao raised his head on his elbows, quirking an eyebrow

‘While you were waiting for this one here, right..’ Unaware of the undercurrents between the boys, Mrs Huang ruffled Tao’s hair as she passed by, reaching for a bottle of some sort of sauce from the cabinet. ‘I’d forgotten about that..’

‘Ah? When I was sitting on the porch..’ Sehun waved his hand vaguely in the general direction of the front door. ‘You’d give me a glass of this, and some cookies…’

‘Ah!! That’s right!’ She burst out laughing, turning to Tao. ‘I used to keep trying to get him to come inside – it was so hot, in the summer, you know, right in the sunlight.. Tsss but this boy would just _refuse_ , even when I scolded him, he wouldn’t budge!’

Laughing along with her, Sehun took a long sip, holding the glass with both hands, before he brought it down to the counter. ‘Well….. I was waiting for the bus, right, if I was inside I wouldn’t be able to see it…’

‘Yes, yes!’ Rolling her eyes in mock exasperation, Mrs Huang dumped in a box of something that made her wok sizzle loud, before shaking it about and clanging a lid on top. ‘Both of you were as stubborn as each other, ne… You should go see the door to the bathroom in Tao’s old room, it still doesn’t close properly – ‘

‘Mom!!!!’ Horrified, Tao leapt up – making Mrs Huang laugh even louder – and Sehun gasp, as he suddenly realised he’d been reminiscing.. out loud… _the PLAN!!!!!!!!! shitshitSHIT I don’t wanna… uuugghhhh he’s gonna think I’m just an annoying pest again!!!!!!_

_Ah_

 

_Ah.. wait…_

_That’s right_

_The Plan doesn’t matter anymore right,…. I don’t fucking give a shit what he thinks about me!!!!!!!!_

 

_Ah!!! But I can’t have him thinking I was thinking about him so much I’d remember this stuff!! Yeah… that’s right I can’t come off as some total loser, saving up all these memories like theyr ..like theyr fucking precious to me or anything….  –_

 

‘I – I’m going to have a bath!!!’ Tao spluttered, tripping over the words, yet loud enough to snap Sehun out of his internal monologue.

_eh?? Why was Tao –_

Snapping about and glaring one last time at his mom, Tao flounced off – leaving Mrs Huang giggling and snorting while attempting to wave her hand reassuringly at him

‘….huh? Ah… you were saying… the bathroom door….?’

‘Ah – ehehehhe – that, ne – hehehe~~’ Giving up, she leaned against the counter, bursting out laughing – while a voice called ‘Mooommmm!!!’ warningly down the stairs.

‘Yes, yes, understood!!’ She called out in reply, stifling her laughter, and turning back to heave the wok off the stove, before placing a pot of water over it, turning up the heat – and turning back to come lean against the counter beside Sehun, winking and putting her finger up to her lips – ‘Don’t tell him I told you, k, but he went and locked himself in, refusing to come out, he wouldn’t listen to any of us - and then he _couldn’t_ come out, so his dad had to break the door down’ she spluttered out, still giggling

‘…Ehhe’ Sehun chuckled himself, reaching for another sip of juice, when she continued –

‘You know, the day you guys left..’ Straightening, she went back to check on the water, reaching to drop a pinch of salt into it. ‘He was so upset, kicking and screaming, we had to drag him away, into the house.. and when he realised he couldn’t do anything, that you were gone, he ran into his bathroom and locked the door… ahh, he was crying and sobbing so hard, it broke my heart…’ She turned back, and Sehun could see she was utterly serious now, a sad little smile playing over her lips – which widened as she looked at him. ‘Ehh, I’m so happy you’re together again, ne!! He missed you a lot…’

‘..ah…’ Mechanically, blindly, Sehun gulped another swallow

‘Well, we had to break down the door in the end to get him out… ah!’ She swilled a handful of noodles in, dusting her fingers lightly ‘He refused to eat the whole of the next day – he didn’t eat that day either, so it was two days, huh… well anyway, he kept sulking in his room refusing to talk to anyone, or eat or anything, just crying.... but he must’ve gotten really hungry in the end, poor thing, coz at night – it was really late, we’d gone to bed already; he snuck in here, and raided it completely, he stuffed all the food into his satchel – ah, I couldn’t get the stains out after, the idiot, he dumped in everything he could find without closing the lids properly, and some curry spilled all over inside, i had to throw that bag out..’ She was talking airily now, lightly, laughter in her voice as she remembered.. turning to flick open the tap, she filled a cup of water, tossing it into the pot.  ‘anyway, he somehow unlatched the front door and got out.. though I still don’t know how.. he made it all the way to the Supermarket, before Mrs Chuo found him and brought him home…’ She shuddered suddenly ‘That was so dangerous, ne!! Thank goodness.. if she hadn’t.. Well, when we got him back in he kept fighting, he basically wrecked his room that night.. yelling he was going to run away to find you…’ She laughed again, coming over to pat his head lovingly. ‘I’m happy for him he did, in the end, ne…’

 

‘…………………………..’ Slowly, Sehun set the glass down, keeping his gaze fixed on the little trickle of condensation that blobbed along the bottom. ‘……. The window…’

 

‘Ehh??’

 

Realising she’d long moved onto some other topic, that he’d spaced out for a good bit, Sehun cleared his throat, blotting the water onto his fingertip. ‘The… window.. the bedroom window.. we.. that’s how we used to sneak in, when we… well, anyway, we could fit through the bedroom windows.’

‘…Ah!! Ehhh… is that so…. ah! I remember, we always used to wonder how you two ended up together in the mornings when we’d put you to sleep in your own beds, ne… Ah! So that was it, huh.. He must’ve gotten out through the window…. ‘

 

 

 

 

 

 

The moonlight streamed in, pouring silver waters across the floor, bathing them in frost-tipped waves, rippling with the shadows of the light cotton drapes whenever a gust of wind blew across its surface. Sehun sighed as he stared up at the ceiling - just like old times, they’d ended up sleeping in the futons Mrs Huang had laid out…..above him the familiar playroom ceiling loomed, the grey night stroking the glass of the semicircular globe that covered the overhead lamp, dimming the gold trim about it..

If he just lay like this..

If he just lay like this and tried real hard, he could pretend it was all just a dream – the last ten years… he could pretend he was back in his perfect, safe, happy world….

 

But unlike in those days, now they lay right at the furthest ends of their own futons, the comforter abandoned as they used their own covers, as far from each other as they could get… in total silence till they fell asleep, not even talking to each other – though of course they hadn’t really, the entire time, laughing and playing about over dinner so merrily no one had noticed that they never once addressed themselves to each other.. and the second they were out of eyeshot and hearing, the coldness had fallen again, the silence, the frozen, unreadable expressions soaked in disdain and anger and hate…  Glancing over through the corners of his eyes, Sehun could see Tao was turned away on his side, his back to him.. his shoulders rising and falling as he breathed..

No matter how tall he’d gotten… no matter how big he grew, those shoulders always looked so big to him… big and strong and unbreakable.

 

_That was the problem, right?_

 

Sighing again, Sehun turned back to stare unseeingly at the ceiling.

 

How could he have been so stupid?? It was so _dumb,_ so fucking obvious..

 

He’d totally forgotten Tao’d only been six.

 

He knew it as well as if he’d always been perfectly honest with himself, though he’d never really been, not even once… You see.. deep down, all these years -  he’d always hated Tao.

Not just the fight or whatever, but _everyday_ for the past ten years.. he’d blamed him, he’d felt betrayed and abandoned and hurt, and he’d hated him.

_Coz he’d let them take me away.. he’d let them separate us, he’d done nothing, just stood by and let them take me away.._

That was all he’d thought, all these years…

Even the Plan!!!!!!!!! The whole point.. God, the whole point had just been to force Tao to like him so much he’d never let anyone do that again!! Every moment he’d felt hopeless and useless, every second he’d struggled.. to talk to the people about him, to fit in.. every time his insides had screamed for someone to understand, someone to see him for what he was and recognize the words he desperately wanted to say.. every time he’d been pushed over and thrust aside, every time someone had laughed at him, or hurt him.. every single moment, he’d blamed it all on Tao. He’d said he’d protect him, right? He’d said he’d take care of him, right? Anyway, he didn’t even care for any of these idiots, the only person he wanted was Tao – and Tao’d promised he’d always be there, right by his side, he’d told him he’d always hold his hand.. so where was he!??

 

_God…_

 

Uggh, even now.. even when he was all grown up, he still … somewhere inside, he’d kept those feelings locked up, long after he ought to have known better, and in the end, he’d taken it out on Tao.

 

Across from him, Tao stirred slightly, his back still to Sehun as he bent a leg up.

 

He hadn’t known what to say when Mrs Huang… He really didn’t know how he got through the rest of the conversation, and dinner after…  it had been like ripping a band aid off, her words stabbing into him, tearing away the delusion he’d built up for himself for so long..

 _Of course Tao couldn’t have helped it!!!_ He _obviously_ couldn’t have done anything about it!! He was only six, what could he have possibly done!??! Besides, he himself – that was the part of the plan that had been right, right? He… he’d spend that whole time leaning on Tao, waiting for Tao to protect him, Tao to defend him, Tao to stand in front so he could hide behind him… and even while working on his fucking Plan, he’d done the same thing hadn’t he!?? Deep down…he’d.. kept waiting for Tao to save him… When by his own logic, he could just as easily have been the one to blame for ‘leaving’, for ‘abandoning’ Tao!

_He was the world’s lousiest friend._

He’d done nothing, and then put the blame all on him.

Ha!! Even _now_ , when they _didn’t_ want to be together, they neither of them had managed to get around their parents, despite being ‘all growned up’ so how ridiculous was it that he’d actually expected Tao to have done something that impossible at the age of six!???

 

 

 

_He’d locked himself in the bathroom crying so hard.._

_Refused to eat or talk for two days.._ Sehun snorted.. _this idiot?! The guy who could down an entire large pizza by himself and still be hungry?? Aahhhh…_. _He must’ve..Really..been…  And then he ran away. Packed up food..and.. ran away to try and..find..me…_

He chuckled, snorting with laughter, imagining the satchel – _ah! I bet it was the Scooby-Doo one, ne, he used to carry that to school everyday!_   _\- the idiot.. did he really think he could walk all the way, and get me?? What in the world did he think we’d do even if he managed …to…._

 

 

_Eh…..??_

 

 

_Eh?????_

 

 

_Why…_

 

 

_I’d been laughing.. I was laughing, then why…._

 

The tears streamed down his face, soaking soundlessly into the pillow.. falling from the corners of his eyes into his hairline, running down the sides of his neck.. cold and clammy and salty..

 

It was like a giant rock – a huge fucking meteor – had crash landed in his throat. His whole chest ached so bad.. a dead, heavy, tight weight he couldn’t budge..

 

_Tao’s breathing.._

 

If he just reached out a hand, he could touch him

 

_Fuck_

 

He hated him now, didn’t he… Wincing, he clamped his hand into his mouth, biting down on the side so the sob that racked through him wouldn’t sound out loud…. remembering the fight.. the words they’d said.. why did he… how could he have, how _could_ he have… he’d.. he’d said such things to the one person he…

 

 _Of course_ he hated him now… anyone would, right?!

 

Sehun tilted his head slightly, looking at that back through his blurred eyes.. rising and falling steadily, the moonlight washing over him, immobile… unbreakable…

His chest burning, brimming over with the agony he couldn’t….

 

_Tao…. Tao hates me…_

 

 

 


	8. Chapter Eight - Offside

_  
Aaa~aahh… It’s hot!!_ Tugging up the collar of his shirt to blow into it, Sehun walked behind Tao, fixing his eyes on the little winging and drawing of his shoulder blades through his Tee shirt as he swung his arms, little trickles of damp showing up against the light cotton to demonstrate the heat was affecting him too…   His flip-flops stuck to his soles before slapping down onto the burning asphalt, sweat dropping past his ankles, bare with the legs of his pants folded up..

 

It had been a whole week since he’d come here – come  _back_  – and.. though a lot had happened – with Tao’s cousins dropping by to visit for a couple of days, and his dad returning from work one day with a covered basket full of real live ducks [to cook, but no one had had the heart to kill them, so they were still wandering about the yard, quacking and occasionally bathing themselves in the blow-up pool Tao had filled for them], every day had been essentially pretty much the same.. waking up late, eating the ginormous breakfast Mrs Huang prepared, spending the day aimlessly wandering about, watching TV or playing some video game or other.. laying on the floor in the afternoons, reading manga, sipping cold tea or juice and trying to find the coolest spots in the house.. the heat wave was killer, unusual for spring, and everyone was afraid it would end in a big typhoon, but..more pressing, as far as Sehun was concerned, was the continuing stalemate where Tao was concerned.

 He just couldn’t..

He knew he ought to apologize – at least to start of with, about the fight.. but everytime he thought he could, everytime he thought Tao had thawed a bit… something would…

And he’d pull back…

 

And then there was that whole thing with Cece…

 

It was like banging his head against a wall, for crying out loud – and every moment it just kept getting more and more difficult, everything churning inside him.. focused so intently on Tao every moment, while pretending with all his strength that he wasn’t; drowning in this sea of emotions, most of which he couldn’t even identify – of course, his guilt, loneliness, the nostalgia and grief and the feeling of missing Tao so damn much he’d give  _anything_ just for a smile, or a kind word from him, leave alone anything resembling what they’d had.. their surroundings making everything light years more painful than when they’d been in school, with everything in the present being thrown into such contrast by his memories..  – all these emotions he knew well enough, they were utterly familiar to him now, though their familiarity did nothing to relieve their sting.. but underneath all that, there was something else, a bunch of something elses, establishing themselves into a strong murky current especially over the past few days.. similar to what he’d felt that time he’d seen Tao.. with  _her_ , outside that hotel… but much, much,  _much_  stronger, and more complex…  something… dark..and.. well,  _frightening_. It was like he was so out of control, unable to even understand his own reactions, his own feelings, unable to reign them in in any way.. unable to predict them… Out of control and utterly 1000%  _irrational_ and crazy and weird and….

 

 

 

But today, things had turned out different - when he’d woken up, the sunlight streaming into the room was already past the top half of the window.. turning over to find the room devoid of any sign of its owner, he’d rushed through a shower, before heading downstairs, to find Tao at the dining table, picking through a plate of toast while Mrs Huang fried up some bacon.. The sight of that black hair, messy, a few strands sticking up at the back.. it had almost made him giggle,  _Tao who’s always so obsessed with looking perfect at school, he’d spend hours in front of the mirror.. looks like it was really holiday time, huh.._

_Ah! And he’s taken out his piercings too!!_

 

 

_Aaahhh… he looks more’n more like my Tao, ne…._

 

Smiling a subdued greeting, he’d pulled out a chair beside him, replying politely to Mrs Huang’s greeting, and chomped his way through a stack of waffles with maple syrup – his attention focused as usual on every almost-graze, every almost-touch from the guy beside him.. wondering how he was going to get through another day of- And then Mrs Huang had suddenly suggested they get out of the house, spend the day wandering about the town and seeing all the old places.

Both of them had snapped up, already opening their mouths to protest – when something in her eyes had stopped them.  To be honest, Sehun had been expecting something like this – not only were they perpetually getting under her feet as they lazed about the house all day.. but once or twice… those moments when one of them had been about to say something, but had stopped themselves.. or when they  _had_ said something, their words casual, but laced with a frosty edge only the other would perceive.. more than once, in those moments, he’d caught her looking from one to the other, with a shrewd gleam that had made his insides twist – after all, here he was, a guest in her house, imposing on their hospitality just by claiming to be friends with her son, when in reality….. Yet till today, she hadn’t said anything, or given any outright sign… right until the moment she looked at them like she was daring them to oppose her ‘suggestion’

Snapping their mouths closed, both of them had agreed – enthusiastically even, which was why, soon after their brunch, they’d headed out.

 

Just like the house, the whole town was disorienting, making Sehun feel more than ever like he’d fallen through the looking glass into an entirely surreal world – one moment he’d feel like everything was exactly the same as it had been ten years ago – sure the buildings looked a bit older, the trees a little wider, the sign outside the baker’s a tad more rusty – but basically everything all the same, and exactly as it ought to be.. but then they’d turn a corner, and there’d be a huge flashy storefront beaming down at them where it had no business to be.. the nation-wide chain stores had found the town in the last decade it seemed, and familiar – yet supremely out of place- cartoon chickens danced across a field of red, and the half-circles lit up even during the daytime over the multi-storey clothing shop…  

 

But the biggest surprise had been when Tao cut through the familiar backyards, across the narrow street beside the Dry Cleaners’, and strolled down the dead-end alleyway between the Baos’ and the Zhens’ houses – though this time, they had had to climb over the wooden fence at the end, rather than crawl through the loose board they’d always used back then – to the old Garage-shop that had always served as their playground.

 

Only..

 

‘WHOA!!!’ Sehun had almost yelped in shock –  _the_   _whole_   _block_  - abandoned mechanics’ workshops, the garage, the scrap yard – everything had been demolished, wiped clean off the face of the earth, and in their stead stood an actual playing field – a green lawn in full spring colours surrounding the borders of an area of cleared ground, with goalposts at either end and chalk markings on the ground; to one side, a swingset and a couple of slides and a see saw, along with a sand box… Here and there on the grassy strip were benches, where a few moms sat, some of them moving strollers back and forth, chattering away to each other about all the juiciest neighbourhood gossip, while their eyes remained fixed on their older kids who were running about yelling and screaming as they kicked a ball about the field.. toddlers scampered about the children’s play area, screaming in glee as they whooshed down the slide, or bounced on the see-saw..

 

 _‘..Whoa….’_ He had breathed again, looking over questioningly at Tao – who’d been smirking, his pride painted on his face, despite his obvious attempts to appear smooth and totally unemotional. ‘Three years ago. Obviously, the garage-shop was really too dangerous for us to be playing around in – ‘

 

Unconsciously, reflexively, his eyes had flown to Sehun’s cheek – widening in shock, the next moment, when he realised the scar still marked the spot, where –

 

‘Oy… You – ‘

 

‘Ah!.. er..’ Blushing, Sehun’s had fingers moved to his face, fingering the little ridge – before quickly covering it. ‘This… ‘

 

‘…….’ Clearing his throat, Tao had spun right about, for some reason blushing himself, suddenly uncomfortable. ‘Well… well, anyway, we got a collection up, ran a couple of stalls and stuff, and had a special section during the Summer Festival… and ‘ Hurriedly, he’d waved his hand demonstratively over the crowds of kids racing about. ‘The bu-‘

 

 

‘TAAAAOOOOOO!!!!!!!’

 

 

‘Ah!!’ Suddenly starting forward, Tao had jumped up in place, waving his hand vigorously at the figure at the crest of the grass, who’d called out, interrupting him. ‘C’mon’ With a vaguely tossed out invitation to Sehun, he had set off – running across the street to where a bunch of guys about their age were hanging out, watching the primary school kids’ game, the tall one in the centre who’d yelled out to Tao dribbling a soccer ball back and forth between his feet.

 

Slowly, Sehun had followed, the irrepressible spike of irritation at being interrupted wasn’t something new, it had been the same back then, too… but as he walked upto the group, Tao now thumping his friends on the back in greeting, and being hugged and thumped in return, the annoyance had quickly faded into surprise –

 

_Yu!!_

 

Back in those days, Sehun had been a little afraid of pretty much everyone – well.. not ‘afraid’.. just.. nervous around.. but in the case of the tall, well built, cropped haired second grader, [who despite the intervening decade retained the exact same haircut, the exact same jowly face and the same gimlet eyes], the son of the guy who owned the little tofu shop at the crossing, ‘afraid’ would be pretty accurate. He’d been the worst bully Sehun had ever come across, after all, and his reputation had all the kids in the neighbourhood cowering in terror – though he’d never directly tried anything with Sehun, being wary of Tao even then.. except for that one time…

 

Remembering how that had ended up [it was the one and only time he’d seen Tao actually lose it.. usually, despite popular opinion, and his rigorous training, Tao never  _ever_ put up his fists, no matter what happened, or what anyone might do to him, he never ever ever turned violent – but that time, when he’d come back from school and not seen Sehun sitting on the porch waiting for him, he’d gone in search of him… and had found him too, on the ground, curled up while Yu and his friends practiced their striking skills, kicking an old tire into him… ] the memory of the sand in his face, the sweat and mud mingling against his cheek with his tears and his spit as he screamed.. the feel of the heavy black weight thwacking into him, huge and rubbery soft, not really painful [it had been too heavy for the kids to kick with anything approaching viciousness], yet utterly terrifying still crystal clear in his mind – and the memory of seeing Tao going totally berserk, his incoherent yelling, the way he’d stepped in, and grabbed the tire in his little six year old hands and laid in… Sehun hadn’t helped gasping as Tao greeted those same boys like they were his best friends.. cries of ‘how’ve you been’ and ‘it’s been so long!’ flying through the air like particularly ironic digs at him.. 

 

As he stepped up beside Tao, they’d all turned towards him, expressions ranging from mild curiosity to outright inquisitiveness – and suddenly, almost reflexively,  _it was too much!!_   - the old fear had risen up again, those same eyes laughing as they - He had felt it in his legs, his muscles bunching, urging him to run – instantly draining him of all his grown-up confidence, his comfortable faith in his own allure, and he’d ducked behind Tao, his fingers rising to grip the back of his shirt like he’d always done, his heart thudding –

‘No way!!!’

‘omg….’

Immediately, recognition had flooded in – as Tao, moving to an equally insistent instinct, had cut quickly in front of him, sliding back a bit so as to be closer to him, his body instantly tensing up  –

‘No  _waayyy!!’_

_‘SEHUN??!!’_

 

At that, like his name was a magic spell, like a balloon popping in front of his face sending a gush of air slamming into them, the boys had sprung apart, blushing; Tao nosily clearing his throat, as Sehun kept his eyes fixed on the horizon –  _ah shit_  – but before their discomfiture could have settled in, the other guys were surrounding him, pumping his hand like they’d all been the best of friends – ‘Sehun!!!’ ‘OMG, I can’t believe it’s you!’ ‘It’s been so long!!’ ‘Where have you been!?’ ……

 

 

Once explanations had been gotten out of the way – Sehun stubbornly making sure he answered everything himself, striding forward confidently, shaking hands and joking about, to the surprise of the gang – he’d worked his charm perfectly, he’d realised, when they insisted he play a game with them; despite all his protests about the heat, cajoling him till he’d agreed to a sudden death, first-goal wins match.. For the first time, they’d been on opposite teams, Tao and him – he’d waved aside Yu’s teasing ‘I guess both of you are gonna play together as usual, right’, laughing that that was old times..  But playing against Tao… he’d been shocked himself at how..  _brutal_.. he’d been, for lack of a better word..

Of course he’d expected how daunting it would to be to go up against him in a physical contest – after all, he hadn’t spent all that time spying on him practicing his Wushu for nothing – and he’d been right.. Having Tao come right at him..

_It was.._

Spinning about and finding Tao right  _there_ , his eyes narrowed in concentration, or raking over you as if to … well.. of course it was just to read his movements, but fuck, it was like he was striping him bare and..

 

For a moment, he’d had the wildest, craziest yet most potent desire to ….

 

Actually feeling that body burst into movement, flexing and exploding, the muscles in their element  - just inches from you..

 

Those calves..  that tan skin covered in pearly drops of sweat, glinting perfectly over the bugle of his..

 

His thighs!! How could anyone have such –

 

_Of course, I always thought of Tao as the ‘manliest’ guy I know.. that’s it right? Since I kinda hero-worshipped him, it’s obvious I would be a little teeny weeny bit in awe of him, thats all this is, right?? Just.. normal… admiration…._

 

Even as the play progressed, and his eyes had started looking.. almost..  _cruel_ … when he’d seemed to get kinda.. vicious, like he was super mad at something.. Sehun alone hadn’t felt frightened – on the contrary, just having those suddenly icy eyes burn over him.. it.. seemed to do .. things.. in the pit of his stomach, like.. a spark of excitement..

 

Of course, it was the thrill of playing seriously against Tao, right, the chance to bump heads with a guy he looked up to.. obviously…..

 

 

 

Sehun glanced up again at the deliberate, rhythmic movements of Tao’s shoulders and arms as he walked..

 

They’d won too, Tao’s team.. but somehow he.. he’d just turned more’n and more sullen, and by the time the match had ended, he’d barely been civil to the others, jerking his head imperiously at Sehun and saying they were leaving..

 

_Aahhh.._

 

He was used to it, by now, Tao’s moods.. he’d always been emotional, he was the one who’d cry easily, whether it was Toys’ Story, or the Lion King, or falling down and scraping his knee.. or..   Sehun’s fingers reached for the scar on his cheek again, a small smile twisting his lips

 _They’d been playing at the old garage-shop, the whole gang of kids from the neighbourhood, the boys in the midst of a hugely competitive soccer match, the girls hanging about the sidelines playing house…  As usual, they’d commandeered some old scrap part for a ball, that day it had been a. .. hubcap, he guessed.. He’d felt it hit him of course, but it had been more of a_ pressure _than actual_ pain _, really, though it had stung.. the blood welling up and pouring down his face, he’d put out his tongue and licked at it where it streamed over his lips, salty and metallic.. he’d been much more intent on the game anyway, they were behind by two goals, and Fei had twisted his leg, he’d hobbled off to perch on the tipped over oil-drum, moaning occasionally, so they were a man down.. Sehun was all for wiping his face with the back of his sleeve and going on, there was that play he’d been practicing with Tao, he was sure it would get them one goal at least -  but no sooner had he done so than the blood smeared all over his face, soaking into his shirt, and a fresh gush spilled out immediately – and a loud howl had split the air. Turning about in surprise, Sehun had stared, bewildered, at Tao – head flung back, he was wailing to the skies  - and for a moment, Sehun had actually thought he’s gotten hurt too.._

_But.._

_Of course he hadn’t, he’d kept crying like the world had ended all the way home, Sehun trying his hardest to make him shush – he knew his mom would blow her top if she found out, they’d been forbidden from playing in the garage-shop any number of times, and he was planning on sneaking in without her seeing him.. but it had been no use, Tao had just kept right on crying at the top of his lungs, warbling about how ‘Shehoon wuz hurrrrtttttt’.._

_And watching him, Sehun had gotten super frightened himself – just seeing the way he was crying made him think he’d really been injured, and  even though his face still didn’t hurt much or anything, he’d just felt really bad for Tao - and he’d started too, throwing his head back and wailing along with him, both of them crying so hard, quite a few of the ladies around had stuck their heads out of their windows to see what the matter was, as the two boys walked home, hand in hand, blood streaming down Sehun’s face, splattered over his clothes, and across Tao’s where he’d pulled up the bottom of his tee to try and wipe the wound, attempting to comfort Sehun through his own sobs, ‘Shehoon – Se-hoo-on, don cry – don cry  She-hoon, it’s al-righ, goo-boy’ , patting his head gently.. making Sehun cry all the harder and clutch his hand tighter… Grimy, trotting along on their tiny legs, streaked with grease and mud and blood and sobbing their eyes out…_

 

_They’d been grounded for a month._

 

Grinning at the memory, Sehun swiped his hand across his face in an unconscious parody, wiping off the sweat. Yup, he was definitely used to Tao’s hyper emotions.. but,, this sullen, grumpy, brooding?? This was so unlike him!!! It  _had_  been building for a while.. right since…

 

Suddenly, with the sick, nauseating feeling, like the bottom of his stomach had dropped out, the twisted, ugly hot pain, the words echoed in his head yet again - what he’d heard, just by accident, Tao talking to Cece on the little veranda that ran all along the west face of the house..

 

Was it just having to put up with him, after all???

 

After all..he…utterly despised him, right? He absolutely HATED him..

 

Ha.

Thinking back to what Tao had told her – it wasn’t that hard to do, the words were endlessly playing in his head, after all..

‘He’s a total dick!!!’

‘He just uses people – he’s fuckin manipulative, just coz people think he has a good face or whatever – though I’m damned if I can see it, he’s fuckin like a girl or something, the fag – and he flirts around with every single person he meets, just to make them go along with his nonsense… ahh, but prol coz he gets off on it, ne.. obviously, he’s already dating a bunch of people in school, didn’t you know?’

‘Haa!?? You think I’d invite him here myself!???!?? Are you  _crazy_!??? I  _despise_ him, okay, he’s like.. like.. a super slimy gross worm, sliding along leaving a trail of yucky green goo!! Ha.. the number of times I’d wanted to punch him right in his stupid face – only I couldn’t coz I’d  _die_ if I got his gunk all over me!!’

‘He’s just weird, and  _sick_ , growing up he was  _retarded_ , k, he couldn’t talk or whatever, so obviously I’d feel sorry for him and hang out with him – and he was fuckin annoying, man, clinging to me all day and night, like…  _ugghh_  it pisses me off just remembering.. But you’d go along with it, coz you feel sorry for him, right?? No one else would play with him, and stuff, so… But it.. fucked him up in the end I guess, coz he’s turned super  _weird_ ya know? Man, in a way, I guess one should still feel sorry for him – but he’s such a pig, it’s impossible. So just drop this, forget about him,  _anyone’s_  better!’

 

 

He’d been utterly devastated and broken at first – after a long period, when he’d completely shut down, unaware of time passing, or where he was even, his whole body screaming  - in disbelief, that Tao would.. so casually.. say something like that to a virtual stranger.. even more than the words, his tone, dripping with disgust and sheer loathing.. And then an equally immeasurable time ripping the word ‘WHY’ into his heart –  _whywhywhywhy why had he – what in the world did I do to make him hate me like that_  - he’d really truly felt like he was as fucked up in the head as Tao had said, just hearing Tao say that about him to another person..   _I mean, we.... weren’t.._

Sure they’d fought,  _but Tao still.. treated me, okay, ya know.._.  _He never actively tried to... hurt me.. or anything.. so ... _at first it had just been a huge shock...

 

His… Tao… the same person who’d do  _anything_ to protect him…

 

 

Devastated. Gutted. Shattered into little pieces that had been maliciously broken off, one by one, while he was still screaming, his flesh rabidly torn into, piece by piece flayed off...a thousand and one cuts into his skin couldn’t match the pain. For a moment, he’d thought he’d just die from it – not in a dramatic, emo way, but just like his nerves would silently choke, seize up on this feeling that he just couldn’t bear, and just.. give out. He’d hoped for it desperately – so he wouldn’t have to feel it any longer.. But  he’d simultaneously felt like he was drowning in hatred for Tao - utterly and completely, viciously blindly hating him, so he had no idea how he’d gotten through the day – but he’d be damned if he let it go, he’d be damned if he didn’t make the fucker  _PAY_  - he’d felt burnt out of his body, like one of those insane people on the news, who did crazed things – he got it now, he really did, the urge to lash out, to hurt – he’d literally imagined stabbing the pencil in his hand through his –

 

But there it had stopped.

 

Coz he couldn’t.

 

Even if… even if Tao thought of him like that – hated, despised, held him in that much revulsion, he still couldn’t…

 

A lot of it was his own fault right?

 

And honestly… honestly truthfully.. however hopeless or stupid it was, he.. he still loved Tao every bit as much as he had when they were kids.

Maybe even more… somehow. 

 

 

Plus he got it.

It must be hard to have someone you dislike so completely crashing in on your vacation, interrupting the time you’d normally spend with your family and friends, right?

 

 

And the next time.. the next time he’d run into Tao.. and every time after. even after his cousins had left, he’d been perfectly normal – well, the weird, antagonistic manner that was the normal for them these days.. so he’d somehow been able to.. build a wall around the incident, shore it up and stop it from washing him away…

 

Besides, for some reason, the thought that Tao didn’t know he’d overheard made him feel a little stronger – inexplicably making him feel like pretending it hadn’t happened was okay..

 

Even though he did know.

 

 

 

 


	9. Chapter Nine - Poker Face

  
Arrrgghhh.

 

Aarrrgghhh!!

 

‘ _AHrgh_!’

 So intent had he been on boring into Tao’s back with his eyes, while despising himself, he hadn’t even realised he’d stopped – almost crashing into him, stumbling as he tried to catch himself – immediately Tao reached out, his Wushu-sharpened reflexes razor sharp, his strong, powerful fingers closing about Sehun’s wrist instantly, pulling him up – about -   ‘Ohh!!’ Gasping, Sehun slammed into his chest –

 

Freezing.

 

 

Both of them.

 

 

Struck agape – Sehun’s eyes widening impossibly as he looked up –  _Tao is..really taller though..so much –_ Was he standing up? He couldn’t feel his legs – Tao staring down at him, his expression  -  _shit_..  _shishitshitshit –_ his heart was thumping so loud –  _what?? –_ burning –

 

The next moment he let go, snapping about hurriedly and Sehun quickly righted himself, forgetting – pushing aside –  _forcefully_  – his confusion, stepping backwards quickly -   _Angry, right? He’s just pissed….. ehe….ehehe… yeah, angry, that’s right, since morning, he’s been..that’s..all…_

 

‘Cold.’

 

‘…Ehh??’

 

Clicking his tongue, Tao glared at him. ‘I said, it’s hot, let’s get something cold!’

 

‘Ahh..’  _Yup! Definitely angry_. Without fully understanding why this would make him feel so utterly relieved – and at the same time.. somehow.. unsatisfied.. Sehun laughed – nervously, trying to regain  his composure.. – ‘Yeah! I’m melting here~ Aah, something cold would just hit the spot – I want a sour soda, super chilled, with ice~ ’

 

For a moment, Tao just scowled at him – and his sudden verbosity – before shrugging, and turning towards the large glass doors of the restaurant they were passing, the blast of the heavy duty air con tornadoing out at them from beneath the familiar sign of the bearded old man – ‘..Huh?’ Pulling up short, he looked down – for a moment like it was some unrecognizable alien organ he couldn’t identify – at Sehun’s hand, grasping at the sleeve of his shirt.

 

‘Ah..’ Blushing, Sehun let go awkwardly –  _shit he’d just –_ Rubbing his hand against his upper lip nervously, he gestured down the road ‘Let’s..go there..’

 

‘…Oh….

…..Um..’ Acquiescing more easily than he’d have imagined, Tao set off again, Sehun hurrying up to walk beside him, as they made their way past the crowds going in the opposite direction, past the international-burger chain, and a popular sporting-goods store.. right to the very end of the street –

 

 

Way back then, this had been the only shop on the street, Yuki Nainai’s ‘All-Purpose’..[ everyone called her that, the kids, their parents, even their grandparents all referred to the beloved old lady who was as much a town fixture as the grand statue of the political leader at the crossroads, as ‘grandma’]. You could get virtually anything here, and to the boys it had been the ultimate treasure store.. from food, to her special chicken nuggets, to bubble tea – all homemade; clothes, crayons, notebooks and toys, trays and trays of the most brilliantly coloured, wonderful sticky candy in all shapes and sizes – liquorice, jawbreakers, boiled sweets, toffee, gum, taffy…  knick-knacks and odds and ends and bubble soap kits and paper towel boxes shaped like racing cars and letter openers the boys spend hours admiring – they looked exactly like the legendary swords in Sehun’s picture books – comics and wooden soldiers and spools of thread and scented soaps and waters and posters of an old-time actor with a giant pompadour Tao had not-so-secretly admired for a month, sneaking his dad’s hair-gel to try and get his own hair to look like that; A glass bottle filled with funnily shaped erasers, another with marbles, yet others with raisins and cashews and tea and coffee…. Everyone went to Yuki Nainai whenever they needed something, irrespective of what it was – and they were never disappointed.

 

As the boys reached the store, Sehun winced – the rambling old shop that had seemed like the most magnificent dragon’s hoard to him once was now dilapidated, the wooden walls creaking even without any wind, the awning grimy and rain-stained, the sidewalk outside cracked, with weeds growing up through the ravines…

 

But the next moment, before he could dodge, with a growly ruff heralding it, a huge, warm, kinda damp weight hurtled into him –

Loud raucous barking filling the air, excited, whiney,  _heavy_  – ‘Ohhh no you dont!!!’ Without even thinking about it –though in this case, in all honesty, even if he  _had_  he’d probably have done the same – Sehun reached out with both hands to grab the back of Tao’s shirt, firmly stepping behind him, trying to escape and simultaneously protect himself from the excessively enthusiastic dog that was trying its hardest to get to him, wagging its shaggy tail nineteen to a dozen, yapping and pawing and wiggling in furry rambunctious squiggles, panting hard enough to shake its whole body… Stepping wildly high, trying to guard his flip-flops –  _and more importantly, my toes!!!_  - Sehun pushed Tao in front of the dog, jostling his arm in front of it as if trying to distract it with a yummier treat - ‘I  _cannot_  believe it’s still alive!!!’ Sehun hissed into the back of Tao’s neck. ‘I  _told_ you it was a werewolf!!!’

To his never ending surprise – in a moment that he would think of afterwards as being nothing short of a miracle – even though at the time, he merely gasped, looking up as an incomprehensible sound burst from Tao –  _ehh..?? ahhshit –_ Tao obligingly moved in front of the dog, bending his knees to block its single-minded pursuit of Sehun, his shoulders shaking.. Still bewildered, but suddenly realising what he’d done, Sehun quickly let go, stepping backwards in utter disbelief at his own daring – only to realise, belatedly, that Tao wasn’t mad at all, he was….   _giggling - !! –_

‘AhhhhHHHH - !!!’ The dog – tired of being obstructed by Tao, leapt up on its hind legs – twisting its body about in that burst of movement Sehun had long regarded with extreme suspicion – managing to plant a paw in Sehun’s knee, and knocking him clean over onto his butt – even before he could finish crying out, his palms scraping painfully against the broken shards of the pavement, it was climbing all over him, long slimy strands of drool coating him as it licked him thoroughly – not friendly, but with all the air of a carnivore ensuring its dinner tasted alright, had been spiced sufficiently and marinated long enough, before chowing down - 

 

‘Aaraara!!! Mr Friskums!!! Naughty baby~~ Come here now~~’ The  unfortunately familiar voice rang out – and the next moment, in a purple coat and hat too vibrant even for a tropical jungle, plumes of bright yellow bursting from her clutch, the owner of the Canine Terror sailed out of the store into view – waving its leash in the air, like that was of any help, before she caught side of Sehun. ‘Aahh… little boy!! What are you doing there on the ground!! Get up, it’s dirty, now, is this how you play.. naughty naughty.. ‘

His face glowing like a stop light, Sehun slowly rose up – glaring even harder as a muffled peal burst out of Tao – he’d kept his face averted all this while, covering it with both hands, but thankfully, the stifled laugh was sufficient to draw her attention. ‘Ah!! It’s little Zitao!! Your mother  _told_ me you were home!! You still didn’t come to visit me, naughty boy~~’ This time, it was Sehun’s turn to chortle helplessly at the expression on Tao’s face as she gripped his cheek - ‘Don’t you like me anymore, aahh, abandoning this old lady..’ - between two painfully long, violet nails –  _claws, more like –_ pinching out a good gobble of flesh, before smacking him head first right into her more than ample bosom – while Tao kept trying to bow as politely as he could under the assault. Turning right around, Sehun stuffed his hand into his mouth, trying his best not to howl with laughter – though the big dog that had followed his, slobbering all over his feet like he was unable to decide whether to keep licking his toes in the hope they’d melt like candy, or give them one good bite, more than helped dampen the hilarity of the situation.

‘Ah~~ Mr Friskums!! What are you doing there~~’ Finally seeming to realise her ‘baby’ was  practically attacking Sehun, she swooped down on him, clipping on the leash, and ‘tugging’ him away – which consisted of ineffectively jerking the chain lightly, twice, before forgetting all about it, going back to complaining loudly about how sweet Tao had been when he was younger, but now that he was all grown up he no longer had any time for her.. while Sehun struggled on with the impossible task of trying to get both legs off the ground at once, and out of range of the eagerly snapping dog. Taking pity on him, at last, Tao knelt down, to pat  _Mr Friskums_  [Sehun got the shivers just thinking the name.. feeling like he could totally find it in his heart to  forgive the dog for being crazy, I mean, who wouldn’t be, with a burden like that] on the head. The golden Lab promptly deserted its forays at Sehun, beside itself with pleasure as it rolled right over under Tao’s ministrations, the ambiguous snarly/affectionate manner disappearing in an outpouring of clear devotion as it wagged super hard, barking replies to all of Taos crooned sweet nothings at it –  _Ha! Big deal, even I’d have, if he was calling_ me _his little –_

_EHHHH!???_

_WTF did I just - !!!!!!!_

_!!  -_

_??????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

\- When Mrs Chuo finally cut in –  ‘Ah, little boy!! He seems to like you, ne~~’ –  _please, I could have done without that –_ ‘He usually never takes to someone on first sight~~’  _Like it was some goddamn giant blessing bestowed upon me –_ Making Tao glance up, a wicked gleam in his eyes, as he quipped – ‘Maybe he remembers Sehun’s smell, Mrs Chuo.’

 

 

 

It was almost twenty minutes later, after the complete rehashing of his entire life, with an abundance of girly squeals and breathy exclamations, that they finally escaped into the store, Tao still snorting with laughter, Sehun glowing even more tomato red, rubbing his cheeks and wincing, shaking his feet trying to get the drool out of his flip flops, and glaring daggers at him – making him chuckle even harder, struggling to keep a straight face –  _almost like_  – ‘Ah! Zitao!’ hardly had they stepped in though, than a voice called out from the murky depths of the store, obliterating any chance of anything like a ‘moment’ – and like magic, out of nowhere at all, Yuki Nainai popped up at his side, looking exactly the same as ever – same gleaming silver hair, same indeterminately coloured flowery house-dress, same bright gleaming eyes, belying the old age that had her stooped almost double… ‘That steaming plate your mother wanted just arrived, come on, come on, big boy like you, go get it – it’s over next to the pickles – on the top shelf – go on, I had to get it sent down all the way from the city, honestly, they don’t make things like they used to, ne.. your mother knows, see, she wouldn’t settle for any of that plastic nonsense..’ rambling on as she shooed Tao away, Yuki Nainai reached up to grip Sehun’s wrist in a surprisingly strong hold, pulling him to the little table at one end, where she served her delectable treats to her customers – ‘I’ll keep your friend here company, go on, go on.. what can I get you now, dear, look at you, you look like you need some meat on your bones…’

 

Grinning to himself as the sounds of her crabby, yet gruffly sweet voice drifted back, Tao made his way through the crowded store – the whole interior was dark, the sunlight only beaming in golden through small cracks between the wooden planks that made up its framework, setting dust motes flying about like shimmering fairies.. cool and quiet… Carefully picking his way through the racks and shelves and rows of items, skirting a pile of buckets stacked one above the other, and a rickety old stool, he slid deeper into the still, only the faintest echoes of Yuki Nainai’s voice – and the deep rumble of Sehun’s new one, now grudgingly familiar, reaching him..

 

Abruptly, he stopped.

 

Drawing in a deep breath.

 

_Shit._

 

_Shitit hadhappened again._

 

When Sehun had tripped, he –

Trembling, Tao leaned against the cool, wooden end of the shelves, pressing his burning eyelids against it.

This was fucked up.

This was  _crazy!!!_

 

What the fuck was even wrong with him!?!??!??!

 

AND  _HIM!!!! WTF was even wrong with him!???!????????!!!!!! I’d forgotten all about that thing..with Yu and the others –but Sehun had remembered, he totally had, I could tell so easily the moment he clutched..my..shirt..FUCKITtt just like back..then.. his hand… I knew exactly what he was thinking,. I’d have… if anyone had even dared – even think about hurting him, I’d have…._

 

_But.._

 

_But he’d gone on like absolutely nothing was wrong!!!_

 

_After going through something like that, how the FUCK does someone just up and…_

 

_Talking to them, laughing, playing..!!!!!!!!!!!!!  playing.. The way he’d just gone and charmed them..  turned all of them into his faithful subjects – STUPID stupid stupid idiot Sehun!!!!!! He used to be so… he used to never speak to any of them, EVER, and now…_

 

_None of them, just when he absolutely had to, and then he’d mutter and mumble so much -_

 

 

 

 

_Only…_

 

_Only me._

 

_He only laughed like that with me!!!!!!! He only talked like that with me!!!!! Whats so wrong with keeping things the way they are, huh!?????! WHY DOES EVERYTHING…. Why..did everything have to change… ????? It was…fine – perfect – everything had been perfect, he’d been..perfect, so why had he gone and.. what had been the need!!??_

 

It was like he’d utterly rejected everything he’d been – and with it, their time together, their entire relationship – and Tao himself.

 

He’d thrown away everything, coz it hadn’t meant a thing to him. He’d replaced it  - their precious memories, with all this fucking glitz and he’d… he’d replaced Tao so easily with whole crowds of people he’d rather hang out with.. and he’d destroyed  _his_ Sehun, the most precious person in the whole entire world, and turned into someone completely different and that was the most painful of all.

It was like he was announcing how worthless all of it had been..

And how useless Tao was…  when it came to taking care of him… when it came to standing by his side..  Anything else – Tao could take anything else, he was definitely sure that even if the whole world went about calling him every single abusive thing they could think of – ‘weak’, ‘dumb’, ‘stupid’, ‘disloyal’, ‘useless’  – whatever he might be labelled with,  _none_ of it would come light years close to hurting him as much as being declared unfit to be Sehun’s…

It felt like he was drowning - it was agony, and raw, deep pain - but over all was the sense he'd failed.. he'd not been good enough.. it was his fault. 

He'd.. he'd do anything!! How could this.. this be it??? He couldn't get his head around this anymore... Sehun had been... his most precious,  cheriched, treasure, his...  

Everything about him was so.. beautiful... 

And all Tao'd ever wanted was to stay by his side, to take care of him, to be his support.. 

 

His parents moving away and taking him with them was one thing.. but this.. He'd done it himself, he'd flung it away himself.. 

 

 

He’d…. He’d give his life for that Sehun,  _his_ Sehun.. he’d do anything, he’d promised to always protect him.. and he’d  _end_ anyone who dared to even…

 

 

But in the end, the person who’d killed his Sehun had been Sehun himself.. who the fuck was he supposed to blame for that?? How the hell… how the hell could he take his retribution for that???

 

Every single fucking time he looked at him, it was like realising all over again, that  _his_ Sehun was dead. 

 

_How the fuck am i supposed to live with that?!? To know for certain that i'll never ever get to see my Sehun again.. or speak to him.. feel his hand in mine, and know he's depending on me.._

_It would have been better if he'd never come. I'd forgotten -  at least, i'd not remembered so well.. about my Sehun... If only he'd never shown up at school, i could've..._

 

But now... 

He couldn't just dismiss the New Sehun, either - ha, hadnt he tried?? After the Fight, in school.. they hadnt even spoken for one entire month... And it had been utter torture. Watching him stealthily all the time, longing, hoping, confused, bitter, and most of all, grieving.. 

And now - being around him like this.. everything.. just.. ached. 

 

Except when it blazed up, ripping through him in giant scything waves of fire, squeezing his heart so tight, it was a shock it didn't just burst.

Wiping his eyes, Tao stepped forward again, turning down the aisle of stuffed rabbits..  _Kicking and dribbling and passing to them.. the way he only used to do with me.._

_Even our set-plays!!_

_The ones we used to practice in the yard behind my house.. our special Tao &Sehun passes.. even those he… he’d so casually motioned Yu through the steps…_

 

_AARRGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

Stopping, finally having reached the shelves with jars of little glass bottles, their tops screwed shut with a variety of colourful cloths, and filled with strange, eerily floating… things..that seemed remarkably ghoulish, Tao looked about – having to wipe his eyes a couple of times to be able to see clearly, before..  _Ah.. that must be it, right?_ From the rows beside the pickles, right at the top – making him wonder, and not for the first time, how Yuki Nainai could’ve even gotten her goods up on the top shelves in the first place – a brass coloured curve peeping down.. Glancing about for something to stand on to reach it, Tao finally went back to where he’d seen the stool, only to find it was too wobbly to support his weight..

 

Sighing again, feeling particularly picked on by the whole universe, he grabbed a bucket instead, bringing it back over, turning it upside down to clamber on top.

 

And to add to his problems..

 

This Whatever-It-Was that was wrong him….

 

It had happened again when Sehun had slammed into him earlier – he’d..

 

Like his insides were freezing and burning at the same time?? Aah, it didn’t even make any sense in his head!!!!! It was the same as..

 

 

 His cousins had shown up ‘round  the beginning of the week – they were also on vacation, though it was the last week their schools were out, so they’d come as soon as they heard he was home.. Ivan and Cece and Mill, and Mark and Lin-Lin..  Introducing Sehun to them had been kinda awkward – it was easy to hide  _it –_ the Fight -  from their parents, but his cousins were all about their age, and…

Somehow they’d pulled it off – Sehun going into his super awesome heartthrob avatar had been dazzling enough that no one had really questioned anything he’d said..  But while it had been easy enough before to ignore Sehun all day long – except during meals, they were never even in the same room at the same time anyway, Tao had taken to haunting the living room, with the TV, or dragging along  a coupla comics, while Sehun had mostly stayed up in his bedroom - now they suddenly had to spend all day together – and even with the distraction of having 5 other people around constantly, it was still pretty tough..

Especially since – and Tao was starting to get pretty convinced about it – he was developing some sort of allergy to him.

_It had to be, right??_

_C’mon, if people could get allergies to cats or dogs or.. ya know, certain_ particular _types of plants and stuff, why not to a particular person??_

Coz – well, the more time he spent around Sehun, the more it had happened.. this strange, locking, tight sensation in his chest – it wasn’t just the sadness about the whole mess, or even wondering how it had all happened, or anger or nostalgia, or just the sheer hurt that kept making him long to just beg him to let them be friends again, he’d do  _anything_ , if they could just.. even if it was just like before the Fight, even that much – like when they’d been roommates.. even the chance to be able to  _look_ at him without having to look away right away, to be able to smile at him.. even the chance to be able to say normal, casual things to him like ‘hello’.. it seemed like an impossible request now.. but just that much would be enough for him…  – But  _this_ particular feeling was none of that, no, this was.. that same tenseness like outside just now..

His whole body feeling kinda.. pent up?.. and hot, and at the same time.. sweaty and kinda itchy??.. but also like he was… ice cold…

 

In fact, the closest he’d ever come to anything resembling this had been that time Mai –

 

_Eh_

 

_EHHHHHHHHH?????????!!!!!!!_

 

_Wtfwtfwtf!!!!!!!!!_

 

_Ah.._

_Ahahhaha.._

_I just.._

_Ehehe, wow, that was weird, I just thought of something really –_

 

ANYWAY, moving right on, [that was obviously like a.. brain fart..], it had been the same when they’d hung out – just the guys, [Cece and Lin-Lin had taken a room at the end of the hallway, leaving all the guys to share Tao’s], the night they’d stayed over.. with Ivan and Mark and Mill in addition to the two of them, it had been crowded, but promised to be oodles of fun – they’d stayed up playing a super grande round of video games, going from one disc to the next, adding up points and making up the most awful punishments as penalties.. Finally, tiring of it [and his mom’s fifth bout of scolding], they’d sat about on the futons, talking, pouring themselves juice into paper cups – it was just juice, but pretty soon, the atmosphere had gotten raucous again.. Mill had found a pack of cards – real ones – from somewhere, and being kinda iffy on the rules of anything else, they’d started playing Slapjack..

 

In the heat of the game, even if you were strictly not on speaking terms with someone, you couldn’t help slamming your hand down on top of theirs right?? After all, in the fraction of a second.. it was too late to stop yourself, right? You aim for the cards, but someone gets in first so you end up smacking their hand instead.. or  _you_  do, and they smack yours..

 

_Ten – ah.. Nine – oyy, did you even shuffle this properly, Mi- eight, seve –Jack!!! SLAPJACK!!!_

 

_Ah…_

 

Snatching his hand away immediately.. and looking everywhere but at Sehun… while deliberately letting his eyes sweep about just so he could..see..

 

 Something in Sehun’s averted gaze, the way he’d clenched his hand on top of his knee..

 

_It was almost like he could feel it too…. The sort of.. tingly… soft.. scorching…in the centre of his palm,  his heart beating in his throat…_

 

As the game progressed, it just kept getting weirder and weirder, till Tao was firmly losing, being swept utterly under the boards by his cousins who couldn’t believe their good luck – Tao was usually fast enough to make winning impossible while playing against him – but they didn’t know that he’d rather lose to them, than end up either slapping his hand down over Sehun’s.. or have him slam his… letting chance after chance pass him by just coz…

_Anyway, it was just weird that Sehun’s hand was so soft!!! It was almost as soft as when they had been kids – when it was basically in mine all the time, so I ought to know right??_

The feeling of … absolutely potent, primitive possessiveness everytime his hand grazed his – exaggerated beyond any reason by that small iota of difference in texture since Then and Now, the lengthening of their fingers, the increased roughness of his own, the slight, almost imperceptible tremble in Sehun’s if he didn’t lift his away in time –

 

Sehun was actually even better than him, faster at this – but somehow, both of them started missing obvious Jacks, even when one lay on top for a good couple of seconds..

 

Right about the point of no return, though, the conversation topic had switched from Mark’s super hot, well endowed History teacher, to the guys quizzing Sehun on his lovelife – even the boys had been impressed by his looks and charm, and they were clearly expecting big things..

 

 

_I knew already…_

 

 

_I knew already, Mai had told me ages ago, it was all over school anyway.._

 

_So why…_

 

He couldn’t explain it – the bolt of sheer, overpowering rage that poured through him, mingling seamlessly with that earlier.. almost..  _possessive_ feeling, so both just exploded inside him like some… wild animal! -  when, grinning sheepishly, Sehun had rubbed the back of his hair, winking at Ivan archly, before admitting to being with the head of the Cheer Club..

Immediately they’d all clamoured, turning to Tao to confirm how ‘smokin’ – or not – she was..

But Sehun had settled that debate quickly enough himself by whipping out his phone, swiping through to show them a pic that had all three of them whooping and pumping their fists in the air, reaching to bang Sehun over the back in congratulation, and high five him..

 

By the time the discussion had turned to how far he’d gone with her, Tao had made a miraculous comeback, almost lethal in his precision, coldly silent and super focused on the game, and not on any…thing.. else…  as he upped the speed of the turns without them even realising, firing through the pack and ending up winner – while in the grips of their stupid goofing around, no one realised he hadn’t spoken a single word the entire time..

 

Despite his win though, in the total tally [this was the sixth round they were playing], Sehun and he had still lost miserably – and suddenly, Tao found himself wishing he hadn’t been so conscious about having his hand smacked, coz..

They’d been playing for the sleeping arrangements.

 

Within moments, Ivan, crowing, had nosedived into his bed.. Mill and Mark had won individual futons of their own..

 

Which left..

 

Sehun and Tao..

 

 

Sharing a single one. 


	10. Chapter Ten - The Fairest of Them All

 

 

By next morning, he was completely over the line of ‘grumpiness’, he’d never been in such a foul mood in his life _ever_. For some reason [ _definitely allergies_ ], he’d been unable to sleep a wink, fixated on keeping his back to Sehun throughout and occupying a line as distant from his side of the futon as possible.. luckily they’d had their own covers.. but still, the sheer torture of having to not just _hear_ his breathing, but _feel_ it too – all night long, through the mattress..

 

The others had fallen asleep quickly enough, till he was the only one awake – and it was just fuckin annoying that he knew Sehun’s fuckin _breathing_ of all things well enough to know he was awake too..

They’d lain in perfect silence though, just like everyday since they’d arrived, neither of them breaking the cloud of spiralling frustration permanently settling over them with anything like _words_..

 

Yet…

 

Somewhere around an hour in, when his whole body had flushed with a tendril of a scent that had drifted to him – Sehun was so close, he could totally smell his shampoo – and it was _his,_ Tao’s shampoo – Tao had no idea why that made him feel totally… weird.. it was _obviously_ going to be his, they were sharing a room and bathroom and everything, he was totally gonna use his shampoo right, why was he even – But just the thought that hit him like a bolt of seriously electrifying lightning – _Sehun smells like me_ – had him suddenly clear his throat out loud.

Behind him, he could feel Sehun stiffen.

 

Without turning about, he suddenly growled – his voice low enough to not waken the others – ‘When’d you start going out with Eiri, anyway.’

He’d meant more like, ‘why’, but… somehow, he’d chickened out the moment he’d opened his mouth.

 

For a long moment, there was silence – and Tao could hear his heart thumping so loud – even though he knew the answer, it was so stupid, that hadn’t been at all what he’d wanted to ask anyway –

 

When –

 

 

‘When’d you start going out with the Queen.’

 

‘………………. Huuuuhhhhh!!???? Whats that gotta do with anything – more importantly, that’s none of your business!’

 

‘Ri-ight. And Eiri’s none of yours.’

 

 

And that had concluded their conversation.

 

Coz the sudden acute flaring up of that.. weird.. allergy… thing through Tao had him too afraid to open his mouth after that – he didn’t know _what_ he’d do, the fucking urge to just… _grab_ him, and _show_ him – _show him exactly whose business – fucking – thinks he can_ – _MINE!! I’ll show him – he’s!! how dare -_ the incoherent thoughts had whirled about his head – they didn’t matter, they were totally inconsequential, though, compared with the thudding of his heart – no longer nervous, or apprehensive, but utterly strong and sure battledrums – the blood rushing through him, even in the darkness, painting the insides of his eyelids bright, noonday red – _grabhim grabhim grabhim and show him_ – He hadn’t even wanted to think about _what_ exactly it meant by ‘show him’  -he’d shied away from it, just biting down on his lip, and trying to force his breathing to calm down – the sweat trickling down his spine…

Sehun’s smell  of _his_ smell – getting stronger and stronger..

 

 

By the time he’d calmed down sufficiently enough to examine his surroundings – still without turning around, of course, Sehun was fast asleep.

 

 

 

He totally had a right to be fucking pissed about it, right!??? A. this was his best friend, who, by now, he was definitely certain he cared for as much – if not more – than any other damn human on the planet; B. After being wrenched apart, thinking he’d never see him again, while unconsciously missing him for ten whole years, he’d actually met him again – only both of them were so different, [ _huh, actually it was just_ him _!!]_ it was impossible to have even one easy, proper conversation, without falling into an awkward silence in short order, which quickly got super distressing – not to mention B(ii) The aforementioned changes in the idiot were _just so goddamn FUCKIN ANNOYING!!!_ All of it!!!!! Absolutely.. just… well, he couldn’t _stand_ them okay!?? It made him so _mad_ just to think about!!!!!!  The end of his best friend – and the reason for it was this idiot here now, and it was just.. intolerable!!! Which brought him to C. they had had a bitter fight about God only knows what, and things had been said that totally should not have – resulting in the idiot packing up and leaving – _when they’d actually managed to luck out enough to get a fucking ROOM TOGETHER!!_  - and he – well, prob him too, right? – so.. ‘they’, they had been so mad they hadn’t even spoken to each other for a whole month, till, D. due to various unavoidable circumstances, they had ended up coming home together for the hols, putting them in close proximity – and now even more so than in school, even when they’d been roommates, coz they’d always had other friends, and stuff to do; now they were perpetually forced into close contact right smack in the very surroundings they’d been friends in, in the beginning.. while E. all the time, their pride.. and the looming fear of rejection.. and the left-over anger and resentment forced them to keep up their Fight, refusing to speak to each other or _anything_  - and right then, in this worst-of all situations, he’d actually F. Ended up with some sort of weird allergy to him!!

 

Also, his fucking taste in girls _sucked_!!!!!!!!!! Like that Eiri!??? She was such a TOTAL cow!!! Sure she was hot, but everyone knew what _that_ meant! Ha! There were _plenty_ of rumours about her!! Also, who the fuck said she was hot, she was fuckin ugly. And she had, like, the worst fuckin personality in all creation. In short – ARRGHH!!!

 

Riled up as he’d been, it had been the worst possible time for Mark, who’d woken up early as usual and come downstairs with him for breakfast when Tao had finally given up any attempt to fall asleep, to jostle his shoulder and confide in a sympathetic whisper how sad it was that Sehun was dating someone after all, coz Cece had gotten the _biggest_ crush on him, and had even asked him for his mail and number already. Tao had been just about ready to _finish_ someone – but he’d kept his cool, he’d gotten through breakfast like normal, hung around with Mark till the others woke up and ate, and quietly, inconspicuously, dragged Cece off to give her a proper talking too – but _man_ , had she been stubborn!! But he’d managed it – he’d had to go through a lot of babble to try and make her understand she should just stay the fuck away, which was super annoying, coz really all he’d wanted to say was  - Don’t you dare fuckin go anywhere near him or I’ll kill you – which he obviously couldn’t coz then he’ll have to explain all about why he hated him.. and stuff… and.. anyway, in the end, he’d had to make up a whole lot of random shit, fallen back on the rubbish he’d said during the Fight, but played it up till he’d managed to convince her – honestly, he’d had to make Sehun out to be some sort of serial killer ‘fore she was satisfied!! But by the time they’d left, he’d been thoroughly satisfied that she had no more inclination to .. get into anything… With Sehun, so~~ Yehet!, as the idiot would say~~

 

Tao grasped the cold metal right where it curved, tugging it down  - now that he looked at it, it was some sort of plate, with the metal woven into a holey pattern forming the base..

_Huh??_

 

_Oh..that’s right.. she wanted it for steaming…._

 

Pulling himself down, off the bucket, he grasped its handle in his free hand, going back to deposit it carefully in its original slot, before heading back down the store, following the deep intonations of the New-Sehun voice like it was a lodestone.

 

He had _no_ clue why he was so hell bent on not letting them get together, Cece and Sehun – just that the mere thought of it made him feel _so_ incredibly mad.. ‘imposed upon’ wasn’t quite the right term.. but like someone had dared to manhandle something that belonged to him? …though that wasn’t exactly right, either, coz he was pretty free with his things, he really didn't mind people borrowing them or anything.. and anyway, that whole analogy made no sense in this situation, right? It’s just… well, he just didn’t like it, okay! That’s all. And the successful completion of his ‘mission’ had made him so super happy – fluffy and absotively pleased with himself, [despite the tinge of guilt about making up such preposterous shit about Sehun, which he was able to push aside, certain he’d never come to know about it …and besides, it had been _so_ obviously fake, no one but a total retard like his cousin would've believed a word of it!!Ah.. that’s right, ne? Even if Sehun found out about it, he’d definitely get that it was a load of crap.. he could totally imagine him laughing his head off if he heard - not that he cared what that idiot would’ve thought or anything, of course!] that he’d actually gone about the house humming and singing all day – his sense of utter wellbeing made even stronger by the thought that his cousins were leaving [even though he usually enjoyed having them around], and at least for the remaining three weeks, he wasn’t gonna have any more unwanted visitors, it would just be…ya know.. the current inhabitants of the house [Not that he was particularly thinking about Sehun or being alone with Sehun, or not having any more interruptions or….. anything along those lines, you understand – just… it had been too crowded, okay! Plus, thinking like that would be silly, anyway, coz rationally, he’d actually had more contact with him when the others were here..][not that it mattered.][at all.]

 

Grinning as he remembered how good that had felt, like somehow.. reclaiming his kingdom, Tao turned the corner at the bottled salad oils [Another Yuki Nainai special, she didn't hold any truck with the new-fangled ‘food manufacturing’ thing, convinced it was all full of ‘dangerouspoison’] to arrive at the front of the shop, wincing slightly even in the watered down sunlight that spilled in through the doorway – the inside of the shop had been so dark and murky, it took his eyes a moment to adjust..  Sehun was seated at the little table that stood to one side, while Yuki Nainai’s voice echoed from somewhere behind the paper screen that stood opposite, leading to her kitchen… his skin seemed to glow in front of Tao’s dilated pupils, smooth and white and fleshy, like a slab of pure milk chocolate, melted and poured all over his body.. The little start when he heard Tao come up, the widening of his eyes when he turned to look at him, their naturally wet sparkle intoxicating..

 

 

 Maybe he should have a ‘talk’ with Eiri too.

 

 

_Maybe even with Lu Han and the others~~_

 

 

Forcing down the weird allergy uprising– _it was probably the heat.. I mean, this sort of thing.. like.. the beast of summer..or..something, right, even though its spring its hot enough now_  Tao gruffly slid onto the low bench that abutted the table, beside Sehun, who looked away as he sat down, suddenly really interested in the series of scratches on the table top.

‘Ah..’

‘…what?’

‘ I.. asked for a mango-passion fruit juice for you.. if that’s okay…’

Tao kept his eyes fixed on the screen, from behind which Yuki Nainai was still going on in a monologue about some truckers who’d driven through the street that morning, her words razor sharp, and surprisingly scathing for someone her age…

_Yuki Nainai’s passion fruit juice, huh…. My favourite…_

He glanced over at the bent head beside him from the corner of his eyes. ‘..Yeah…. anyway, I bet you’re having choco bubble tea, right.’

‘…Eh???’ Sehun snapped up to look at him in surprise – catching Tao’s side glance – which widened at the contact, before both of them blushed and looked away ‘…urm… yeah..’

 

It felt like a victory – over what, he didn’t know, only that the feeling of triumph was heady – this close, he could see the colour rise on Sehun’s cheeks, the trembling of his lashes as he kept his gaze turned away from him – surely it was because he hated this Sehun so much, it felt soo good to score one on him!! Suddenly he really wanted to push him more, to peel away at this stupid crap he’d buried himself in, till he was….. Leaning against the table, Tao pushed his elbows apart, territorially taking up all the space, that thudding in his heart that screamed _showhim!!_ back in full force – but before he could get into it, Yuki Nainai stomped back in, bearing a tray with two glasses, garrulously demanding to know why they were just sitting there – making both of them jump up, Tao to take the tray, and Sehun to pull up the cushioned rocker for her…

 

But the feeling persisted – as they walked out of the store, Tao swinging the plate that Yuki Nainai had wrapped up in old newspaper and tied with cord, he couldn’t help darting secret glances at Sehun – it was pretty difficult given his tendency to walk slightly behind him..

Yet that was the same it had always been right?

Even though his little hand in his was missing –and considering that disastrous game, it was probably better this way now – but the way he walked… his glances sometimes, or the way he licked his lips, his faint lisp – especially given the way he looked now!! Was this why he was feeling so weird around him lately? Like.. even New-Sehun.. had this streak of old-Sehun – _his_ Sehun – that just… Tao glanced back again – that blond colour had pretty much all washed out and his hair was back to being black – that midnight black that looked so surreally beautiful against his skin..

_Ah!! That’s right.._

_It had been in kindergarten – one of those days that had been filled with golden warmth, and sweet excitement – it was like everyday was the day before the circus, or a trip, or a vacation, he spent all his time happily swimming in anticipation – coz as soon as it became 3, he could leave, he’d be home in minutes, and Sehun would be waiting, and he could play with Sehun!! In a little while, in a little while, in a little while… Of course it was difficult to pay attention to Teacher at a time like that, right? That particular day, they were planning to go hunting in the woods – Sehun said there were Land-Corcodils and if you catch them and skin them, you would get lots of money!! Imagine all the candy he could buy for a Land-Corcodil skin!! And that new watergun in the toystore!! And he’d get Sehun so much chocolate!!!! Besides, it was the girls’ turn to pick the book for Story time; as they all sat on the floor about Teacher’s chair, she’d read to them, showing them the pictures – and who wanted to hear a stupid story like Snow White!!! But suddenly, he_ had _started paying attention – when the Queen pricked her finger and a drop of blood fell on the snow, she said ‘Ah, to have a child with skin as white as snow, and hair as black as ebony, and lips as red as my blood’…  - He’d thought that sounded pretty familiar, and by the time Teacher had come to the magic mirror, he was convinced about it – he’d told Sehun the story that evening [though it had gotten rather mixed up, he was positive Snow White had eaten a deer’s heart, turned into a dwarf, but a magic apple had cured her, before she’d died and come back like the Zombies in that movie they’d watched that they’d been banned from, but Sehun’s parents had gone out that night, and….] and when they went to Sehun’s house for dinner, they’d both kept demanding his mom show them the magic mirror, they were worried Sehun was going to turn into a Zombie…_

 

Unconsciously, Tao glanced backwards again, grinning – he was so lost in his memories, his gaze pointed downwards  though, at Sehun’s _feet_ – just like he had three times already, without realising, laughing internally at his childhood self who’d found nothing amiss in thinking Sehun was literally a fairytale character…

 

 

‘..I _can_ tie my own shoelaces now, you know!!’

 

‘..huh!??’ Totally flummoxed, Tao snapped up – to look right in Sehun’s glowering eyes  – his snow white face was pretty red..for..some reason..

 

‘… You don’t have to keep checking!! I’m not five anymore, I _can_ tie my own shoelaces!! Besides, I’m wearing flip flops!!’ His hands fisting at his sides, Sehun snapped the words at the tree by the wayside, not looking at Tao – his face turning redder..

 

‘..Ah!!’ Crimson flooding his cheeks too, Tao quickly spun around – _shitshit he’d –_ growling angrily, totally frustrated at himself – _fucckit, he’d meant to pick at Sehun, not..!!! – Ah, damn, that’s right, I used to keep doing that _–

 

_Sehun was still learning to tie his shoes [he could get till ‘the rabbit went around the tree’, but he had problems with ‘into the burrow’] and he kept insisting on wearing ones with laces coz Tao did. Mrs Chuo had told them that you can trip over your undone shoelace, and fall down and crack your skull open – the boys didn’t really know what it meant, they pictured it like an egg, their brains pouring out like round, bright yellow yolks…. but they were definitely certain they didn’t want that to happen, so Tao [who had developed a very staunch, haunting dread of Sehun’s brains pouring out on the asphalt – he even had nightmares about it sometimes] would keep checking – and everytime Sehun’s laces were undone, he’d kneel down, and Sehun would put his foot on his thigh so he could tie it for him…_

 

It was just a habit.. and.. he’d really been thinking about his old classroom, and Teacher – he didn’t remember her face, just the long flouncy bottom of her floor-length skirt.. and the picture book… and…

 

Suddenly, totally randomly and out of nowhere, an image flashed into his head – Mai…. It always got to him when she did that, place her foot on his thigh while she pulled on her socks or stockings or fastened her shoes….

_..eh?  But…  That’s…._

But even before he could dwell on it, the current situation bounded back in – and with it, his embarrassment

 

_SHITshitshit, what a stupid mess up!!! Get a grip, Huang Zitao, how can you be so amazingly stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Aargh!!!_

 

‘..Anyway, it’s so hot!! Can’t we just go back now?!’

 

‘Ah..’ Tao stopped short, his mind whirring – Sehun had a point, they had already gone about the town or whatever, Mom can’t have anything to complain about now..

 

But..

 

_NO!! If we go back now, it’s like I lost!!!!_

_Something.._

_There has to be something…._

 

‘Ah!!’

 

‘…. Eh?’

 

Tao spun about, rounding on Sehun with a grin  - his expression one of pure gladness – and one that had been hidden from being directed at Sehun for so long, the sight simply took his breath away for a moment - ‘There's one more place we have to go.’

 

Chills running up and down his body, while a concentrated _hunger_ squeezed his insides painfully, Sehun found he’d to swallow a couple of times before he could retrieve his voice ‘….Huh..??? No way!!! It’s too hot to be-‘

 

 

‘Oh, this will totally take care of the heat~’

 


	11. Chapter Eleven - Me Tarzan, You Jane

‘……….’ Huffing in annoyance at Tao’s airy dismissal of his protests [and at the butterflies that were still rioting drunkenly in his stomach], slapping his shirt against his stomach to try to create some airflow, when every stitch felt unbearably irksome on his skin, Sehun growled at the tree uselessly, before following Tao down the street perpendicular to Yuki Nainai’s [the thought of  _not_ doing so never having crossed his mind]..

Down to the turning, right beside the trendy coffee shop, that once used to be the barber’s..

Then two across…

The pathway getting narrower and narrower, till, at a big tree with cascading red flowers, Tao turned off the road onto a little un-tarred path.

 

They walked in silence down the trail, the trees rising up on either side, the grass waving at the borders – sometimes a vine lying flat over the ground ran across the path, and sometimes leaves hung so low, they had to bend to get under them.. the light was filtered here, the shadows dappled and cool – well, at least cooler than the road – though the smell of the roots and dirt and flowers was almost overpowering in the stagnant air.. sometimes a rustle would sound in the grass barely feet from them, and Tao would freeze – Sehun too, but he could  _see_  the untrammelled fear in Tao’s shoulders..  _honestly, where the hell…._  – but he’d just keep going, and sighing, Sehun would follow.. the path had become nothing more than a rabbit track now, the wild bushes laden with multitudes of tiny white flowers encroaching upon it from every side, their leaves darkest green..

Once or twice, he opened his mouth, working up to asking him exactly where the hell they were going – but well…  and anyway, there was this itch in the back of his mind – like he  _ought_ to know – a random tree, or the way the path curved in the distance looked so familiar, it was on the tip of his tongue – but when they got to the curve, the spreading vista in front of them was just more woods, and it would slip away –

 

Until suddenly, a sound reached him – growing louder as they walked, gushing, sprinkling, pattering, swilling..

 

And Tao came to a stop, before smirking down at him with a sidelong glance, totally full of himself as he waved across the –

 

 _‘No way!!!_ ’

 

Stepping around him Sehun looked down – they were at the top of a sort of miniature cliff, an overhang that ran in a semicircle – to their right, the earth-face had been cut away by a tumbling fall of water – too narrow and diminutive to be called a waterfall, but which still managed to send a spray up right to where they were standing – fresh and almost icy cold, delicious shards that popped and burst against his skin – before forming a little stream that gushed its way along towards the inner reaches of the woods –

 

‘No…way…’

 

 

They used to come here all the time – it had been their absolute number one  _favourite_  place during the summer, though they still made full use of it at every other season, their super secret place that no one else knew about – the other kids all just went to the beach, or deeper into the woods, were this little stream joined another to form a wide, calm one, with big flat rocks to play on and dive from – but this was  _their_  spot, and they loved it, preferring it to all the conveniences of the other..  the water, the spray, the smell of the earth around that was bedewed with the damp..the sparkling of the sunlight on the water, sharply blinding, so you had to squint to look at it, and the trees that leaned down as if trying to graze their branches against its surface – it was all the same!!

Sehun peered down – ah – it was still there, the little path that wound down to the water’s edge – but as he leant, under his feet a couple of stones dislodged themselves, tumbling down – their descent marked by rocky cracking sounds as they were chipped away.. Gasping, he moved back quickly, almost the same instant that Tao’s hand closed protectively about his arm – but Sehun didn’t even realise, didn't even think about that – it was too natural at this moment anyway – only spinning to look for –

‘Ah!!’

 _It_  was still there too – the tree with the big hollow in its trunk, right at the edge of the cliff, just a few paces beside him – they’d put their clothes there to keep them dry –

 

‘Its.. it’s all just the same!!!’ Gasping, he turned to look up at Tao –

 

Who was grinning still, his smirk swelling even wider at the sight of Sehun’s face, wreathed in a ear-splitting beam, his cheeks red with excitement.

‘…Well..’ He chuckled, reaching to peer down like Sehun had, to try and see the path – his hand still firmly about Sehun’s arm, his body pressing against his as he looked around him – ‘To be honest, I haven’t been here in years.. I was wondering how it would be..’ As more little stones tumbled down, though, he stepped back, pulling Sehun with him ‘I guess..it’s not safe to try and climb down, now, though..’

 

‘..Eehhh…’

 

 

For a while the boys stood there, looking down at the water, enjoying the bursts of wind that would direct the spray towards them..

Remembering  all the fun they used to have here..

 

Till at last, sighing, they turned to leave – somehow.. suddenly.. feeling almost like  _friends_ …

 

 

 

They turned back from the water at the same time – so they both saw it simultaneously  - the long vine dangling from the overhanging branch of the Clothes Tree, which had been looped over a spur in its bark, just about at their waist level.

‘No way!!’

‘ _Wow_!!!’

‘ _No way!!!’_

Stepping up, Tao carefully loosened it – both of them realising how tiny they’d been the last time they’d been here – they’d had to stand on their toes to place the vine there..

For a long moment, Tao stared blankly at the thick green rope in his hands – then suddenly looked up at Sehun, a gleam in his eyes –

 

 

‘Ohh no. No, no, no, no, no. No.’ Waving both his hands, Sehun stepped back, shaking his head firmly.

 

 

 _That had been their game – they’d grab hold of the vine, and swing off – across the water, right into the cloud of spray that rose into the air above where the fall hit bottom – and then back, their feet scrabbling on the ground as they landed back where they’d started – Tao had invented it, after his Wushu Teacher had taught him to climb up the knotted rope during practice, and told him to keep practicing to improve his arm strength. When they’d found the vine hanging from the tree, he thought he could try to climb it ­ - only it had swung out right over the water before he was even a quarter of the way up!!    Sehun had nearly had a panic attack and_ died _, almost falling off the overhang as he yelled Tao’s name till it seemed his lungs would fall out of his throat, too frightened even for tears -  but surprisingly, Tao had kept his head, swinging his body back and forth till he’d managed to swing all the way back – drenched in little droplets and squealing in glee, insisting Sehun just_ had _to try it too. Determined to risk his life if Tao was, Sehun had clung on too, placing his little hands between Tao’s and they’d jumped off - and it had quickly become one of their favourite games, they’d swing back and forth a gazillion times an evening, and before going home every night, they’d carefully loop the vine on the hook-like spur on the tree, so they could reach it the next day…_

 _‘No._ no, no, no, no – ‘

‘Ehehe~’ Tao smirked him, his eyebrows arching as he looked him over with just that hint of disdain that had Sehun’s blood boiling. ‘Scared?’

‘……………………….

…………….. ………….

….

 

 Give it here!’   

 

Grinning properly now, though his eyes were still narrowed teasingly, Tao held out the vine, letting Sehun place his hands between his like they used to, and they both walked to the edge, Sehun filled with determination –  _I’ll show him, ha, he thinks I’ll back down, huh, just so he can laugh at me – I’m sure he’s the ones whose actually scared, ha!_  -

 

Curling his feet against the edge, Sehun glanced down – suddenly the water looked a long way away, the roar of the falls resounding through his bones –

 

‘You can still back out, ya know~’

 

‘Ha!??’ That drawl did it – snapping to look at Tao, Sehun glared at him, rocking his body back – ‘No way, let’s do this!!’ – While the idiot beside him did the same – and as one, the boys jumped off.

 

 

 

The air cut through him, slamming into him in an icy, misty gust making him gasp –  _it felt so good –_ Tao’s weight beside him, the heat from his body like a reassuring cornerstone – his voice bursting out in a whoop! as they swung all the way to the Falls in an instant, light and weightless, flying through the air, the cloud of droplets spraying into them, taking his breath away, so cold and sharp and perfect – but already the tension in the vine tightened, in the time it took him to gasp, they had reached the end of the tether, and they were swinging back –

 

When –

 

_That Sound…_

 

_??_

 

Suddenly, the air rushed at him, the roar of the water swelling impossibly loud –  _what –_  he opened his mouth to scream, but the breath slammed out of his body, like a blow from a giant hand,  -  _NO!! -_ the bottom dropping completely out of his stomach –  _falling!! -_ the sky flashed in front of his eyes –  _wha_  – and the next moment, he hit the water, the force of his impact striking a painfully sharp wallop over his back, before the stream closed above him – murky, dark, the air -   _air!!!!!!!!!_   - he couldn’t breathe!!! – he’d not even taken a breath – the light dimmed as the water churned – in less than half a second, he couldn’t see –  _breathe!!!!!!!_  – Fear lancetting through him –

 

_no –_

 

‘SEHUN!!!’

 

_Air!!!!!!!!_

 

 

‘ _SEHUN!!’_

 _‘_  SIT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

 

……

 

Huh….

 

The voice echoed through the water weirdly broken in ripples – but obediently, with a Swoorsh! As the water reluctantly let go of him, Sehun sat up –

 

Gasping and spluttering and panting, drawing in great lungfuls, coughing – wiping his eyes, granules of mud on his face – looking up –

 

To realise the water didn’t even come up to his knees.

 

Blearily he looked over at Tao – he’d landed right in front of him, drenched from head to toe in dirty, muddy water, a twig sticking up from the top of his head, a leaf on his eyebrow, the water dripping off his chin, and the tip of his nose, and his ears..

And the poor remnant of the vine still clutched in his hand.

 

For a long moment the boys just looked at each other..

 

Then at the vine…

 

And the next, they burst out laughing – not the smirky grins, the sidelong smiles, the excited gasps, the stifled laughter outside the store when they’d run into Mrs Chuo – no, none of these, but full throated, chest rumbling, stomach clenching, side splitting guffaws,  -  _BUWAAHHHHAAAAHHHAAA!!!!!!! HAHAHHAAA HAHAHHA HHHAAAAAAAA -_ Sehun clapping his hands helplessly, his legs drawing up to his chest as he rolled in the water, Tao banging his fist against the bottom of the stream, clutching at themselves, and each other as they laughed and laughed and laughed, -  _ohhgodican’t –ohhbraaawaahhhaaa – and it went – HHAAAAAAAAHHHAAAAAAAA – stop mystomach – AHHHAHHHRRAAALLLA – CRWUSSH – BWAHHAAA – Leaf, leaf – AHHHAAAAAHHAHAHAHA -_  tears streaming down their faces to join the rest of the deluge..  –  _stop, ah ah ha.. fuck.. my stomach – haha.. hahaha.. ehehe… -_ Everytime they gasped for breath, their roars and hoots and peals quietening – they’d catch the other’s eye, and they’d burst out again, the mirth flooding through them -

 

At last, still wheezing and racked with sobs of laughter, they dragged themselves out of the water – Tao grabbing Sehun’s collar and yanking him up when a fresh peal had him flopping backwards again, tossing him stomach-first onto the ground beside the stream, before collapsing down himself –

 

‘….Aahhhhhhh… fuck, my stomach stil – ahhahha – hurts!!’

‘… ah ah.. ah.. you fatso.. you actually brought it -  ahahhhaaa – down… ‘

‘..Haa!??’ They were both so out of breath, they could only gasp the words, like a couple of dying fish – ‘ME!?? That’s.. pretty rich.. coming from Mr Muscular China, I bet… you ..weigh.. more..’

‘..not as much… as you…’

‘..Ohhyeah!?? Which.. part of me.. is even – ‘

Rolling over with the teasing gleam in his eyes shining above his wheezes, Tao poked a shaking finger right into Sehun’s butt – making him squeal, and turn about himself, protectively curling into a ball as he poked Tao back in revenge –

 

Setting them both off again, their laughter echoing wildly through the trees, as they attacked each other in pokes that quickly became tickles…

 

 

 

 

 

 

The silence poured in, like the moonlight, shimmering almost magically across the floor, undulating as the constant little breeze tangoed with the curtains…. Tao lay on his side, his back to Sehun, as usual listening to his breathing – he was awake, he knew, just like him..

After that..

Coming back, after falling into the river – they’d squeezed as much water out of their clothes as they could, picking off bits of debris that clung to each other.. it was too much trouble to wait to dry completely, they’d just go home, they’d decided, so they’d set off to walk back through the trees - they hadn’t been able to climb  _up_ their old path from the water, either – the stones were indeed too loose.. so instead they’d had to walk downstream for a bit and then climb up from there…  Suddenly, the space between them had shrunk so much, it was.. crazy… Everytime he started at a rustle, Sehun would laugh and slap him over the back, saying ‘ it’s just a rabbit’..  and it was just so natural to hold up the little branches that overhung the path, so Sehun could walk through, or to reach for his hand when they had to climb up the little hillock [].. and not to let go for a while.. it had felt so much like old times, it had been almost paralyzingly painful – or would have been, if he hadn’t been so thoroughly  _happy_  -

It was exactly the same again!!!

 

 

No..

 

No, that wasn’t right.

The Sehun’s hand he’d held.. it wasn’t the same.. this Sehun was stronger, he didn’t lean on Tao as much when they walked, instead pulling  _his_ weight into himself at times, like…. his hand was bigger too, this Sehun’s hand was pretty much the same size as his.. his stride wider, and his grip not as tight…

It was different.

But..

 

Oddly..

 

Inexplicably..

 

It had felt the same.

 

Even though his hand  _itself_ was different.. it had.. felt the same.   _Like this New Sehun..was actually HIS Sehun._

He’d felt, right upto the very bottom of his heart – the first faint stirrings of  **recognition** , the sheer, immeasurable joy, the pride…

The sense of everything in the world suddenly starting to – starting to be about to -  fall into absolute perfect place..

 

Just a little bit.. like a slow, deep rumbling just beginning up, a slight little idea had blossomed somewhere about the roots of his heart – that maybe..  _maybe -_ it was only superficial things that had changed. Like this was just his Sehun trying on something new – it didn't change the fact that a bare layer under, it was still  _his_ Sehun…

And suddenly, it had felt absolutely thrilling – to get to know this Sehun – the new parts, he wanted them – he  _wanted_ them, to know so thoroughly, just like he’d known the old bits.. and he wanted to find the old familiar parts too, he could feel them pulsing just under the skin of the hand in his – he wanted to dig them out,  he wanted to see them more, see them together, he wanted to find out for himself, see every last bit, taste it and smell it and feel it –  _everything, old and new!!_  – every single iota of this boy..

And the way Sehun smiled up at him every now and then, his eyes almost closing shut, the way his hand trembled in his – it was like he was encouraging him to

 

 

Mom had had a shock when they walked in, though – they were still soaking wet, and mud and grass and leaves and various other wood debris had added their favours on top; he couldn’t imagine how they must’ve looked, traipsing into her pristine living room – she’d shrieked – literally shrieked – pausing a moment to make sure they weren’t hurt or anything, before chasing them upstairs – they’d been laughing as they burst into Tao’s room, both of them pulling off their shirts even as they passed the door –

 

When they’d stopped.

 

For a second – a split second, they’d looked at each other – then they’d quickly slammed their clothes back on, Tao hastily telling Sehun he could shower first, before he hurtled out of the room, back downstairs, ignoring his mom’s genuine puzzlement as to why they didn’t just get in together, they were both guys….

 

And that had been that.

 

The silence had fallen between them once again – after Sehun came back down, freshly washed, in clean, soft pyjamas, wrapped in the scents of Tao’s shampoo and bath salts… After Tao went to bathe and came back too, just in time to dig into the spiced fish his mom had made… While eating dinner... afterwards when they’d hung about his room, Sehun listening to music and dancing, while he flipped through a martial arts mag.. and when they’d gone to bed..

The distance creeping back, like a deadly poisonous viper, crawling between them..

As the evening ticked by, each second hammered a crack into their new-found closeness.. and he was helpless, he couldn’t..

_Fuckkit!!_

 

_FuckfuckfuckFUCK!!!!_

 

He couldn’t do anything.. just watch..

When he was… so…

Sehun – Sehun was  _his_  –

 

He couldn’t do anything as they went right back to being complete strangers, the afterimages of their hatred and anger seeming to rear its head again, filing the room, so there was no place for anything else..

 

Shit.

He  _hated this!!!_ He wanted – somehow..  _somehow_  there had to be a way..

The taste he’d gotten – it made everything so so so SO much worse….  he’d thought his pain earlier was bad, but it was  _nothing_ compared to now.. now that he’d actually experienced what  _could_  be, he..

Fuckkit _Please_ …

 

He could feel the tears prickling his eyes as he lay there – he couldn’t cry, Sehun would know..

He couldn’t cry, he  _had_ to force them back –  Suddenly he remembered that moment.. back when they’d met for the very first time, the way Sehun had… pulled his tears away..

_Shit he.. he’s so strong.._

 

_Even today.. even though he was kinda scared of jumping, he wouldn’t back down.._

A chuckle rose in his throat as he remembered the look of determination in his eyes…  _aah, I always thought so, didn't I? He’s the brave one between us…_

 

 

_He’s always been so incredible._

 

The sob almost burst out of him – almost, he had to turn it into something like a cough, hoping Sehun hadn’t realised – a tear rolling past his best defences, try as he might to bite it down he couldn’t stop it, as it rolled over his cheek.. down to the corner of his lips… - 

 

 

_Hu!!!!!!!!_

 

 Suddenly Tao froze – his heart stopping short in his chest, his lungs seizing, his whole body stiffening –

 

 

As a hand pressed softly against his back, between his shoulder blades.

 

_………????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

 

_?!!!!!??_

 

 

‘..Tao..’

 

Hesitant.. whisper.. Sehun..  _Sehun_  –

 

 

Slowly, carefully, Tao, remaining as he was, on his side, with his back to Sehun who had just –

 

Carefully –

‘…Yeah?’  he replied, keeping his voice steady, casual..

 

Slowly, the hand moved away.. the rustle as Sehun turned to lie on his back … a soft sigh – no, more like a little breath woven into a snowflake..

 

 

‘I.. .I had fun today…….

             ……………

                     ………….    Thank you.’

 

 


	12. Chapter Twelve - Full Moon

 

‘……...................’ Tao turned about too – onto his back, to look up at the ceiling, at the globe surrounding the lamp, glowing in the moonlight… the sheer white curtains fluttering.. the night cool and gentle, the covers envelopingly comfortable.. The sobs locked in his throat, the vice of pain around his heart – it all seemed to blow away, to be exorcised by his voice, as he whispered ‘Me…too….’

 

And suddenly, just like that they were talking –chattering at each other, teasing, interrupting, mock-scolding, and.. above all – laughing.

‘Omgg, and it just _ripped_!!’ ‘I had _no_ idea what happened okay, I thought I was-‘’Bwwwahhhaaahhaaa you idiot, you were like _drowning_  - in a couple inches of water – bwaahhaa – ‘ ‘Excuse me, at least _I_ wasn’t the one who walked for half an hour before realising there was a tadpole in his pants – ‘ ‘……………………..…..’’Haaahhbwahaha’ ‘Don’t laugh!!!! omg – it was so weird – I kinda thought there was something there – ‘’hahahhrrhaha _something there!??!?_ There was a cold, slimy, wriggling _animal_ in your pants and you kinda thought – ‘ ‘well..well, normally you don’t expect there to be anything, so..’ ‘AAHHAAAA shouldn’t you have realised all the sooner then!?? And then you got so scared – bwahahhaa’ ’ _shut up!!!_ I am soo not scared of _tadpoles_!! Unlike someone who is still crying ‘werewolf’ at this age~~ ’’Oyyyy!!!!!!!!! I swear- did you see it _jump_??? I swear to fuck, that’s – ‘ ‘I cannot believe you have a problem with Mr Friskums – ‘ ‘Ewwwww that name-‘ ‘when his _owner_ – ‘ ‘………. BWAAAAAHHAAA!!!!! _I’M_ not her darling little ickle bawby snnokums, oh you cruel cruel boy, how could you just _abandon_ me.. you have no time-‘ ‘shuttup!!’ ‘After everything.. you just dumped this old woman –  you don’t even come and visit me, you used to love me so much, my liwwle preciouws baby Tao-  ‘ ‘Hahha-akjhakjslhaha shuttup!!’ ‘When you were young – oy… ‘ Sehun suddenly interrupted his squiggly-arm-waving, breathy-high-pitched-voiced melodramatic-speech-meant-to-sound-like-Mrs.Chuo to turn utterly serious – sitting up to look straight at Tao, making him stop too – deadly….   _serious_ – ‘Huang Zitao… ‘’..er.. yeah?’ ‘what the hell _did_ you do when you were younger to get her so hooked??’ ‘………You _idiot!!’_ Both of them almost yelling with laughter, Tao grabbed Sehun, pretending to strangle him as he wrestled him into the sheets – their bodies –their faces pressed together, kicking and squealing and strangely thrilled –

Panting, Sehun finally managed to push him off, both of them still laughing – ‘But seriously, I’m not even kidding, I’m sure it’s a werewolf.’ ‘Ohh come off it, there's no such thing!’ ‘…Yeah!! That’s exactly what every idiot in a horror movie says – you know, the one who _dies_ first!  Don’t you remember – ‘ The next moment Tao clapped his hands over his ears, going ‘Nanananannananaaa’ – so he wouldn’t have to hear [recapping anything that happened in a horror movie was almost as bad as watching it in the first place, k]– making Sehun snort helplessly as he tugged at his wrists, trying to pull his hands away – ‘Okay, okay, but listen, that’s what everybody thinks – that it’s impossible – _right till it’s too late_.’

 

For a moment Tao looked at him with widened eyes – he…really _did_ have a fear of.. horror movies.. and monsters.. and ghostly stuff that made it difficult to totally disregard Sehun’s.. besides.. Sehun was super smart, he always knew best about these sort of things..and now he sounded so earnestly sure!!

 

                                 For Tao who’d always blindly believed everything he used to say, just that it came from him was sufficient reason to consider pretty much anything gospel…  

 

‘Ahhahhaha, _get out_! There's no way~~’ Laughing nervously, he stared at Sehun with hopeful eyes, hoping he’d back down – ‘It’s just _fantasy_ , there's no such thing in real life!!’ ‘Oh yeah?? Then tell me how it can be this active at this age-  first of all, how is It even alive?? Normal Dogs have a lifespan of like.. fourteen or so years, right? Well, something like that…so. How. The. Hell. is it still a puppy???’ ‘….erm..’ ‘And secondly, didn’t you see it move??Did that _look_ normal to you???’

 

‘But…’

 

Suddenly – as if to punctuate Sehun’s determined, fierce eyes, a howl rose up – splitting the night, cleaving the moonlight as it echoed through the town in eerie, frigid tones – the scale rising higher and higher, the pitch sending goosebumps up and down Tao’s skin.

 

‘AH!!’  ‘ _There_!!!!’

 

_That was what had started it – they used to hear it howling on full moon nights – like tonight – and Sehun had started saying –_

 

 

Sehun quickly jumped up, going over to the window – peering out – before he rounded on Tao with glinting eyes.

 

 

‘…Oh no. No no no, No, No!!’ Tao immediately dived back into his own bed, tugging his covers over his face – making Sehun bounce over to him, straddling him as he tried to pull the sheets off – ‘We _have_ to!!’

‘No!!! no we don’t!’

‘Yes we do!!’

‘Nomgnfu’ though muffled by the sheets, his refusal was still absolutely clear.

 

 

‘…..Aaha, is that so, Mr Huang Zitao.. I thought you didn’t believe in fantasy creatures, ne~’ Switching effortlessly to a different track, Sehun rolled off him, waving his hand airily.

‘..I don’t!!’ Annoyed, Tao pulled the covers off – only to see Sehun reaching to grab his jacket, pulling it on, and zipping it up. ‘Then what are you so scared about~~ if it’s not real, why are you _frightened_ ~’  

‘I am not!!..wait… SEHUN!!’

‘Wha~at~’ 

‘ _You can’t!_!’

‘Haaa!? No one’s asking _you_ to, I can do whatever I want, right~’

‘….. We’re not gonna fit in through the window anymore…’ Tao couldn’t help grinning as he came up with the ultimate argument – _ha!! Now Sehun could have no way of –_

‘…………’ the boy in question turned around to stare at him like he was a total idiot.

‘…. No.. but now we can just open the door, right?? ‘ Sighing, he grabbed his phone off Tao’s table, unplugging the charger and stuffing it into the pocket of his jacket, steppin out of the door – and stopping right out of sight, waiting with a broad grin on his face - 

 

And he wasn’t disappointed, coz barely a minute later Tao was hurtling out, hissing his name as loudly as he could – stopping short when he saw Sehun standing there, his eyes immediately turning into embers. ‘…Humph!!’ Tossing his head, annoyed at being played, Tao spun about on one foot, making to go back into his room –

 

Only to come to a standstill as Sehun grabbed his forearm with both hands, hanging on with all his weight as he pouted up at him, whispering, ‘C’mon cmon, Taotao, lets~~’ in such inviting, cajoling tones.. that…

 

 

 

 

 

Five minutes later, the boys were sneaking down the street – they had to be careful, coz the full spring moon directly overhead made it almost as bright as day; they had to keep to the corners, inching along beside the few hedges and lampposts… there was no one in sight, the whole town bathed in a deathly silence that seemed as crystalline as the moonlight, pressing against them, wrapping over them.. Tao was clinging to Sehun’s arm now – as he had been ever since opening the front door had resulted in a sharp CLANG!, that seemed to echo abnormally loud like a gunshot resounding throughout the entire house – they’d scurried out as quickly as they could, definitely certain his parents were gonna be after them in an instant –

Only they hadn’t.

There had been only silence following their hurried departure, even though they’d dived straight into the flowering bush at the edge of the garden, crouching down as tight as they could, holding their breaths as they awaited the detection that never came..

Gradually, Sehun had worked up to standing up, and they’d both snuck out of the thankfully noiseless gate, to creep to the end of the street, and down the rood..

If anyone looked out of their windows they’d be like flies in a bowl of soup, spotlight against the  grey tar -  and the excitement…the somehow illicit nature of what they were doing, added to the apprehension welling deep inside about what they’d find at the end of their quest, and above all, the irresistible glee at going ‘adventuring’ together – the two of them, setting off on a secret journey – it all made upto such a _supremely_ delicious mixture, that both of them had to keep stuffing their hands upto their faces to try and quieten their giggles – stealing down the town in their pyjamas, fluffy slippers on their feet through which they could intensely feel every single piece of loose gravel or stone, with just hastily thrown on jackets on top.. Sehun had his phone out, gripping it tightly in front, like a sword, while Tao – secretly kinda frightened, held firmly onto his arm, keeping him behind him – however scared he was, he obviously couldn’t let Sehun walk in front, _what if something…_

 

‘I don’t even know _why_ we’re doing this!!’ He hissed back at Sehun, who widened his eyes at him in reply ‘Coz we have to find out!! I bet its _turning_ now!!’ ‘…no!’ Tao gasped back at Sehun’s totally convinced face, feeling more sure than ever that they should just go back home. ‘Um!! Werewolves _turn_ at the full moon’ Another long howl suddenly burst out – much closer to them now, making Sehun’s words seem like nothing short of absolute truth. ‘Ugghh!! This is so creepy!!’ They both stopped in front of the wall that went around Mrs Chuo’s house – it loomed out at them, just as the moon drifted behind a cloud, plunging them into abrupt darkness – making Tao gasp again, his heart pounding – ‘It looks ..haunted or something!’ He moaned, and Sehun reached to pat his head even while laughing at him – ‘How can you believe in ghosts, when you don’t think werewolves are real…’ ‘..I do, okay?? Okayfine I believe in werewolves, theyr totally real, Mr Friskums is a werewolf, can we please go back now!??’ ‘No way!! Not till I find out.. c’mon..’  Moaning, Tao followed him, walking carefully so as not to make a sound, as the boys – looking more like the most ridiculous pair of robbers ever – made their way around the perimeter, till they found the perfect spot. With only a few slips and slides, and more than a lot of hauling and lifting on the part of the martial artist, they clambered over the low wall, right where it dipped under the bough of a tree that stood at the end of Mrs Chuo’s garden –  ‘…ah.. apples..’ ‘huh?’ ‘..I remember, she used to make me apple pie when I was little..’ ‘………. BWAHHHAHHAAAA OMG-‘ ‘Sehun!!! Shuhsshhhh!!!!’ Still snorting helplessly, Sehun rolled against Tao his whole body shaking – ‘Waaa poor icckle bwaby Taotao seduced by pie – ‘ ‘Shuttup!!! Anyway I didn’t even – ‘ ‘Yes?? Yes?? Tell me what you ‘didn't even’ do, coz the way she’s into you now, I’m sure you **did** plenty..’ ‘Oh Sehun!!!! SHuttup you total -’

‘Ah’

Both of them stopped short as another howl rose up – this time they could hear the snuffling and the sound of sharp nails tapping against wood that accompanied it-  ‘shiit…’ ‘Shshh!! C’mon’.. quietly, slowly, the boys crept up the garden, slipping from shadow to shadow and bush to bush – the moon had come back out, flooding the ground in silver ice…

‘Ah!! There!’

‘..whoa…’

‘It’s even _bigger_ now!!’

 - Till they stood cowering behind the tiny storehouse – right in front of the kennel. Always big, it had now been remodelled until it was just palatial, with a mock chimney sticking out the roof, and its own garden around it!! ‘Ah!!! Omg, Sehun, remember the time you hid inside that??’ ‘..ehh!! I never!!’ ‘Ohh yeah you did~~ Remember, she called us all in, and gave us that weird red lemonade, and said we could play in her garden..’ ‘…. Ohh riiighht.. While _someone_ stayed behind, helping her with her flower arrangement..’ ‘…at least _I_ didn’t get stuck inside her doghouse!!’ Giggling, the boys stepped forward.. their mirth gradually fading away as they faced the dark, yawning maw of the kennel, now perfectly silent, with no hint of a howl, or the scary taping of the claws.. or of the possible monster that had produced them. ‘Shit… I cant believe we’re actually doing this…’ Nervously they glanced towards the house – it was totally silent, not the slightest stir.. of course, she’d be sleeping.. except for the moonbeams, there was no light either, it seemed she turned off even her porch light at night.. Drawing a deep breath, Sehun took another step forward, flicking his phone on to shine the light ahead of them. ‘Well, let’s go.’ ‘….Sehun!’ Suddenly, Tao thrust both hands into the back of his jacket, clutching so tight he pulled him right back – making him stumble into his chest..

‘….uh..’ Sehun titled his head up to look at him – his eyes were squeezed shut, his throat working like he was about to start crying, as he fought to get the words out, the words that would persuade Sehun to desist from suicide mission…

 

At that moment, Sehun was perfectly utterly crystal clear about it – they weren’t kids anymore.. this wasn’t his six year old best friend Tao, and he wasn’t the tiny bowl head who used to follow him about, they were both grown up, they’d had a major fight n they were barely speaking to each other – in fact, it had only been a matter of hours since they’d been anywhere close to anything resembling the remotest civility.. the guy behind him also pretty much totally hated him, and probably actually believed he was some sort of unstable head case. So yeah, this wasn’t at all like they were kids.. Not that he could have possibly mistaken it right now - he could feel very inch of Tao’s utterly breathtaking new musculature against his body.. his stomach.. his thighs where they pressed against his own, their near-identical height, the heat of his skin against him, the punk hair that was a dark smudge in the moonlight.. the long lashes – from his angle looking up from under Tao’s chin, they seemed even longer and finer and sootier than normal… Everything was utterly straight in his head, perfectly understood, and it was in full knowledge of all of this that he bent his arms backwards – up – looping them about Tao’s neck, before reaching up to plant a kiss against his cheek.

  

 

Quickly, he broke away as Tao, gasping, his eyes flying open with the faintest residue of a glimmer catching the sparkling moonlight, gaped at him in utter speechlessness; stepping forward again like it had been no big deal – forcing his body, his face, his expression and voice to pretend it hadn’t been anything major at all, it was perfectly normal and casual an ordinary, stuffing the wellspring of… things.. he was feeling in the pit of his stomach downwards firmly, firmly admonishing himself,  thinking ‘afterwards’, afterwards he could examine carefully in detail as much as he wanted about exactly how Tao’s cheek had felt under his lips – _soft ohhgod its soft – but that hintofstubble.. shitshit -_ but now –

‘C’mon, c’mon lets go~’ He called back lightly, holding his hand out behind him invitingly, coaxingly

Moving like he was in a daze, Tao staggered up next to him, enfolding his hand in his own, his eyes fixed on him, still impossibly wide and round.. opening his mouth like he wanted to say something, but there weren’t any words inside…

 

Till Sehun took another step forward, bringing him almost up to the kennel. Squeezing Tao’s hand, he pushed his phone forward again, to shine the light towards the door.. taking a deep breath.. 

Immediately, Tao’s attention, honed all these years relentlessly to always focus on the fight at hand and leave extraneous matters behind like a conditioned response whenever his muscles went into this state of anticipation, snapped forward too, to the big sign post that read ‘Mr Friskums’ in elaborate curly script easily visible in the moonlight, above the gaping dark entrance behind which everything was in utter obscurity, impenetrable even by the light of the flooding moon.. Willing his mind to stop _thinking_ , stamping down the sudden crazy fire roaring through his blood…… _he….his.._ _FUCKSehun’s lips omg.. omg.. iditislkjfls fj holy Omg strawwberrr -_ he focused on the doorway in front of them – the darkness that seemed almost palpable that pulsed inside..

like a big, suffocating coil of wool painted darkest inky coal had been stuffed into it, filling it up, helped – the jolt of fear, the adrenalin rising, helping him push the shock down - if it… my god, if it was actually..they’d.. oh crap they didn’t even have anything silver –

 

Drawing simultaneous deep breaths, steeling themselves, the boys took the last step forward as Sehun tilted his phone, angling it up..

 

The light shone on the miniature mosaic tiles on the floor.. the large hall-like space inside.. the painted walls with curlicue trim..

 

 

And

 

 

 

_Nothing._

 

 

 

 

It was empty.

 

Puffing out a huge breath of relief, Tao fell back – and Sehun too, his hand clutching his chest, turning to look at him, as both of them started to laugh –

When –

 

 _Suddenly_ –

 

CHINK!!CHINKKCLICK CHINK!!!

 

A blazing, blinding light burst out all over them – all about the grounds, huge strobe lights flicked on, pointed right at them – while simultaneously an ear splittingly loud siren starting pealing out, making the boys clutch their ears, stuffing their fingers in as they cried out in pain –

 

Almost immediately, the ‘werewolf’ went crazy – from somewhere unseen, raucous barks and yips and growls almost as loud as the high pitched Wheee-Whee of the siren – the lights burnt on them

_caught red handed in the middle of an old lady's front garden –_

 

Suddenly, screams exploded from inside the house – hysterical, high pitched wails competing with Mr Friskums and the Siren – ‘HEEEELPPP!!! MURRDER!!!!! RAAPPPE! HEELLPPP!!! RRAAPPEEE!!!!!’

 

 

Like their hearts had slammed back into their bodies, the boys – who’d been frozen in shock – glanced at each other – simultaneously, the breath shot into their lungs again, as they screamed one word – ‘RUUNNNN!!!!’  -  and they bolted – taking off like a pistol shot,  that voice blasting through their veins in pure adrenalin, they flew back through the garden, running bent out, faster than Sehun had ever moved – Tao had grabbed his hand as soon as they’d started, and they clutched each other as tight as they could, even as they swarmed up the apple tree – dropping off the wall, dropping and rolling like Tao yelled at him to – even before he’d risen to his feet completely, Tao grabbed his hand again, pulling him along – and they were off, lights flickering on in the neighbouring houses as the wailing siren – and Mrs Chuo’s screams – rattled throughout the town – 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Chapter Thirteen - Shadows on the Wall

 

Panting, Tao leaned backwards – wincing as the bare pipes stuck into the cement poked him in the back, pulling away and repositioning himself against the wall, his arms still wound about Sehun’s waist, his fingers hooked strongly against his hipbones as he crouched in the grime. The alley was so narrow if he stretched his arm out he could touch the opposite wall – there was barely enough space for the two of them, squeezed up as they were, Sehun squatting sideways between his legs, craning his neck to keep his eyes fixed on the needle of light that was the entranceway they’d raced down..Even the darkness thrown by the shadows of the overhanging buildings couldn’t hide the fact that this was little more than a breathing space between the two hulking apartment blocks on either side…. Cardboard boxes and plastic bags filled with random litter covered the far end in a towering pile, so they couldn’t even make out where it lead to, or even if there was a way out through there - though the rusty, broken-down old air conditioning unit that was pressing into Tao’s side would have made it near impossible for them to continue down anyway.

The boys held their breaths, struggling to stifle the sound of their wheezing and puffing as they pressed themselves into the darkness, flattening themselves into the shadows.. The lights of the houses about had zapped on as they fled down the street, like dominoes perforating the darkness, tripped by their passage.. but this far out [they’d run all the way down to the crossroads, then turned again and again till Sehun had no idea where they were anymore, running flat out, like a whole pack of real werewolves were after them] the screech of the siren was but the vaguest whistle, and the town lay bathed in pearly silence..

 

‘I…think… we’re okay..’

Even during their flight, no one had followed them – though the lights had come on, none of the householders had opened doors, or cracked windows – at least, not till they’d already shot by long past – and there’d been no voices yelling at them to halt, no one chasing after them trying to catch them..

‘I… hope..so..’ Tao whispered to Sehun’s profile, the adrenaline slowly starting to drain away, the heaving of his chest gradually soothening itself. Sehun raised his upper body, peering out higher, trying to see around the sides of the entrance, spotlight by the tall lamppost that stood just outside – though at an angle that only bathed the alley in even murkier shadows, so it was almost impossible to see in – the boys themselves would never have even found it, if Tao hadn’t already known it was there; a couple of years ago, he’d spend almost an entire afternoon trying to coax his old cat out from inside a rusty steel filing cabinet a little ways further in.. Straining to look for any any signs of pursuit, Sehun squiggled up higher on his haunches, unconsciously placing his palm flat against Tao’s chest, pressing against it to maintain his balance.

 

‘Yup~~!! There's no one…. th..e…re….’ As he turned to look at Tao – their gazes fastening in the gloom, his voice trailed away…

 

Both of them were still breathing hard, hammering hearts flooding their muscles in memory of their mad dash..

 

In that narrow space…

 

So close…

 

Sehun’s side almost grazing Tao’s chest, his hand already there, pushed against the thin cloth of his button down shirt, so flimsy he could feel his heartbeat through it, reverberating into his hand..

 

 

The darkness..

 

The danger.. their blood gushing hot through their vessels, pulsing just under their skins…

 

 

The anticipation.. the excitement ripening since they’d set off on their quest, that had burst open in their panic at being found out, and the ‘escape’ after…

 

 

 

Tao’s fingers, over Sehun’s hips, tightening…

 

 

As they both stared at each other, their eyes widening…..

 

 

Suddenly, to their startled disbelief, a howl rose up – from one of the apartments almost directly above their heads, sounding so uncannily like Mr Friskums/the werewolf, they both started – snapping out of the.. weird… moment…. – gasping up in the direction of the sound, for a split second, actually imagining a fanged, clawed, furry monster bursting down on them…..

 

 

Before both of them burst out laughing.

Stuffing their hands against their mouths  ‘ _Shhii-iit!! I thought..’ ‘Me too!! Bwahhaaaa!!’ ‘omo-That Siren!!!!!!!!!!!’ ‘Omgomgomg…. Ha…hahahhaaa’ ‘fuck!! Dammnit when the lights – haaaa omg aahh I thought we were_ goners _!!!!_ _‘ ‘me too!!’_ – a window ledge stuck out a bare couple of metres above Tao’s head, and being caught here would probably be even more trouble than Mrs Chuo’s front yard – _‘shit bubr ‘ ‘…rape..she said..hahahamggffn mnfgha ha Taotao..’ ’hahfhhuu’ ‘you shoulda just gone hahha in hhahhaaa’’shuttup!!hwaaahahahhaaaaa’_ clapping their hands over each other’s lips and desperately shushing the other as muffled squeals and squeaks and the funniest wheezes and whistles escaped them – just having to stifle their laughter seemed to make it more determined to get out, and they were gasping in pain as the peals danced through their stomachs…. Tears streaming down his face, Sehun, giving up, dived headfirst into Tao’s chest, pressing his face into into his sternum to try and quieten the sobs of glee that wracked through his body, Tao wrapping his arms around him, jamming him in closer, muffling his own laughs against the top of his head, as he pushed his face into Sehun’s hair.. They were laughing so hard, snorting and chuckling, while struggling so hard not to, they could hardly breathe – _‘ohhshiti…. Tho…..ughtwewere dead!!’ ‘iknoowww!!! Shit its…. Li…ke a fuckin bankorsomethin ..security…’’Riigght!?? All those…… lights!!’ _squealing out the words in high pitched gasps, their voices muffled against each other’s bodies, _’the Siren!!!!!!!!!’’a..aa.i’mnever gonna forget that god-awfulnoise!!’ ‘haaaa mme either!! Omg Sehunah, I **missed** you!!!!!!’ _ Still laughing, Tao squeezed his arms tighter to enfold Sehun in a super strong hug _‘I swear..hahaaa.. I havntlaughed…in  ten years.. Nbhhaahhaaa  asmuchastoday!!!!’_

 

Sehun froze completely.

One moment he’d been laughing, his whole body shaking uncontrollably as he fought to maintain their presence secret – the next, he went completely still, his face still pressed into Tao’s chest, his expression hidden..

……

……….

……

…..

………..

_Oh. Ohhcrap. OOHHCRAPcrapcrap shit fucking shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We were havin so much fun, I forgot – shiiitt shit I didn’t  - FUCK MY BIG MOUTH – I **forgot**!!!!!!!!!! How  could I –_

 

 

The next moment, Sehun suddenly leaned away – just a bit, so he could lift his head –

His beautiful lashes mingling as he smiled, looking right at Tao, a big, sweet eye-smile, so beautiful and delicate and perfect, Tao gasped – _like.. that time.. the first time they’d met.. Sehun’s…_

Before he nodded once, firmly, his hand lifting to lightly stroke Tao’s cheek. ‘Um!! Me too!!’

His voice bright and sweet and candy coloured….

 

 

They walked back, hand in hand; Tao holding onto his, never letting go, as he led him home… The neighbourhood was quiet, the lights all off.. but they couldn’t be sure no one was awake, so they had to be even more careful, crouching against each other.. luckily, the moon had moved away, and the light was softer, the shadows loomed tall, creating a fog of ink over the ground, and it was easy to slip invisibly through the streets.. the trees lining the roadsides were the only ones who seemed to know their secret – and the crazy ecstatic euphoria that was thrumming through them as they walked, their absolute pure joy, crashing down in waves over them, through the feel of the other’s hand in theirs, their steps in sync, their sides brushing against each other… – putting their leaves together was they rustled gossipingly to each other.. _together..together again, together again_   - like a lost piece of his heart had found its way back… Somewhere an owl hooted – once, a long mournful cry that had the boys taken aback – just as they were passing Ol’ Mr Wang’s house – before Tao quickly dragged Sehun away [right up there with ‘Mr Friskums is a Werewolf’, one of Sehun’s favourite ‘exposé’ was that Mr Wang was really an alien.. and he’d suddenly looked up with a gleam Tao knew only too well], making him giggle, rubbing his face against Tao’s shoulder as he protested in whispers that were really too loud… they crossed right around Mr Fan’s house, walking a couple of streets out of the way, so they could use their patented system of hedges and backyards to come out on theirs just beside the Hus’ house – avoiding Mrs Chuo’s completely, with a wide margin to spare… Even as they pushed open the gate to, quietly as they could, tiptoe through the garden, they could hear raised voices, carrying all the way in the still of the surrounding night, and they were sure it was from hers…

Luckily, their midnight escapade had passed undetected, it seemed – the front door was still unlocked, swinging open easily when Tao nudged at it. More careful this time, they managed to lock it behind themselves without much sound, before creeping up the stairs, giggling and hushing each other...

 

 

 

‘Aah~~aahhh’ With the relief of a man who had reluctantly been conscripted, and had somehow, contrary to all belief, made it back home from the War, Tao flopped down on his futon. ‘Remind me never to listen to you again!!’

‘Huuhh!!??’ Sehun shrugged off his jacket, bunching it, and his phone, onto Tao’s table, before coming round to flop down beside him, grinning as he poked at his bicep, over and over, harder each time. ‘You just had the _best_ time, even you admitted it, didn’t you~’

‘… a momentary insanity brought about by stress~~’ Smirking teasingly at him, Tao reached out the assaulted arm to grab him – yanking him into him, trying to tie his hands together in the sheets – while Sehun squealed and swatted at him, giggling as he struggled, ‘You big Wushu idiot!!! Letgo!!! Tao the ape-gorilla!!!’ making Tao laugh harder as they wrestled, Sehun graduating to trying to headbutt him, which led to [both of them] yelling ‘OwwwwyouThick Skull!!!’ – ‘Ah..’ Realising they had spoken at the same time, countering with -  ’Owww _yourself_ Bonehead!!’ – only to find they spoke together _again_ \-  till in the end, Tao, losing patience, threw himself bodily over him – pressing him down into the sheet, then quickly grabbing it to wind it about him, while airily quipping ‘Sehun~~ I found a Mummy for us to go after next’  - a plan that unfortunately backfired, horribly, when Sehun immediately froze.. gasping… before he whispered, his voice muffled by the linen ‘ah… shit… Tao.. you shouldn’t have said that!! Don’t you know… whoever jokes about Mummies.. actually gets targeted by one….’

 

 

Finally, after long explanations from Sehun to try to convince him he’d just been joking, which culminated in another wrestling match, tired out [they _had_ had a rather full day] the boys flopped back into the soft, thick, fluffy mattress like rag dolls, their limbs intertwined…. Tao’s leg and arm over Sehun’s, the soft, watered down moonlight spreading cool satin over them…. ‘Tao..’ ‘..Hmm?’ Sleepily, Tao cracked an eye to look at him – Sehun, cuddled into his chest, avoiding his eyes, was fiddling around with his fingers in a manner he had no trouble identifying as nervous. ‘What is it?’ he whispered gently, his lips grazing against his forehead as he spoke, but too comfortable to move..

‘I….’

‘yeah..?’

‘Soo..’ Suddenly seeming to throw off whatever was troubling him, Sehun looked up, catching his gaze with a bright little smile. ‘How in the world did you end up at East anyway? I mean.. boarding school?’

‘Aahh~~ ‘ Grinning, Tao slipped his own hand in between Sehun’s joining in fiddling with his fingers – a game they used to play, two peoples’ hands made the best shadow puppets – throwing up a bird against the opposite wall, its wings outstretched as it soared over the grey moonlit sky in a span much longer than ever before.. ‘Well, you know my aunt right, Ivan’s mom? When I was in middle school I went to stay over at her place for a bit.. it was pretty boring coz at the time they had school, so I was stuck at home all day – you know her views on tv, right.. ha.. I was bored out of my mind!!’

‘Umm…’

‘So –  ah, spread this more’

‘Mmm.. like this?’

‘Yeah!! See? ‘

‘..eehhh!! ehehe, yeah!!!’

‘Ehehe~~ Well, so Ivan’s elder brother, George, he was in first year of high school then, I think.. I was so bored I started playing about with one of his workbooks.. and… well, kinda ended up finishing like, half of it… so then Auntie was super insistent I go to an advanced programme- high school, with a good entrance result, ya know..’

‘So, East High?’

‘Um! Besides – SuHo Laoshi?’

‘..Eh.. ah, yeah..’

‘Seems he knows my uncle somehow.. so..’

‘Eeehhh….. so that’s how~~’

‘Yup~~’

‘…ehehe..too bad for the Wushu club, huh… From that day on, they had to deal withchu~~’

‘…shuddup~~ idiot!’

 

 

‘..bgdhaa hhaahaha – _ticklish!!!  -_ STopp!! Taotao!! Stop – _stop_ you naughty naughty snookums~’

 

 

‘………………………………….’

 

 

 

 

‘Ahjhshhahahhhaaaaa _taoo_!! _Not ther – haaahhaaheifhhifhi_ ’

 

‘………………………..’

 

 

‘WHAAA okay okay I give up – uncle!uncle!! gerrofff you chimpanzee!!’

 

‘…humph~ heeh, that was some nice confidence, ne~~ to mess with the Pride of East High’s Wushu Captain~~ you could’ve been _terminated_ ~ _hasta la vista, baby~~_ ’

‘……………. Bgfnawwahhaaaa!! what the hell was that!??’

‘..HA!??  You’re Laughing!??? _Do you feel lucky, punk_? _’'_

 

 

‘…………..Harrhharrr – OMmgg what was _that_ –haahaaa you _idiot,_ That was soo lame!!!!!’

 

‘……………………ehh…..’

 

‘………………………………’

 

‘………………..’

 

‘…………… ………… er.. …Tao?’

 

‘Humph!’

 

‘………………Tao… are you sulking….??’

 

 

‘HAA!!??? Who would sulk, you stupid idiot, of course I’m not, who cares- ‘

 

‘Eehhehe! But that was funny!! Really!! I was laughing, right?? It was a good joke!! Plus, coz Taotao is much tougher than some policeman, or a robot-from-the-future..’

 

‘……………………………….

                                   ehh.. aah…  really??!!?’

 

‘Umm!!! Taotao is..a… super awesome, tough, badass martial artist!! Like Jackie Chan!’

 

‘…..ehe…ehehehe….i kinda _am_ right?’

 

‘……………………….. yeah, yeah, totally!! Like Jet Li, or something!’

 

‘..eheh.. I could totally become an action superstar right!???’

‘….well… I can say in all honestly that _I_ would definitely watch your movies… now c’mere, I wanna make more shadow animals~~’

‘..Umm!! Ah – I’ll show you a good one, ah.. bend your finger – right, like that.. now lift this – wait, let me  - okay, now… Tadaaa!!!’

‘……what is this supposed to be?’

‘..EHHHH!! It’s a deer!!!!’ Look – look here, see, that the eye!!’

‘………… Bwahhahhaaaaa!! That looks _nothing_ like an eye!!’

‘..yes it does!!! You… you just don’t have any … sensibilities…’

‘…Waaaaa!!!!!!!!! Ha I’m pretty sure I have more’n _you_ , nerdboy~~’

‘…shuttup, fattbutt!!!’

‘…AAHHH!! What is this, my butt is perfectly al..right…’ Sehun stuck his bottom lip out determinedly, despite his eyebrow-high blush [ _it’s dark, and in the moonlight there's no way he’ll be able to see, anyway.._ ]

 

‘Oooohhh sure… purr..fectly~~

 

‘..Kyuunnhhaa!!!!!! Stopp-Tao!!Stopp- _it_!!Lay off!!!!!’ Laughing at Sehun’s squeals, Tao quickly let go, trying to make it seem natural; equally convinced Sehun couldn’t see _his_ blushes – and internally cursing at himself for being so careless, just coz they were… he couldn’t….. he’d just…err… **grabbed** …without thinking and.. _shiittt_

 

 

Sehun’s body was just too damn fucking sexy.

 

 

.. _eh…_

 

_…..eeeeeeeehhhhhh???? SEXY???!!!! Whyyyyy would I –_

 

 

‘It must’ve been tough ne..’

 

‘Er..?’ Tao looked down – at Sehun who had repositioned himself into his arms, taking his hand again to move his fingers into…. A… horned toad???

‘To..leave home..’

‘…Aahh…’ Tao playfully tilted his head to start rubbing his face against Sehun’s hair – messing it up thoroughly, the soft, silky strands bathed in the familiar scent of his shampoo… and Sehun’s own smell.. making a potent combination, drawing him in… ‘It _was_ actually.’ His voice was serious as he stopped, his face still pressed against the top of Sehun’s head. ‘It took me aages to get used to.. well… even now, everytime I’m going back… after vacations.. its..really hard.’

‘…….’ For a moment, Sehun just wordlessly patted his hand – before turning to look up at him, his favourite ‘Sehun-Grin’ plastered right across his face.  ‘But not this time, right? Coz I’m there?’

………………………

… Bursting into a laugh that had been surprised out of him, Tao grabbed him, hugging him as he buried his face into his neck, kissing his jaw. ‘Um!!! Not this time!!’ While Sehun, 100%-pleased-with-himself, brimming-with-self-satisfaction smirk replacing his earlier grin, patted his head.

 

 

‘Ah!’

 

‘Umm?’

‘It must’ve been hard for you too, right? This is the first time you’re staying away from home..’

‘…Ermm…… not…re-ally…’

‘..Eeehhhhh!!!! What’re you putting on a brave act for!!’

‘….Nooo!! I’m not!!’ Sehun reached out, to pull Tao, who’d risen to flick his finger against his forehead as he mock-scolded him, back; sitting up himself, to arrange a grinning Tao’s arms back into perfect position, thumping his chest once or twice like he was a pillow, making him theatrically clutch it, moaning in ‘pain’ – which in turn launched Sehun off, scolding him most severely for ‘messing up my careful arrangements!’,   setting down to re-positioning, till, satisfied, he cuddled back down, dragging Tao’s free arm over himself, taking his hand again, while firmly forbidding him from moving again…

‘Well..’ Tao continued, once he’d stopped giggling at him. ‘I bet you were too!!’

‘..well, I wasn’t!! so there!’ _coz you were there, you idiot.. It was actually my idea in the first place.. so.. I could… get to where _you _were.._ ‘Any..way… you were always the one who was more attached to ‘home’, right? I miss my family, of course.. but not like, to get depressed about it….’

‘..eehh…’ Tao pulled his hand away to run his thumb gently against Sehun’s cheek, stroking it. ‘of course you’re the stronger one.. but.. even now, it must be tough, right? Coz even though its vacation, you can’t be home..’

‘………’ Sehun raised his lowered lids to look at him – their faces level, Tao’s eyes starting to swim, filling with tears at the thought of Sehun’s homesickness… Smiling softly, he raised his hand to hold the back of Tao’s, holding it against his face… ‘No. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, right here.’

 

 

‘……………..Se..hun..’ Tao whispered,  breathlessly – before pushing his face against his, nuzzling his cheek.  ‘Me too!’ he pulled back to beam down at him –

 

Only..

 

 

_Sehun wasn’t smiling….. at all… his eyes were…. And…_

 

 

 

Tao’s eyes widened as their gazes stayed locked, an unintelligible murmur passing his lips..

 

His fingers under Sehun’s uncurling to cup his face, reaching into his hair..

 

_Unconsciously.._

 

Sehun gasped.. afraid to keep looking at Tao.. but unable to look away.. knowing he must be… _but_..

 

Their faces were so close, their breaths fell over each other’s skin... Strawberries…. cloves… sweet… minty… the other’s suddenly seeming so incredibly mouth-wateringly delicious..

 

_Together again…. After all this while…_

_The fight and.. all the questions they still had.. suddenly so far away…_

 

The tension that had gripped them earlier that night suddenly exploded, full blown hurricane ripping through them – their bodies flashing hot and cold at once, hardening…

Melting…..

 

_craving..._

 

_It felt so..good!! Thrilling, exciting, breathless – but at the same time, an undercurrent of …. assurance…_

_Like as long as_ they _were touching…._

 

 _As long as it was_ him _.. it was his safety net…_

 

Tao’s fingers feeling like the skin underneath them was really actually cream.. so milky soft was it.. Sehun’s lips feeling like they were on fire as he remembered the rub of Tao’s skin under them…

 

Only the faint moonbeams around them..

 

The other’s breath.. falling onto their faces, stroking against their lips invitingly warm…

 

The night cool and dark…

 

The covers – their clothes, even – suddenly unbearably hot..

 

Nervously, Sehun swallowed… out of habit, his mouth suddenly feeling sand papery dry, drawing his tongue out to run it over his lip – his breath catching in his throat as Tao’s fingers spasmed against his cheek……  his eyes irresistibly drawn to the movement, his lips parting in a gasp – almost like in _hunger_ – as he watched the wet, gleam coat its supple, firm surface… swallowing himself.. his eyes when he looked back at Sehun’s like burning coals, his desire and intent so perfectly visible

 

_His desire…_

_Want!! I… he wants…me…i…_

 

 

_They were so close!!_

 

Just…..

 

Just…………

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next moment, they sprang apart – both of them scrabbling to opposite ends of their individual futons, mumbling random nonsense, their backs to each other – blushing down to their toes, thanking the grey radiance that hid it, the thudding of their hearts painfully ramming their chests, sucking in great lungfuls like they’d been drowning

 

_shitshithistSHIT he’d – Almost.._

 

_What the… what the what the what the what the…_

 

_FUUCKK what was wrong with me!????!_

 

 

_It’s SEHUN!!!! … Sehun!!! Little Sehun, my..sehun, my friend,  wtf..??! _

 

_It’s TAO!! Tao!!!! How.. shitshit_

 

_…not so little anymore…_

 

_Fuck..his eyes…_

 

_I mean, hes grown up… newSehun.. like.. his butt!!! And…_

 

_Shiti.. I ..wa..wa…want..ed…him… Tao!???!??_

 

_Ah!!! UGHH WTF AM I THINKING!!!!!?!?!?! Get a grip me!!!!!!!! How he’s grown is NOT the problem here!!!!!!!!AND definitely STOPTHINKING ABOUT HIS BUUTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!! _

 

 

 

**_HE’S A GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ **

 

_What the fuck._

 

_Sure he’s… like…my favourite human… but.._

 

 _…and before – in the alley..i… and..that time.. and_ that _time…and before … it was…the same….right…._

 

_BUT!! That was just…_

 

_…this is **stupid**!!!!! Obviously I like girls!!!!!!!! And he’s like, my best friend, that’s all!!!! _

 

_FUCK!! Why didn’t he try to stop me, the dumb idiot, is he stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What if I’d actually…done it!????????????????!???_

 

_Shituggh my heart won’t stop.. i… unngfff…._

 

_….. shit I still can’t get my breath… his skin though… it’s so soft!! I really…_

 

I wanted to touch him.

 

_AHHHH!! Nononononono badbadbadbadbad, fuckk get a grip ugghhhhhh cool down, me!!!!!!_

 

 

Muttering rather high pitched, incoherent ‘goodnights’, the boys curled up as far away from each other as they could, Sehun burying his face in his covers, _nonono don’t think about it, that time I kissed him – ah and he kissed me too, shitnowmyfaceisburningevenmore – that was as friends, this was the same thing/!! the same thing, that’s all… so what.. lips..mouths..are just a body part, just like a cheek, right?? So’s..other..places – just.. normal..body..parts, EVEN if I wanted..to.. wanted him to… itDoesntmean… anything…_ Tao drawing his knees up almost to his chin, like that could stop the hammering of his heart… _aahhh… I can’t…stopthinking about ittt!!!!_ making sure that not even the edges of their sheets even touched the other….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

[A/n] - Omg, i'm sorry! they were supposed to have another big misunderstanding and keep fighting again!!!!!!!! 

but i was listenin to One Heart on repeat for like... 12 hrs i think, yesterday and..... **DROWNINGINFFEELLSSUU***  i mean the ' As long as you play with me..........As long as you stay with me' !?? [it fits too well!!!!!!!].. Oh, i also used this line - 'Holding your hand tight, and never let go, Then i will lead you home' directly... **feeling very bullied rn**lol, even though i know its just a pretty usual love-song type, and that part was prol for his mom, but still!! ughh

So... **do you wanna see more fights??? [and heartbreak and angst] Or do you like it better this way?? Is there anything else you'd like to see more/less of, or anything that you'd like different?? please drop a comment below ~~ and let me know what you think~~**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	14. Chapter Fourteen - The Hulk...

 

Unfortunately though, once they fell asleep, their subconscious minds were devoid of such sensibilities - 

So when something dragged him awake, from the midst of a convoluted dream featuring Mummies, and a bare-chested, hat wearing, whip cracking Tao hunting them, the only thought in Sehun’s head was to bury closer… the warmth…Tao… Tao’s smell… Tao’s skin….

 

BANG!!!!

 

‘…mmggnff…’

‘….mmmhhnn……’

 

BANG!! BANHG!!!!

 

A holler - ‘Boys!!! Are you decent~~’

 

‘……grwwg…’ Groaning, Tao pulled Sehun even closer, burying his face in the side of his neck, his hands sliding higher under his shirt, while Sehun sleepily wrapped both his arms about his head, cradling him in… just as, without waiting for a reply, Mrs Huang pushed the door open, striding in – ‘Honey pies, you have to get up now~~ I’m going back to work today, remember..’ Plopping down on Tao’s bed, and sticking out a foot to lightly kick the two of them, tangled up on the futon. ‘Get up.’

 

 

………………………….

 

 

 ‘C’mon, now, gettup, come down for breakfast’

 

‘….eh….ah…’ Blearily, Sehun rolled over to crack his eyes open at her, while Tao snarled against his skin, protesting..

 

_Ah…._

 

_It’s morning, huh….._

 

_Ah.. Mrs Huang is in a suit….._

 

_Breakfast…. ??_

 

 _I wanna sleep…_ Like he was reading his sleep drugged mind, Tao suddenly stuck his head up, ‘Moommm!! I wanna sleeeppppp!!’, before diving back to stick his face into Sehun’s back

 

_Ehe.. Tao..its ticklish, my back_

 

_My back_

 

 

 

 

_MY BAACKK??!??!?!?!?!_

 

Gasping, Sehun sat up quickly, hurriedly unwinding various parts of his anatomy from a stubbornly resisting Tao’s – ‘Ah, Mrs Huang, Good Morning!! Good morning, we’re just getting up, we-…’ trailing off as he looked up at her to realise she had her phone out, pointing at them…

 

‘……er…. Mrs Huang…???’

 

‘Eehhh!!’ Snapping it closed, she swooped down to pinch his cheeks, beaming, before reaching behind him to ruffle Tao’s hair vigorously. ‘You two look soo cute!!! I _have_ to send pictures to your mom too.. our little babies!! Just like when they were five and six~~ Aahh you haven’t grown a _bit_ , have you!!’ She pinched Sehun’s cheek again, planting a kiss on his forehead, squealing ‘So adorable!!!’  before she stood up, heading back out – ‘But that’s not gonna stop me coming up and emptying a bucket of water all over you if I don’t see you at the dining table within the next ten minutes~’

 

‘..ah, we’re just coming! C’mon – _Tao_ , gettup – _get off – that’s my knee!_ ’ hissing at the idiot, Sehun tried to push him off -

 

When –

 

‘Ah!!’  She suddenly stopped, turning back. ‘Did you two wake up sometime in the middle of the night, last night?’

 

 

‘……………………………’

 

 

A warning light going off in his head ‘……eh….’ Sehun swallowed, panicking – under the covers, grabbing as much of Tao’s flesh as he could and pinching it _hard –_ his mind whirring – _yes?? No?? obviously denial is best..but suppose she came in in the night and.. ‘we might’ve gone down to get some water..’??_  - ‘Annh...’

 

‘Ah!! That’s good, ne!! There was a big raucous at Mrs Chuo’s last night!! Its good you weren’t disturbed!!’

 

‘…er…’ _FUCK you Tao, GETTUP!!!!_ ‘..raucous..?’

 

‘Yeah.. she’s got this big security system set up.. poor thing, she’s gotten rather paranoid.. anyway, something tripped it last night – ah, you’re lucky, ne, little boys sleep so deeply.. it woke up pretty much the whole of the rest of the neighbourhood – ‘

 

 _Shit – we took off our muddy shoes outside – outside the porch, then we carried ‘em up in our hands….. when we came in here, we…._ Sehun, who’d been doing a mental inventory of anything that could give them away froze – carefully, without letting slip as to what he was doing, scanning the room out of the corners of his eyes…

 

‘Big lights and sirens and everything!!’

 

_And we’d left them…somewhere…_

 

_Without thinking.._

 

_If she saw them, she’d **definitel –**_

 

 

 

_Ah!! There!!! There they are – just beside Tao’s desk!!_

 

 _Shit……_ Carefully, Sehun turned about, straightening up, trying to block her view, praying she wouldn’t see them, even though she was actually looking directly towards them –

 

 

 

‘Oh well… that thing’s been going off regularly ever since she put it in, so no one even bothered to go out and see..though I heard the police did come by… tcheh… disturbing everyone.. though since she’s living alone… well, anyway‘ Dismissively, she twirled back around, heading out the door. ‘hurry up and come on down, kay, or I’ll be late… just come down in your PJs, you can go back to sleep after breakfast if you want~~’

 

‘……………..’ As she disappeared from view, Sehun slowly exhaled – before slamming about in fury, ready to  -  

 

 

‘….Ohh!!’

 

 

‘Ehe~’

 

The stupid idiot was grinning cheekily up at him, still buried in the covers, flashing him a ‘V’ as he supported himself on his elbows at about the level of Sehun’s knee. ‘No one even bothered to go see, she said~~’

 

 

‘I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM _YOU, idiot!!!’_ rearing up, Sehun swooped down, slamming his whole body into Tao, pounding his fists into him in retribution for leaving him to deal with that– while Tao only laughed, working his hands into the gaps in Sehun’s offensive strikes to wrap them about his waist, before wiggling his fingers, tickling him; just laughing harder as Sehun started slapping his shoulder trying to get away, till, abruptly, tired of playing, and still just that bit drowsy to loosen the normal reigns he held on his strength around Sehun, he got serious – Before Sehun could realise what was happening, the hands around his waist tightened – Tao gripped him firmly, before bodily lifting him and slamming him down, quickly rolling over to crush his body over his - his muscular frame and superior experience making it much more effective than Sehun’s earlier body–slam -  

Within a second, he found himself thumping into the mattress, the covers poofing out about him as he crashed, with Tao on top of him – his whole body thrust into Sehun’s… along its entire length… firm and hard..

 

 _So strong!!_  

 

\- the thought flashed through Sehun’s mind for the first time – even though he _knew_ it, even though he’d seen him practicing enough to know, even though he’d always thought of Tao by definition as ‘strong’…it was…

 

 _the first time.._  

 

so different to be actually.. personally.. held down by him!! Even though they played around roughly, ‘wrestling’ around, Tao _always_ checked himself, while _pretending_ to be serious – but…

 

right now…

 

 

 _he’s..so strong!!_  

 

It was almost like fear – the Tao pushing him down – holding his wrists – both of them above his head, his biceps bulging globe-like as he forced Sehun's hands into the mattress, his thighs - like iron and steel, one thrust between Sehun's legs, the other pressing down over his...

_I couldn’t.. even if i… wanted I couldn’t get away.._

 

Since it was _Tao_ he wasn’t actually afraid..Yet… A bolt of panic – just for a split second, an intense vulnerability, a _physical_ vulnerability – a fear more primitive than anything Sehun had ever felt before – even as he froze under the heat of Tao’s body, his eyelids elevated in shock -

 

but at the same time.. more goddamn fucking breathtakingly, heart-poundingly, blood-burningly _thrilling_.. than anything he’d ever –

 

 

‘BOOYYSS _!!!!’_

 

 _‘_ Ah!!’ ‘Ahh – Cooooming!!’ clambering off Sehun, Tao called down, jerking his head towards the open doorway, before casually tossing a  ‘C’mon’ back at him as he stepped away

‘.. yeah..’ His heart still thumping, Sehun got up  - ‘Eh!?’ lifting himself to his knees only to see a  hand floating in front of his eyes ‘C’moon~~’

‘..Ah, Umm!’ Feeling incredibly utterly happy – for no reason at all – Sehun slipped his hand into Tao’s, hauling himself up as they headed to the door, and down the stairs, leading the way towards the smells of frying eggs and bacon

 

 

 

 

 

‘Another round? Sehun??’

‘Mggffn – ‘ Shaking his head, he swallowed – ‘If I eat anymore, I’m not going to be able to get up!!’

‘..Aahhhhh~~’ Moaning in satisfied pleasure, Tao stretched over the table ‘Mmm!’ as he nodded in agreement. ‘That was the _best_ breakfast, mom!!’

‘Ehh~~’ Grinning, she came over to ruffle their hair. ‘Make sure you drink your milk properly, k~~ I’m going to finish getting ready.’

‘Yes ma’am’ They chorused as she left, obediently reaching for their milk – she insisted they have at least two glasses full everyday –

‘I don’t think you should drink that, though, Tao.’ ’..eh?’ Tao looked up, an eyebrow raised at Sehun’s serious tone. ‘Why not?’ ‘Imagine if you get any taller!! You already look like the elastic-man..’

 

‘HAA!??’ his outrage so severe Tao actually spluttered – having to be thumped on the back by Sehun vigorously ‘fore he could continue ‘Who-grjff **Who** is the one who went and _stretched like a rubber band!!??? YOU_ don’t drink it!! Stupid Sehun.. shooting up like..like…. it’s fuckin ridiculous..’ He ended in a grumpy mutter, turning his head away from a startled Sehun to hunch over his cup, frustration suddenly clawing at his fingertips

 

 

‘…er… _Tao_??’

 

 

‘…………………..’

 

 

‘Tao! I was just…jokin…’

 

 

‘…fhgdjs.’

 

 

‘…..Taotao??!’

 

Frowning at the sudden change in the atmosphere – _wtf!??_   _they’d just been… we were talking so easily, **just a second ago** , why.. _ – the fear – the bone-deep dread, of fighting again…

 

_Why!! I don’t understand!! What did I -_

 

 

Afraid even to breath, Sehun nervously reached out his hand.. trying to force it to stop trembling as he lightly touched Tao’s shoulder

 

 

‘…….Tao?? …. Tao, I’m sorry I was just kidding – ‘

 

 

‘Humph!!’ Tao shot up – striking like a viper, so fast, Sehun gasped in fear - grabbing his outstretched hand n yanking it, making him cry out as he fell forward – right into his chest – ‘See!??’

 

‘….ehh?’ Sehun looked up at him – at Tao’s narrowed eyes… his fingers still enclosed about his wrist, holding it aloft, masterfully, powerfully, his control over Sehun perfect…. the feel of the hard planes of his chest under his… and his heart started thudding even harder with the shock –

 

‘Tcheh’ Clicking his tongue, Tao patted the top of his head – drawing a line to his earlobe. ‘See??? You come up to here now!!’

‘…ah….?’

 

‘It’s _so_ not cute!!’ Letting go of him, Tao scowled again as he flopped down into the chair – leaving Sehun even more bewildered – though the sudden jolt at being pulled about and against his body so easily – and then released – in short, being _manhandled_ like that made logical thinking rather difficult – when his whole body still burned, that feeling of being _vulnerable_ just increasing in deliciousness… A bit dazed, Sehun stared at the figure that had gone back to being hunched over, his back to him, clearly miffed about something…

 

‘..ehh…Tao?’

 

 

‘………………..’ biting it down Tao slowly raised his head – the rush of pain that had suddenly blown in, out of nothing at all, like a summer squall, lowing dark clouds appearing where moments before the skies had been brilliant blue, the pang of.. like homesickness, but so much sharper – was there a word for this? He missed him!! He missed him so much, it.. even though he …he really…thought ..he might like the New Sehun, sometimes he missed the old one so much!! Being next to this Sehun was super exciting.. but  _sometimes_ – like..right now.. he’d remember something and – it was agony..  … It was silly he knew – last night had more’n proved that his Sehun was right there, right inside this one – but… still… so much had changed…Sehun's joke had suddenly brought it back, the anger and frustrated grief he'd thought he'd forgotten...  this was the way it  _always_ happened right? you'd be going along happily, playing and laughing, making up all these grand plans in your head, and out of the blue, he'd say something.. and you'd get your insides knocked out of you.. viciously... 

Sighing deeply, Tao turned back to him, pouting now, like Sehun had played a rather nasty trick on him. ‘Because! You used to only come upto here!’ He patted his midarm. ‘And then suddenly you’re some giant… Humph!’ Puffing out his breath, he tossed his head, sticking his nose in the air – startling the duck that had peered in at the window looking for scraps, making it squawk loudly in indignation as it hopped off ‘You used to be so cute, ne~~ you used to always look upto me… you used to sit with your head on my shoulder, and say ‘I’m going to sleep, if any monster comes, Tao fight it okay’…. Now you’re so big…. Stupid Sehun..just went and.. turned into The Hulk himself!’

 

‘………….’ Sehun swallowed soundlessly – he had no idea what he was saying, Tao's words blowing over his head incomprehensibly ... but for some reason his face felt like it was burning, his skin scorching itself – Tao’s voice.. the way he was pouting at him… his heart had stopped pounding to start squeezing on itself, the longing stirring up again, grating against his insides – ‘..Tao…’

 

 

‘Boys! Are you done~~’

‘Ah!’

‘…..ehrm.’ ’ehh’

 

‘Ah!! You still haven’t finished your milk! Hurry up, drink it all up, I want to see the glasses empty!’ Mrs Huang came in, clipping on her earrings as she walked, reaching for an empty glass that had been filled with watermelon juice and the plate with left over bits of toast –

‘Ah!’ Snapping out of his tension, and automatically putting on a bright face for her benefit [just as,across the table, Tao did the same], Sehun sprung for it, circumventing her as he quickly scraped off the crumbles of bread to the duck that had sidled back to peer in through the window, before laying the plate in the sink, and reaching for another -

‘ _Sehun_!! no, honey, you don’t have to do that!! Leave it, the maid will come and get them!’

‘Ehh…I’m just putting everything in the sink, I can do at least that much~~’

‘No, no – what a sweet little thing – did you see this, oh great highness who can’t even deign to help his mother ~’She pulled Sehun to her, hugging him as she teased Tao over his shoulder. ‘Once in a way, you ought to learn from him!’ As Tao protested loudly, insisting he always helped, she just laughed, and turned back to Sehun. ‘No, go on with you, shoo, let the maid do it – ah!! I’m going to be late – Take care, okay, you two! Don’t get into trouble, don’t burn down the house, don’t play soccer indoors, don’t open to door to strangers…  The maid will get your lunch ready.. the numbers are on the fridge, mine, dad’s, my assistant’s and the office lines… of course, I’m sure you have ours in your phones but.. I’ll be back about eight, I think, I’ll call if I’m going to be later – ah! If you get hungry just order some pizza or something.. – I mean _you_ , my dear son, don’t make Sehun do everything, just coz he’s such a sweetheart!!’ Even as Sehun smiled and waved at her instructions, she was pulling on her coat, slinging her handbag up over her shoulder and hurrying to the door, while Sehun followed, holding out her car keys and her stole. ‘If you want anything, there's a purse in my olive handbag, on my dresser..that should be enough… ah! Get my idiot son to go buy it, kay, little one, don’t let him boss you around!’

‘I’ll try~’ Sehun laughed, before holding out a travel mug. ‘Here!’

‘..ehh..??? What’s this?’

‘Coffee~~ I thought you’d like some for the road..’

‘…….Sehun!!!!’ She swooped down to hug him in gratitude, taking the cup and swigging a sip – ‘it’s _lovely_!!! Thank you, little one!! So thoughtful ne…~~ if you wanna stay here always, I’m more than ready to donate my son to your mom, k~~ ’  - setting both of them laughing at the indignant cries from the kitchen, she waved and strode into the drive way , Sehun calling out ‘bye’ and ‘take care’ behind her.

 

 

 

Still grinning, Sehun shut the door, waving till she was out of sight.. before leaning against the cool wood, pressing his eyelids against it for a long moment, his smile fading. The silence wrapped against his skull like a tunnel making the thumping of his heart seem that much louder, the crimson blossoming on his cheeks again… Gradually, slowly straightening up, he turned around and made his way back, his heart feeling like it was closer to exploding with each step…

 

 

 Only..

 

 

The kitchen was empty.

 

The fresh, bright spring sun played over the remnants of their breakfast, the quacking of the ducks sounding more like a party horn than ever as they fought over the scraps Sehun had thrown out to them…. The fork Tao had been using caught the sunlight over its silver prongs, fracturing it into a thousand crystals dazzling him, and the grass of the backyard gleamed fluorescent, artistically blending in the corner of his eyes with the polished sheen of the wooden table..

 

_So cute, he’d said.._

 

 _For a moment when he’d said that, when he was remembering.. he’d looked so…_ possessive

 

_I…_

 

 

 

His mind whirring, Sehun spun about, taking the stairs two at a time, making his way upstairs, to Tao’s bedroom, anticipation and a hammering urgency mixed with a hesitation… that grew larger the closer he got, his feet slowing down, an abrupt spike of nerves hitting him as he pushed open the door. The sunlight blew in golden meringues of spring over the room, even brighter and more pervasive here, with a clear line to the open sky… bleaching the pale wooden floors, glinting off the metal clips of the pens on Tao’s desk, and soaking into the beanbags at the side.. washing warmest over the tumble of pristine white sheets and covers that lay piled and tangled in the middle over the futons.. and the dark head that lay motionless on them. 


	15. Chapter Fifteen - ... And the Bigger Green Monster

 

Steeling himself, Sehun stepped in, his treads soft as he rounded the corner of the futons, to slowly walk upto Tao, ignoring the way he turned his head away, burying it deeper in the pillow as he approached.  ‘…Taotao?’ Gently Sehun knelt beside him, biting his lower lip as he reached out a hand to tap his shoulder. ‘Tao.’

 

 

‘Taotao!!’

 

……………………….

 

 

Still the back – that broad back, the shoulders firm and strong, the dip of his lower back so sharp it could hold a cup of water, before rising, cresting and swelling into...  _those.._  – stayed motionless, totally unresponsive.

 

‘… Huang Zitao, if you don’t reply in the next three seconds, I’m going to punch your face!’

 ‘AHHAAA!!???? Ticked off, Tao spun about – only to see the crowing grin on his face, as Sehun gleefully poked a finger in his chest ‘Ha ha made you look~~’

‘…hgdhr…’ Quickly, Tao turned away again – a light blush starting to creep over his cheek.

But ‘…Tao!’ Sehun’s grin had already faded – his voice breathless with dismay as he reached his fingers to his face –  _Tao was.._

 

_the red eyes, the tears brimming over.._

 

Gently – though his hand was trembling – Sehun stroked his cheek, wiping away a tear on his thumb. ‘Tao…!’ he whispered. ‘My Taotao..what..what's wrong???’

 

_Why_

 

_Whyy!!!_

 

_What the hell – nothing – NOTHING made sense!! Why was…_

 

 

_He’d just been saying I wascute.. n..then…_

 

 

 

_Urghh! My chest hurts._

 

‘Nothing!’ Growling, Tao tossed his head away, burying his face in the pillow again.

‘Tao!!!’ Sehun’s tone was sharper than he meant it to be – but he was so worried – and really, seeing Tao crying.. it was like the old times, when Tao would start crying for no understandable reason, and then he’d start too, only coz Tao was.. he remembered exactly how it’d felt now, the lump in his throat suffocating..his insides twisting, a strange iciness in his skull

And when he had no clue why, how the fuck could he just..

 

‘Tao!!! What the hell!!’ What happened,  _tell me_ !!’

 

‘… hgrum Its nothing! Just…leave me alone!!’

 

‘Of course I’m not going to!!’ Sehun was almost straddling him now, draping himself over Tao as he struggled to see his face, to try and understand – panicking for real now

 

 

 

He hadn’t expected it to happen like that - Suddenly – out of nowhere, out of nothing at all, right there in the most ridiculous time and place possible, in his mother’s kitchen, after a perfectly delightful, fun meal, in absolute camaraderie – just like that, the old grievances flooded into Tao - the pain of having lost his best friend, and the thought that they could never go back to being the way they were…probably.. never ever have that again – the relationship where he was the only one Sehun looked at, the only one Sehun talked to or played with… To be honest, somehow it had become even harder now – after yesterday.. after spending all day playing around with Sehun, it just seemed a gazillion times worse that  _he_ wasn’t the  _only_ one Sehun would do these things with  - he’d probably have as much fun with Lu Han and his other friends, right?? He could laugh with them and play and goof around with them..  _hold hands_ … _and cuddle up with when they slept_ …  and even though he always thought that he didn't like the new Sehun, and all these new Sehun bits, even though he put it down to him just ‘not liking the New Sehun’, somehow the thought of this New Sehun doing all this stuff with someone else was just a  ** _gazillion_** times worse than any of his earlier imaginings - coz everytime before, when he'd gotten mad about his perfidy, in his mind, he's somehow automatically pictured  _the old_ Sehun hanging out with the others, and that was what had made him that riled up..everyone getting to know his Sehun was unforgivable! But after yesterday..… it was the  _new_ Sehun who filled his jealous fantasies and when he pictured  _this_  Sehun, tall and confident and just… so damn hot, hanging out with everyone else….  he just..

_** He just couldn’t bear it ** **!** _ _!!!!!!!_

It made him feel so… alone? and dissatisfied and insecure in a way he'd never experienced before... he..just… really really really really missed the old one, the one who just only looked at him!!!!!!!!!!   _everything’s so different now.._ like for the first time in two days, he’d been reminded of what that really meant by Sehun’s joke…   

 

Not realising himself how much he’d already accepted the ‘new Sehun’ – [just a day ago, it would have been unthinkable to reveal so much to him, to pout like that and spill exactly what was hurting him, when it was so embarrassing – in fact, the ‘old’ Sehun was the  _only_  person he’d have said something like this too!] – Tao had taken the opportunity granted by Sehun walking his mom to the door [internally really annoyed even by that, 'Stupid idiot - even sucking up to  _mom_!! Ha! i bet she'd like that, keep him here always - why not, everyone wants him around, everyone wants to spend time with him, wow, Oh Sehun, so super charming and thoughtful and sweet and  _AARRRGHHH!!!'_ ] to stomp up the stairs, going into his room to flop into the futons – where they'd been sleeping wrapped up like…. Like they used to  _before_ … burying his face in Sehun’s abandoned pillow [he’d preferred Tao’s chest or shoulder or arm] in frustration.

 

‘Tao!!!! I’m serious…please!’

‘.. It’s..nothing..’ his voice was muffled – hitching as a sob broke out  

 ‘It's NOT  _nothing_ is it!???? Tell me! Didn't we promise we wouldn’t keep secrets from each other???’ – they had – one of those afternoons they’d played down by the stream, he'd forgotten what had led upto it, or why they’d felt the need, but he remembered it perfectly, his desperation making his memory crystal clear as he struggled to find the argument that would convince Tao to let him in – the golden pink sunset, they’d spit on their hands and shook, promising – ‘ You  _swore_  to me, we shook on it! How can you just break your promise now, just coz!! ’

 

_Please!!!!!!!!!! Please don't shut me out!! Please Tao, please i can't... just tell me!!! It's me, right? You trust me, right? Don't turn me away!!_

 

‘…. I……Fine!! You wanna know,  _fine_!! I  _miss_ you, okay?!??’ Tao snapped up, his eyes glittering in anger - sitting up, so he was level with Sehun. ‘Not..not you’ – waving a hand over him – ‘ _my_ you – the you when you were little.. I really really  _really_ don’t like this, ‘ – waving the hand again – ‘all this, okay!??!? Well… I mean..’ – blushing, his hand rose to cover his mouth, his eyes suddenly shifting away, not meeting Sehun’s – ‘I don’t..that is to say.. well, its fine, but I still want  _my_ Sehun! You used to be so… _cute!!_ Do you even remember?? I was the  _only_ one you’d talk to.. you always held onto my hand, you never drifted far from my side… whenever anyone tried to talk to you.. whenever we played with the other kids..or.. anything! You only talked to me.. you only smiled at me, you only wanted to hang out with me.. even if the others were there, you'd get bored in the shortest while, and pull me away, so it would just be the two of us -But now!!! Now you’re… your’re so tall, and big, you don’t… arrghh’ as the tears started spilling out again, Tao viciously slammed his palms against his eyes, turning away, right around – but now he’d started the word kept spilling out, hitching and veering and unsteady but still breaking through – ‘You talk to everyone so easily.. you play around, you can goof around with anyone, everyone loves you – and of course, how can they help it – the whole fucking school,  _everybody_ here, even mom and ...but I can’t.. i… the way you smile at them!! Not just.. Lu  Han and the others, but even Yu!!’ He spun back to look straight at Sehun, the tears coursing down his face in a steady torrent as he glared at him, the words chocking his throat, sniffling and sobbing .‘ You just…I hate it okay!! You’re just only supposed to stay a step behind me, holding my hand, keeping close by my side wherever we are!!! Why the  _FUCK_ did you have to just go and... My own tiny adorable little Sehun…. You never went beyond an arm’s distance from me…. Now look at you… tall… talks to everyone just like..  _smiles_ at them.. ARRGHH!!!!  **That was _mine_!!  _My_ smile!!!** ‘

 

‘Tao…..’  Sehun slowly dropped the hands he had clapped over his mouth in horror, flabbergasted.. reaching out to stroke Tao’s face – but nervously.. stopping, pulling it down before he touched him.. Drawing himself together, he clenched his fists,  _what?_ his nails biting into his palms – welcoming the pain – focusing on it,  _what...what..what?!??????_ fixing it in his mind.. unable to understand anything that was happening, anything Tao was saying, his mind whirring - falling back on his old tracks of thought - after all, that was the only thing that made sense, it  _had_ to be... taking a deep breath

 

_Used to….._

 

_What!????????????????!?!?!?!?!?!_

 

 

‘But…. But Tao….’

 

‘……’

 

_My smile…my smile… he..he just…_

 

 

‘Tao! I used… i… but.. but wasn’t that exactly it?? I kept following you around, I kept clinging to you.. I couldn’t even talk to anyone, if someone wanted to ask me something they’d have to ask you.. I …. I was so annoying!!! I was such a pest to you, right! Right.. of course… ahaha, Obviously no one likes to be followed about like that.. like I was a dog or something ha ha .. i.. – ‘

 

‘….huh??’ Tao snapped up to look right at Sehun,his expression one of utter blankness – like Sehun had uddenly started speaking a language he didn’t even know.

 

‘…Tao!! But I’m not like that any longer, right?? I worked super hard!! Even when it was soo difficult, I did my best.. I kept thinking i..’  _if I could ever meet you again_ ‘I would never be like that again.. it took a long time but I did it, I learnt it all – how to talk to other people, how to laugh and play around with them… so now you.. now you ..won’t… feel sorry for me anymore, you wont force yourself to hang out with me out of pity..’

 

‘…… pity…’ Still looking at him like he was an alien, Tao repeated the word forming the two syllables in his mouth like he’d no idea what they meant – till – ‘ HUH!!???? What the hell.. Sehun!! I only..i.. I only said that coz we were..ya know..fighting –‘ whispering the word like it was a really bad swear – ‘I didn't meant that!!!!!!!!!! It was only cause I was… we were fighting.. and i was upset and I was trying to deny it by saying the exact opposite thing, like I could make it real, so I wouldn’t care even if you…….Wait.. learnt it…  _ON PURPOSE!!?????_ to talk to people….that.. but even when you  _came_ you were already –  _BEFORE??!! You did that before we even fought!!!_ … What!??? WHY!???!?’

 

 

‘..huh..’ 

This time it was Sehun’s turn to blank out. ‘be…because I told you why! I couldn’t be like that anymore, right!?? I was such a  _pest_  to you!! Clinging to you and making you drag me everywhere..’

 

 

‘..Sehun… you… who … WHOEVER said that??? Are you stupid!! Which… what..  _what!???_ First of all – you – I – for God’s sake, what sort of fantasy world are you living in!!!! Follow -  _following_  - fuck, Who was the one who always decided what we’d do, where we’d go, how we’d play!??? I was the one ‘following’, bloody wasn't I!!! I… for …my god, you were the bossy sassy one, you idiot!! I just.. I just take care of you is all! At least.. i… that’s all I’ve ever wanted, to be allowed to stay by you, to watch out for you, to.. – and secondly,  _are you stupid_!! I loved that more than anything!!! Feeling your hand in mine – Wherever, whenever. i always knew within a minute, you'd slip your hand in mine.. it was.. it was the surest thing for me, i knew it so perfectly well, i was so confident - no matter where or when  i just had to stick out my hand, and you'd take it - I  _adored_ that more than anything, the way you stuck close to me, like - ‘

 

‘..but.. no, Tao! You hated that, right?? Just coz you were so sweet.. you.. you put up with me.. I couldn’t even talk to anyone, I would’ve been..’ swallowing as his words spluttered and tripped over themselves, Sehun struggled – desperately wanting him to see, to understand -  ‘and if it weren’t for that – if you hadn’t been so sweet… you know how kids normally are, ha, right from when I went to kindergarten!’

_that’s right!! Even then!! All of them were just Tao’s age – that’s what you were supposed to be like too… even though you were not, that’s how you were thinking, right?_

'I couldn’t talk to anyone, and everyone – the first day they had our parents stay with us throughout – I think they were trying to ease us into it, you know.. But the next day we were on our own.. some of the other kids were kicking up a fuss, but I was so excited, I thought..when I got on the big yellow bus, I thought.. Tao… because you’d always disappear off on the bus every morning, and I had to wait for you, I just made up this idea that you’d be there, in ‘School’, I thought it was…  but the next day..and the next day… you weren’t…  we had our own little desks, and everyone was already making friends by then, everybody played together.. but I kept.. they were all so noisy!! They were all talking and yelling and all of them were – I couldn’t…i needed you, i didn't know how to breathe and then, that evening, they all came up to me – this big group – well, at least they looked so big then – a bunch of guys, they grouped around my desk, and they all started.. whats wrong with you.. cant you speak.. why cant you speak.. are you stupid are you dumb.. they were tugging on my clothes, and.they were all surrounding me, i couldn't even keep track of who was talking everything was spinning i was so scared I couldn’t say a word – not even make a sound of any sort, I wanted to yell at them to stop, I was so mad – I was so mad, but I was so scared, my heart was going crazy, and I felt like my stomach was filled with lead and my clothes were icky and clammy… i… I finally worked up to it, I opened my mouth..and..threw up. All over my brand new shoes, I was retching and heaving, my whole body shaking…  they kept on at me after that –all of them, for the whole two years, there wasn’t a single kid who didn't call me names, or.. ‘

 

‘….Se…..hun.’

 

‘Ah! Ah its okay, thats ancient history’ Sehun quickly patted his knee, nervously wiping his upper lip at the look on Tao’s face – at his face twisted in horrified anguish, reaching to stroke his cheek as fresh torrents of tears spilled out of his eyes – ‘but  ** _that’s why_**  – I realised, that’s what normal kids are like, no one..would… and if it wasn’t for my Wushu master bodyguard, I’d have faced that even before, right, ehehe..  so I  _had_  to learn for myself, to stand on my own feet – even you, I was just forcing myself on you – the me I was, I was stupid and scared and… but you were always so nice to me – even though you must’ve really felt like all those other kids, inside.. that's what any kid would be like right? When faced with someone like me.. Of course Tao must've been thinking the same -  ’

 

‘SEHUN!!!’ Tao’s voice was choked – yet bursting with a sudden fury that had Sehun snapping up, the thread of thoughts in his head slipping away – ‘you said this before too!! Why would you say that!!I – I..I absolutely loved it okay!! I loved having you with me all the time, I wanted to be close to you  _all the time_  – it was me as much as it was you, you idiot, i was clinging to you as hard the entire time, it wasn’t pity, it wasn’t ‘forced’, I’ve never felt  _pity_ for you – how –  _why_ would you even think that!!! I enjoyed it - MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE!!!! when I’m with you, I always just have so much fun!! I never have as much fun with anyone as I have with you.. everything just feels so right, perfect.. its so special to me, that I was the only one you’d open up to.. in my heart, I was  _always_ gloating over it, looking down at all the other kids – ha, you don’t know my Sehun like I do.. why do you think I was so.. mad all this while, ever since you showed up.. at school.. I was so excited for days,I planned so much, all the places I wanted to take you to, and everything we’d do, and…..and ‘pity’!?? Sehun that time, it was just – to put it siimply it was nothing more than an absolute lie! It was just coz we were fighting’

 

‘..but… but look, Tao… its obvious! Of course you would.. I was.. you even said that to Cece right, it was – ‘

 

 

 

 

 


	16. Chapter Sixteen - Salad Days

 

 

‘ _How the FUCK did you know about that!!_ ’

 

 

‘..eh? Ah..i heard.. I overheard you talking to her – it’s normal, right, of course you’d – ‘

 

‘SEHUN!!! That – that was a whole different thing!! I made all that up!!!!!!!!! obviously – ha.. I  - that was the stupidest, dumbest most far out crap I ever made up  - I mean, what else was I supposed to do, she just wouldn’t – ‘ Abruptly, he stopped – spluttering, his face suddenly turning red, his fingers rising to cover his mouth.. before he braced himself to go through with it-  _or at least push through, I can’t -_    ‘anyway..anyway, I made that up coz she was being annoying! She’s  _such_  a pain, I had to, but…  ALL of it,  _every last word,_   **none**  of it was true at all, not one  _iota_  of anything resembling reality, gottit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway –  _anyway!!_ ’ His eyes suddenly blazing, he grabbed Sehun’s shoulders – almost shaking it in his outrage – ‘You actually thought I said that??  _That I believed that!?? ‘_

 

 _‘_ ……Ye…ah…’ He felt dazed – he ought to have just been happy – of course he was overjoyed.. ecstatic.. but he couldn’t – it was all – it was like this moment every single longing, every single thing he’d ever wanted had started just crashing into his hands, everything he ever wanted was his – and he couldn’t even process it –

 

‘Then HOW THE FUCK could you!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are you an idiot?????????????????!!!!!!!  _how_  could you keep talking to someone, how could you hang out with or play around with someone whom you thought believed those things about you!!!!!!! You thought I was actually saying those things.. and you’re still  _talking_  to me!???!!!!!!? If I had - Ha!!!!!!!’ he was shaking – his eyes still red, his cheeks wet with the tears that still wracked a sob through him every now and then – but he was so angry he was grimacing, his teeth actually grinding – ‘I’d..i’d… if anyone actually – about Sehun, I’d -  _how could you!!!’_

‘…but… I thought…’

‘Sehun!!!!!!!! Look, I’ve never ever ever thought that, okay!! Even when I’m maddest at you – harharharhahahanot, fuck it was the exact opposite! When you showed up, after all this while, and you… you were so different, You could talk to anyone you wanted, you could laugh and smile at them, the way you only used to with me… you had friends right off the bat, people to do all the things I’d planned to do with you, people to hang out with and spend all your time with…  you.. you don’t need me anymore.. I.. when I heard you were coming, I was  _so_  excited, you have no idea, the happiest I’ve been in ten fucking years, it was so stupid, but I just.. I assumed it would be just the same, ya know? God, how stupid was that… like ten years was nothing, like you would’ve remained exactly the same…I thought  _we’d_  be the same we were before.. you always by my side, together, and we wouldn’t need another damn human being, coz we were all that mattered, but then you showed up and…  _none of it mattered to you anymore_.. you had anyone and everyone you wanted as your friends, to do everything you wanted with.. what the hell did some random guy you’d once been friends with a long while back even matter?? I didn’t count at all, right.. you had  _everyone_  eating out of your hand, n I… I couldn’t bear watching it! And the way you wiped it out – so brutally and completely, wiped  _him_  out, the boy I knew.. my bestest best friend.. it was like you’d actually just killed the person I’d give anything to protect, the person i.. i…loved more than anything and the person I’d always thought of as  _mine_  to take care of... you just erased him.. and our relationship… and me… you didn't want me anymore,  _you don’t need me_ … I can’t.. I don’t know what to do to get that back!!!!!! Sehun, tell me, what am I supposed to do?? I just… I can’t lock myself in the bathroom and cry anymore, but everytime I see you, it’s like I’ve lost my best friend over again – everytime I see you, you’re further away, with your new friends, and your new life, and you don’t give a shit about what we had, but I… I just want that back more than  _anything_ , okay, I can’t  _bear_  thinking about how it’s all gone, that I’ll never have it again… I’ll never be important to you like that, I’ll never be someone you absolutely need like that again – no, it’s so greedy, but I want to be the  _most_  important one to you again, but obviously, there's no way-‘

 

‘…Tao!!! Are- How-  _ **What**_!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s so not true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The – I – the  _only_  reason I did that was  - I made sure I had friends so you wouldn’t feel sorry for me, you’d be.. you’d only hang out with me coz you  _liked_  me, not..out of pity, or anything… even though they’re really nice, all of them, they’re fun to hang out with, it’s  _obviously n-o-w-h-e-r-e_  near what it’s like being with you!!! You’re the only one I wanted to be with.. to spend all my time with, all day, every day, if I got to spend every second with you, nothing would have made me happier!!! I thought.. I kept making sure I wrangled invitations from the others coz I didn’t want you to be bored hanging out with just me, I didn’t want you to think I had no one else to go with, and  _just_  for that reason…. But everytime you’d refuse and turn me down, and I thought.. I thought you just..didn’t like me, you  hadn’t all along, but now you just weren’t putting up with me anymore and then of course, I’d go out with them and go crazy coz I was mad and.. be all like ‘who needs Tao’, but i… all that while, I really did!! Everytime, I keep.. I kept thinking if Tao was here, if Tao was here.. Of course I still.. matter? Tao, you’re absolutely the  _only_  one who does!!!!!! For every single moment for the past ten years, what we had is  _all_  I’ve thought about!!! I thought.. God, I totally believed if I was the same, you’d just be putting up with me, and I couldn’t bear that!! You were my whole world, you  _are_   - and.. I couldn’t bear the thought of not being that important to you too, I – it’s stupid, oh god, I’m sorry, but I kept.. I kept thinking if only I’d been different, you’d have liked me more, then you.. you’d never have let them take me away, my parents, you’d never have let them move me away – ‘

‘Tak-‘

‘ah! No, no, you don’t have to say anything  – I  _know_  it was stupid, you were only six, i didn’t.. I didn’t realise it till.. recently, but that’s what I thought, that no matter what, however difficult it was I had to become so strong that you’d.. actually like me, and I’d become indispensible to you so that next time.. you’d never let anything separate us.. Tao, there's  _no one_  else I absolutely  _need_  so desperately and completely!! Just coz.. just coz I can speak to other people, or hang out with them, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re light years above everyone and anyone else for me.. I’d obviously rather be with you!! The only reason I forced myself to stop feeling anxious around people was so I’d be at a position equal to you… I couldn’t keep leaning on you.. I wanted to be someone you’d respect, see as your equal, not some charity project, I – ‘

‘ _Sehun!!!_  When have I ever looked at you as a ‘charity project’!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve  _always_  respected you – ‘

‘…and I want to be someone whom  _you_  would lean on too!! I wanted to be strong enough that I could protect you and take care of you and watch out for you too!! I don’t… i..- ‘

‘…Sehun..’ Tao’s voice was quiet, his eyes hooded and unreadable. ‘Sehun, you’ve always,  _always_  been that, though. Whenever I was upset about something.. whenever I was worried.. just talking to yo-no, just even  _seeing_  your face was enough… even when we were talking about something..totally unrelated, it made me feel like everything would be okay… whenever I was troubled about something, I’d think n think n stress about it for hours, who was the one I’d go to, who was the one who, with just a single word, could turn my problems on their head??? Didn’t you realise how much I was already leaning on you?!?! I…’ He looked up at him – directly right at him, his eyes filled with so much tenderness, the lump in Sehun’s throat expanded to fill the galaxy… Slowly, he reached up his hand, his fingers hooking around to stroke the side of Sehun’s face, gently tugging at the strands of hair that were blowing onto his cheeks.  ‘I…’  

 

 

‘……………………..’ He couldn’t help it then – swallowing, pushing It down, clenching his fists – nothing could stop the tears filling his eyes, and reaching his limit, Sehun gave in – crashing forward with a sob, he slammed his face into Tao’s chest, breaking down -  his shoulders heaving as Tao wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into his lap. holding him as tight as he could, squeezing him, and burying his face in his neck as he burst into tears too –

 

 

But it wasn’t sadness at all – though a sharp bittersweet pain lanceted itself through them, it was still hidden deep under the relief – all these days.. no, all these years  _the whole plan.. omg.._  they’d been so silly, thinking he..  _but he ..he still…_   they’d kept missing each other – they’d reach out desperately everytime but in the absolute wrong direction and their fingers would close on empty air  _all this while they’d just kept..assuming…_ Breaking into giggles as they cried, chuckling through their tears, Sehun angling his face up, into the hollow between Tao’s collar bones, his fingers stroking Taos face, as Tao pressed kisses to the top of his head..

‘..We…’

‘…hmmn.. honestly….’

‘..we really…’

Chuckling and sobbing, holding each other…..

Sniffling as they wiped each other’s eyes, and patted and petted each other, comfortingly… their spasms jerking through them soon slipped into mirth, their tears fading as they started laughing more…

 

And more….

 

Till they were sputtering with hoots, throwing their heads back to shout with glee, falling about against each other, and pounding their limbs into the mattress in paroxysms

 

‘…omg….you  _idiot!’_

_‘you idiot!!Haahhhaaa!’_

‘…I can’t..omgmystomachhurts fuck bwaahhhaaa’

‘You actually…’

‘….bwahhhaaaaa!! omg.. omg..’

‘…where did…you …even…’

‘I can’t imagine how you…’

Covering his mouth with a hand as he laughed, Sehun scoorched upwards – Tao had flopped over backwards, laughing so hard, dragging Sehun with him – and he rubbed his face into his neck, lying against his chest…Tao’s voice rumbling through his skin  ‘God, stupid Sehun..’

‘Stupid  _Tao_.. Ah!!’ Suddenly, abruptly, he stopped short, his voice sobering ‘Tao…’

‘…Eh?’

‘What was that about though? With Cece..’ Nervously, Sehun fiddled with the button on Tao’s shirt, twisting it this way and that, prodding at his chest. ‘ _Why_  did you.. Ah! No no, I mean, I gettit, of course, I know you were just shooting your mouth off – but like,  _why_? She was ‘annoying’? What happened??’

‘Ehh!!! That’s..’ Tao’s voice was a growl – the laughter totally gone as he turned his head away, moving his hands off Sehun’s waist. ‘That’s none of your business!’

 

‘….Haa!!??’ Startled, Sehun hauled himself up on an elbow to look at him –  _shit Tao had sounded –_  but it didn’t take more’n one glance at the crimson blush, and the way he was chewing the inside of his cheek to let Sehun know, far from accidently having put his foot in it –  _again_  -  he was actually onto something really juicy – he had no idea what, but this.. this face of Tao’s was…  _really… fuck-on cute_  – this shyness something rare, Tao was always so sure and together around him, and  _he_  was the one blushing and bashful – the sudden sense of having the upper hand, to make  _Tao_  dance to him for once, it felt so delicious, fizzy pleasure sparking up and down his insides, and hooting, Sehun sat up, straddling Tao’s waist and gripping his thighs against his sides, locking his fingers into Tao’s to brace his weight as he bent over him. ‘Ooohhh yes it is!! Spill!!’

‘HA!!! No way!!’

‘Hu-ang-Zi-Ta-o!! Tell me, tell me, tell me!! Tell me or…. Or..  You’re a giant cabbage!!

‘ _You’re_  the giant cabbage!! You carrot!!’

‘Don’t make this about vegetables, you turnip!!’ giggling, Sehun leant down all the way – puckering his mouth to blow raspberries against Tao’s cheek, the soft sensitive skin of his lips grazing against his stubble –  _scratchy_  …  _almost painful..but not quite… kinda like.._

‘ _Tell_  me!!C’moooon~~ ’

‘Say please.’

‘PLEASE!!!!!!’ Enthusiastically, Sehun pronounced, almost bouncing up and down on Tao

‘….eh?’

‘Tao!!  _Please please please_  you stupid radish!!’

‘….pft~’ Struggling to hide his laughter, Tao tossed his head, pulling his lips together as he blew out a burst of air

‘….AHHH!!!’ Gasping, Sehun gawped down.. speechless.. at this betrayal ’I  _said_  please!!’

‘..so?’ Tao giggled, looking up at his cheeks puffed out in outrage out of the corner of his eyes, still not deigning to meet his eyes. ‘I never said I’d  _tell_  if you said ‘please’…’

‘……….. Huang Zitao!!! You  _evil_  you … you  _monster,_  you  _supervillain_  you– ‘

‘Okay, okay, fine then, if you wanna know so bad…………. snort up a whole spoonful of wasabi and I’ll tell you~~’

‘…………………………’

Both of them burst into laughter as Tao turned back, triumphantly raising an eyebrow  up at Sehun, who whooped as he stuck his tongue out at him, flipping him off with both hands, without un-locking his other fingers from between Tao’s. ‘You  _weirdo,_  that’s one kink of yours I’m not gonna go along with, ya hear~’ 

 _‘Ah, is that so,_  does that mean you’re gonna go along with the  _rest_  of ‘ _my kinks’,_  then~~’

 

The next second Sehun flew up off of him –  _nonono not_   ** _shit_**   _– his eyes – omg he looked –_  Tao had growled up at him – even though he was still smiling, the words he’d spoken teasing and playful, the whole air in the room had been sucked out, suddenly he’d not found one shred of humour in the situation –  _i mean, he was joking, I’m sure ehahhaa of course he was joking holyfuuckk  - his eyes –_  he’d glowered up at Sehun, the playful teasing smile stopping miles from his burning, hooded, fucking dangerous eyes -  _like he was really really gonna rip off his clo – NOOOO no no no Oh Sehun stop!!!!!!!_   - tumbling his body over to the far side of the futon, before springing up – as Tao sat up, his confusion at his sudden rocketing off clear as he spelled ‘Se…Hun?’, and hastily, Sehun held his hand out – sticking it back behind himself to wave at him, while keeping his face turned away –  _shitshitshitSHIT… shit.. don’t – keep it together, me, please_  – ‘Let’s go get some ice cream!’ snapping about, willing his face into a big happy beam  _and nothing else!!_  His eyes almost closing as he smiled – ‘It’s so hot! Let’s go get some, ne!!’  _keep moving keep moving_

 

‘Ohohoho!!’ Happily, Tao grasped his hand, hauling himself up. ‘Giving up, are we~~ Tao one, Sehun… Sehun… Hmm, what was it again.. oh yeah, that’s right -  _Zero_ ~~’

‘HAA??!! Who the hell wants to know anyway!! I’m sure it’s some.. stupid.. dumb nonsense as usual, ha!! More importantly, I want one of those shaved-ice cones… with like, cherry syrup on top!!!’

‘You mean,  _sour grape_  flavour~~’ Still smirking, while silently fervently thanking every single God in the firmament, that a.] Sehun had given up on trying to find out,  _fuck what would I have done.._  and b.] He’d gotten off him when he did –  _If he’d kept wiggling on top of my hips for one second – and I mean, ONE SECOND longer, I fuckinSWEARfuckingidontevenCARE anymore I’m not even kidding….. fuck, ha! Kinks – fuckin idiot, did he even realise what he said, that he’d go along with all of my kinks?? Was that a fucking invitation!?!?!?!??!?!_  Was that a fucking invitation,  _bouncing up and down on me with his stupid PJ shirt, I can practically see right through it, okay, and my cheek’s still wet from your fuckin lips – like, seriously, how the fuck are they that pink!!???!!? [and soft.] [and just…fuck!!]_  Tao let go of his hand, going over to his closet.

 

 _‘_ I’m sure there’ll be one of those stalls –‘ his voice gravelly – _almost like he was choking?? -_   he pulled off his shirt, hauling it up off the back of his neck and over his head in a single smooth movement that sent Sehun almost into hyperventilation, as it flashed over to reveal his tanned, bronze back, the skin rippling over the muscles that etched themselves beneath  ‘down at the beach, they usually have loads of those little wheeled carts – ah!’ holding the tee shirt he’d picked out, he spun back, his eyes narrowed in warning at Sehun – who was trying his hardest to stare while not looking at all –  _ohhhboy You FUCKINGIDIOT Tao – shameless!! cantyou-Don’t just-ughhfhh –fuckfuckicanseehis –_  the strands of hair on his chest, the indentations of his abs, the hollow of his belly button… ‘but no..ya know..’

 

 

 

‘Ah..’ 

The look on Tao’s face stemmed the strange heat crawling over his skin and drawing the blood to his head, the breathless shyness and the pounding twisting nerves  – and laughing, Sehun bounced over to him. He really got it, now.. somehow.. in the back of his mind, he realised he’d seen this same broody, moody, cautionary expression any number of times the past few days –no, even before, in school, too!! Suddenly it was so shocking that he’d never been able to figure it out what it meant, that he’d been reading it so wrong all this while – it was the  _yummiest –_  this gleeful feeling, pop rocks and candy in his heart, neon balloons under his feet.. This super possessive Tao was so unbelievably sexy – but fuck just this expression made him so damn  _happy_  he didn't even have any space inside of himself to think about how luscious his pouting lips looked, or how sharp his jaw when he stuck it out like that…   Reaching for the tee Tao was halfway into, Sehun bunched it up over his head – playfully getting him all twisted in it, making him yelp and try to pull away as he seized the opportunity [with Tao’s hands trapped in the middle of the coiled sleeves] to start tickling him. ‘Come on, hurry up~~ Stupid Taotao thinking stupid things when I want ice!! Get dressed!! Stop wasting time!’ 

 

 


	17. Chapter Seventeen - The Infamous Blood Dragon Crime Syndicate

 

 

 

‘…you! nglkdj!!’ spluttering, his voice muffled under the fabric, Tao finally had enough - lifting his leg, he spun around in a blur of strength, using the momentum to yank his hands free, while he simultaneously hooked his knee around Sehun’s thighs – sending him toppling forward, gasping a cry – continuing his spin, completing the revolution just in time that Sehun crashed into him, his outstretched hands clapping over Tao’s chest, while he held his body firm, clenching his muscles hard to brace Sehun’s weight – before bundling him into his arms, and dragging him into the closet. ‘Who’s the one wasting time, huh, idiot! You’re the one still in PJs – ‘ he marched him over to where a tall wooden partition bordered the hangers, divided into square segments, each filled with –  ‘So are _you,_ still in - Ah!! This shirt is so cute!’ Sehun grabbed it – a blue plaid button down, holding it up. ‘I’ve never seen Tao wear this..’ ‘Uh-huh~ keep looking there's more’ But Sehun was already on it – ‘Ah! This one – and this white one.. ooh, I love this jacket too, the bars here look really cool..and this hoodie…….  –

 

 

AGDRAAAAAHHHH! _Tao!!_ **Stop**!!!!! _What are you doing_!!’ in panic Sehun leapt away, his hands clutching at his shirt like a startled maiden surprised by such bold overtures.

 

‘…huh? Try it on!’

 

‘…ahjg…iajhd…. I can dress _myself_!’

 

‘…eh? No you can’t, you take too long, c’mere!’

 

‘…. ……..‘

Full-fledged panic ripped through Sehun as Tao closed in – the closet, while stuffed to proportions that suited a wholesale clothing retailer rather than a teen’s bedroom, was still narrow..and dark.. with an almost chilly draft blowing in from somewhere..the clothes pressing in from all sides made their voices muffled and deep, even his hurried breathing sounding echoed and tubular..  everything combining to make it a really _really_ bad place to be stuck with this towering fucking beast of a guy – _like the way he can move is one thing, but damnit, he’s so strong too!! He can lift me about or hold me down or push me over so easily, he can do anything he wants, I … –_ especially when he was intent on getting you out of your.. _fuck..fuckclo….clot….clothes!!!!!!_

 ‘Ah! But what’s up with all these, they’re so not your style!’ Desperately Sehun picked up the shirt he’d dropped, in self defence, holding it between them like a shield, while pretending to be unconcernedly examining it. ‘..ehh? Aah.. this is my Sehun collection.’

 

 

Forgetting he was supposed to be avoiding eye contact, Sehun frowned up at him, bewildered. ‘Huh?’

 

 

‘..ah…er..erm….’ Suddenly sheepish, Tao looked away [Even though, once more, he had no clue _why_ , Sehun was so thoroughly pleased with Tao becoming blushingly discomfited again – _fuck this has_ got _to be my absolute favourite Tao-expression EVER!! It’s soo cute, omo look at him!!!-_ that he missed most of the explanation], rubbing the back of his head.. before his nervous fingers moved to cover his lips. ‘Well..ya know, when people buy me stuff – like, that.. jacket I think my mom bought it.. you know.. I’d keep all that in those shelves, coz.. ‘      _even when I wasn’t thinking of you, for some reason I didn't even know myself.._

‘…ehh….’

 

‘ _Whatever_! Come on, get dressed already, you were the one saying don’t waste time, right’

 

‘.ah…. ah! Stoppit!!!! Oy!! Waahaa – ‘ ducking under Tao’s arms, Sehun escaped out into the bedroom, nervously speaking nineteen to a dozen as he waved the shirt he was still holding, reaching for a pair of shorts from his travel bag that stood against the far side of the room.  ‘Aah, I’m going to have a shower first and get changed, okay, whaa~ a shower in the morning feels so good, it keeps you fresh all day long, Tao just get dressed, I’ll be out in like, a minute, then we can go, right? Right!’ waving energetically behind him, Sehun fled into the bathroom – kicking the door closed, flicking the lock, before he leant against it – closing his eyes, the insides of his lids a cooling, soothing dark after the red glow that had suffused and spilled, spreading through him earlier..

  
 

 

 

 

 

 

By the time the boys were walking down the street hand-in-hand, he’d gotten himself back in control – kinda, though at some point he’d have to deal with the huge amount of confused mixed-up feelings he kept shoved deep inside about the shower..that had..kinda taken more than a minute [the guilt perversely only aggravated by the fact that a certain … part.. of it _had_ just taken a minute, though] [ _I was just..really close to the edge! Ha..haha..thats all! That’s all, nothing more.. nothing really to do with.. tanned skin or strong hands or…fuck raspy cheeks AT ALL!! ehehe, yeah, It’s just normal, healthy, NORMAL teenage boy stuff_ ][ _BESIDES, I was_ totally _thinking about… a..girl.. yeah! Yeah I was thinking about girls!! Totally!!!!! Not about abnormally strong gorillas who have this.. just.. I mean, fuck okay, that treasure trail…AH!!!NONOstopno nope._ ]  but once he’d managed to… err…. calm down – it had hit him - as the steaming water splattered over his shoulders, running in rivulets down his back, the smell of Tao’s shampoo frothing in rainbow bubbles in the tiny space, Tao’s smell he loved so much, he’d sometimes.. when he was alone in the room and certain he wouldn’t get caught.. sometimes, accidently move one of Tao’s jackets around in the vicinity of his nose just so he could catch a sniff.. drenched in that scent, his heart had settled into a slow, heavy trudge, feeling like he’d been hit over the middle with a sledge hammer – _they had…_

_After all this… after everything, after just..messing up and messing up and messing up, hurting each other without even meaning to, getting mad for all the wrong reasons, and fighting and hating each other, we’d actually.._

 

 

_I mean.. that’s what this means, right?_

_Tao and I..._

 

_We’re back!!!_

 

 

 

 

 

Abruptly, the steam and the shampoo had become unbearably cloying, _suffocating -_ black spots washed in front of his eyes, the gurgle of the drain swirling so loud, thundering above even the water drumming on the glass door that he had had to squat down, gulping back air as he clutched the towel rack, the tears wracking though his chest – squeezing his lids tight, he had pressed his forehead to his knees, hoping the shower was drowning the sound of his sobs as he cried, like his heart was so full, it was breaking – crying for everything he’d been through, crying for everything that he had had to face, for all the anguish..

_After everything.._

 

The whole week.. the one before.. the month before that.. in fact, the whole ten years..

 

 

 

He’d been so alone.

 

 

 

 

_I was so alone, Tao, I didn't have_ anyone _… I missed you so much!!! I needed you..._ He hadn’t been able to hold back the pain, as it gushed through him like a swollen limb when a scalpel punctured it; the dank, dark agony, the guilt, the hatred and the fear and the horrible feeling of being betrayed and the confusion at being so betrayed, the self recrimination and shame…  _Even if there were a zillion people around me, it wasn't the same.. I could never stop searching for your face in the crowd...i needed you back by my side!! even though i tried so hard, i could never forget how that felt, your warmth.. your strength.._ everything had wrenched out of him in a torrent, dribbling over the tiles in pure catharsis, his sobs draining away with the soapy water in relief

 

 

 

 

 

_We’re together now…_

_I have my Taotao back, I’m not… by myself anymore!!_

 

It was so impossible it had felt surreal, like he’d dropped into some alternate reality… like any moment, the other shoe would drop, a giant hand slam through space knocking him back into his world where all this would just be.. _impossible_..

_That Tao would’ve.._

 

 _All along, I’d been so wrong, Tao said he’d… how could it even be possible!?? I’ve never met _anyone _who would’ve thought of the old me as …worth… all that…. !!!!!!!!!!_

 

 

_But then again, I’ve never met anyone like Tao_

 

 

 

 

_Fuck…. Tao really likes me…_

 

 

 

 

 

_FUCK, TAO REALLY LIKES ME!!!!!!!!_

Sehun had had to stuff his hand in his mouth, bite down to stop himself screaming in joy – the words had pounded through his head, his whole body tensing and clenching to the syllables, the steam a palpable blanket - like cotton balls smothering his skin, the water pattering against his flesh seeming to drum the tune; his tears had still been streaming down, but they tasted different now, pouring faster and faster and faster - 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Slowly, at last, he’d stood up, flipping the knob to cold, the water splurting a jerk and a burst before settling into a frigid spray of ice, almost intolerable against his reddened skin; standing under it, gasping for air for a long moment, before he had flicked it off completely, stepping out to wrap himself in a big fluffy towel.. Wiping the fog off the mirror with a squeaky swipe he’d stared at himself – his eyes, luckily only slightly swollen, the dark hair clinging to his forehead in wet curls, his lips almost bloodlessly chalk…

_I can’t even fucking believe this…_

_he… actually.. likes me._

 

 

 

 

Taking a deep breath, Sehun had smacked his palms against his cheeks, drawing up his courage - _I Cannot. Screw. This. Up._  Even though the words had been admonitory, the boy in the mirror had beamed back at him – grinning so wide, it was like his face was splitting in two. _Fuck, I really like him, I like him so damn much.. and.. he.. actually likes me back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_  

 

 

 

 

 

 

The spring air – warm, golden sunlight drenched with the light, sharp dew of the blossoming flowers that lined the streets, blowing petals like rain over them; the verdantly green grass, and the hustle and bustle of the neighbourhood ladies enjoying their midmorning gossip rounds as they called out to each other while they hung out the washing, or gathered in little groups with their brown paper bags from the grocer’s – just confirmed his carefree light-heartedness, the weight that had bent his shoulders for so long lifting with each lilting songbird busily nest-building above their heads - like the whole world was a freshly minted coin, gleaming and fun and happy just for his amusement.. the feel of Tao’s fingers enfolding his, firm and sure, not even letting go when they waved and bowed hello to everyone they passed, like the final proof that the last plastic film, the last membrane separating had snapped….

 

 

It was finally like they were facing each other… Marshmallows melting in his heart, Tao slid his fingers about to intertwine them between Sehun’s, locking their knuckles, instead of holding it the way he used to… The differences now – Sehun’s height, his head in line with his, and the feel of his hands, the way he insisted on walking _beside_ him, step for step, rather than behind – somehow all that only served to make it seem even more _familiar_ for some reason – and  thrilling, the buzzing under his skin, from when he’d felt Sehun’s skin under his palms earlier still rumbled about, just dialled down to tolerable levels, but still present, like an exciting dash of spice, like the flash of tangy salt in the azure sky…..  the thought of ripping Sehun’s clothes off – even if it was just to get him to dress, of course, just so they could go get.. whatever it was Sehun wanted, it was strangely difficult to remember at that moment, to focus on anything other than the creamy glow of Sehun’s skin, soft and fleshy like his fingertips could just sink into its buttery richness, the cherry gleam of his lips, the black of his hair... The strange hungry roaring in his blood had been so intense, he’d stopped questioning it completely, even the rationality of thought necessary to _question_ it lost for that matter, under the burgeoning animal instincts, the almost deafeningly angry throbbing in his ears, and his wrists and temples and all the other sensitive parts of his body….

 

 

Somehow, just holding hands and walking beside him, feeling the warmth of Sehun’s body next to his, the soft strawberry scents floating around him in the light breeze – that was enough to convince him that they’d actually.. _actually_ really truly made up for real. To Tao it wasn’t something even _slightly_ astonishing – it felt so perfect, so _natural_ , it was the _rest_ of it – the weeks and months, the whole ten years before, that were unreal now – already, that whole period was coated with a dusky pink sheen glowing in sepia tones, like it had happened centuries ago..to someone else.. His world was exactly how it ought to be – him and Sehun, Sehun and him, just the two of them…  The boy he adored more than anyone else on the whole planet next to him, walking beside him, smiling at him.. knowing they were bestest best friends again – the very idea that there had been a point when they _weren’t_ just seemed thoroughly _ridiculous_ – though that point, in reality, had continued upto a matter of bare hours ago..

 

 

_I’ll never ever ever let him go again, though._

 

 

 

_And I’ll never let anyone else have him!!_

Pushing away the apprehension from earlier – that going to the beach might not be such a good idea, everyone was bound to be there on a day like this - with the proud knowledge that this time, in all seriousness, he’d break the nose of any idiot who thought they could get close to his Sehun, Tao swaggered down the street, nodding good mornings to everyone they passed – imagining them filled with envy as they looked at Sehun, imagining how they’d wish they could trade places with him, so they could be the ones walking so close to Sehun their sides brushed with each step… _Ha!! But they can’t, coz he’s all_ mine~~

 

 

 -  Till a loud cry cut into his reverie about how good Sehun looked in his shirt – it felt so fuckin good, even though no one knew, it still felt like he was somehow _marking_ Sehun as his – and the way he was wearing it, tugging the sleeves down to cover his knuckles, pulling it up to his lips as he smiled shyly at him whenever their eyes met – which was pretty darn often.. _fuck he’s soo cute!!!!!!!_ \-   

 

‘ _ZIITAAOOOO!!!’_

 

 

 

 _‘_..ah..’

‘omg, it’s..’

 

 

‘ZITAOOOO!!!’ before they could make up their minds about whether to fight or flee or flee harder, a large, violently orange, roughly pumpkin shaped pudding crashed into them, flopping all over Tao – and Sehun, whose hand he still held, though now it was more along the lines of ‘clutching tightly like a lifeline’  - resolving itself into Mrs Chuo, her voice theatrically rising as she pulled away, before throwing herself on him again – ‘OOhhhhh, my dear boy, you’ll never believe what happened last night!! Ooohhh, robbers!!’

‘…erm..’ struggling for air, Tao managed a concerned expression – politely bowing a greeting and trying his hardest to find words – but it didn’t matter, she was steaming ahead on her own power –

‘Dozens of them!!! _Almost fifty!!!_ Giant big hulks – not one of them below eight feet tall – all of them mangy, filthy fellows, wearing dirty long coats, grimy, stinky things… OOhhh if it hadn’t been for my darling brave little boy here – ‘ She let go of Tao to swoop down on Mr Friskums – to Sehun’s relief, who had been desperately trying to get away from the sniffing, yipping eager snout – ‘I can’t even _think_ what would have happened!!!’

‘..ah…erm..?’

‘Huge louts, they surrounded my house, trying to force their way in!! Oh my dears, a whole gang of them – they must have _scouted_ it out earlier, knew I lived alone – but my sweetums gave them what for, didn’t you my little bunny rabbit, he barked, and he growled, and he chased them off – you should have seen him, flying at one’s throat, he ripped them to pieces!!!’

‘….um… wow…’

‘oh yes!! One of them had a big ugly knife, you see – ohh how I screamed – trying to attack me they were – ohh of course I’d just gotten my hair done  - see? It’s all curly and bouncy now, isn’t it..of course it’s _always_ gleaming and shiny, ne, little Tao-pie, but now doesn’t it look particularly wonderful?? Oh, I can’t _blame_ them, not really, ahhh’ She drew a long, breathy sigh, while Sehun stuffed his face into Tao’s shoulder, and the poor ‘idiot-pie’ [as Sehun chortled helplessly in a strangled whisper] fought to look politely appreciative – ‘ they must’ve seen me when I was out shopping, in my new purple suit, ohh it was rather dashing, was it not~~’ as she pulled away to pose herself on the pavement drawing herself up to fan at her neck…

‘erm…..yes…of..course..’ Desperately, Tao shrugged, trying to jostle Sehun off - _help me here, you ass!!  -_ But Sehun was enjoying his discomfiture too much – uncomfortableTao was probably second on his list after blushingTao.. [though the largest deepest part of him was actually a firm supporter of strong,manly,in-controlTao – but since he refused to acknowledge it, it was ignorable] and this was perfect revenge for having made him handle his mom’s questions in the morning all by himself. ‘They put a new rinse in – ahh, it said auburn on the cover, but on me it looks exactly like the sunset sky on a stormy night, does it not? Of course, they couldn’t help themselves… aahh.. the trouble I’ve had to face.. it’s not easy, being gifted by such beauty…’

‘…urm..erm..’

‘But those brutes!! Fifty of them, _at least_ , with big knives shining in the moonlight, and the most wicked looking guns! They forced their way in  - ohh the police were so astonished, their big heavy boots tramping all over the garden, and my brave little snookums single-handedly drove them all away!!’

‘…wow..yeah… it’s .. that…’

‘Oh!! Mrs Chuo!!!’

‘Ohhhh!! Mrs Hu!!! You won’t believe what happened – ‘

‘Ohh, I heard the alarm!!! They actually found _evidence,_ my husband said?’

‘Ohh, yes! Ahh! It was a whole _gang_! Coming to _attack_ me, with their knives and guns and who knows what else!’

‘ah.. Good morning, Mrs Hu..’ ‘erm, good morning!’

‘Ah! Good morning boys.. Ohh dear, Mrs Chuo, are you alright?’

‘Oh yes! My brave Mr Friskums here frightened them off!’

‘ohh how _terrifying!!!_ Little Tao, you should teach us all some self defence! Imagine a _gang_ operating in our little town!’

‘Ohh yes, if only I had my own little martial artist! I wouldn’t have been frightened at _all_ if my brave little darling Tao-peach had been guarding me~~ ’

‘ah..ahaha.. no..it’s ..’ 

‘I _said_ it when they opened that _game centre_!! Didn’t I _say_ it, Mrs Chuo?!? See, It’s attracted all these _hoodlums_!! Our town has no need for..- ‘

 

Hastily taking the opportunity to bow and reiterate goodbyes, the boys escaped – Sehun still chortling, while Tao glared at him, tugging his hand away out of his in annoyance – for about a second, before grabbing it back. ‘Humph!! I can’t believe you just _abandoned_ me to tha – ‘ ‘Muhahahhahhaaaa! Serves you right, remember this morning, when _someone_ left me all alone- ‘ ‘ahdgha that’s not the same at all!! She was..’ ‘Aahh, my little snookums Tao, you should volunteer for guard duty for your beautiful princess, I’m sure she’d appreciate it.. esp if we got you a nice loincloth outfit..’ ‘ _Sehun!!!!!!!!!!!_ ’ ‘holding a spear and standing outside her bedroom door, ready to die protecting her – ‘’Oh Sehun, you _idiot_ shuttupp! Besides… I’ve no intention of being ready to die protecting anyone else.’ ‘..ehh? anyone else than whom?’ ‘…you of course!’

‘…..ajjahdgf Huang Zitao!!!’

Completely 110% flummoxed, Sehun gawped at the _idiot_!!  - _how the fuck does someone say something ahjsgh like that– fuckcing so casuallyfuccking hfjdajhss **IDIOT** – _ suddenly the image flashing into his head - he’d been kidding, of course, but a bronzed, shiny skinned Tao standing guard, holding a spear – and that meant _spear_ like the weapon, not – in nothing but a loincloth, chiselled chest and strong muscular thighs bare and tanned and rippling and  - the spear meant the weapon in his hand of course –

 

 

_‘..Se..hun…??’_

 

 

‘Ah!’ Sehun snapped up – _fucckdammit get a hold of yourself you idiot!!!!!_  -taking a deep breath and shaking himself, he jogged forward to slip his hand into Tao’s again, just as he frowned down at him, his voice a strangled whisper ‘Sehun!’

‘mm?’

‘Do you think we should..tell..?’

‘ehh!?? _Why would we do that!’_

 _‘_ Well..she’s super – ‘

‘She’s super excited~  She’s having the time of her life!!’ He waved vaguely behind – where Mrs Chuo had caught up with a group of other ladies outside the culvert leading to the Wang’s villa, all of them excitedly squealing over the adventures of the previous night, and the Gang that had found their heretofore peaceful, untouched town. ‘At this point, it would just be cruel to tell her the gang of bloodthirsty villains entranced by her beauty were actually two boys investigating her dog.’

‘…well…’

‘Stupid Tao always thinking stupid things, do I have to teach you a lesson again??? Wasting time when  I want my ices~~’

‘AHAA!???’ spluttering Tao gaped at him ‘ _taught me a lesson!??_ Exactly _when_  - ‘ But Sehun had already set off – streaking down the road, calling back ‘Idiot!’ ‘Stupid!’ ‘Dogbreath!’ and etc at frequent intervals between his squeals of laughter – and roaring in mock rage, Tao burst into a run behind him, arms outstretched as he threatened the most gory endings when he caught up -

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	18. Chapter Eighteen - Summer Nude

 

 

When he _did_ reach the bottom of the hill Sehun had run down though, the presence of a goodly crowd at the bus stop hampered all intentions of mauling him he might have had – which was probably just as well, coz the chase – and the thought of getting his hand _physically_ on him at the end of it, started off the buzzing in his ears again in full force – the old feeling that had been driving him crazy for weeks, insisting he _show him_ \- only ramped up a zillion rpm by the crazy wild emotional rollercoaster the morning had been –

 

 _His_ Sehun _-_ the raw hunger clenching through him was unmatched – he’d never felt anything like this before, to _show_ this new Sehun, this totally completely brand new all grown-up _adult_ version –who was fucking _his_ again… _fuck there was something so irresistibly titillating about this.._ the long legs, the broad shoulders, the muscled-out arms, that fucking gorgeous Adam’s apple…  everything that had been driving him _crazy_ all this while, everything he’d thought he just out and out  HATED – was suddenly nothing short  of unapologetically, utterly, thoroughly and completely, mind-blowingly **hot** now that they were _..his_

                 ‘ _Mine Mine Mine’_

It was like a drum beat in his head, pounding through his skin as he ran, purposely letting Sehun pull ahead, drunk on the thrill of playing with him – of letting him think he’d gotten away, so that right when he was least expectin’ it, he’d snap down and _grab_ him and… Fuck, they used to do this _all_ the time when they were kids, chase each other up and down these selfsame streets, but this was absolutely _nothing_ like that, this time he was practically salivating just at the thought of …. _catching hold_ of him – and god damnit it was just so damn fuckin sexy to watch him from behind!!!!!  _I swear I’ve never.. .. is that even….. fuck_ , _it’s like being punched in the gut evengirlsaren’t that fucking hot!!!!!!!!!!_ The walloping need mixing seamlessly with the insistent urge that filled him, instinctual, primitive; the desire that had been growing stronger and stronger every moment he spent around him –  every glance, every whiff of his clean, strawberry scent mixed with his own shampoo and shower gel… his shy cute little smiles, and the way he licked his lips, the way he had laughed when they’d met Mrs Chuo, hiding his face in his shoulder, the strands of his hair – soft and silky smooth, tickling his cheek…  And that look – though of course, that was just a trick of the light, right, he was just imagining things, hahaha…. _but that moment_ when they’d escaped from her, and Sehun had suddenly stopped and Tao had called out to him, he’d looked up – right at Tao – and…  _that look_ …

 

 

This – today, ever since they’d talked, it was like he couldn’t even.. it was _nothing_ like the longings he’d had before, which he could still push away – all these days, all this while right upto breakfast this morning, he’d kept avoiding them - comfortably assisted by his hesitation and confusion… but now…. Whenever this happened- when they touched or.. or fuck, even a certain way Sehun tilted his chin had his whole body erupting in flames - the craving no longer even the slightest bit shy or trepiditious, just strong and sure, and so powerful it was overwhelming him, knocking over his better judgement, chucking up even the instinct to _think_ about it, [to try and _understand WHAT IN THE WORLD THIS EVEN WAS!!_ ], as easily as the ABC building blocks Sehun used to carry around when they were little.. _grabhim, grab him grab him and show him_ …

 

 

Even though he still didn't know what that meant, _showhim_ , he didn't know what he himself _wanted_ so bad – all he knew was he **_had_** _to_ - 

 

So it was with almost insurmountable difficulty that he satisfied himself with merely seizing Sehun’s hand, clutching it tight, closing his fingers about his wrist so he could feel his pulse beating against his skin in a vain attempt to assuage the flaring heat of his own blood, while struggling to politely smile and bow Good Mornings – the town was small enough that he knew pretty much everyone waiting at the stop…. Luckily however, the numerous introductions he had had to make for Sehun, the rehashing of his results in every test since Christmas with Mrs Lin, his third grade teacher who still maintained an avid interest in the career of her all time favourite pupil; and assuring Mrs Wade he would indeed remind his mother the book club meeting this week would be at the Liu’s place, all combined to gradually settle his frenetic nerves – so by the time they’d moved through the crowd to the far end, to take up a spot next to the giant poster advertising banana milk, he had regained sufficient control over himself to set about teasing Sehun for ‘running like a girl’ – which was met, sure enough, by the outraged glare and domineering scolding he’d eagerly anticipated

 

The heat was making the road simmer, pink petals boiling above them, dancing across the cerulean sky.. the ladies at the bus stop held parasols, shielding themselves from the blaze with pretty pastel and white cloth, the ruffles sending shadows over Sehun’s milky skin, while he leaned against Tao, stuffing his forehead against his neck and holding his arms out for him to roll his sleeves up, before dispatching him to get them both sodas from the vending machine – Tao thoroughly enjoying his sassy bossiness, so much so that he’d asked him to repeat his order thrice – laughing to himself at the increasing snarkiness of his tone, before finally being chased off by him with a series of fake kicks on his butt [though Tao had gotten his own back when he dragged him in to whisper how he’d take revenge on him and _his_ butt if only there weren’t so many people around – his tone deadpan serious, sending shivers up and down Sehun’s spine, making him blush and stumble over his third time telling him to ‘go get me a cold lemon soda and hurry up you giant jellyfish!’]

 

 

 

 

‘I can’t believe it took you five minutes just to get _soda_ , we almost missed the bus!!’

They were sitting in the last row, the bus barely occupied – it seemed everyone waiting at the stop was headed in the opposite direction, to the town centre and the marketplace, leaving only Tao and Sehun to clamber up into the rickety old bucket and join the four occupants who were already there - one old lady with a broad straw hat and a basket at her feet, from which a tawny tail occasionally rose, as if to test the air, accompanied by a droning purr and a couple of meows;  and a pair of middle schoolers who looked like they were on a date, the girl pretty in a white sundress, the guy self-conscious and blushing as he surreptitiously reached for her hand..

‘ _Five minutes!!_ It was barely two, and it wouldn’t have taken that long if _someone_ hadn’t changed his mind halfway through his lemon soda and decided he wanted orange, and halfway through _that_ wanted cherry…’

The scene outside the window sped past in wisps of white clouds and viridian leaves, Sehun leaning over Tao to peer out, draping himself unconsciously over his lap in a way that had Tao answering him in slightly sharper tones than he intended..

‘..pfft! Tao doesn’t know anything, the palate of a connoisseur – ‘

‘ _Connoisseur_! This from the guy currently munching his way through those awful sweets – ‘

‘AHH!!! These are _awesome_!! Mrs Lin gave them to me coz she thought I was super cool, and you’re just _jealous~~_ Coz you’re a _donkey_.. ’

‘I’m a donkey?!! You’re the as-‘

‘Here!!’ Exasperated, Sehun popped a bead of coloured chocolate into his mouth – his fingers grazing Tao’s lips before he realised what he was doing – and gasping, he froze for a moment at the shock of the wet, soft sensation under the hyper-receptive pulps of his fingers - just as Tao, surprised by the sour popping sweetness bursting into his mouth instinctively smacked his mouth closed – his tongue flicking out against Sehun’s fingertip accidently –

 

 

 

‘..arm…umm..these..ar..e..good…’ Tao finally coughed out, a good two minutes later, when he’d gotten his voice back – the indescribable rush, simultaneously icy cold and fiery; desire and excitement intoxicating and frankly _terrifying_ , making them spring apart, Sehun perched firmly right at the opposite edge of the seat, Tao pressed up against the window, both of them staring in geometrically opposite perpendicular directions –

‘..erm..ri..ght.. told..you..so..’

‘..mm.’

‘..Here…’ Clearing his throat, Sehun half-turned back to shake the box at him.

‘ahhm..thanks..’

 

For the rest of the ride they sat in silence, sharing the box of sweets, and watching the scenery give way to shop fronts and old fashioned fast food places, most of them with outdoor grills.. the trees that lined either side of the road started thinning out, the wayside marked instead by low walls of stone – great big granite rocks, stacked together like a jigsaw puzzle, abutting the road…  As the bus jolted and rattled its way along, though, the formal straight-backed silence they were ensconced in faded – the twisty curvy road flung them irreverently against each other, with not the slightest consideration for their feelings – and soon they were chortling and snickering, Sehun letting his body go loose so each curve threw him against Tao with increasing force, letting his elbows dig into him, tossing about like a rag doll, while Tao braced himself, clenching his muscles and challenging Sehun to get in one that he could ‘actually _feel_ , you puny little ant’ – till, by the time the bus deposited them [along with the middle school couple who were eyeing them with superiorly raised eyebrows in utmost condescension at their childish horseplay] by the beach, they were back to being perfectly comfortable hanging off of each other as they made their way to the sand.

 

 

 

 

 

 The crashing roar of the waves washed over them in a drone that quickly became the most sweetly adventurous melody, symmetrical rainbows bursting across the sand with each ingress and egress, beautifully rhythmic, the spray shooting water guns at the rocks that curved out into the ocean…. The wind was just two steps short of a gale and the salty gust splashing over them dipped abruptly from the heat of the town…. even the sunlight shattering over the water in diamond sparkles too bright to look at, the spring rays determined to impersonate summer faithfully it seemed, was dewy and cool where it burst in chilled bites against their skin… Overhead, the sea gulls swooped and dived, mewling their curiosity at the occasional neon balloon that floated up into the sky, or the fluorescent kites that a bunch of guys were flying from atop the broad sea-wall winding its way to the east – ‘Whoa!’ Grinning Sehun jerked behind Tao as a couple of kids ran by, almost bumping into him – yelling as they chased each other, their bright jackets flying behind their bare torsos as they ducked and wove, trying to catch the other ‘Whoops – he’s – ah, no, he’s escaped – Ehehe – Tao, look, aren’t they _cute_!… Aaahh, that used to be us, ne… oh, for the long bygone carefree days of Youth~~’

  

 

‘Huuuhhhhh?’

Chuckling, Tao smacked his head playfully, before draping his arm about his shoulders. ‘You idiot, you _do_ realise we were basically doing the same thing, like, twenty minutes ago.. and moreover, through the _town_..’

 

‘Pfft! I was a kid then, I’m _much_ more grown-up now.’

‘..oh _is that so_ ~’

‘..erh humph, Ye-ah!! Besides, it was only coz _Tao_ started it, and _everyone_ knows you’re just a big baby’

‘ _oh really_ , oh, that’s right ne, _I_ started it… ‘

‘..Du-uh.

 

………………………………………..

 

 

…………………………………………………… _kyyuuhhnnSTOPyoubigBABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’_

 

 

Squealing his head off, Sehun burst into a sprint – hotly pursued by the 185cm ‘baby’ who was determined he’d _definitely_ get his hands on him this time  – _this time for certain sure, no matter what!! fuck everything, I swear ima -_ sliding past a girl in a polka-dot bikini who gasped in shock; waving a hand in apology behind him to the old lady in the frilly purple sarong Sehun had glanced by; skidding a sharp right at the abandoned empty soda-crate, a spray of damp dark sand shredding the air as it flew out from under his sneakers…. _Ah! As expected from the gorilla, he’s catching up already!! Ehehe, my Tao is really so cool~~_ Risking a quick glance backwards in a flash of smoky lashes and shimmering eyes, Sehun giggled excitedly as he scrabbled  forward, pressing his fingers into the warm sun-baked beach to propel himself up over a piece of driftwood – carrying his leap on over a half built sandcastle, making the kids holding tiny shovels curse in indignation – but Sehun only laughed an apology, twirling about right at a cluster of vividly stripped beach umbrellas that flapped over the sand like giant mutant mushrooms, to switch directions - bursting off like he was rocket propelled in the exact opposite one, making Tao yelp in disgust and swivel dangerously close to a tiny little cloth covered stall where a man with a big moustache was frying up noodles on a flat grill…

 

 _Fuck he’s good_  - Sehun’s slender wiry speed was all the more impressive here – he was so light on his feet, barely skimming the foam as he danced upon the water’s edge, where he’d stopped to turn around and cat-call at Tao – before setting off again, twisting that lithe body of his between a couple who were feeding each other cotton candy and threading his way through any number of sunbathers, while Tao had to apologize and excuse himself, pull up short every few minutes to politely request someone let him through –just watching had his blood boiling  damn _can that boy move…_ _I bet its coz he dances.. he’s so… flexible.. and smooth…_

_slippery as an eel….._

 

 

_fuck it’s hot._

 

 

 

_…. Se.. Hun.. ……_

Biting his lip – even _thinking_ Sehun’s name was suddenly an illicit pleasure, pulling a knot of tingling nerves to the bottom of his spine- Tao vaulted up onto the little embankment that housed the promenade that ran along the beachfront, with trendy little eateries and fashionable clothing outlets advertising exorbitantly priced loungewear – the smoothly tiled walkway provided way better purchase than the sand, and minus the teeming crowds he was able to make quick headway – pretty soon he was running almost directly above Sehun, just a few feet short of the _eelboy_ – and no, he really _was NOT_ thinking of anything …. long and snake-like…… rippling muscles undulating, slithery thick and  -

             _ah!_

 

 

 _There_!! 

 

 

Drawing a deep breath, he jumped – just as Sehun slowed down, circumventing the gaggle of toddlers clamouring at the balloon-man – hurtling down through the air for a split second, before his arms wrapped around ….. _fuck his_ – he grabbed him, the force of his momentum carrying them both forward…. Instinctively, without even thinking about it, Tao had rolled himself under Sehun, so he hit the beach first – _the weight….so warm-_ the sand slamming into his back, the ground hard with the grating friction of the granules  – _ohhfucckkkk he’s –I’m holding him_ ………………… **_in_** _my arms!!!_  -  but Tao didn’t even notice – he was carrying Sehun as they tumbled, his whole weight balanced on Tao’s arms and shoulders and chest, and _this is_ – with a thump they landed –  Tao slamming Sehun down as they rolled for the last time to come up on top – _I DIDit!!!!! I grabbed him –  fucckk ohhgod –_ they landed in the sand, in the shade thrown by the balloon man’s big tank of helium and the ginormous clusters of balloons tied to the wooden bars that caged it, the sunlight washing through to paint their skin red and blue and pink and orange, Sehun hooting and screaming with laughter, kicking at him playfully; Tao over him, triumphant, his grin almost an animal snarl – _fuckk I did actually I did it I – No…  no not yet!! I still need to –_ without thinking  – at this point he _couldn’t_ even think, moving only to the frantic rhythm pounded by his hunger, already way past the point where he was even remotely aware that they were in the middle of a crowded beach, he slid his hands down – the hands that had clutched Sehun by the sides, held him as they fell, he shoved them down – the plaid of his shirt soft under his palms and thoroughly maddening – down to the bottom, unceremoniously thrusting his hands _under_ – _fucck yes, there, right there –_ Sehun’s skin under his hands – _that’s it that’s it, now! This is it, I did it – grabhim grabbed him I  -_ their faces so close – he was lying over him, feeling his breath hot against his cheek in puffs and gasps from the running, the vehement up-and-down of his chest, grazing along his with each intake, the visceral heat of Sehun’s body conducting right into him; so close that he felt rather than saw the sharp intake, the jagged gasp as his fingers tightened, digging into Sehun’s stomach -  the smooth buttery skin _ohhgod I knew it fucck its really_ \- the spasm of the muscles under his hands, the sudden clenching of Sehun’s stomach, he almost growled with his triumphant pleasure – _fucck fuckc fuckk_ \- Squeezing his fingers Tao curled them over Sehun’s bare hip bones, his waist so slender Tao’s thumbs were almost meeting _fucckkkk ohhgod fucck_ this…. _this_ _fragility_ it – he was actually on fire, his whole body such a throbbing hardening mess he didn't even realise Sehun had abruptly fallen absolutely still – he’d been laughing, playing, kicking and punching lightly at the ‘big gorilla’, yelling ‘gerrof me you giant ape’ ‘ you prehistoric monkey wrench’ , thinking they were still goofing around  -  that is, right upto the moment Tao’s fingers had tugged their way under his clothes.

 

 

 

 


	19. Chapter Nineteen -Tag!!

 

  
Helplessly, Sehun seized his fingers into Tao’s shirt, hanging on - like he had when he’d hurtled into him and they’d fallen, but decidedly more desperate now  _ohmy god oh my god_   - his – his hands –  _ohhfuck  -_  Tao’s body over his, pressing him down – That strength, the vulnerability of being held down by him and having him push his body against his, he already knew how weak he was against this, this pattern was his kryptonite –  but that was  _WITHOUT_  him bloody –  _ohhmygod!! Hishands_  – those palms had shoved themselves up and he’d promptly thought he’d died for a second there, just from plain  _shock_ , his whole body had flatlined  - there was no way to mistake the intent, he could almost taste the  _ruthlessness_  –  _Tao’s_  hands - roughly thrusting under his shirt like they.. _owned_  him -  so raw and hard  -  _rough!!_  -  as they pressed against the sensitive skin of his stomach, indescribable – he still didn’t know  _why_  -  _strong_   -  _fucck were his fingers always this – big!!_ –– only just the feeling of absolute purposefulness with which he was stroking over his abdomen was enough to make him  -  _brutal -_  to bring him to the brink of explosion as Tao _– unnmm fuck_  the first time kinda softly, but he’d quickly gotten so far from gentle, squeezing and clenching rhythmically just below his belly button till – He couldn’t even –  _fuck he –_  WHAT IS  _HAPPENI-_    _Ah!!!_  Tao’s fingers were pressing in right into his skin by then, he was holding him so tight  _-uh – his nails ohgodd I –_  digging mercilessly into his flesh - his body was melting, he could feel his hips start to pool away as Tao tightened his fingers even further, curling them decisively against his hip bones –  _oohfucck so.._   –  pushing down harder, his hips and lower body smashed into Sehun’s to support his weight as his hands plied over his stomach, making them thrust so hard into his -  _fucck uunnfgg_  helplessly, his body arched upwards – he wasn’t even doing it, it was moving on its own,  _fuckk goddamit please I  -_  more  _– LOWER please just -_  as if it could convince Tao to grant him  -  he clung to Tao’s arms –

 

 

‘HEY MISTER!!!’

 

 

 

Startled, Sehun’s eyes flew open – just as Tao snapped up, turning to the little girl who had come up to them with a growl - his face suddenly almost bestial, his anger at being interrupted so evident she started and stepped back, her eyes starting to fill –

 

_Ah…_

 

‘You made me lose my balloooonnnnn!!!!!!!!!!’ she wailed, pointing an accusing finger skyward –where, sure enough, a bright pink heart-shaped balloon was dancing on the breeze, floating seaward like an extension of Sehun’s insides –

 

_Ah!!!_ They’d been – Tao had been chasing him as he sprinted through the beach, unconsciously making for the oddly shaped rock beside the sign to the lighthouse; running parallel to him up on the Walkway – he’d jumped off to tackle him right as he slowed down beside the balloon man [a corner of Sehun’s mind noting it was the same dude they used to buy their balloons from, looking not a day older] and the crowds around – the little kids, some of them already clutching their balloons, a few parents holding open wallets as they haggled good naturedly with the Balloon man – the toddlers reaching out their hands, squealing in delight at the neon rainbow of colours that bobbed in the sky, while the slightly older kids carefully examined the ones they wanted to pick, everyone laughing and talking at the top of their voices in excitement…  though right now, a good number were just standing there gaping at the two older kids who’d seemingly dropped out of the sky. 

 

 

 

Gasping, the boys scrambled up – Tao stammering –  _shit it was like his voice wouldn’t work_  –  _dammit they’d_   - but Sehun leapt in – smiling so sweetly, his face so dazzlingly handsome despite the sand halo in his hair that even the little 8 yr old blushed as she looked up at him, forgetting to cry as he bent down  – ‘Ah! I’m so sorry!! My friend here was trying to catch me~~ ehehe, but I think he was cheating right? Coz you aren’t allowed to use the Walkway~~’

 

‘…erm!’ without quite understanding, the girl jerked her head emphatically – her tiny hands rubbing against each other shyly, her eyes gleaming up at Sehun.

 

‘Ha!? There’s no such rule!’ Grinning in spite of himself, in spite of the heat still flaring through him, in spite of the almost devastating disappointment, and the already awakening fear that was quickly lodging a ton of cement where his stomach had once been –  _he’d… actually… shit.. Sehun – did he… shit shit SHIT -_   in spite of it all, Tao couldn’t help being charmed  -  _fuck, Sehun’s so cute!!_   -

 

‘Ha!!?? Of course there is!!’ Theatrically, Sehun rounded on him – making Tao cross his arms as he struck a defiant pose – ‘No way!! You just lost, admit it~~’

 

 

‘Yeah! Tao-ge won!!’ ‘No that was cheating!!’ ‘No, you can run anywhere – ‘ A whole cluster of kids were surrounding them in minutes – little boys arguing as they picked sides, the girls staring with wide eyes as Tao bought the first kid a brand new pink-heart balloon, going down on one knee as he presented it to her – making her turn crimson all over, grab it and run to hide behind her mom, who was laughing as she watched, nodding a greeting at Tao [Tao didn't know her, but he’d seen her around the town..], shyly peeping out from behind to stare at them – ‘Tao-ge  _won_  !!’ ‘No, the other ge won.. ’  - many of the kids about knew Tao – the whole town used the ex-garage shop Park, and they all rather held in awe the tall boy who showed up every once in a way during holiday time to beat the other big boys  - to beat even the big kids who were their idols – and there was actually many a rumour about him the youngest section of the town held in absolute conviction – that he was a super martial artist who fought bad guys and robbers, that he was secretly an undercover agent, that he was secretly a saiyan, that he was a ‘ganster’… - though for most of them, this was the closest they’d actually ever gotten to him – they were never included in the big-boy teams, after all, only watching with wonder and admiration from the sidelines.. But..

Now…

 

The other ge, Tao-ge’s friend, grinned down at them, ruffling their hair as he happily encouraged the boys who were supporting him to keep it up, laughing and teasing them – he was so nice, in just a minute he’d totally won them over, the boys looking worshipfully up at him, proud to be on his side -  as he tilting his head up at Tao-ge, winking at the boys as he said, ‘If you’re so sure, how about a rematch, huh!??!’

Tao-ge laughed – crooking his finger at him he said ‘Awesome! Let’s do it, and I’ll wipe the floor with you again!!’

‘We’ll see about that!!’ As he straightened up to face him, they couldn’t help gasping – the two older boys actually looked like.. heroes…. or..something, as they faced off against each other… both of them were so tall, and they looked so strong!! And handsome…

‘So who’s on my team!??’

 

‘…..eh…’ ‘huh…’ ‘………..!!!!!’ In surprise, everyone turned to gawp open-mouthed at Sehun-ge -

 

‘And who’s on mine~~’

 

‘!!!!!’

 

Squealing with excitement, half the kids ran to Sehun – while the rest looked up at Tao, still hesitant – before he turned to beckon them, a huge reassuring beam painting his face as he called them over to him. They’d never seen Tao-ge so… friendly!!  _S_ creaming happily, they scrabbled over to surround him – punching their fists together in glee, both Sehun’s and Tao’s recruits spazzing -   _this was going to be the BEST!!! Waa, wait till the others found out they had actually played with Tao-ge and his friend!!! – this was gonna be so much FUN!!!_

 

And they were right – within moments it had developed into an all out battle – Tao-ge’s friend, Sehun-ge, explained the rules he’d made up on the spot, which seemed so simple they didn't have any trouble following them – they just had to chase each other to try and catch someone from the opposing team – if caught you automatically became part of the other team, and had to chase your ex-teammates; the game ended when one team won by whittling down the other to three members or less. ‘Ready?’

‘YES!!!’ with a thundering cry in reply to Tao- ge, they were off – diving straight for each other, yelling and screaming and laughing so loud pretty much the whole beach turned to look at them, to see what the ruckus was about -  as the two armies sprayed through the sand their arms outstretched, grasping for each other in wonderful abandonment and beautiful chaos – calls of ‘Lu  our tem!!’ ‘Fan  _our_  tean’ ‘Jiro wrong, I  _cogt_  you!!’ rising on the breeze, interposed with frequent outraged complaining squeals of ‘Tao-ge!!’ and ‘Sehun-ge!!!!’ and dutiful admonitions from the captains in return – they ran at each other, winding their arms about each others’ waists, the sand bursting away from their little feet, the water lapping at their soles as they skidded out to the ocean’s edge; feinting, jumping, sprinting, falling and rolling over and over in the sand  till the older two swooping down to pick them up, claiming them as they tossed them into the air or hung them upside down, their hands gentle and strong and big; the little kids stumbling through the sand happily – already forgetting what the game was, in their excitement they had just started running, squealing their heads off in delight, from the two tall boys – who laughed just as loud, happily letting the game evolve to just the two of them trying to catch every kid they could – the pandemonium escalating as every kid they caught just started off again as soon as they set them down – but no one minded, the spring sun was warm, the sea cool and the breeze exciting; the gulls danced through the air, tracking their jerky movements, and they were having the time of their lives, tumbling through the beach, being chased and caught and picked up and thrown into the air in reward, this was the  _best_  –            

 

 

 - Till someone somehow thought up a new strategy, which was even better!!

 

As Tao-ge dived down to pick up Bao, tossing him upside down into the air, making him shriek so loud with delight he almost stopped breathing, and Hun-ge closed in on them from the other side, his fingers outstretched to tickle them with, the little ones suddenly stopped - by some collective instinct, they spun about, glancing over at each other as the foamy salt water swilled against their toes, Bao’s squeals of mirth resounding in the air, along with the shouts of encouragement from their parents who were watching the game from back next to the Balloon-Man, calling out instructions and strategies and egging them on happily, not realising they could barely understand what they were saying over the rush of the surf – but that was fine, coz just last week, they’d showed a special one-hour episode of Super Power League Heroes on Cartoon Unlimited, and everyone of them remembered what Leopardman had said when the Super Power League Heroes were being chased by the Dastardly Denizens – and the plan that had helped them rescue Princess Peach and the VerySpecial Gem…

Carefully they looked around at each, silently telegraphing their intentions – before, with a tremendous yell of ‘FOR FURHAVEN!!!’ [which ended up a discordant cry of ‘Fofulha!’, to the bewilderment of the two who had unwittingly been cast in the role of ‘Dastardly Duo’], as one they spun about, bending forward, pushed their toes into the wet sand – and shot off, racing right for Tao-ge and Sehun-ge!!! Grinning at each other in silent agreement, the two older boys in turn stopped short – before throwing up their arms in ‘horror’, calling out in pretend fear as they leapt around and sprinted away – taking care to go slow enough so the kids could catch up to them, but fast enough to make it one heck of an exciting charge – and soon they were shrieking with unmatched glee as they lurched along the shoreline, running helter-skelter between the beach umbrellas, launching off of the sandcastles, sending them toppling to the ground, plunging below and between the grown-ups, ducking under the older kids who were throwing a Frisbee back and forth in front of the juice shack, clutching at Tao-ge, grasping Sehun-ge’s shirt and diving for his legs, splashing water onto Tao-ge in attack –

 

 

Till finally, both the boys were on the ground, yelling for mercy as the whole platoon of kids surrounded them, climbing all over them, sitting on them and pounding them with their tiny little hands, howling in mirth -  ‘We give up!!!’ ‘You win!!’ ‘Uncle!! Uncle!!’

 

 

Laughing, they sat up, bemoaning their loss loudly, carefully picking the kids off of themselves and setting them down  ‘Aah, they’re so so strong, ne!’ ‘Um! We didn't even have a chance!’ ‘Yeah!! They  _trounced_  us~~~ ‘Wow, man, they’re so powerful..’ ‘they beat us completely!!’ Even as the two archly pretended to only be talking to each other, to the eternal delight of the children, they were grabbing them up, picking them higgledy-piggledy and tucking them under their arms, Jiro scrambling up to sit atop Tao-ge’s shoulders, beaming down at the world like the happiest emperor on the planet; Nancy waving beautifully to the crowds from Sehun’s princess-hold – moving slowly, with the whole gangs that were hanging off their legs, the boys made their way back to the Balloon-man, carefully depositing the children with their respective maternal figures, who were all beaming proudly at them; and then – to top their wonderfully perfect ice cream sundae of a day with the most delicious cherry, Tao-ge stepped away for a moment – to return moments later with brand new balloons for  _all_  of them!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Delicately, Sehun scooped up a tiny spoonful, carefully bringing it to his lips, his eyes flickering closed momentarily in pleasure – this was  _delicious,_  he was reasonably sure he’d never tasted  _anything_  as good ever – Tao had ordered it for him, the words tripping off his tongue so casually you didn’t even realise he was actually whipping up such magic, ‘Triple Chocolate parfait with lemon-white chocolate mousse and extra strawberry-chocolate ganache’….

 

_If only other things were that easy._

 

It had been his imagination – he was utterly absolutely sure about it now, he’d imagined the whole thing, Tao had just caught him as they fell, that’s all, held him tight coz obviously that’s the sort of kind protective friend he is; his shirt had probably just risen in the tumble duh, that’s all…  _stupid me, thinking stupid things, fuck thank goodness I – dammnit I was almost, I was so close to –_   ** _stupid me!!!_**  He’d jumped at the excuse the kids’ presence had offered, extolling them to join in – the one thing he’d been unquestioningly certain about was that he didn't want to be alone with Tao just then – he was in no state to act responsibly or with the slightest reason; even the concept of ‘good judgement’ was laughably ridiculous at that point - and it had worked!!! Playing around with the little ones was just the distraction they’d needed –  _no,_   _me_ _,_  I  _had needed, fuck you, stop daydreaming like a 12 yr old_  girl _, Tao’s perfectly fine,_  Tao  _didn’t think anything stupid at all –_

_It was my imagination!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

 _I must’ve knocked my head when we fell – THAT IS ALL!! There's_   ** _no_**   _waaayy – I just conked out into fantasy land for a moment._

 

 

 

 

_It had to be, right??_

 

Anyway none of that was important anymore.

 

 

Coz…

Because ever since they’d bid the children goodbye, and set off alone again, to the background of their ecstatic cheers and the whoops and hoots of excitement at their new balloons...[Sehun had kinda felt like squealing himself, it was  _so_  like Taotao – honestly, he was so sweet!!!!] once it was just the two of them again…   _this silence_   - the awkwardness was fucking  _palpable_   - goddamn suffocating, the air surrounding them turned into Jello  - and a really awful flavour at that! It… it was too heavy to break, and they’d walked in silence – every attempt at conversing he’d made, like ‘that was fun’, or ‘those kids were so cute’, met with only grunts and half-syllables – till he’d fallen into silence, too nervous to try anymore…

 

Tao was…

His face was stony and grim; the once or twice he’d actually met his eyes, he’d flinched away, his face twisted… like he was really disgusted or mad and….

 

He couldn’t figure it out – he couldn’t even think clearly anyway, his stomach churning with bubbles, the residual nerves, the tingling itch  - everything he’d been able to ignore while playing with the kids now rushing back, now that he was walking next to Tao again, matching strides, close enough to  _smell_  him, all he could think about was how his hands had felt over his skin..  _possessive… hungry.. fuckk so strong and…_ …  

 

 

But gradually, even that quickening had faded away, under the rising fear.

 

Everytime he looked over at Tao, it was like a kick in the guts – that scowl – that disgust bordering on sheer rage, the clenched fists that swung by his sides, making no attempt to take his hand – no, clenching them so tight as if to prevent him from doing so, as if to avoid having to touch him at all…

The snarl in his voice on the rare occasion he  _did_  deign to reply to him…

 

 

_Something’s really wrong._

 

 

Half of him kept gritting its teeth, willing him to ask – to come out and say, What the fucks up with you, what happened?

But he was too scared ... 

 

He had almost asked, hadnt he!!! Twice- no,  _three times,_ he'd opened his mouth to demand Tao tell him what the fuck had happened - so  _suddenly  -_ they'd been playing around just moments ago, right?? what the fuck  _happened_??????????? But.. but every time he'd just  _look_ at Tao and... 

 

 

That … episode in the sand, his knees were still weak from…  he felt like his head was swimming, like he’d just drunk an awful lot, and he couldn’t … it was so difficult to hold his thoughts, to be decisive…

So many different things rushing through his head, and…

And he was really too scared!!

 

 

They’d climbed up the stairs to the promenade – most of the shops were new, and Sehun had felt a little better, focusing on the flashy displays, willing his mind to concentrate on them, and push aside his growing trepidation….   _Oh there's a cool trainer!! …. Whoa that poster’s hot! ….. ugghh who the fuck would actually_  wear  _something like that!! –_

Trying to convince himself he was totally fine….

 

 

When they neared the end of the Walkway, though, Tao had suddenly stopped –  abruptly, out of nowhere, and in such sharp contrast to the brooding scowl that had been painting his face all this while, he’d grabbed for Sehun’s wrist. ‘Forget your snow cone, there's something else you really ought to try!!’ He’d said, enthusiastically dragging Sehun to the last shop on the stretch.. ‘ah!’ Sehun had vaguely noted it was the same old ice cream shop they used to get their Sunday afternoon cones from – but totally revamped, the new front gleaming and polished, an all new gabled roof, a creeper artistically covering the side of the building – it looked like something out of a fairytale!  – but most of his mind was too happily caught up in the rush of relief at Tao being back to normal again –

The wonderful, gushing sensation, he almost burst into tears,  _fuckk  I was worrying for no reason!! Its fine!!!!!! He’s fine, we’re okay!!!!!!!_  That one crystal clear split second of ecstasy -

 

Only…

 

 

It had been premature.

 

Coz after depositing him at a little table and taking the seat opposite, greeting the waitress who smiled her dimples down at him too effusively for Sehun’s comfort, and ordering a milkshake for himself and the off-menu concoction for Sehun, Tao had…

 

 

Sehun glanced up again -  

_Yup._

 

He was slouching over the table, his head firmly turned to look out the window at the ocean, slurping his milkshake.

 

Not saying – not even  _looking_  at him…

 

 

Fuck.

 

 _Resolutely, determinedly,_  not looking at him.

 

 

The silence was frosty; the unspoken hostility as vivid as the bright red strawberries decorating his parfait.

 

FUCCKK dammit Tao!!!

what the hell had happened?????!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

 

This was  - wasn’t this just like –  _fuckk_

 

_Are you fucking kidding me, is one and a half days our limit!!!??????????!!!!!!!!???????_

The panic was like getting a zillion ice picks hammered into him simultaneously – it was suddenly the worst possible déjà vu, they were just like what they’d been before..

 

 

 

 _Why are we fighting again?? Why won’t he_  talk  _to me, fuck this, its just –_

 

 

Sehun bit his lip as hard as he could – he could feel the tears prickling the corners of his eyes-  he’d thought – they’d finally, after so long, and –

 

Even as he told himself he was imagining things, he was just being silly, over thinking shit again…

 

Even as he tried to force themselves into normalcy, commenting on how yummy this parfait was – only to have Tao brush him off with a growl.. crowing over how the ice cream shop had changed  - only to have Tao shrug and turn back to the window, his expression one of distaste at having to converse with him at all…

 

_Weren't we never going to fight again....?? Weren't we..together for good??_

The tears swelled, his face heating up, the clogging plug in his throat expanding….

 

 

 

 

 

_I don’t want to fight again!!_

 

 

 


	20. Chapter Twenty - Crossed Lines

 

 

 _Shit._   Tao clenched his teeth over the straw, locking his jaw tight enough that his face hurt – good. Good, he totally deserved that. Fuck, _think_ dammit!!! What the hell..

What the hell was he going to do????

He…

Ha. He didn't have any excuses anymore right? Fuck. _Fuck._ He’d gotten it back on the beach – he’d finally understood. The Great Epiphany. When that girl had stopped him, for a split second there he’d actually gone completely ‘round the bend – and maybe that had been the kick he needed, coz it hadn’t taken more’n a couple of minutes of watching Sehun playing around with the kids to make him finally appreciate it… and every moment after, every laugh, every sprint; every single step they’d walked making their way here  - it had only pounded the realisation in deeper.

 

_Fuck, ‘allergies’._

_!!!_

 

When he’d accidentally grabbed Sehun’s hand earlier –

 

The shock had already faded, leaving only the truth. The dreadful, appalling, revolting truth about himself.

 

 

_Haa!!!! I was so dumb._

_Ha ha ha._

Only it wasn’t funny at all. Frankly, he’d never been this fucking terrified in his entire life before – his chest was squeezing so tight he could barely breathe, and he was pretty sure if he opened his mouth – even to reply to Sehun’s little comments and observations, he was gonna hurl all over the place.

 

He…

 

He actually…..

 

Fuck, it was too crazy to even think the words out – but they were true, they were so real, burning in blazing neon orange into this point on the front his brain exactly in the centre of his chest, and he couldn’t run anymore.

 

_I…  actually…._

 

Carefully, he risked a glance across the table – Sehun was looking down at his giant glass, his lashes so long they were almost laying against his cheek, smoky coal against the pure cream of his skin.. his fingers delicately picking out the chocolate-coated biscuit roll that stuck out of the ice cream, his wrist bones thrown up for a moment as he twirled the slender stick, slathering it in the chocolate and digging it right into the ganache, scooping it up.. raising it to his lips – those incredible glistening lips, that put even the strawberries to shame – he licked them before finally sliding the whipped cream and chocolate in – his eyes closing tight as he wiggled in pleasure… biting his lower lip into his mouth, the flash of his teeth as he bit the tip of the biscuit off….. –

 

_AH!!_

_FUCK NO FUCK NO NO!!!!_

 

 

Quickly, Tao turned back, his hands trembling so hard he had to clutch them together, helplessly struggling to push down the horror he felt – the horror at himself –

 

_I actually like Sehun._

 

_Like like._

 

_‘like’ as in ‘I wanna marry you and spend the rest of my life with you, wake up every morning with you next to me and buy you chocolates every day just to watch you eat them, go on dates with you, take you anywhere you wanna go, walking hand in hand, always always have you beside me.. come home to you everyday, take you in my arms, and hold you so close, feel your skin against mine, and cover you with kisses… before I take your clothes off’  like. _

 

_AS IN ‘like’ in a totally, absolutely romantic, sexual way, ‘like’._

_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

 

_BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

All these years, all his life, he’d only dated girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He even had a girlfriend right _now_ , c’mon, that had to count for something, right???? She was – Mai was considered so gorgeous and sexy and FEMININE, and they _totally_.. ya know.. did _it_ , like, all the time!!!!

Yeah!!! That’s right, long hair and boobs and everythi-

 

Abruptly, an image flashed into his mind – Mai next to him, at that Dinner, gasping as she said ‘chocolate!’ – just … like……

 

 

Across the table, as if to drive him deeper into his hell, Sehun sighed, pushing his spoon into the chocolate again, his pleasure even clearer.

 

 

 

_Shit.. had.. all this time??? How long have i…_

 

Mai, placing her foot on his thigh just like Sehun used to so he could tie his shoes for him..  Mai who was shy and hesitant, who blushed easily, but was absolutely determined not to back down from any challenge – just like his Sehun, the kid who’d hide behind him, shy and nervous, all the time.. whose cheeks turned the loveliest shade of pink the instant you started teasing him… – but was the first one to go hunting werewolves and aliens, who wouldn’t hesitate a moment to grab hold of a vine and jump off a cliff…

Mai who could listen to him rant for hours, and then, with the utmost ease, solve his entire debacle with a single sentence..

_Just like…_

 

Mai, the smart one, the commonsensical one, just like…. !!!!

 

 

Mai whom he cared about no end, but who had never, even at her best, set him on fire even half as intense as the infernos Sehun could casually light off with just a single unwitting glance.

 

 

 

 

Mai, whom he had fallen for coz she made him feel… _together_ , somehow, secure and confident and manly and strong.. in a way that had unconsciously reminded him of how he’d felt around Sehun.

 

 

 

 

_Shit, right from the beginning!!!!!!!!!!????????_

 

BUT – but they were _friends_!!!!!!! Sehun was his best friend, his bestest best friend, the person most precious to him, he couldn’t –

 

 

The agony ramming into his flesh was razor sharp – the guilt and disgust and self loathing clawing at the insides of his throat, his eyes burning with tears he couldn’t shed – he wouldn’t give himself the relief, he ought to suffer, he was just.. _disgusting!!_

 

_I’m ..scum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

 

All this while … fuck, Sehun looked up to him, _he trusted him,_ he respected him, he…

And all this while, he’d just been.. betraying that trust in the worst way possible, right?? Coz he’d actually been…

 

Fuck, if Sehun knew, he’d…

 

Tao almost screamed out loud then – the torrent of anguish crashing down on him, even more unbearable than the repugnance and shame  -

 

He’d hate him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He’d be so disgusted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 _Ohh god_ , he couldn’t bear it – Sehun would – fuck, he’d always.. he always held his hand, they always played about like..skinship, and stuff, right,  he hadn’t  - _ohh god, I swear, it wasn’t like everytime, I - -_

 

But he couldn’t lie about that  - coz.. he _had,_ hadn’t he?  maybe not everytime as blatant and overwhelming as.. before, on the sand.. but definitely somewhere inside him, that heat whenever they touched… everytime, that buzz…

 

**_Sehun would be so disgusted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ **

 

He’d regret it, everything, talking to Tao, making up, being friends – he’d rethink _everything -_ every single time, every moment, everything they’d ever said or done, even the most casual thing, and he’d be _disgusted_ by everything now, all their memories, he’d see how sick Tao was, how _abhorrent,_ he’d..

 

He’d be so mad, and he had every right to be – _I’ve been taking advantage of him all this while, right? Taking advantage of our ‘friendship’ to…._

_He’s gonna…._

 

 

_But !!!_

He couldn’t _bear_ it, not being with Sehun - not again, this time he wouldn’t – _please, I really won’t be able to go on without him_!!!!!!!!!!!!! _Please, oh dear god, please!!_ Already, in just the day, he couldn’t imagine anything as terrible – it was like the worst possible nightmare, something so horrible it couldn’t be anything _but_ a dream – being separated from Sehun.. not having him around – he couldn’t!!

 

But there was no way _anybody_ would…. no one would possibly stay friends with a guy who… who was _into_ them, who …wa..wanted them, who thought things..like that… who was _leering_ at them all the time, _another guy!!!!!!!!!_

 

_Oh god, oh fuck whyyy –_

 

_Why did I have to be like this!!!!!!!!!_

 

 

 _If he knew, he’ll just.. god, he’ll be so revolted by me, and he’ll HATE me for every single time we .. touched or.._ anything _, for everything, how could I, pretending to be his friend when on the inside I was – _

 

_But I really really really do care about him so much!!!!!!!!!_

 

_it’s not just this… thing….,  even as a friend, purely as a friend, I really do think of him as my most precious, treasured, special person, and I care about him there's no – that’s not tainted at all!!!!!!_

 

_But who would believe that._

 

_Do I myself?? Was I just – AM I just, fooling myself?? What if.. what if everything i..feel… about him is just coz –_

_No!!!!!!!!!!_

 

_NO please!!!!!!!!_

 

 

_Fuckit, then it’s enough if he never finds out, right?? I’ll never act on it, I swear, I’ll never ever ever look at him like that, I’ll NEVER touch him again, I’ll never let him know – even if it hurts like this I don’t care, please.. please, anything, just let me stay beside him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

But in his gut, Tao knew he didn't even have any right to ask for that – after all, just _feeling_ these things, even if he never _did_ anything, just thinking them, just feeling them – that alone made him so filthy.. sickening!!  - and every moment he spent with him, he was just..

 

Someone like him – he had no right..to be around someone like Sehun.

 

 

Gritting his teeth, grinding them together hard enough to send lightening flashes of ice shooting through his jaw, Tao kept staring out of the window with unseeing eyes, his heart broken inside the empty cage that was his chest. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Across the table, Sehun mechanically popped in another spoonful of the parfait, screwing up the tight, sick foreboding in his throat

_What the hell, okay, what the hell happened… _

 

_we were perfectly alright, we were goofin around -   it was so much fun, we were both laughing and playing, right, just moments ago….._

_this is…_

 

 

Tao was mad at him again.

     And he didn’t even know why!!

 

 _Please, not again –  I can’t go through that again!!!!!  Goddamit Tao –_ If only he’d _talk_ to him!!! _I don’t care, yell at me, hit me, do whatever you want, but please –_ this cold stiff silence, he was drowning in it – he couldn’t fight this, he couldn’t do anything, it was suffocating and he couldn’t breathe _Tell me what I did!!!!!!!!!! Tell me why you’re mad!!!!!!!!!_

 

_Please_

 

_Please……_

 

They’d just fixed it, right, after everything, he’d been so happy – god, he’d been.. so _happy_ …. was that all he was allowed, a couple of hours??

_I.. all these years!!!!!!!!!! All these fucking years, I .. I went through so much, I struggled so much, and in the end, all I get it a day and a half when we’re ok?????????????????_

 

If he just _told_ him, at least he could do something, at least he could say something, but Tao wasn’t listening to him – every time he tried to say something, he barely bothered to brush it away, his eyes filled with so much hatred……..

 

And he was too scared to try

 

_What did I do? You’re pissed at me, right?  this my fault, right?_

 

_What did I do!!!_

 

…………………..

 

………………………… !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

**FUCCKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

 

The fear lanceted terror through him, the skin over his entire body crawling with a billion bee stings of dread as he suddenly realised what it was he HAD done…..  understanding crashing down on him like a fuckin ton of bricks – had Tao.. that time, when Tao had.. been on top of him, in the sand… _had he????_ If Tao had realised – _ohhmyfuck…_ obvi… _fuck oh god_ obviously if he’d felt – I mean, they had been close enough that he would’ve…totally…..

fuck, he’d been pressed right into him, right???

There was no way he _wouldn’t_ have realised!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…….. what state Sehun’d been in – _fuck, oh god oh god no_ – Tao had realised…..

 

 of course he’d be **thoroughly** disgusted, right?????       What guy wouldn’t be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Oh

 

 

Ohhhh

 

 

 

_Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Tao had found out, hadn’t he……_

 

_Shit what did I do – fucckk dammit Sehun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How COULD you –_

Actually trembling with apprehension and the most awful premonition, Sehun glanced up again – risking another look at Tao through his lashes…

 

 

 _Fuck!!_ Now that he looked at him closely – those stiffened shoulders _did_ scream revulsion right?? The way he was turned away from him – even the disdain with which he was slurping his drink – weren’t they just broadcasting loathing????

 

…………………………………………….

 

_No!!!!!_

 

 

Ohdeargo –

 

 

Suddenly, a wail cut into the silence, making both of them start – Sehun looking down incomprehensibly at his shorts –

 

_Huh???????_

 

‘Ah!’ Blushing, he quickly scrabbled for his pocket, digging out his phone – a spark of relief slashing in – anything to cut the silence out, anything to take his mind off – a totally irrational hope rising – _some way out_ –

 

 

Before he saw the caller id.

 

 

Gasping, Sehun dropped the phone like it had bitten him – the wide plastic case clattering against the wooden table before he quickly clicked the screen off, pushing it to one side –the ringing silenced, but the device dancing a seizure in vibrations next to the saucer of spoons –

‘Eh?? Is it okay not to answer?’

‘..eh!’ startled, Sehun looked up at him – before blushing even harder, and waving his hand – unfortunately far from the airy dismissal he was aiming for – ‘ah.. ah! Its fine, its fine, it’s not important – it’ll just go to voice mail, eh.. ehehe…’

_Fuck, why’d I do that!! I should've just answered – it didn’t matter right?????? Goddamit, why the fuck am I feeling guilty just to get a call from – _

 

_It’s not like Tao is gonna give a flying fuck!!!!!!!!!_

 

‘Eeeeehhhh…’

For a long moment, Tao looked at him – a cold clinical perusal in his eyes that had Sehun freeze, swallow, his mouth suddenly dry – _shit he’s_ – he was looking at him like he was a total stranger, like he didn't even recognize him –

 

 

‘Ahh… Eiri, huh’. In utmost flawless indifference, Tao turned away – back to the window, a shade of a smirk in the way he slurped another swallow of his shake.

 

 

 

………………………………………………….

 

_How had he known!???!??!!!!!!!_

 

_What –_

_I –_

 

He couldn’t even feel anything anymore – he was such a mess, everything swirling and mixing – the fear and panic, and so much much more, and on top of that this..arrghh _disappointment_ – it was beyond stupid, _Sehun, what is wrong with you, don’t you have bigger problems right now!!!!  -_ but it still hurt..a bit.. that Tao didn’t care at all that she was calling him – _goddamit, me!!!  -_ and the sick anxious horror -  if he _knew_ , if Tao had found out, then - he just couldn’t, he couldn’t take it –

 

‘So…’

 

‘…hgr?!’ Hastily, he cleared his throat – trying again – ‘Yeah?’ – Directing his voice as casually as possible at the top of Tao’s head, still turned away from him –

 

‘….nothing. ‘

 

………………………

 

‘Just well, you and Eiri huh. That’s nice, you two suit each other.’

 

‘……………..hrggg!??’  _what???!!! Why the fuck was Tao sounding so –_

 

_Dammit!!_

_That’s Tao ‘trying to be nice’, I  - do you think I’m that stupid, you idiot, that is clearly Tao’s angry voice, isn’t it!!!!!_

 

 

‘You guys..’ He turned to look directly at Sehun now, and with a sinking feeling, he realised how wrong he’d been - this wasn’t Tao-who’s-really-angry-trying-to-be-nice..

He wasn’t bothering with any sort of pretence at all.

 

His eyes were cold enough to make even the two different types of chocolate ice cream in his spoon seem warm by comparison, as he raked them over Sehun, an eyebrow raised in – yup – definite 100% disgust.

‘You guys seem … made… for each other..’

As if to punctuate his tone, Sehun’s phone finally fell silent – the rattling of its vibration abruptly cutting off like his last shield had fallen, leaving him to face this downright scornful Tao by himself.

 

_Ok wait. WHY!!!!!!!!!!!???_

 

_If he was….  Oh god.. sickened..by that – fuck, sickened by_ **me** _, I can understand, I gettit, of course he’d be.._

 

_But.._

_Why is he so ticked off now???   About her?????_

 

 

_Of course, it’s just that he’s simply repulsed by me and this is just an excuse that came along at the opportune moment, right?_

 

_Just repulsed by me….. …  …… .._

 

 

_If he knows how i..feel.. about him, obviously he’d think it sick, and even more disgusting if I’m with a girl at the same time, right??? Like…’extra disgusted’.. on her behalf…._

 

 

 

_Wai -But!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

_But if I was.. like that.. about him, I wouldn’t have a girl, right???????????????????_

 

_Yeah! Normally, usually, that’s what someone would think, right??  Someone who .. ok fuck, someone who’s into him, wouldn’t be into a girl at the same time, right?_

 

_So I just have to – If I just use her, he won’t be suspicious, right??? Even if he knows, he’ll think… he was mistaken..or something… _

_!!!!!!!!!!_

_Yes!!!!!!!_

 

Before Sehun could put the new plan he had scrambled upon into action – not that he had much hope of its succeeding, but fuck, he couldn’t _imagine_ the alternative -  though, Tao continued -  ‘She seems … fun …. And fond of _having_ fun… You two probably get along really well, right.’

 

_Okay what!???! That was –_

Tao looks positively _vicious_!!

 

_well, never mind about that Sehun, just get with it, c'mon, just.. be all into her, so Tao won't be suspicious - c'mon now!!_

‘Erh…. Ah, umm, yeah, she’s super hot.. ehe.. ehehehe, yup, she’s really fun, and pretty chill, ya know? She’s not hung up on stuff, she’s just the super carefree, take things as they come, type.. and of course she’s so friggin hot!!! Her ..body.. God, even her tiny cheer outfits don’t do it any justice!! And she’s like _seriously_ flexible, man, you have no idea, it’s probably all the training, but she can actually put her feet – ‘

 

With a crash, Tao stood up, slamming his palms on the table – making Sehun snap up, almost rising to his feet too, in shock – but he just lifted a hand to rub his face, and quietly – with none of the anger Sehun had braced himself for – growled  ‘Washroom – er. .  I’ll just – ‘ Nodding to him, he spun about, striding off through the shop floor, disappearing behind a pillar – leaving Sehun even more bewildered – feeling like the floor under his feet had just fallen away.

 

 

_What……_

 

_?????????_

 

_Well, obviously he…. Fuck, he really knows, right…. He – otherwise my Tao would never make that sort of face at me, would he… He knows. He knows._

 

_He knows._

 

_Oh my god, what am I going to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

For a moment, a wave of dizziness hit him – the world seeming to spin about him, a nauseating black smoke curling around the insides of his skull, the sweet aftertaste of the ice cream and mousse in his mouth suddenly an acrid sourness, swelling to block his throat - the table spun and he had to grab onto it with both hands, his eyes having dropped to his feet and pooled out onto the parquet floor  -

 

 

 

And then the moment passed and he was sitting in the ice cream shop, his hands shaking, sweat streaming down the back of his shirt, making it cling to his skin, clammy and uncomfortable, a faint black residue on the undersides of his lids…

 

_Breathe, Sehun, dammit, fix this!!! I have to – I won’t I won’t let it happen again, I will not let him – I won’t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_I can’t._

_I’ll do something, there has to be SOMETHING I can do, man, c’mon, slap on a pair,  Fuck, even if he knows, I’ll …. anything, I’ll make him  - I’ll make him forget it, I’ll do the Eiri thing, I’ll just  -_

 

_Wait…._

_The way he’d…_

_When he’d spoken about Eiri, and when I’d spoken about her, he’d looked –_

 

 

 

_This isn’t just being disgusted with me, right………._

 

 

Eiri…

 

 

 

 

_Huh!!!!!!!????!?! Could – wait, this is crazy, coz he’s  - Mai, I mean – but.. could Tao……….._

_possibly..._

 

 

 

 

Ten agonizingly long minutes later, as they left the ice cream shop – Sehun having declined to finish his parfait, despite Tao asking him about three times if he was sure, and twice offering to get him something else if he didn’t like it – he just couldn’t, _could not,_ STAND sitting there any longer – even though – no, _especially_ because once Tao had come back from the washroom, his hair damp, trickles of water still tracking down the long bronze column of his neck, like he’d just dumped his head into a basin full of water, he’d been scrupulously polite – and this courteous Tao, this perfectly poised, methodically gentlemanly Tao was more than he could handle – it was like he had just gotten that much further, like they were suddenly as distant from each other as in the middle of the worst of their fights – the fear  was etching itself deeper –

As they walked in brittle, yet titanium strong, silence..

 

As they avoided any sort of contact – leaning away from each other as they walked, so even their clothes wouldn’t brush against against each other…

 

As Sehun surreptitiously watched Tao through his lashes, his heart thudding in his throat, waiting and yearning for a look – even a _glance_ from him – in vain….

 

 

 

Wrapped in their own hopeless lost thoughts, their imaginings steadily wreathing themselves in greater and greater despair, the boys unconsciously traced the same steps they used to way back… _before_.. when everything was so simple, when nothing mattered other than their implicit, unshakable trust in each other, and their relationship…

 

Round to the corner of the walkway, where it ended in a smooth, bossed balcony that jutted out over the sand, the drop a bare couple of feet they could easily scramble over, bringing them to a rather secluded stretch of beach – the sand a shining tawny shade of gold, melding seamlessly into lighter and lighter tones as it approached the water’s edge.. the land here sloped and curved, smoothly rising  while simultaneously tracing a roughly ‘C’ shaped arc, right upto –

 

 

 

‘Oh!!’

Sehun gasped as his eyes settled on the landscape – momentarily forgetting his turmoil.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

[A/n] - Muahahaha ;P 

 

okay seriously, sowwiee~~Omo guys, dont hate me for this!! m(_ _)m m(_ _)mm(_ _)m  its just.. well, they're just 16 n 15yo, so obviously, they barely know how to deal w themselves, leave alone tackle their sexuality, esp when both of them have been 'straight' all this while.. secondly, obviously it's difficult when the object of their affections is someone with whom.. ya know, coz of the past fights, they're still stepping on tenterhooks around, they're both too hung up on the 'past' + the pressure to not screw their friendship up again [it would obv have been easier if they were strangers lol] but its too difficult to just..come out... and on top of everything else, we already know that they are REALLY sucky at communicating with each other.. even though one mess got resolved [and that more by accident than anything else], the core problem is still there... ehehe so i just..couldn't go any other way with this.. 

on top of everything else, its so frustrating and angsty its kinda fun, right~~ *hopeful*  

 


	21. Chapter Twenty One - Yo Ho Ho! And a Bottle of Rum

 

Ten years ago, you could walk along this beach, right to the end of its curve – as you climbed the slope, its rise so gentle you didn't even realise you were going higher [Sehun and Tao had had to conduct a series of experiments to find out how it rose, as part of their Operation, involving the ingenuous aid of a long stick with crayon markings on it, just like they’d seen on Super Detective Larry] [It hadn’t worked] [Till Sehun had had the brilliant brainwave of tying on his father’s watch, with built in altimeter, to the Measuring Stick] [As with everything else that year, the boys had been in complete agreement – this time, that ‘Super Detective Larry’ was an idiot, and Sehun the real genius], the stretch of sand got narrower, true, but it still formed a wide enough sand bar to make it perfectly traversable.. Scattered on the sand lay the best shells you would ever find - big, humungous ones that would’ve housed a whole family of the ‘Crawly Things’, and tiny, fragile lattices that looked like a breath would disintegrate them.. whorled and patterned and coloured in more radiance than a rainbow could ever aspire to; magical conches, fairy scallops, scintillating cockles you could hold up to your ear to hear the endless songs the mermaids whispered … Even the driftwood washed up here was far from ordinary - exciting gnarled branches that looked like monsters from an adventure tale, like twisted burnt-out swords and shards from a minotaur’s horns, like fossils of long ago dragons and dinosaurs [ which the boys believed most firmly were the same thing], and pets the titans kept; and the two of them would pretend they were Hunters, stalking and capturing the Man-Eaters hiding in the sand… In the hollows of the dried up bark, undisturbed by the crowds frequenting the beaches that studded the coast behind them, lived entire tribes of crabs – they grew as big as your face, with their snappy claws and orange bellies – the boys used to spend _hours_ here - for some reason, watching them scuttle by, running sideways, had been the funniest thing Sehun could imagine, he had never tired of squatting in the sand, peering at them - and Tao had never tired of walking up and down with a stick, poking in the sand, prodding at them to make them run, just to make him laugh

 

But eventually, they’d always abandon their expeditions on the Secret Shore to climb up, continue along the curve of the beach – right to the very end, where the beach ended, the cliff on the landward side cropping out to form a series of natural caves leading into the rock from a narrow little cove, to their ultimate goal.

 

But now –

 

In the intervening decade, the whole geography had shifted – the water level had risen.. or the land fallen, Sehun didn't know which, but now, the beach before his eyes abruptly ended roughly a quarter of the way into the ‘C’ – the waves crashing right into the cliff face, the sandy shore that had been there completely obliterated..

 

Their special secret magic beach wiped off the face of the earth.

 

 

It seemed highly appropriate given the day he’d been having.

 

Just another crack in the shattered face of their friendship.

 

 

 

‘Oh!’

A gasp – mirroring his own, rose from beside him – cutting into his thoughts, making him snap about to look at Tao in surprise.  ‘…………… huh?’

 

‘……it’s…gone!’

 

‘……………. What?’

 

‘..the.. beach, there used to be a beach here, we used to play here, remember? The crabs and – well, anyway..  -  It’s _gon_ -‘

‘Well, _yeah_ , I remember, but why are _you_ shocked??’

 

‘…huh?’

 

‘… .. oh! I see, it was fine last time you were home, huh? Wha~~ is this global warming…..’

 

‘…eh??? Ah! Urm.. no, no, I haven’t – ‘ Tao cleared his throat, before starting again. ‘I haven’t been out here in years – I… wow, I don’t even know why we just… climbed down’ he waved vaguely behind them – ‘ the balcony, lol, usually I just walk back down the promenade..’

 

‘Ohhhh….. Oh..I see…’

 

Somehow – even though Tao wasn’t back to normal – his voice was stilted and hard, uncomfortable, like just _talking_ to Sehun was arduous.. like it was taking all of his self control to force himself to answer him…  – even though he was still feeling so messed up, with everything – his fear and guilt and the horrible, cloying stomach-turning anxiety; the panic and the hurt, the pain and his new Suspicion that was gradually growing stronger – despite all that, he couldn’t bite down the surge of happiness at the genuine nostalgia and sadness in Tao’s voice – and the little rise of pride – even though it was stupid, and in reality probably had nothing to do with him, the pride was there -  that Tao hadn’t come back here, come back to their special place, without him….

 

_Ah, that’s right, even the stream – the waterfall, Tao did say that he hadn’t been there for a while.. he was shocked that the path was all beat up, and the vine still being there, too…_

 

_He really didn’t go to any of Our spots without me, ne…._

 

For some reason – stupid as he knew it was – he couldn’t stop the little smile that blossomed at the corner of his lips.

 

_Fuck._

 

_Fuck,  I really fucking love this idiot._

 

 

_But if he… knows about…  me…_

_And there's the Eiri thing…_

 

Feeling even more miserable than ever, Sehun slowly turned around –his eyes fixed on the little ridges of sand that rose as he pressed his foot into the beach – the stupid little traces of his existence that ought to all just explode and fucking –

 

‘OHH!!’

 

He was so tired.. everything was just too much, and he was so tired, he didn't even have the energy to react to Tao’s second gasp – only raising his head slowly, weariness trudging over his brows as he hummed a question at him –

Only –

 

 

‘Sehun!!! Look!!! His eyes widened, sparkling in excitement – all trace of the severe forbidding anger and repulsion gone, Tao grabbed his upper arm – his fingers closing around his biceps as he tugged him about – ‘ _Look!!’_

 

Surprised, Sehun looked up, following the line of his trembling hand and pointing finger –

Out into the sea –

Where –

 

‘ _Oh!! Tao!!’_

Breathless, excitement thrumming through him, he spun about to look at Tao, his own hands lifting unintentionally to clutch at Tao’s – ‘Tao!!! It’s _there!!’_

_‘Yeah!!’_

_‘_ …. Whoa…’

 

 

Their mouths agape in wonder, the pure magical incredibility of what they were seeing obfuscating their earlier distress, the boys carefully walked along the beach, right upto the new coastline, removing their shoes to hang them about their necks by the laces, till the water was lapping at their toes in transparent pearls of foam.

‘ _Whoa!!_ Tao!! It’s _there!!!’_

Chuckling, Tao stared out too, his fingers unconsciously disengaging Sehun’s from about his arm, so they could thread into them. ‘Yeah~~’

Turning to him, Sehun grinned. ‘Let’s go!!’

‘……eh…..???????’

‘Tao!!!! This is _perfect!!_ No one’s been there for like, _ten years_ right! I’m sure _they_ must’ve left all _sorts_ of stuff there – ha!! They’ll be sure they’re safe, that no one knows about it anymore, so they’re totally not gonna be careful now!! Let’s go!!!’

 

 

‘……Se…Hun….’ For a breath Tao just stared at him – before turning away, letting go of hand so he could clutch his stomach as he bawled with laughter, bending almost double, tears rising in his eyes as he gasped and guffawed and hooted.

 

 

‘………………………………………………………………

…………………………………….

…………………

………………….. HUANG ZITAO!!’ puffing his cheeks out and sticking his lip into a pout, Sehun strode up to where Tao had stumbled along, his laughter so hard he was almost falling over – and kicked him in the butt, thumping his bare wet foot smack into his behind. ‘Don’t laugh you idiot!! You donkey who knows nothing!!!! It’s because of people like you that they’re getting away with it!!’

 

 

‘………………’ Without the slightest warning, without even the littlest hesitation to herald his intentions, quick as a flash, Tao twisted – grabbing Sehun’s ankle even as he lifted his foot away, he tugged – yanking him forward and letting go right as he stumbled up – suddenly Sehun was spinning, the sand giving away under his feet – his toes grasping for purchase against the turf that wasn’t there,  before, with a thumping splash, he crashed into the beach stomach first – the water barely high enough to cover a foot here, it still splattered over him, combining with the exhalation of falling, to make him splutter and gasp, the salty brine stinging his eyes and nose as he yelled curses at Tao – his entire body filled with so much sheer glee and happiness he felt like his skin would just peel off and go dancing over the sand, his bones already pumping out a twerk in their ecstasy – _Tao had –_

_They are –_

_Ohmygod FUUUCKCKKKCCC THANKK GOODNESSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

The tears streaming down his face, hidden amidst the trickles of sea water were of relief, and the hitch in his voice wasn’t coz he was trying to think up new swears and abusing words –

 

Before even that faded, his throat seizing up right in the middle of ‘You hogfaced poached shrimp-‘ When a puff of hot air fell against his cheek – the familiar warm breath – Tao laughing as he pushed him down harder, his hands pressing his shoulders into the sandy water, the heels of the shoes that had somehow still managed to hang on around his neck digging into his chest, Tao’s knee – _fuck, his knee!! –_ right in the small of Sehun’s back, nestling in the curve like it had been _made_ for him, as he ruthlessly shoved him down, his face so close as he bent to him, the strands of his hair were scraping against Sehun’s face as he leant down, his lips almost grazing Sehun’s ear as he growled in what he was probably imagining was intimidation, but in reality were all sorts of other things –

‘Who exactly is the _donkey_ , huh~~’

 

 _Fuck fuck fuck fucking WOW, I’d thought – fuck, this is actually worse –_ he’d thought that deliciousness weakness, that pleasurable vulnerability from earlier were matchless – but fuck had he been wrong!! _this  -_ being pressed face down – that slight tendril of fear was _way_ more barbed now – face down, pushed down with Tao over his back – _this_ was the best fucking -  damn helplessness – _fuck!!!! I – fuckk get a GRIP, Sehun, **you’re not trying out fucking ‘positions’ here,** he’s – fucckkk not again ohhcrap I can’t – keepittogether, keepittogether, before – last time – _ every single circuit in his mind was just swearing, and even the warnings blaring alarms deep in his solar plexus weren’t a bit effective – the almost devastating RELIEF!!!!!,  the cold water lapping against one side of his face and Tao’s hot breath against the other – it was too fucking erotic a mixture, _especially_ considering how he’d basically been right at the very edge all this time, the tingling from earlier just racing a bare 5cm below his skin, his fucking bloody hormones having a field day today, rampaging through his every tissue and –

 

Craning his neck – with Tao pushing his shoulders down, he couldn’t move much else – he twisted about to yell at him – praying his voice would just be as ‘playful’ as innocence could desire – ‘ _You_ are the donk _-‘_

Only –

 

Unintentionally –

 

Twisting about like that had just put his lips almost exactly right on top of the pair that had been whispering at his ear.

 

Sehun’s mind promptly wiped itself out clean, not even able to spazz out about it now –

Painted a pure empty white –

 

Tao’s breath against his, their air mingling –

 

_Sweet…._

 

Tao’s fingers flexing over his shoulder –

 

_His lashes….  this close – his eyes –_

 

_Burning._

 

His hair prickling Sehun’s forehead, his knee shoving his hips into the sand…. The damp creeping into his clothes, adding yet another layer of sensation…

Like he was drunk out of his skull, Sehun’s gaze blearily lurched to the sharp clefts of Tao’s lips – barely a millimetre away, the upper one -  the cupid’s bow so sharp and defined, like they’d been shaved on with a scalpel , the bottom one full and pouty – even without that contrast they’d have been breathtaking – but now –

 

He didn’t know if he groaned out loud or only in his mind – just that he didn’t –

_Couldn’t –_

 

He wouldn’t even have to reach to – he didn't even have to _move,_ they were _right there!!!_

 

Tao breathed in and even the minuscule space between their lips staggered into vacuum – they were trembling, his lips, the top edge wavering and he –

_Tao…._

 

 

 

The next moment Tao hurtled off him, the rush of space – the sudden gust of cold air like a slap over his face, disorienting; and Sehun struggled for breath at the abrupt absence, the stab of emptiness intensely desolate, the sense of loss flooding over him – blinking rapidly, he rolled over, dragging himself up – staring for a moment in total befuddlement at Tao’s straight, stiff back, as he faced the ocean – not looking back at Sehun as he cleared his throat, and bit off his words like they nauseated him –

‘Whatever. It was stupid then, and it’s sure as hell even dumber now; The cove is _not_ a secret pirate hangout, there are no smugglers hiding their loot in that Cavern, it’s ridiculous.’

 

 

 

Like he’d been stung, Sehun gasped at the total disdain in his voice – the way he said it, like Sehun himself, and _everything_ about him was what was ‘ridiculous’…

 

 

_Yeah, I guess you’re right._

_I’m ridiculous, aren’t i.._

 

_Even knowing how you feel, even knowing that you’d find it this disgusting I can’t stop myself._

_I knew – I_ knew _you would see it in my face, I knew you would hate it, but still I was about to.. I wanted to so bad, I would’ve…._

 

_Even knowing you’d hate me for it, I can’t help being this crazy about you_

 

_Hahahaha. Let’s all come laugh at Oh Sehun, the ridiculous._

 

 

 

_Every single thing you do just drives me so out of control, I…. Like right now.. right now – in an instant you can make me happier than I’ve ever been, in a moment, make me feel like my heart will explode from joy – and the next, like I’d rip it out of my chest myself just to stop it hurting._

 

The tears choked his throat, and he bit down on his lip,  trying to will it down – it was crazy, it was too much, the emotional see saw, it was like a roller coaster, cresting and diving in under a second and he.. couldn’t…

 

And Tao being so scornful of him on top of that!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

_Me too – I’m trying my hardest here, okay!!!!!!!!!!_

_I’m trying my best…_

 

 

 

_I can’t.. I don’t have anything more to give, Tao_

 

 

Since he’d been little, Sehun had always been one who carefully analyzed his surroundings – himself, and other people, motivations, possible reactions, emotional responses – everything, before jumping in. His.. _anxiety_.. when dealing with others had made it impossible for him not to, and it was second nature to question everything – why someone did something, why he himself felt a certain way or reacted in a particular manner… In the end, that’s how he’d overcome his fears too, he’d learnt how to charm people, how to attract them, how to befriend them..  but where Tao was concerned?

Ha.

No wonder it was so easy, like riding a bike, to suddenly feel all that rancour again, to feel for a moment like he thoroughly **HATED** him  – the mess Tao made of him, crashing into his walls and chucking it all up in a flurry of bricks that turned into paper as they crumpled, making him such a helpless useless bundle of nerves, emotionally, mentally, physically – he wanted to scream at him, give me my control back!! - shit it was so easy to remember how he’d…begrudged him all those days -  he couldn’t do anything – he couldn’t read Tao at all, he never knew what he was thinking or why – he couldn’t measure his responses, and he hadn’t even the barest semblance of a rein over himself around him – in the seventh heaven of delight one moment, in the deepest plumbs of despair the next.. his whole head screwed up, his heart – that organ that was supremely cold blooded usually, that never budged an inch, carefully calculative so wary was it around other people, built up so strong to cope with his nervousness, to the point many people thought him just supremely ‘arrogant’ – around Tao it was like fucking jelly, wobbling and trembling, easily scored by even the slightest touch…

He was someone everyone bent over backwards to get the slightest response from, dying to know they affected him in _some_ way– and without even _trying_ Tao could so easily pull him to pieces and build him up again any which way he chose and –

_All my life!!!!!!!_

 

_My entire fucking life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

Everything he was – everything he’d become, all that he’d made of himself, it was all coz of Tao, right?????????? Because his motivation all along had been _Tao_  - he’d become like this coz in his heart he’d held onto the hope of ‘meeting Tao again’, he’d always judged himself by how Tao would see him, he’d always..

All these years…

 

 

_I’VE HAD ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

_ENOUGH._

 

_I CAN’T FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

 

He was almost shouting when he replied, his  fists clenched to his chest, imagining his voice shooting like bullets slamming into the tall back he’d looked up to in awe and worship and love for so long, the careening sob stuffed under like a grenade -  ‘FINE!!! Tao can do whatever you want – go back, go home, I don’t care!!!! _I’m_ going to go over there!!’

Storming forward, he strode past Tao, heading into the water – blind to the coolness of the swilling crashing waves after the heat of the sand, under the anger that blazed through him, unaware of the clammy wet of his shirt clinging to his skin, the little crab that had been left behind like them by the changing sea scuttling away from his feet, and the broken anguish painted in fluorescent hues over Tao’s face as he stomped past.

 

Heading into the water…

 

 

In the distance, it still loomed out of the sea – the Cove, and the rocky mouth that gaped from it…

 

Ten years ago, that cove held their Ultimate secret hide-out – in those days of course, you just had to walk along the beach that used to lie here to get to it – a natural white-sand inlet, tiny and easily missed – but gorgeous with its fine pure dazzling shore.. As you stepped into it, you came to a little rocky passage, barely a narrow slit in the rock face.. even in those days, the boys had had to bend over almost double to creep their way up the dark, stuffy tunnel…As uncomfortable as it might have been, though, none of the difficulty even registered under their excitement – after all, this was the ‘Secret Cove where the pirates came’ – After raiding the seven seas, ruthlessly shooting down enemy ships with giant cannon balls, and seizing chests and chests of gold and jewels and all manner of magic treasures, after making their dastardly prisoners walk the plank [Sehun and Tao used to spend _hours_ prodding each other off a convenient outcrop of rock just beside the entrance to the tunnel in gleeful imitation], the devil-may-care Captain Samson Cutlass, the Bone Rattler, Pirate King and Bloodthirsty Outlaw, would give the order to ‘Raise the Skull and Crossbones, you scurvy dogs, Arr!!’  - and they’d turn their prows to this cove – in the still of the night, when the moon was full and bright enough to pick out the shadowy rocks that lay just below the surface of the brine in sharp relief, they’d lower their sails, and with barely a creak, slip into the beach.. as quiet as fish, they’d carefully carry off all their treasure – one by one, lugging the ginormous crates, they’d trudge inland, creeping into the tunnel and climbing up… up and up right upto….

 

Despite the entire year spent at their Operation Discover the Pirate Hoard [which was sometimes renamed Operation Capture the Smugglers, and on one occasion, following a rather confused cartoon adaptation, Operation Find the Entrance to Narnia] having yielded not the slightest scrap of treasure, not the faintest hint of gold or even the subtlest sign anyone other than the two of them ever even used the tunnel, the boys hadn’t been discouraged in the slightest – just holding up their sippy cups of juice, pretending it was rum and ‘cocornutz’, as they toasted that scourge of the Seven seas, that Razor-faced demon – acknowledging that Captain Cutlass was indeed a worthy adversary...

 

 

 

 


	22. Chapter Twenty Two - Come As You Are

 

Now the water had come in all the way to the cliff face itself, burying the beach underfoot – yet somehow, by some impossible miracle, the Cove still stood – like a peninsula jutting out from the rock, in the middle of the new ocean… even all the way out here Sehun could pick out the leafy fronds that hedged it, and the dark rocks where he knew the tunnel opening would be….

Their most secret hide-out, their most favourite clandestine, undisclosed, covert lair…

 

Resolutely refusing to acknowledge Tao’s presence further, he walked out, into the water – the sand under his feet was the tawny gold of the old beach, and here and there pieces of driftwood still stuck up [only this time, from the sea]… the water was still beautifully clear though, so he could see his toes under the little cresting waves, as he waded out –

 

 

‘SEHUN!!! Fuck, dammit, _alright_!!’

 

‘………What do _you_ want!!’

 

‘….what…do..I.. Obviously, I’m coming, duh, let’s go find your pirates or whateve-‘

‘HUUUHHH!!!???’ Sehun stopped short, rounding on Tao who had come up to him, almost shaking his fist at him in anger -  ‘Who the fuck asked you to!!! Go away!!!’ -  before setting off again.

 

‘..What??!!’

Bewildered at the anger and.. the.. _tear-filled eyes??_ [Coz Tao had been fully prepared for the anger part of it, he’d totally seen that Sehun would be mad – after all, he was the _sick bastard_ who – after everything, after the whole mess, he’d _promised_ he would stay away, that he wouldn’t get close to Sehun, and just.. within minutes… within minutes he’d messed up so damn friggin bad again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He ought to just fucking _disappear,_ the sick scum that he was, he didn't even have any right to SPEAK to Sehun, and yet, he couldn’t – he could not _bear_ that - so he’d promised hadn’t he, he’d looked himself in the eye in the mirror, back at the ice cream shop and made up his mind, praying to every God, every power that existed, the whole Universe and staking everything he was on it – he’d tear out these feelings, he’d bury them, he’d burn them to ashes – he’d do _anything_ to get to stay by Sehun..

as long as Sehun didn’t _hate_ him..

as long as Sehun wasn’t just completely revolted by him…

and yet… he had slipped up already so many times!!!!!!  he’d sworn he wouldn’t _touch_ his angel with his filthy hands, and yet he’d…. Of course he’d totally expected Sehun to hate him, to not want to be around even a moment longer – when Sehun had said he wanted to go alone, it had been the blow he had been _expecting_  already – he was totally not shocked at all...

_I KNEW it, I saw it coming – so…._

 

_why the fuck.... did it hurt so damn much....._

 

_He doesn't... Sehun doesn't....want me..around... - _

 

No!!!! He didn't have any fucking right  to even _be_  hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

_goddamit I know, okay, I know I had no right to touch him at all, I know I absolutely shouldn’t – but I didn't – for a moment, I just.. forgot.. I just.. it was just instinct – and then he.. he was so close.. and… fuck iwant him so bad.. not just like that– well, yes, like that  -but it’s not **just** that – for instance, when he saw the cove !! He was..just… _ sparkling _!!  Though I’m totally used to that, ha, Sehun’s always.. always like that, he’s so beautiful and perfect, I.._

He hated himself absolutely and completely right now – he’d never felt anything like this, the guy who was always so sure of himself, so confident; Wushu captain, top student; beloved, worshipped, looked up to, with the hottest chick in the school as his girlfriend, head boy in all but name, President of the student council, the person even the teachers consulted whenever there was a throw up about something.. only son, protected and fawned upon by his entire extended family…  this same person now just totally completely revolted by himself.. It was a shock like he’d never thought possible – just the self loathing, feeling it himself..  the total scorn and the disdain he felt towards himself…. Ever since he’d pushed Sehun down on the beach, he hadn’t even been able to look at him, guilt at the implacable desire that throbbed and buzzed through him, his derision at himself – he was just so **_ridiculous_**!!! All that big talk about how he’d stay away from Sehun.. and a minute later he was all over him, like.. Being physically _nauseated_ by himself, seeing how weak he was – weak and pathetic, _on top of being such a freak!!!!!!!!_ - 

So he’d totally been expecting the anger on Sehun’s part..

But why was he….???????!?!?!] Tao stepped up his pace to catch upto Sehun again, struggling to keep his voice natural like he’d been all this while, forcing down all the chaotic emotions. ‘No! I’m coming with you, okay, I’ll come with you to the Cove, so let’s go – ‘

‘I don’t _want_ you to come with me to the Cove!!! I don’t want you to come with me ANYWHERE!!! Go _HOME!!_ ’

‘… I.. don’t be stupid, as if I’d let you-‘

‘ _Let me_?!??!?!’ Laughing without the slightest hint of humour in his voice, Sehun pulled up short again – rounding on Tao – his nose all red, his cheeks shining, sand and water still stuck to his skin from earlier, and his eyes, gleaming with tears, now screwed up in outrage-  ‘Oh, oho, oh no, you don’t fucking _let me_????????? Who the fuck do you think you are!!!!!!!!!! Do I need your fucking _permission_ to go somewhere!??!? Ha. Ha ha ha. Listen to me, and listen good - I don’t fucking need you _taking_ care of me anymore, gettit? I’m not five anymore – and even if I _was_ I still wouldn’t want this anymore. I’m fucking _done_ , Tao, I’m just .Done. Gettit? From now on, please just leave me the fuck alone. Even if I’m about to step into a fucking volcano – just walk the other way, and mind your own damn business, okay? Just – just –‘ overcome with the rage that was shaking his body visibly, Sehun waved his hand in the air like he was telling him to read the picture, before spinning around and walking off again, the waves crashing into his calves, splashing into his shorts as he stormed through the brine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Stupid Tao!!!!!_

 

 

 

 _Stupid Tao, who the hell wants_ him!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

_AARGHH dammit Sehun, don’t you dare cry, don’t you DARE!!!!!!!_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_.....eh…._

 

 

_Ehhh??????_

 

 

‘Wharrg – wha..what are you doing???? I _told_ you – ‘

This time it was Tao who rounded on him – and the look on his face actually had Sehun step back – and again  - his mouth falling open in horror, his hands unconsciously rising to fist themselves into his chest.

 

_Tao……?!!_

 

 

‘…What does it look like, coming with you, obviously.’ Tao turned away quickly, turning around to face the cove – they were almost at it – the water had never risen above the level of Sehun’s calves as he tramped through, splashing it about in his fury so loud he hadn’t even heard Tao coming,  the old beach barely a couple of feet under the tow.. the sand pearly and clean, the water a perfect translucent azure.. the waves crashing into his legs tipped with the prettiest white froth, horizontal bars of sunlight lying over the sea…. ‘I…. Even if you… I’m not about to stay behind and let you go alone, when we don’t even know what else has changed.. even walking along here – the current around these coastlines can be ..iffy… and God only knows what’s ..there..’ he jerked his head vaguely towards the cove, before tilting his head slightly towards Sehun, his hand rubbing nervously over his upper lip, covering half his face. ‘At least let me walk you till there.. and check it out first, I won’t.. ‘ he turned away again, his voice growing even deader – ‘I won’t get in your way, let me just check it out, and I’ll wait down below till you want to leave.. I’m sorry, I - …………….. I’m sorry.’

 

_His face…_

_Oh my god, was it coz I –_

 

Tao’s face when he’d looked at him – Sehun felt like something had ripped away inside of him just at the sight, his eyes – his eyes had… he’d.. it was like one of those anime characters, when their eyes go totally blank – completely shadowed.. it was easy to say that, but in reality – seeing something like that right in front of his eyes.. even if it hadn’t been his Tao, he’d have..

 

_Shit_

_Shit_

 

It was like something had actually _died_ inside of him – choked up and burnt away and he’d looked at Sehun like…

 

_Wh…a…t… what.. what the fuck is going on!!!!!_

 

 

 

_This can’t be…. Coz.. just coz of what I said, right??????_

 

 

Grunting a reply to Tao, Sehun started walking again – putting his legs mechanically one in front of the other without really being aware of what he was doing – his mind spinning….- while beside him, Tao fell into step, walking beside him, walking beside him, while –

Sehun risked another glance up at him, through his lashes –

 

_Shit._

_Shit he’s still –_

 

_It can’t be coz of me, right??_

 

_Yeah right Sehun, he was done with you since ages ago, like there's any way in hell anything I could say that would get to him like that! _

_That’s right.. it’s not like he likes me enough to.. not anymore, now that he knows.. he’s just revolted at me, and mad, right.._

 

_Ha!! That’s right, he was already mad at me, obviously he’s just… gotten upset on his own again_

 

 

_I know he totally got it right now – earlier when he  - when we.. – I know he totally got how I was  about him, and obviously he was mad after that, but..  He ought to have just gone off if he hated it so much, right? Ha! He should be thanking me!! That’s right!  I gave him a fucking out, I TOLD him to go home, he should have just taken it if he hates me so much, and is so disgusted with me!!!!!_

 

 

 

 

_Of course he wouldn’t, coz its Tao, even if he hates me, he’s still gonna be so totally into looking out for me._

 

_Fuck, I will NOT cry!!!!! Ha, why should I care if he’s.. so sweet, I don’t care at all, who the hell asked him… I don’t want him to take care of me, it totally does NOT make me feel even a BIT warm and special and precious and safe!!!!Stupid Tao, making that sort of face, as if I care why, I hate him!! I hate him, I really hate him and his fucking moods, I HATE him, I really…. Really.. do. Really._

 

 

_Shit, but why was he…_

_What in the world could’ve had him… looking like.._ that _?? Suddenly!!!!!!!! Out of nowhere… He looked .. totally…_

Like all the anger – all the disgust, the revulsion, everything had just coalesced into pure agony, like his .. heart had actually shattered, and he … _couldn’t_ … _._

Fisting his hands, Sehun turned his head away as they approached the cove, and the strip of beach that remained – the water eddied around the inlet in such a strong current that he had to concentrate to see where he was putting his feet, to not step on a loose bit of rock or piece of buried wood– especially as he could sense Tao had turned to watch him, ready to catch him if he fell –

 

 

_Why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Either you fucking hate me, or you’re.. uggh, you’re my Tao, just fucking pick one, you asshole!!!! If you hate me so much, if i.. if how I feel about you is so disgusting, stop being nice to me!! Stop taking care of me.. why are you still looking out for me, even after I said…_

_Even I said all that, don’t you know… can’t you see I hate you!!!!! I don’t care about you anymore…_

_So don’t be so kind to me!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

 

_Even after I said all that.._

 

_Was it me?? Was it because of that.. that.. you.. Ha, there's no way right..  But I… whatever made you look like that… whatever hurt you that much… Tao I can still see it, you know.. your eyes… you’re swallowing like you want to cry.. your shoulders are bowing, do you know?_

_fuck I know it couldn’t be me, but I won’t.. I .. I can’t bear it!!!!!!_  

 

 

_Please, for god's sake, just... TELL ME, now, just tell me why ... even if it's just to say how i disgust you, even if its to yell at me, take a swing at me, anything, please, i can't - i don't know what to do, Tao_

 

Each time the sea fell away it dwindled the beach under his feet, the dangerous sensation of just being about to fall over, right into the pale blue waters, the small rocks that had been worked on by the crashing waves for tens of thousands of years like shiny, smooth boba under his toes… the fronds of the shrubs that stood to one side leaned almost all the way to the water as they fought to escape the shade of the rockface that stood behind, reaching up to the sun.. the slender trees that almost looked like palms waving in the brisk, fresh breeze, that was somehow only faintly touched with salt – it felt so clean as it hit them, the cliff rising above trapping it in the cove, making it cool, the temperature having immediately dropped a couple of degrees as the boys stepped onto the beach…

The wide long rock they used to walk-the-plank from still rose to his left, and as they stepped in deeper into the little bay, the small series of freshwater pools, where the rocks had collected rain water, still rippled like green mirrors, tiny, inch-high waterfalls gurgling as they flowed into each other, waves forming rippling their glassy surfaces right where –

‘Oh!!! Tao!!’

‘… urhm?’

‘Ah..’ _shit, I didn’t –_ ‘um.. lo..ok..’ his voice dwindling, Sehun pointed into the pool, and Tao came over – his steps somehow bringing him to a standstill a point just far enough from Sehun to make the unnatural amount of space between them – the two of who would once have been touching, holding each other, constantly brushing against each other – frighteningly prominent; his eyes still shadowed in that.. pain.. that was sending shockwaves through Sehun.

‘Oh!! No way!!’

Squatting down, he peered closer into the water – before looking up at Sehun, the horrible deadness in his eyes momentarily replaced by a faint sparkle that for some reason made Sehun feel even more wretched than he was already. ‘They’re _huge!!_ ’

‘uh..’ _shit, don’t cry, do not –_ ‘uhm.’ Coming around, Sehun squatted down right beside him, nervous, hesitant, but clutching tightly to his courage, looking down into the clear water, the cluster of weeds floating like enchanted gossamer just below the surface in clumps of tentacles.. and weaving between them – ‘whoa.. you’re right!’

 

The goldfish they’d won at a festival in the town- they’d taking turns to scoop them out of a tub with a paper strainer, it had been super tough, and they'd ended up spending nearly all their pocket money, but Tao had managed to finally catch five gleaming golden slips about the length of Sehun’s little finger – they’d brought them here, to their secret cove, and put them in the ponds, leaving them behind to spy on the pirates/smugglers in their absence – they used to bring over little fish food pellets for them.. but…. _not for the past ten years!!_ – how in the world were they even alive!!

 ‘But… but what did they eat!??!’

‘I dunno… probably the weeds and algae and stuff? Whatever it was, it sure agreed with them!’ there was a hint of a chuckle in his voice, and unable to take it anymore, Sehun stood up,  throwing one last glance at the giant goldfish that looked more like deep sea monsters than anything, each easily about half his height, their scales catching the sunlight in impossible shimmering orange and gold, shattering it over the water so rainbows fell out of the pool onto the rocks around… Brushing himself off, he turned around, heading to the cliff face, and the narrow slit that still stood there, just the way it had been before.. –

 

 

 

‘Sehun! Ah..erm.. Se…Hun, Wait, I’ll – let me, I’ll go first, I’ll make sure it’s okay, and then you can – ‘ As Sehun stopped, his back still to Tao, he stopped too, nervously waving his hands in denial of the unspoken accusation. ‘I won’t get in your way!! I’ll just go and come back, look, I’ll wait down here, while you – just.. let me..’

 

Clicking his tongue loud enough to cut into his shaking wavering words, Sehun started again – calling back – ‘Come on.’ over his shoulder.

 

‘…..er…’

 

Huffing, he stopped again; half-tilting his head back at Tao. ‘ _C’mon –_ let’s go..’ _even if you hate me.. even if you’d rather not be close to me, I can’t…._

 

 

 

‘….ahrm! oh…okay!’ Quickly, Tao ran upto him, his hands shoved into his pockets as he stepped up, clambering over the little rocks – still glancing back to make sure Sehun didn’t need help -  trying to bite down the stupid little shred of relief – the fucking hope that lifted its head in his heart – Sehun was just feeling.. sorry for him, or something, as usual, right.. but… _Even if you hate me.. even you’d rather not have me close to you.. I just…_

 

 

 

 

 

 


	23. Chapter Twenty Three - Open, Sesame!

 

Without further conversation, unaware that they were basically thinking the same thing, the boys slid into the tunnel -  squeezing past the entrance, the rocks pressing against their faces before the passage widened slightly.. As they kept walking upwards, the stone channel turned in a series of sharp curves that blocked out the sunlight – soon, it was so pitch black they couldn’t even see each other... Forcing himself not to reach out for Sehun’s hand right then was probably one of the most difficult things Tao had ever done – that whole time, as they climbed through the rocks.... he’d always remember it afterwards like it was a nightmare – in fact, that episode  _did_  actually feature in a couple of really awful nightmares later on, when he’d wake up almost screaming Sehun’s name, having dreamed of being separated from him in the darkness – Sehun lost inside the rocks, chased by un-named, invisible monsters, and him watching, trapped and unable to move to help..

 

Ever since Sehun had said…

 _That_.. –

No!! He couldn’t –

 

His mind turned firmly away from the memory – it was just too painful, his brain already locking those words up and throwing away the key in self defence – some types of pain were just too severe to face, to withstand and still keep your mind intact afterwards – and Sehun telling him he didn’t.. -well, Sehun saying what he had, was right up there at the top of the list…

 

A part of him had just shut down then – there in the water, when he’d….said  _ohgod – he’d said..ohhgod what will I do -  I -_  to leave him alon- No!! No, fuck, NO! stop!!   - leaving only this giant looming fear, this dread that was making his palms clammy, a roar in his ears like he was just barely holding onto his consciousness - the fear of the anguish that was locked up deep inside himself, the fear of the pain he had shoved inside, refusing to see.. for now…  even the tiny little tendrils that escaped making him feel like clawing his throat out…

 

 

_When you’re so utterly terrified of something, so scared of something happening you’re basically too afraid to breath, dreading it – and then it actually happens._

 

 

_And it’s your own fault...._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The tunnel kept banking upwards, till it ended abruptly in a dead end – the sheer, rough rock meeting Tao’s outstretched palm, with which he’d been trying to feel the way forward. Like it’d just been yesterday, Tao automatically turned to his right, stumbling a step forward till his palms felt the rock wall again, before running them over it, searching.. feeling…

‘Is..it the dead end?’

‘..eh? ah.. yeah…’

In the dark narrow space, their voices seemed hollow, like they were speaking through tin cans at each other, and Tao could suddenly hear Sehun’s breathing – now they had stopped walking, the crunch and bite of the gravelly, rocky floor silenced..

‘Well, the small one, then – to the right!’

With a tiny hint of his bossiness creeping in, Sehun huffed, reaching out to the right-side wall too, running his own hands impatiently over the rock – even in this situation, making a little smile – a memory of a smile – cross Tao’s lips.

‘I am! But…’

‘..what?’

‘I don’t… think it’s there anymore…..’

‘..huh!!??! how can that be, the opening was right here!!’

‘..Well, I can’t find it, can you??’

‘…..but it  _has_  to be!!!’

Tao could  _hear_  the pout in Sehun’s voice as well as if the cave was light with floodlights – the impatient, stubborn disappointment that was surely crossing his expression so familiar, he couldn’t stifle the grin in  _his_  as he turned – almost crashing into Sehun and quickly stepping back, till the dead-end pocked him firmly in the back. ‘..ermgh... well.. well, I’m sorry, it’s just not there, there’s nothing we can do, so –‘

 

 

‘Ah!!!’ In the darkness, he heard a rustle and a fumble – and a sudden enthusiasm in Sehun’s voice, excitement abruptly sparking– ‘We’re  _idiots!!_ ’

 

‘…huh??’

 

‘Tao!!!! We’re not  _five_  anymore!!! Hellooo 22nd Century~~’ He clicked something as he spoke – and immediately a glow lit out – a blue light, for a moment, to Tao’s dark adapted eyes, blazing as bright as actual floodlights – before resolving into the gleam from Sehun’s phone that he’d switched on, waving it proudly in front of them both; the spark in the surrounding darkness falling on his face and lighting it up in a way that had Tao just staring at him, open mouthed for a moment – his mind suddenly blank, expect for how Sehun might  _actually_  be the magical fairytale creature he’d long suspected him to be – before he swallowed, shaking himself mentally, turning back to the rocky wall –

Which was –

 

‘Well, it’s still not there!’

 

‘….It  _has_  to be!!’ Sehun repeated – the  _exact_  expression he’d imagined affixed firmly on his face in the beam of the phone, making Tao grin a little harder – before he shone the light all over the wall, from the top to the –

‘Ah!!!’

‘There!!!!’

‘I told you so!!!! I  _told_  you, I so totally told you!! Hahahhaha, stupid Tao.. fumbling in the dark like he’s  _five_.. and then looking up  _here_ , we were way  _shorter_  then, what’s the use of searching in front of our faces  _now_!!’

‘…HAAaa!?? First of all,  _I_  was  _six_ , you were the five-year old baby! Secondly, you were looking in the exact same place!! And thirdly… it’s the 21st century!!! Well.. it was the 20th back then, so I guess I’ll grant you  _that_  one…’

But Sehun only stuck his tongue out at him as he teased him, bending down to examine the opening in the wall –

‘Ah! Se…. Sehun, let me, first – ‘ His voice suddenly hesitant again, the terror of the past hour still threading through him – though it had been momentarily buried under the illusion that they were still.. okay.. the one thing he longed for more than anything in the world, that delusion had been intoxicatingly easy to give in to – but in the end, it was just superficial, and underneath, the fear still gripped him - the fear that Sehun would really… - Tao bent down too – before he caught sight of the little hole, astonishment flooding him, unable to keep from whistling in shock.

‘It’s so tiny!!!! How the hell did we find it back then..’

‘I know, right!’ Beside him, Sehun flashed the light down the little trickle in the stone they’d walked up – ‘And look! ’ the glow was quickly swallowed up by the pitch black inky darkness of the earth, the rocks looming out on every side in irregular, brooding stalactites hunched over against the sinister gloom – the stuffiness of the air, the windless, unlit, tiny passage suddenly reeking claustrophobia  -

‘w..ho..a……’

‘Yeah! Even with this, I can barely see a few feet!’

‘Umm! Ah..coz it turns right there, ne.. and it dips… ‘

‘yeah….’

For a moment longer, they crouched in the dim blue glimmer, looking back at the path – almost able to see themselves ten years ago, stumbling down this same darkness hand in hand, excitedly glimpsing pirates and smugglers and that no-good Captain around every corner –

‘Samson Cutlass!!’

‘…’ gasping, Sehun spun around to face Tao, his mouth hanging open, forming almost as perfect a circle of surprise as his widened eyes. ‘Yeah!!! Captain Samson Cutlass!! The Bone Rattler!!’

‘Ol’ Razor-Face!!’ the laughter bubbled out of Tao  - in that second, with a relief so pure he almost burst into tears , like a huge boulder had just rolled off his heart, he was six again – for a second - just following along one of Sehun’s twisted, convoluted, sometimes scary, always fun imaginings.. ‘How the hell did we come up with that!!’

‘ _We_??? Excuse me,  _I_  was the one who came up with it!!’ Laughing, Sehun tossed his head, affecting a superior attitude – which really wasn’t that far from his normal expression, making Tao chortle and snort as he bowed his head extravagantly ‘Yes, of course, as you say, your genius-ness, may we continue, now~~’

‘Humph. Alright, you have my permission. Hurry up!’

Laughing outright at that, in guffaws that shook his whole body as they slipping out of him, Tao pushed his way into the little hole – on his hands and knees, they were too tall now to creep up the way they used to – and carefully made his way up, followed by Sehun, who was happily scolding him for being so slow – struggling to hold himself in check –  _fuckit, I ought to know better now, haven’t you been burned too many times like this, you idiot!!_   - but it was.. too strong, each time, again and again, fuck he  _knew_  it, he knew Tao would just remember to get mad at him again in a minute – but right now…. He…

‘ _C’mon_ , you – ah!’

‘Hmm?’ Tao’s voice was muffled, echoing down to him  - sounding like he was really far away, even though Sehun basically had his hands on his ankles as they crawled up the tunnel on all fours.

‘Tao, What was the name of that Pokemon?’

‘…which one??’

‘Ya know, the rock one – like a ball, with arms sticking out of it..’

‘..ah…erm… geo-somethin- ‘

‘Geodude!!! That’s right,  _geodude;_  C'mon you clumsy geodude!!’

‘…bwahhaaa!! Doesn’t that mean I’m  _good_  at going through rock and stuff?? Thank you for the compliment, Oh  Sehun~~’

 

 

‘……………………………………..

…………………………………………………!!!!! No it doesn’t!!!!!!!!!!!!! It just means you’re an IDIOT!!!’

 

‘….hahahhaaa right – of course,  _I’m_  the idiot.. bwahahhaaaaa~~’

 

 

For a couple of feet, there was only a stony silence from behind him, echoing with the weight of his sulking, as Tao chuckled his way along – a stony, offended huffy silence, till –

 

‘..Well… well, which one’s  _weak_  against rock, then????’

‘….hrrg – haaahhaaaaaaa – ‘

‘ _Stop LAUGHING_!’

‘…rig- haha – sor…ry…arhhmm…’  gasping for breath, Tao fought to regain control over himself. ‘aahh… er.. grass?’

‘……………..You  _idiot_ , grass would be  _strong_  against those earth types, right??? HA!! Now who’s laughing, stupid Tao – ‘

‘Ohh yeah, that’s right… remember that dumb bulbasaur of yours…. -’

 ‘HAA!!??  _Dumb_???!?!? Pretty rich coming from the idiot who couldn’t beat me even  _one_  darn time!!’

‘..Excuse me~~  Just coz I was nice enough to take squirtle as my starter – ‘

‘ _nice_  enough??? I beat you every single time we played, just admit it!’

‘… only cause I  _let_  you~~’

‘….. YEAH RIGHT!!! Just like you  _let_  me win every single time we played Need For Speed~~’

‘…erm… yeah! I’m  _so_  much better at racing cars then you~~’

‘…’ Gasping at this outrageous claim, Sehun’s voice rose even higher in indignation. ‘and I suppose me wiping the floor with you at Super Street Fighter was  _also_  just you  _letting_  me!!’

‘… well, du-uh, Sehun, which one of us  _knows_  how to fight, do you think~~’

‘Bu-gfu-umf-UGHH! Video games and Real Life are  _not_  the same thing! Ha! I feel bad for you, not even knowing  _that~~_ ’

‘And  _I_  could’ve beaten you at anything, anytime, I feel bad for  _you_  not knowing that~~’

‘…….. Oh, it is so ON, Huang Zitao, the second we get back, Ima beat your sorry ass at every single game you can imagine, I swear to God – ‘

‘Ohhhhh, Bring it!!!!!!! Any game you care to mention, I’ll school you! Ah – ‘cept Dance Dance Revolution coz you’d probably win that one…’

For a moment, Sehun froze completely – so astounded he even forgot to continue their banter –  _That was.._

_Did Tao just…_

 

That was the first time Tao had even  _mentioned_  his dancing – and he.. he’d even completmented…. Complented…   _complemented_  him!!!!!!!               _I had no idea he even.. noticed!!!!!!!_

 

‘Ah…ahr, ahahaha, yeah, I’d totally destroy you!!!’

 

 _Since.. before – since now – this is the first time Tao’s.. actually just..complemented anything I – anything….. new… about me – I…_     

‘Well…. By an inch, maybe, ehehe~~ I won’t challenge you to a Wushu match n you let me off the dance battles.’

_Fuck thank god it’s dark.. and he’s in front… crap this is bad, I’m so happy!!!!!!!!_

Too lost in wonder, Sehun wasn’t even thinking as he answered – ‘Puh-lease!!!! I’d beat you in any Wushu match you wanted either, you idiot, there's no way  _you_  could ever bring yourself to fight me, I’d sooo totally win!!’ – before drawing up

gasping in shock at himself –

The weight of his disconsolation lansliding over him again, the despondency gripping him - the words had come out before he even realised – _shit – now look, Tao’s just gonna –_

 

 

 

_Huh?!_

He just..

 

_He’s laughing…._

_….._

_!!!_

 

 

Chuckling still, Tao tossed back a rueful ‘You’re right, ne~~’, before stopping short – ‘Ah, Sehun, we’re here!’

‘……………………….

……………………………….ah  ..um!!’

 

 

 

Gripping the sides of the opening with both hands – the hole that was almost directly above his head, Tao hoisted himself up – as he moved, the light flooded down on Sehun, making him wince and blink, his eyes tearing up, so long had they been in the murky darkness… Before a hand appeared in front of his eyes, seeming to float disembodied in mid air – ‘Ah!’ gradually resolving into Tao’s…. Hesitating for a moment, Sehun just stared at the familiar tanned fingers, long and shapely, the nails gleaming – of course he was still trepiditious, right?? After all, they’d just been – and Tao had… taking his hand – for the first time in his life, the thought  _frightened_  Sehun – sure, he had decided he hated him and all that, but even  _he_  knew that was just a load of..

 

And being able to talk to him normally, play around – he'd just been - he _was_ , even now, all the time, just waiting for the other shoe to drop – AGAIN, for Tao to remember all the reasons he hated him – and by now, all the half-formed ideas and suspicions in Sehun’s mind had totally coalesced -  and he was certain he knew why Tao was pissed with him. O _f course.. that still didn't explain why he’d… that time Tao had looked so-_ dead- _hurt.._   – but otherwise, he totally knew why Tao was mad, and he one hundred percent understood – in his place, he’d probably be that way too…  -

 

 

But as the seconds passed as he wavered –

 

 

‘Ah.. ah, um, sorry…’ Fumbling – his voice suddenly small – super distant and cold, Tao pulled his hand away, leaning out of the opening - 

 

‘Tao!!!!’ Shocked out of his internal meditations, Sehun jumped forward – almost yelling, making Tao stop short in surprise -

 

_That voice!! That had sounded just like – shit was it really coz of me??? –_

 

But Sehun didn't have any more time to follow that train of thought – he’d taken the opportunity granted by Tao's shock to place his hand firmly in Tao’s and in a moment, he’d pulled him up – just like in the old days, in a rush, his fingers drawing him up so super strong as they gripped his, before his other arm came around to enfold his waist, holding him tight as he lifted him up – his biceps and forearm like steel, flexing and bulging about his torso so incredibly secure and protective and stalwart..  Like it was the ocean, he burst out of the darkness of the tunnel below –

Right into their..

Into the place they’d been heading for all this while, their super secret hide-out..

 

 

Tao quickly unwound his arms from about Sehun, standing up and stepping away, busily brushing himself down, and slowly, Sehun followed suit, gaping around him…

 

 

 

_It was still exactly the same!!!_

 

 

 

They were standing in a cavern – it was good sized, and almost perfectly circular.. The hole they had come out off was a dark patch in one corner, the rest of the floor a flawlessly gorgeous bed of pure white sand, even clearer and finer than the beach they’d left behind them as it lay about so thick Sehun couldn’t even feel the rock below his bare feet … the walls all around curved inwards slightly, to make the cavern seem like a big, roomy capsule… right in the centre of the roof, there was a wide hole – roughly oval in shape, directly open to the sky above, letting the sunlight pour in – it looked to be just past noon, the sun was slightly off centre – but the rays beaming down, washing over the white sand, were goldenrods and wheat and fresh butter..  – but the best part was the ‘window’ – the wall directly opposite Sehun, the one facing away from the cliff face they’d climbed up through, was basically just a rim – coming to about their waists now, before disappearing into nothing – a big empty oblong, like a window running the length of the wall – and looking over the bestest view in the whole entire world!

 

 

Crowing in delight, Sehun ran upto it – as Tao came up beside him, both of them looked out – below them – far far down, making them appreciate anew just how high they were – no, actually realise it for the first time now, coz last they’d been here, they’d been too short to look  _down_  from the window -  lay the ocean – sparkling in the most gorgeous cerulean, the crests of each wave that rose catching the sunlight so it looked like they were strung about by a million iridescent jewels, shimmering and sparkling violently – series and series, ropes and ropes of precious diamonds on every set of waves.. from one corner, if he craned to look directly downward, he could catch a glimpse of the deep forest-green shrubs that stood on the beach storeys below.. The breeze blew in on them in full strength, negating even the sky-light in the roof, through which the extra-summery spring sun was flooding in, in gusts of icy cold currents; ruffling their hair, pressing their clothes to mould them against their bodies, running a comb through the sand closest to the window, scoring it about with intricate whorls and lines, and it smelt like adventure – excitement and secrets and freedom, bearing with it the riddles of a world were Pirates really roamed the high seas, and mermaids bathed their fins in stone-lined pools; where exotic islands dotted with coconut trees housed ancient and powerful beasts and the great heroes of the epics hunted them with weapons fashioned of fairy dust and dreams….

 

 

 

 

 

Lost in the magic, the boys stood there, in a silence that only felt natural, side by side, looking out onto the open ocean….. The angle of the cavern hid it from the town that lay just about – turned away from the beaches and the pier, even the lighthouse stood at an angle somewhere behind them – with the result that there was not a single sign of civilisation anywhere in their line of sight and it really felt like they were the only two people in the whole world….

 

 

_Just Tao and him.._

 

 

_Alone_

 

_Back here,_ _together…_

 

 

 

 


	24. Chapter Twenty Four - Roll Out

 

 

It was with a lump choking in his throat that Sehun finally turned to Tao – having to squint in the glare that hit his eyes, his screwed up lids serendipitously hiding the tears that were glimmering in their depths, though the hitch in his voice remained as he swallowed … again… and  again…

As Tao merely titled his head to look at him through the corner of his eyes, their shadows still as clear as day…

 

_I…_

 

_I……_

 

 _‘_ I….. Ta-o..’ his voice unexpectedly pitched high and Sehun had to stop, clearing his throat, putting up a hand to shade his eyes as he looked right at Tao, determined to face him straight on, come what may... Steeling himself, he tried again, ‘A..about… earlier, in the water, I….

 

I.. didn’t mean it, at all, I… - about ya know.. not wanting.. you to.. I’m sorry, I was just…‘

 

_It’s no joke how much I really DO need you._

 

Tao turned fully to face him then – his whole body sagging so boneless he had to clutch at the ‘window sill’ to hold himself up, and Sehun no longer had a doubt – it  _had_  been him!

No.

 

 

_NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

 

HE had…

 

 _He_  had made Tao make a face like that..  _he_  had hurt Tao like that!!!

 

 

He’d suspected it all along – but right now – squinting up at Tao’s fast crumpling face – his trembling lips and the hand that rose to cover his mouth as he gaped at Sehun like he couldn’t possibly believe what he’d said… - Sehun couldn’t even wrap his head around it – that  _he_  could have.. his Tao, his own Taotao, that he could have done  _that_  –

_Coz of me…_

 

 _Tao had.. looked like that, like a stranger,_  dead _…. Blank…_

 

 _Because of_  me _…_

‘..T..a..o…’ his voice totally broken, Sehun reached out both hands to him, lurching towards him – the tears already tracking down his cheeks in horror and regret as he struggled to find some way to possibly make a sufficient apology –

 _Because of me, Because_  I  _said I didn’t want..him..to…_

 

 

 _But doesn’t he… hate..me, then why…. How could anything_   ** _I_**   _have said.._

 

_………………….._

 

 _Unless he…. Oh_  god _, my Tao, my own Tao, I’m –_

 

 

But…

Even as he reached for him, Tao quickly turned – stepping away, turning back from him to look out onto the ocean again, veering abruptly off as if to avoid Sehun’s hand

 

_Ah_

 

_Ah, that’s right, ne…._

_He DOES hate me.._

 

_He.. doesn’t want me touching him…._

 

_Of course i..gettit…._

 

 

For a long second, he froze, his hands wavering in the suddenly thin, oxygen-less air..

 

Before they clenched into themselves..

 

And quickly, Sehun spun right about, facing the corner of the cavern, hastily shoving a hand up to his mouth to bite down firmly against the edge, grappling with the sobs that were welling up inside, pouring all of himself into fighting the tears –

 

Squeezing his eyes tight, the water clinging to his lashes making rainbows spark for a moment in the crack between his lids as he shut them –

 

 _That’s right, focus on anything,_  anything  _else…_

_C’mon Sehun… can’t cry now, I can’t lose it right here, I -_

 

 

 

‘..grmgf.. It’s..’ His voice super gruff, like the air itself was scratching at his throat, Tao suddenly broke out – startling Sehun into twisting about. Still not turning to face him, Tao nodded once, jerking his head firmly. ‘It’s..okay..I gettit..’

 

‘…Ta..o… ‘  _fuck Sehun don’t –_  ‘I’m  _SORRY_ , OKAY??!! I’m sorry!!!! So fuckin… please… just… fucking  _look_  at me, at least!!!!!!!’  _shitIdidn’t-_

 

Gasping in shock at the mingled desperation and vehemence in Sehun’s voice – and the words themselves, Tao snapped about – ‘ _oh!’ –_  his eyes were brimming, red and full, gleaming droplets coursing down his cheeks, his hands insufficient to wipe them away or stem their flow, even as he aggressively swiped them across his cheeks – ‘ _Tao!!_  I – ‘

_For god’s sake, what is that!!! –_

the glare hitting his eyes just kept flashing  - like someone was shining a torch in his eyes – and snarling at the distraction, Sehun twisted about, trying to see where the light was coming from –

 

‘ _OHHHH!_ ’

 

Breaking off midsentence, his mouth hanging with his jaw dropped about a foot, Sehun swayed around – setting off across the sandy floor in a wobbly stumble, his feet jerking like he was in a trance, deaf to all of Tao’s perplexed queries; not even hearing as he called his name in complete and utter bewilderment - staggering across the whole diameter of the cavern, right to the inner wall, where it melded with the rock face… barely circumventing the hole they had come by, his progress so precarious Tao bounded across the entire space in one leap, grabbing his arm and pulling him away just moments before he put his foot right into it and plunged headlong downwards into the roar below – but still Sehun was totally oblivious, only dragging Tao along with him as he –

 

 Set into the wall at an angle that was catching the sun from the ‘skylight’ and shooting it out right at the level of their eyes, was a little niche – the defect in the rock formed between a shelf-like outcrop, the overhangs on all sides reaching out just enough to protect the little space between from the elements, bluff – but the gap big enough to have the metal inside gleaming –

 

 

‘….huh…’ still totally flummoxed, Tao just stared as Sehun reached in –  _there’s something metallic in there??? Fuck… could it..actually.._

_It’s impossible, but…._

 

 

_pirate treasure???!!!!_

 

 

But what Sehun pulled out of the hidey hole was  _way_  more precious than any pirate hoard

 

‘Oh…. Holy ..fuck…’ The words came out as incomprehensible squeaks as Tao stared at the object in Sehun’s hands, both of them freezing, like the very blood in their veins had stopped short in shock at the sight –

 

‘nnoo way…’ Sehun whispered, his voice hushed in incredulity.. before he slowly looked up at Tao, as if to ask him if what he was seeing was really true..

 

Catching their eyes  - suddenly it was like the world sped up, the immobilizing shock abruptly dropping away and they landed on their feet in reality with a thump – gleaming, the metal by some miracle totally untarnished, exactly like it had been ten years ago – a shining robot figure, armed with a red helmet, guns loaded in place of arms, little bulbs rising over its shoulders – laser beams connected to a switch in the middle of its back, just below a jetpack; more guns holstered at his hips, just beside a bit of plastic shaped like a knife; big shiny blue boots boxy about his feet, and a visor that caught the the sun to flash a wide grin at them in greeting as Sehun held him up in his arms…

 

‘ _Primus_!!!!!!!!!’

 

The boys gaped down at him, Tao’s eyes still glittering, Sehun’s lashes still wet, yet both of them forgetting their pain at that moment -   _it was really him.._

_Their especial favourite super-duper most powerful Super superhero -  the avenger of justice, the defender of the downtrodden, the fearless fighter, the bravest gallant, the absolutely positively strongest hero in the whole entire universe EVER, Commander of the Intergalactic Good Guys Federation and founder of the League of Super Awesome Super Heroes, the robot-man –_

 

‘ _PRIMUS_!!’  

 

_Border patroller, detective, ghostbuster, nightmare-chaser, the entire anti-smuggling division in one… the one-time king of Narnia, Gotham and Hollywoodland who part-timed as a rockstar, whose hobbies included racing Tao’s hot wheels cars as the fastest maverick the universe had ever seen, and climbing glass mountains to rescue princesses like in Sehun’s picture books.._

 

‘It’s…really…….’

‘ _whoaaa…._ ’

‘Did…. You…??’

‘Nngf..’ Tao shook his head in denial, reaching out his own hands for him ‘No..I.. didn’t! I had no idea….’

‘When..did..you last see him?’

‘……I…… I really don’t remember.. do you..?’

‘Mmnn.. me either..’

‘Whoa…’

‘He looks exactly the same….’

As Tao grasped the toy, Sehun let his fingers loose, letting it slip through –  turning to  look up at him, his eyes widening… ‘..ah…’

 

 

Before he quickly spun about, his empty hands fisting into his chest, his back to Tao.

 

Who looked down at the toy in his hands..

And then up at Sehun’s back…

 

And nervously took a step forward..

‘Se…Hun…?’

 

But Sehun didn’t respond, his chin buried in his chest as he muttered under his voice to himself, only twisting slightly so he would still have his back firmly to Tao…

 

Moving like he was in a dream, Tao edged over to him, holding out Primus..Reaching around Sehun to hand out the toy..

‘ _Here..’_

 

Quick as a flash, Sehun’s fingers reached out, grasping the toy firmly, closing over Tao’s – warm, slightly damp, stronger and bigger and less sticky than in his memories -  _But still his Sehun’s…_

 

Clutching Primus away..

 

 

Before tilting his head to look back up at Tao..

 

 

And flashing him the biggest, widest, most sparkling, most magical, most beautiful smile he had seen in ten whole years

 

 

‘..You…  _monkey_!!’ Chortling and sobbing at the same time, Tao grabbed him – wrapping both arms about his waist he pulled him in, burying his face in his neck and rubbing it, while Sehun giggled and squealed, whacking backwards at him with Primus – thoroughly one hundred percent pleased with himself

‘ _You little monkey!!_   You haven’t even ….’

Muttering, his breath blowing raspberries against Sehun’s skin, tickling him into louder peals, Tao mock scolded at him –

 

_He’d done the…_

Sehun had re-enacted the exact same thing – the same incident.. when they’d met for the very first time..

_When Tao had taken him up to his playroom, that very first day they’d met, he’d latched onto Primus the moment he set eyes on him - but Tao had taken the toy away, angry with having to babysit this 'baby', who couldn't even see how awesome his awesome playroom was, claiming his ownership as superiority… Sehun had almost cried – his adorable five year old face screwing up, red and shining, the tears swimming in his eyes – only they hadn’t fallen. He’d been his Sehun even then, brave and proud, and so damn strong… he’d glared at him, before dashing off into a corner, turning his back to Tao and refusing to speak to him… till Tao’d been the one defeated, losing totally, folding like butter as he edged over to him, nervous yet driven by an insatiable curiosity, guilty and somehow exited all at once, and held out Primus to him.._

_And he’d turned to smile up at him – exactly like.._ that _… the exact same smile…_

 

_For ten years…_

That he’d have remembered it so clearly all this while later, just like Tao had..

That he’d have held onto the memory so precious, just like him…

 

_Fuck, I… I’ve just been waiting all this while to just see that smile again, haven’t I… for ten whole years, even though I didn’t realise it myself.._

 

 

 

_For ten years I’ve just been marking time, waiting for him…_

Sehun turned about, within the circle of Tao’s arms to face him, making Tao tug his arms tighter, locking his fingers together behind Sehun’s back, while he hugged Primus to his chest with both hands, holding him between them as he grinned cheekily up at Tao - cheekily, but oh so sweet, the corner of his lips working between his teeth in his pride at having gotten one over Tao, his naughty, wilful Sehun…

 

So warm in his arms.. his weight…

The heat of his body tinged with the faint scent of salt.. a scrape of sand still clung to his cheek and without thinking, Tao gently reached up, his knuckles lightly grazing his cheek as he brushed it away –

 

Sehun’s eyes widening, hopeful, his heart thudding in his chest, and he squeezed Primus harder, freezing, motionless, willing Tao to –

_Don’t stop…_

 

Almost like he could hear him, Tao’s fingers moved to cup his cheek.. before hooking at his chin, tilting his head up..

The droplets still clinging to his lashes catching the light as he angled his head towards him…

 

 

 

 

 _Ah! Shoot!!!_  Awkwardly, Tao unwound his arms from about Sehun, hastily turning about, shoving his hands firmly into his pockets as if to prevent them from acting out like that again, his voice gravelly as he growled back at him. ‘Ah…well…anyway, let’s get going, is already way past lunch and…’ his  words trailed away as he stepped towards the hole, his face gritted up like he couldn’t trust himself around Sehun any longer –  _I can’t, I really can’t, we really really really need to get the fuck out of here before…_

 

………………….

 

……………………………….

 

‘ _Holy crap!!’_

 _‘_ …uh?’ This time around, Sehun wasn’t  _just_  hurt by Tao’s treating him like he was something dirty that he couldn’ touch – of course, he  _was_  hurt, but on top of it all, this time, was a heavy dollop of anger – sheer rage bolting through him, dripping over everything in huge globs exactly like it had back at in the water, hammering into his skull till he couldn’t hear anything else, the backs of his eyeballs where they stuck into his brain blazing white hot with fury  _Fuckkk I can’t believe Tao just…_

_He KNOWS I like him right??? He KNEW I WANTED him to and –_

The series of rejections –  _that’s it!! That’s exactly it!!! Dammit, he’s picking…her… over ME!!!! FuckTHIS SHIT, so what the fuck if I’m a GUY, I’m just as good as her!! Or HER!!!! Tao should just pick me!!! WHY the fuck wont he just pick me!??? I’m WAYY more suited for him than_   ** _anybody_**   _–_

So busy was he slathering on his irritation, that Sehun almost walked right into Tao – who grabbed his collar and yanked him back, hissing in  _his_  exasperation – ‘Sehun!!! Be  _careful_  you idiot!!’

‘….ehrm?’

 

Following Tao’s gaze in puzzlement, Sehun looked over at the dark patch in the sand floor – the tunnel they’d climbed up by..

Which was….

 

‘Crap!!! Tao!! What do we- ‘   

‘Shit!! I thought I –‘  _When Sehun had almost fallen in!! I pulled him away, I totally heard it then, the roar and gush, but I wasn’t paying attention_  – ‘Shit!’

The crashing of the water was resoundingly clear now – the water that now filled the tunnel, their only way out - gushing by in an endless swirling, shearing torrent, its crest just an arm’s length below the opening into their cavern

‘It’s the tide… shit I should have thought of this, the beach .. the water came all the way up till there, obviously the water level’s risen so much in the past ten years, I  _should’ve_  seen this coming..’

‘But… but Tao, the cove, it’s – the beach that’s left outside, and the goldfish…they weren’t.. right?‘

‘Ah…It’s probably gotten in from somewhere else.. we don’t know where the all the tunnels lead to, right… there were so many openings we ignored, they probably wind back to the sea at some point, and when the tide rises… otherwise there's no way the water would get  _this_  high, it’s like its being pumped up… ’

‘…are we gonna drown…’

‘Eh?? Ah!’ For a moment, he turned to smile back at Sehun, a big reassuring smile, for a moment his Taotao again, who was only concerned about  _him_  – ‘No, no, obviously, the water isn’t gonna rise much higher, look, this sand and.. Primus too, this chamber’s obviously never been filled with water.. see? Why would it,  _just_  on the day we happen to be here, break pattern, right? Look…The only damp is over there, under the sunlight, that’s only where the rain would get in~~ So it’s perfectly safe’

‘…ah…But, Tao, how do we..’ Nervously, Sehun edged about Tao to peer down into the tunnel – making Tao, who had unclenched his fingers from about Sehun’s collar, reach to grasp more firmly at the side of his shirt, holding him to himself like he was about to nosedive into the roaring crashing current any second – ‘Don’t even think about it! We can’t swim through that, it’s too strong!!’

‘…. Well, what are we supposed to do, then!!’ his earlier irritation pounded into his growing unease – despite Tao’s reassurances he still retained more’n a thread of fear that the cavern would get flooded through – and added to Tao keeping on – over and over and again and again just….

 _HIM!! Oh Sehun!!! W_ ho had never ever ever ever been turned down by  _anyone_!!! it was always the opposite, everyone he ever met totally just fell for him, and this idiot – this  _IDIOT_  – and  _YET!!!_  EVEN DESPITE BUT ALL THAT - he  _kept_   **on**  looking out for him – look at him, right now, glaring like if Sehun even  _thought_  of jumping into the water he’d kill him himself – stupid STUPID Tao!!!! – ‘are we just going to stay here forever???’

 

 

‘….ah..erm..’ Quickly Tao let go – after one last tug, pulling him clear away from the edge –  _ah… of course he’s .. that upset, even the thought of having to spend any more time with me…_

_Even a little bit more time being forced to stay with me.._

 

 _I’m the one who’s stupid, he said it himself, didn’t he, told me to leave.. apologizing now, of course that was just him being polite… Ha, my Sehun, he’s really got such beautiful manners, of course he’d say that, even though he_   _did_   _actually mean everything he said.. He clearly doesn’t want me hanging around him, but I…_

_of course, someone like me.. who keeps.. every time.._

 

_aah, it’s pointless, I’ve already given up, I can’t do it…_

_It’s like my skin is screaming with the desire to touch him and I.. without realising it, after all, all this while, I got.. so.. used to it, and …_

 

 

_Maybe there really is no way than to… stop being friends with him entirely.._

 

‘No, erm…  we just have to wait for the tide to go down, again, that’s all…’

 

_Coz…_

 

_I can’t do this either, I can’t be this close to him, knowing.. his every look, every gesture, it’s just.. too painful… Sehun’s just.._

 

_It’s too painful being this close when all I can see is how far he is from me.. how far he’ll always be.._

 

 _And I’m… if I can’t.. he’s definitely going to find out, he totally already knows, at least guesses and..  and_   ** _anything_**   _is better than him… being revolted by me.._

 

Than him being disgusted by all our memories.

_Ha, he’d wish he didn’t remember about Primus too, he’ll wish we’d never.._

Shrugging, trying his best to appear nonchalant, Tao stepped away again, sauntering away – his hands back firmly into his pockets, right to the window, before he slid down to sit on the ground, leaning against the wall, his face set in foreboding tones as Sehun slowly followed suit towards him – glaring at him as if daring him to come anywhere near him, and nervous and weak – and hating himself for his cowardice, Sehun moved away, picking a spot a good couple ov’ metres away from him, cradling Primus to his chest, like the security blanket he used to be ten year ago

 

 

_Get out of here…._

 

_Fuck I want to get out of here…_

 

As they sat in silence, the roar of the water in the tunnel resounded, reverberating through the cavern so loud it was shocking they hadn’t heard it earlier… from out the big window, the sound of the waves cresting and breaking against the shore rhythmically rose and fell, and the wind whistled through the cavern, cool and fresh.. the sunlight shone uninterrupted except for the wispy, fluffy clouds that skimmed by.. the perfect day, the perfect place, but the two of them trapped by their own invisible walls, like an indestructible bubble floated about each of them, locking them tight… as the seconds ticked by into minutes, and Sehun’ fear of the water rising to drown them gradually pacified itself, his anger and irritation rose instead to pound to the surface – Tao’s.. just…  _aaarrghhh!!!!!!!!!_  Refusing him… being mad and angry and for what??? Coz he found out he liked him??  _Well, duh, I gettit, obviously I’m a guy, he’ a guy, obviously he’d be disgusted and revolted and I gettit – but in that case, if even touching me is that sickening, why didn't he just leave when I told him to?????? If he hates me so much, why would my saying I didn't need him taking care of me anymore, why would me saying I hated him just…hurt him that much?? Ha!! On the contrary shouldn’t he just have been relieved??? STUPID fucking IDIOTTTT its all his fault – raising my hopes, being so caring and sweet.._

 

_The way he holds me.._

 

 

_The way his eyes burn when he gets close –_

 

 

_is it even my fault??!! How could anyone possibly resist…._

 

But if he..actually does like.. –

 

 

 

 


	25. Chapter Twenty Five - Clueless

 

 

 

As if on cue, a tingling vibration set itself off in his pocket – a second before the peal cut out into the silence – and automatically, Sehun reached into his shorts, pulling out the seizuring phone that was flashing the call screen, blinking Eiri’s name on and off. _Ugh_ Without even bothering to think about it, Sehun flicked it off, letting the phone drop from his loose fingers onto the ground, the heavy case thumping onto the sand-cushioned floor, just winding his hands around Primus again.

 

‘Eeehh.. is that okay…. She seems pretty intent on reaching you~’

 

‘..ah..’ Sehun snapped up – they’d been sitting in silence for all eternity, and to hear him suddenly –  _right when_  - 

 

Over at the other end of the same wall he was leaning against, Tao had one knee propped up, resting his chin on it, his fingers aimlessly running through the sand, pouring the pure white grains through swiggly meaningless patterns…

‘…It’s fine..’ his voice was rough and hesitant – _shit.. Tao.. and Eiri…_

 

He’d realised it back in the ice cream shop – like magic, the pieces falling together, the light bulb flashing above his head – Initially, it had just been a creeping Suspicion -

Suppose… just suppose, for the sake of argument, Tao… _liked_ Eiri..

And then found out _he,_ the guy who was _with_ Eiri.. liked… well, _him_ …

 

A Suspicion that only grew and grew, as they walked along the beach, waded through the sea.. everything Tao said, everything he did, only spotlighting the Suspicion brighter... 

 

The more he thought about it, the more it explained everything – those expressions he’d read on Tao’s face that went beyond simple ‘disgust’.. it even explained the whole Cece thing!!! Otherwise, there was no reason for him to speak about Sehun’s  _dating_ like that, right?? The more he thought about it, the more it fit.. explaining everything..

The jealousy in Tao’s catching voice and gritted jaws…

 

And this voice – this face, this voice that Tao was making now – the same he’d made when Eiri had called earlier…

 

 

**_Tao liked Eiri._ **

 

He couldn’t take it anymore for real now – it was all just too much – Primus’ lasers poking into the flesh of his forearms a pricking ache, and he just knew he was going to explode – he was gonna burst out sobbing any moment –  _this is so fucked up.. this can’t even be happening.. that Tao – that I’d really really really love Tao so much and he’d…_

Even if the possibility had never ever crossed his mind ever before, if it had… if it had, he’d never have thought it would turn out like this – after all, _it was Tao!!_ It was his Tao… he’d never have thought he would…

 

 

…… Pick anyone else over him.

 

Back when he’d thought he’d just been utterly irritating, clinging to him.. even then, he’d just thought of Tao being annoyed with him.. even **then** he’d _never_ have entertained the possibility of Tao actually picking someone else OVER him…

 

_But…_

 

 

Scrambling up – wobbling a bit coz he still had both his arms occupied holding onto Primus, he strode over to the opening – surely the water should have started going down now – it felt like they’d been stuck in here for _years_ – peering down into the dark depths – if it just dropped a bit.. if the current just let up he could totally swim for it – he wasn’t that bad a swimmer, he could get out to the cove at least –

‘SEHUN!! What are you _doing_!!!’

Even before he’d bent all the way down, Tao had shot up to pounce over to him, a warning hand landing over his shoulder – _like he even really cares…._

‘ _Let go_!! I – ‘

‘…eehh…’ drawling in a supercilious tone that had Sehun’s ire up beyond any heretofore exceeded level, Tao let go, stepping away to turn his back to him, crossing both his hands up behind his head and leaning against them. ‘Oh, is calling your girlfriend back _that_ important~~ it’s okay, you can go ahead right here, it’s not like I have the slightest interest in – ‘

 

‘ _She’s not my girlfriend._ ’  

 

 

The words gushed out before he could stop them – AARGHH!! He was so FUCKING MAD!!!!!!!!! _STUPID IDIOT DONKEY TAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just coz he likes her – just coz he likes HER!!  HER!!! That stupid pest, like she’s got anything on ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

 _‘_ …eh..?’

Tossing his head, Sehun nipped about too – _fuck why wouldn’t the tide go down already!!!! _– flomping his way back to his spot in the sand, stomping so hard Primus flounced with each step - just as Tao’s face fell into befuddlement.

‘ I _said_ , She’s not really my girlfriend or anything, so fuck off.’

‘…. Hwat..erm..  _what_ does that mean, not really your girlfriend?’

Tao had paused – and Sehun did too, an angry, painful feeling welling up at Tao’s obvious interest -  _ha! I KNEW it!!_ It felt like his heart was breaking into even smaller bits – and a perverse desire filled him to break himself down even more, to hurry up and shatter whatever was left – as the pain built, shining inside him like a toxin, the acid burning, singing off his chest, he wanted to hurt himself more – to pierce through even further – the anger at himself, the sinking feeling that said.. _it was only obvious Tao would like someone else.. he wasn’t good enough, someone like him… wasn’t it his fault after all…_

‘Exactly what I said. She’s not my _girlfriend_ … We just.. ‘ Sighing, he shook his head, stepping forward another pace, before tossing around to face Tao. ‘We just started hookin' up like, a coupla months back, after that party over at Muse club, I was drunk out of my skull and one of the guys had gotten a car from somewhere and… well, whatever, after that we just hang out and stuff, now and then.. like stress relief, it’s not formal or anything, we’re not datin’, and she’s not my ‘girlfriend’. So I can totally talk to her for you.’

‘…huh? Well…. Well, whatever, it’s not like I care’ –   _LIAR!!!_

 _Tao looked – fuck, Tao looked so pleased!!!!_ He’d been right!!! He’d been so right.. _look at his face, he’s turning red with pleasure – you fucking asshole, covering your mouth doesn’t mean I can’t see you smiling!!!!!!!!!!!_

‘Oh really~~’ Sehun leered at him – his cheeks splitting as he smiled, only his expression dripping so much hostility  and anger, it couldn’t even be classified as a smile any longer. ‘Tao-ya…. How stupid do you think I am?’

 

‘…. _eh_ ….??’ Tao snapped up to face Sehun head on at the awful lightness in his voice, the conversational tone..

‘Tcheh. Let’s stop pretending, shall we, it’s fuckin obvious you want her.’

‘….. _huhh_???’

‘…Don’t give me that!!!!!! You are so into her!! Do you think I’m that stupid that I couldn’t tell??? You’ve been so jealous of us coz you want her yourself, that’s what this – _most of this_ – is all about, right?!!!!!’ His hands gripping Primus’ metal body so tight the imprint of his contours was searing into his palms, Sehun yelled – before taking  a deep breath, taking on the mantle of seeming indifference again. ‘Well, whatever, it’s not like we’re really going out, anyway, so I can lay in a word for you if you want. Which you so clearly do.’

 

 _That’s right!_ It was stupid, but he couldn’t help the stab of satisfaction at having – for once, having gotten Tao feeling confused and shit – to make  Tao feel like the one out of his depth, to make Tao feel like he’d missed a step.. _let him see I know!! Let him get that he couldn’t pull the wool over_ my _eyes. I know exactly why you're hurting me the way you are, just coz I... just coz i'm not a girl.. just coz i.....!!!!!!!!!!! Even though_ I  _was the one - all these years, even when i didn't even know it myslef, even before i was old enough to understand what it was I was feeling, even then.. all this while, every day of my life..._   _Tao, who could possibly understand you the way i can?? Who could possibly love you the way i do?? I.. I'd do anything, i'd give anything for you, and just coz i was born like this...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And just coz she ... aarrghhh!! Give it up already you asshole, I know everything!!!_

 

‘…I..like… _Eiri_..??!’

 

Staring up at him, at Tao’s widening eyes – that hooded so quickly, emotions and thoughts Sehun couldn’t read scudding over them faster than the wind, before the lashes slid down, Sehun felt something twist and break inside of him - like that time when he'd heard Tao speaking to Cece, like that time they'd fought, like all the pain from all those times, everytime Tao had pulled away from him, disgusted, hating him - _all_ of it, all of it crashing over him,  and he couldn’t  – _shit I’m..breaking.. here…_ Clenching his fists about Primus tighter, Sehun spun around, heading back to the wall and his spot. ‘Whatever, keep pretending if you want, but it’s useless coz I know.. that’s what everything was about, right, the Cece thing… and everything else today, all this while.. I know Tao well enough you can’t hide your jealousy.. heh..ehehe, but I really wouldn’t have pegged her as your type, ne~~’ Keeping his voice light and carefree – like his insides _weren’t_ screaming in agony, Sehun strode forward again – when a startling sound from behind him stopped his feet short.

 

_Huh_

 

_HUH??!!!_

 

_Tao was –_

 

Tao chuckled again, just as Sehun stopped, raking his eyes over his back – the shoulders broadened now, the arms thrown into sharp relief by the way he was still clutching Primus.. that back, strong and capable now.. ‘I’m… I’m jealous about you two, coz I like _Eiri_??’ He couldn’t help laughing outright then – this was ridiculous – at the back of his mind, he knew he was probably hysterical..in shock..or something, but fuck this was hilarious

His stomach felt queasy, his chest leaded and dead and his mind was floating somewhere, way above him and

_He_

 

His laughter bubbled up choking him and -

 

 

 

_That’s it_

 

 

 

‘Wow, yes Sehun, you are so smart, I’m totally jealous of the two of you coz I like Eiri – that’s right, hahahaha, you caught me, I’m totally into her, she’s the one I like~~’

‘….Ta..o…..’ Swallowing, Sehun slowly turned around  - Tao..was…. fuck, he’s… that voice, he’s totally….

‘Tao…. Are you….’

‘huh?? Yes of course, I’m totally smashing, I _love_ Eiri, I’m so totally into her, that’s what everything was about – ‘

‘TAO!!’ Worry, melding quickly into frank fear, his anger and hurt fading momentarily, Sehun rounded on Tao – stepping upto him, dropping Primus and not even realising as he reached both hands up to grab at Tao’s hands, that he’d lifted to cover his face – but Tao flipped, away, jerking off so hard, yanking his hands away before Sehun could touch them as he hastily stepped back – his eyes screwed up so narrow, he was yelling –

_…huh.._

He was yelling and it took Sehun a whole minute to start understanding what he was saying, unable to –

‘ - AND FUCK I CAN’T, GETTIT???!!!! I CAN’T  - ‘

‘ _Tao!!_ What – ‘

‘Oh!!! Oh you’re _asking_ me, now??’ Tao flipped back over, stepping upto him, his face burning in anger, his eyes round and his forehead creased in lines, almost snorting as he pushed his face into Sehun’s ‘Ha!! You’re so smart, you’ve got everything figured out, right, Sehun, why don’t you tell me!!’

‘.. _Tao!_ I – ‘

‘FUCK, you know what, you know what, _I’ll_ tell you, how about that, you idiot, you think you know _everything_ ohh great genius Oh Sehun – you fuckin asshole, of course I’m jealous about the two of you, _of course_ that’s what most of this is about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ His spit flying, Tao yelled right in Sehun’s face, tears tracking down his cheeks, swallowing and gasping with sobs – more rage than sadness, yet – ‘Of course I’m jealous  - how could I not be with some idiot chick being with the guy _I_ like!!!!’

 

…………………………………..

 

‘Fuck it..’ His voice breaking totally, Tao turned around – slamming both hands over his eyes as he sobbed… while Sehun gaped, his brain temporarily shorted. ‘Ta…o…?’

‘Fuck god, I _know_!! I _Know!!!_ Tao snapped back around, pulling away from the hand Sehun had reached out unconsciously, the tears streaming off his chin, as he yelled, his fist pounding into his chest as he fought to make Sehun understand – ‘I _know_ , goddamit, I know how dis–gusting it must be, I – ‘ gasping and crying, swiping his free hand roughly over his face, his other hand still slamming into his chest so hard, even in that situation Sehun winced, watching him - but i..i can’t.. I know I musn’t, so I – I swear I won’t ever.. I swore I wouldn’t, I can’t _bear_ it if you – ‘

‘Ta..o..’

‘I _swore_ I wouldn’t ever let you know but – oh god, go on, I know you’d _hate_ me, I know, _how could I_ – I’m sorry, god, Sehun, I’m so sorry, I – ‘

‘…T..a..o…’

‘I’m not – I’ll _never_  - I didn't even mean to, I know you’d be mad, and of course you’re right, I’m..i’m so disgusting, I don’t even have any right to – but please, please don’t – I won’t _ever_ , I swear, so ple…ase… _please, for God's sake, Sehun, please-_  ‘

‘TAO!!! FOR FUCK’S SAKE, _STOP!!!_ Just… stop.. for a moment, just.. ‘ Sehun raised his hand, slamming it, planting it right into Tao’s chest, his palm spread over Taos fist, that he’d been banging into himself as he yelled..

‘..rhg?’ His mouth convulsing soundlessly, Tao broke off mid sentence – suddenly seeming to _see_ Sehun, see he was really there, and the fear exploded making it impossible for him to speak even if he wanted to, even if Sehun hadn’t stopped him – and terrified, his knees shaking like they were gonna give way any moment, Tao stared at him – at Sehun’s hand which had clenched into his shirt, into his chest, his head bent, lowered into his outstretched arm so Tao couldn’t see his expression –

‘Wh..a..what…did you just say..’

‘…Seh..un…’

‘Tao!!’ Still not looking up, still not meeting his eyes, his voice unreadable, Sehun cut in – sharp and firm. ‘ _What_ did you just say…??’

‘…Se..hun…’ this time they really _did_ give way – his feet wobbling, his legs shaking and he flopped down with  thump, crashing to the sand to his knees – his momentum carrying Sehun with him  - but he couldn’t be shaken, his voice unavoidably strong as he repeated. ‘ _Tao_ , dammit what.. what did you just say!!??’

‘….Fuck FUCK, alright, god, fuck fine, okay – ‘ slamming his forearm across his eyes, covering them, the tears still wracking down in painful sobs from under their tanned strength, Tao let the words break out, crash out in stricken growls like his throat was tearing under the weight of the words – ‘i..I li… I li… I _like_ you, I… ‘ Swallowing helplessly, with nothing more to say, knowing there was no way he could defend himself now, Tao’s voice trailed off -

‘once.. more….’ Sehun whispered, his face still lowered, his expression bathed in shadows Tao couldn’t, even if he’d looked he wouldn’t have been able to see - yet he still hid his eyes, frightened –

‘grh..?’

‘ _Once more_!! Once.. once more..’

 

‘..I…I..like..you…’

 

‘..not…just as friends…. ‘

 

‘no, god, fuck, yes Sehun, not just, I – ‘

 

‘..do..you.. mean it…’

 

‘… _Yes_ , okay, I know its sick, I know it’s _disgusting_ , fuck, how much you hate me for it, all this while I – I’m such a sick, revolting bastard I know how it looks but really I do – I mean, …..god, I.. how can I help it, you – ‘

 

 

 

The next moment, Tao fell silent –even if he’d been able to overcome his shock at what had just happened, he couldn’t have said a word – with Sehun’s lips clamped to his.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	26. Chapter Twenty Six - Love in the Afternoon

 

 

 

  
‘……….. rhdgf!!!’ crying out incomprehensibly, Tao pushed him off – gawping up at him – Sehun had flung himself over him so hard he’d tumbled backwards, and he’d just  - he’d… just… gone and straddled him –  _Sehun had – Sehun – as in… **SEHUN** … -_  and he’d  -  _……….the……..fuck………?????!!!!!! He’d…………wait……..wait, did I  - am I  - shit I think I’ve.. lost it…… -_  Swallowing, he looked up at him - the sunlight glinting over his hair, his milky skin shining like corn and wheat as he loomed above Tao – his shoulders under Tao’s astonished fingers heaving, the tears starting to glisten in his eyes too –

‘Se..h.. – ‘

‘ _God_  you idiot!’ Sniffling, Sehun pulled his tears back, his hands cupping Tao’s cheeks, his fingers curling over his skin. ‘You made me wait long enough!!’ Grinning crookedly, Sehun reached forward again –

Reflexively, Tao held up his hand between them – leaving go of his shoulders to push his hand into his chest, firmly holding him off – ‘Se…Bu – Hruh’ –  _fuck – I speak – dammit, my mouth – he just – he really – no!! no way, shit I’  – ‘_ wha – Sehun –  _WHAT???????_ ’

‘what…?’

‘ _SEHUN!!_  Whra- Whrm – Ah –  _What_  are you doing???!!!’

‘….eehh…’ grinning even broader now, but turning his head slightly away, raising an eyebrow Sehun nonchalantly examined his finger nails as he facetiously drawled ‘He  _says_  he likes me… but then he can’t even kiss me.. I bet he’s just  - ‘

‘Oh Sehun!!! I –  _what!!!!???’_

 

 

He couldn’t help it then – giggling his head off, the faintest memory of a tear still clinging to a lash, Sehun bent over Tao, drawing his hands about his face as he cupped his cheeks – ‘You big gorilla brain, this is the part where you shut up and kiss me~’  Only he didn’t –  _couldn’t_  -  wait for him –

 

As he straddled him, Tao’s warm, strong body gripped firmly between his thighs, the warm honey sunlight washed over both of them – glinting over the wet still on Tao’s cheeks, and drenching warm over Sehun’s skin – toasty little fingers stroking over his skin, before Tao’s bronze gold drew it in, greedily pulling in all the light – and the air – in the place, till Sehun felt breathless just looking down at him; drawing in the sun, and drawing  _him_  in; his lashes softening against his cheek, as, perplexed and feeling as out of his depth as he was, his body still reacted to Sehun’s closeness – to Sehun’s breath against his skin, wafting warm strawberries and chocolate, his fingers unconsciously clenching into the sand, grating it against his palms as he nervously followed Sehun’s lips – his gaze tightening against them, the unbidden heat that rose in their depths making Sehun feel like it was actually real, solid, brushing against him as he bent down further, and Tao reflexively raised his hands to grip them about his waist, his fingers tightening against their fragile slender softness, the memory of how they felt suddenly burning into his hands like a relentless itch, their soft rich silk against his skin, against his bare palms, the smooth satin of Sehun’s stomach and the hollows of his hip bones, their ridges and crests -  and slowly, helplessly, he slid them under and up – pushing away his shirt, to rest his palms directly over Sehun’s skin as he had earlier – only this time, like some part of his mind was suddenly clear, had suddenly retrieved the ability to see when before he’d been blind, he caught the involuntary jolt the spark of pure electricity as Sehun’s stomach muscles clenched in response – in a motion he recognized right to the deepest, most primal, instinctual part of his being, far below any reason, the same part that had been screaming for days for just –  _this,_  demanding just this, just.. Sehun… and obediently, Tao clutched his hands tighter, the sand that still clung to them rubbing – grating against Sehun’s soft, delicate skin, and he almost moaned – catching his throat  _just_  in time as he bent down further – he was lying almost all over Tao now, he could smell the salt of his skin, the sea and the wind that mussed up his hair, and the faint hint of the chocolate milkshake he’d had earlier – his lashes smoke and ink, so close Sehun’s breath was wafting them, making them flutter, and mesmerised, he could only breathe – but each inhalation only pressed him firmer into Tao, pushing his chest into his, his heat arcing into his ribs even through their clothes as their chests rubbed together as Tao’s hands –  _fuck_   - those hands – pulled him closer, pressing into his skin, the sand so abrasive it almost – but by a devastatingly delicious margin not quite, hurt  - he could see the trickle of sweat beaded out to drip down Tao’s neck – the long golden column undulating in its passage, as he swallowed – a guttural groan passing his lips, as he firmly pulled Sehun in even closer – their lips so close, almost grazing, he could actually see the little hairs dusting the space above Tao’s lip, the palest hue of a tremble in their depths….

just a breath away, almost touching..

Sehun felt the strength running out of his limbs, every bit of air exploding out of his lungs as Tao suddenly glanced up – right into his eyes, raking over him, poring right into him like he was piercing right through into his depths, as if trying to see if Sehun was really really certain – but the hunger that look sparked off- the sudden craving so strong Sehun felt his entire body shudder and quake, a sharp, painful, unrelenting stab of emptiness thrusting through him, and he slowly parted his lips, struggling to find the breath to speak, his tongue sandpapery dry  -

 

Only he didn't need to -  like Tao could somehow read him, hear him even when he didn't speak, he slid one hand out from under his shirt, reaching up, curving the fingers over Sehun’s neck and tugged him that last millimetre downwards .

 

 

 

_Fu…_

_….._

_……..ck….._

 

Helpless, he could only cling – the firm, soft tenderness of Tao’s lips against his – the heat, the hunger, the gentleness, the brutality –

His hands rose to fist into Tao’s hair, Tao’s hand angling his head just so – firm and masterful even while –

 

Soft and wet as they plied against his –

 

_TAO!! It was.. fuckitwasTAO fuckfuckfuckfuck  -_

 

The hint of chocolate adding a wonderful sweetness – before that too faded, and he only tasted Tao – Tao’s delicious manly strong essence –

 

 

Their lips cloying and catching, rubbing rough and silk –

 

_Fu..ck…._

 

 

_Ohh…._

 

 

‘….uhh…m… ah….’

 

It felt so good, he couldn’t even think, he could feel the spit building in his mouth, he was actually _salivating_ just from the stimulation – he’d never – fuck it was like he was actually kissing someone for the very first time – the rasp of Tao’s lips – the stubble already building on his cheek, scraping against Sehun. the heat of his body, the way his fingers moved so strong over his skin, _goddamiit –_ so different from any girl he’d ever – so _fucckingmanly oohhgodTAOhe_ –

 

‘Anm… hmn…. _Ooohhhhhh_ ’

 

Unable to quiet himself down, this time the moan actually burst from his throat –

 

Before he hastily tried to pull back, embarrassment filling him, his hands that had been twisting tight into Tao’s hair stilling themselves  –

 

_Fuck –_

 

 

The half a millimetre he moved away, his eyes flying open  - only to see Tao – Tao right in front of him – _fuck -_ it was like just looking at him was so incredibly erotic, just his face, his skin, his lips bee-stung, swollen, red –

 

_From…_

 

_From ** me….**_

 

_Fuck!_

 

_Fuck I think I might just die right now_

 

His whole body was burning, like he was melting, his hips suddenly feeling like liquid, molten and pooling off, even while with one hand, Tao rubbed against his sides, against his hip bones, the sensations of the sand and his long, strong fingers popping and bursting into him –

 

Frowning slightly at the interruption – for a split second his face almost.. _bestial_.. Tao pulled him back to him -  and Sehun fell back into him, pecking his lips, alternating little bites and nips, teasingly letting his skin just graze his – feeling the frustration in the heaving of Tao’s chest under his, like their bodies were somehow carrying on a dialogue of their own, exploiting the desire – though it had been unintentional really, he’d only been trying to slow down – but this was so good, this was actually even better – feeling Tao chase his mouth, the glance of his teeth as he tried to catch hold of him – only – it was playing with fire, and that could only end in one way – impatient, Tao slid his hand over his face, stroking over his jaw, insistent and implacable, before tightening – suddenly – like a vice clamping shut – a golden fizz of fear ripening through Sehun at the sheer strength, the _ruthlessness,_ even though he was a guy too, Tao could so easily – _do whatever he wanted… with him…._ Hold him about any which way, he  - as he held his in place, a split second before his tongue –

 

_FUCKhistongue!!!!!!!!!!!!ajhssssIt’shistongue –_

Wet and thick and muscular teasing over his mouth – and it was like he was drowning, suddenly the air in the cavern totally insufficient, heady, woozy, breathless he parted his lips –

_Incinerating_

 

Tao’s tongue slid over his – soft yet rough, the friction of the little buds as they coiled and mingled, suckling at each other, Tao’s thrusting deep into his mouth and out and in – _taking his revenge_  - for earlier, teasing Sehun in an erotic parody of.. – he’d long lost all semblance of control over his voice, moaning and gasping and his voice echoed off the walls of the cavern – thick, deep, burningly so and  - embarrassing, but fuck, each time, he could feel Tao’s fingers clench, convulse into his stomach, his tongue push harder, like just hearing Sehun was setting him off and  -

 

Meaty and muscular, drenched with that incendiary, flamethrower of Tao’s taste – that tang of his mouth, that faint rub of chocolate – but overshadowed by spices dark and musk and sharp -  just like his smell, _ohgod fu – ohhh –_ Sehun had – all those times he’d sneak a sniff at Tao’s clothes, that smell he couldn’t – he could feel his saliva explode into his mouth, his shame building, feeling it drip over Tao’s tongue, knowing he could feel it, knowing he’d _know_  - but .. this was the taste!! - how that smell tasted - Tao’s mouth, wet and moist and hot and  - soon even that little shred of embarrassment had faded,  without even caring anymore, he sucked at him, running his teeth against him, suckling and biting and nipping while Tao did the same – almost like they were fighting, battling with their tongues – Sehun’s thighs gripping harder against Tao’s waist, his hips unintentionally rocking – just as Tao’s hand thrust even higher under his shirt, neither of them aware of the buttons ripping off, falling into the sand –

 

But the feel of Tao’s palms, rough and strong, little grains of sand still clinging in the webs sliding over his chest, his fingertips a bare hair’s breadth from his nipples woke both of them up – with a sucking noise, their mouths pulled away, off of each other, Tao looking up at him.. frowning..

 

‘Se…..se…hun….’

 

Biting his lips – his swollen, tender lips, that suddenly felt like totally foreign objects, Sehun looked down at him, balancing himself on his elbows in the sand, bracing himself above Tao, who was…

 

Looking at him…

 

_Tao…_

 

Who he’d just been… who’d just been..

 

‘Sehun…’ his voice as scratchy as Sehun felt, Tao hissed his name again…

 

He knew what he was asking… he could feel every vessel in his body heating, flowing lava, his temples, his throat, his lips, and… other places, throbbing, pulsating – he knew what he was asking him, coz that was the question every fucking burning cell in his body was screaming –

 

how far were they gonna go, right here, right now –

 

 

But..

_There's no way I can actually say that!!!_

His cheeks turning crimson, Sehun glanced away, looking anywhere but at Tao as he nodded –

 

 

 

 

Only….

 

 

 

 

_What the hell????!!!_

 

Tao didn’t say – or, rather more importantly, **do** – _anything_!!

 

Impatiently – fuck at this point it was like, bloody essential for his continued survival, still looking with blurred eyes at some random point on the wall, he jerked his head again, sharply, firmly – _fuck you, you idiot, hurry up!!!!!!!!! –_

_……………………………_

 

_……….._

 

 

Snapping back, he glared down at Tao – who was _grinning_??!?!

‘TAO!!’

Chuckling again, Tao stroked his hand, pressing, lifting, teasing, back down Sehun’s stomach, slipping it out to smooth over his shirt – the loss of contact almost like a physical blow, making Sehun scowl even harder, as he shook his head slightly. ‘It’s not..gonna.. be that easy..’ even though his voice was ragged, it was determined – the corners of his lips – _those lips, just looking at them made him_ – lifting as he smirked up at him –

‘…..arhhm??’

‘Se~Hun… don’t you think you have some explaining to do?’

‘….eh….ghr – Nro – No.’ Tossing his head, blushing even harder, Sehun turned away again, impatiently rocking over Tao, wordlessly urging him –

But Tao just grabbed his waist with both hands again – only this time holding him off, holding him steady –

 ‘Oh~~Sehun~~~ nothing’s gonna happen till you fess up, and tell me exactly what’s going on.’

‘Ta- _Tao_!! Rtupid – stupid gorilla ape, who the hell wants - I was just – arghf – feeling sorry for you, that’s all, I was just feeling SORRY for you, so –‘     _hurry up!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

‘just…feeling sorry for me?’

‘YES!! Yes, exactly, so - !!’

‘…so what?

‘…..Stupid donkey Tao!!!!!!!!!!!!!  just coz I’m so sweet and – ‘

‘Sehun…’

‘ _What_???’

‘….you do realise I can feel basically your whole body right now, right?...like… _everything_..’

‘……………………………..’

 

Gasping and spluttering in outrage, Sehun scrambled up off of the idiot – the cool air, the wind in the cavern slamming into his burning skin, suddenly icy. His blood roaring in his ears – _the idiot!!!_ who was actually _laughing_ at him, now, the donkey, the snailhead, the slug brain – reaching the other end of the cave in a blink, drawing up huge giant lungfuls of air, frantically thinking harder than he ever had before, picturing the images in his head like his life depended on it – _Broccoli!! Broccoli..  spinach… sand – sandcastles- Tao on the beach… - AH!! Shit no umm… liverwurst – no!! Sehun fuck, not **sausages** – ah … arrh….. fish!! Fish… fish guts.. icky slimy fish guts, fish insides, fish eyeballs, fish pudding, crab soup…. Tao drinking crab sou-OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!!!! BRAIN!!! GET A GRIP!!!okay focus, think bad stuff, gross stuff, weird, TOTALLY NOT SEXY and NOTHING TO DO WITH THE IDIOT, slimy, disgusting stuff  - squishy.. like banan- NOPE!!! NO no no nonono **no bananas** – ahh crappp  - just go down, please, _ c’mmooon –

 

ah…

 

_ah.._

_okay…_

 

_okay I’m okay…. Everything's okay, good, deep breath, deep breath – think soft… calm.. everything’s calm, we’re absolute Zen…_

 

 _Ah_ –

 

Suddenly he realised Tao was still going on –

 

‘yup, _everything,_ all the soft bits.. all the not so soft bits.. all the seriously frikkin _hard_ ones-‘

 

‘TAAAAOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! …. Wel – ahrgf – it’s late, I’m going home!’ Tossing his head, Sehun picked himself up, brushing off the sand that was still clinging to his sweaty damp torso – not deigning to look at Tao who was still over on the ground, as he huffily stomped over to the tunnel and the opening –

 

‘ _NO WAY!!!!_ ’

‘..hhmm~~~?’

‘It’s still – water – the water’s still – _Aaargh_!!’

‘…whoa… Sehun.. do you mean to say the water’s still not gone down~~’

‘……yeah…’

‘And the current is still super strong, impossible to swim through?’

‘………’

‘Meaning we’re trapped here?’

‘..I’m pretty certain I can swim through this – ‘

‘No you can’t, don’t even think about it, we _are_ trapped here _.’_

 _‘……_ whateve _-’_

_‘Trapped in this cavern with no way to escape~~~’_

_‘……._ wher _-‘_

_‘Just the two of us, locked up here, with no way in or out, just shut in..’_

_‘…………………………………..’_

_‘all by ourselves~~’_

_‘………………………………………………………….’_

 

_‘just the two of us, just you …and..me…. all..alone…….. all.._

_By…_

 

_Ourselves…_

 

With no one else around for miles, totally hidden from the whole world, and – oh, did I mention, totally trapped~~ in this small confined space~~ ‘

 

‘……………………………………………… well, well – you’re stating the obvious is just annoying!! You big ape, ha! Trapped by ourselves, of course we are, that’s just a statement of the facts, there's nothing interesting about _that,_ it’s just – ‘

‘Ohh, I dunno~~ seeing all the shades of red you can turn is pretty interesting~’

‘ _YSJKRJG-YOU-AARGHA- YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You’re just – you’re – even YOU are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’_

 _‘_ Hmm~~ oh am I~~’ In perfect imitation of Sehun, Tao tossed his head – turning slightly away as he nonchalantly examined his nails, ‘ well, at least we _have_ established that _I_ have a reason for it, but since _someone_ was just ‘ _feeling sorry for me_ ’ there's no reason for _them_ , to, ne~~’ – making Sehun stamp in frustration, before swooping down – grabbing Primus from where he’d dropped him on the ground earlier, to chuck him viciously at Tao – who laughed as he caught him before drawing his eyes into wide ‘O’s of exaggerated shock – ‘SEHUN!! _Primus!!!!!!_ _You_ – ‘

‘…… uggff, I’m sorry!! Running back over, Sehun swooped down, grabbing him from Tao – cradling him in his arms. ‘Primus, I’m Sorry, I didn’t mean to throw you, only this _wheedlebrain_ here – ‘

‘……… whaa – I thought you were apologizing to me!!’

‘… who the fuck would apologize to _you_ , you crab soup!!’

‘…………………… _crab…. soup_ …??’

‘….. never mind!! Stupid Tao, so stupid, can’t even  - besides, _you’re_ the one who should apologize!’

‘ohh~~ what for?’

‘for…well….. for being an idiot!!!’

Huffing superiorly with all the air of having vanquished Tao completely with that supremely brilliant comeback, Sehun flounced back upto his feet  - wobbling a bit with both hands used up carrying Primus, so he accepted Tao’s hand on his arm, steadying him –

 

Only…

 

Steadying him was apparently the last thing on Tao’s mind, coz the next instant, he found himself hurtling down – his breath flying out as Tao pulled him onto the ground, turning him over before straddling him -  reversing their positions –Tao’s hips were so strong!! – even without holding him anywhere else, he was pushing Sehun into the ground, grinning down at him – while he clutched Primus tight, holding him against his chest like a shield and trying his hardest to think about totally not-related-to-Tao objects –

‘ohh, this way is much better~~ Though of course, I don’t mind you being on top, my Sehun~~’

‘…….jhagskjdh Huang Zitao you pervert, I’m calling child protection –‘

 

 

 

 

‘Sehun~~’ Tao’s voice when he interrupted him was a purr – like a deep throated rumble, sexy and hard and Sehun stopped, open mouthed, as he leaned down over him –

 

 

Gently, slowly, bending over him till their noses almost touched..

 

 

‘May I kiss you?’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

[a/n] - so i totally don't wanna give away any spoilers, but umm.. there MIGHT be a CHANCE that things MAY POSSIBLY get kinda.. M rated soon, but since i've been writing this as General Audience all this while, I dunno if everyone will be okay with it going in those directions, so... If you have a problem with it, and feel you can't just skip over parts when reading, please drop a comment below, and i'll... like... ya know, not write it~~ Thank You❣❣


	27. Chapter Twenty Seven - Punch Drunk

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was a whisper, a bare breath, but this close Sehun could hear the words almost before he spoke them - and he blushed, curling his toes tight to try and resist the urge to wiggle – _squirming about right now may not be the best idea_ – pressing his palms against Primus’ casing as he fixed his gaze on a point somewhere above Tao’s right shoulder –

‘….grhff.’

With his teasing grin in place, that glimmer in his eyes that told Sehun he was thoroughly enjoying playing him, Tao leant forward all the way, bracing himself on his elbows in the sand on either side of his head, his fingers gently stroking though Sehun’s hair..

‘I can’t?’

‘……. Grfm – aargh!! Just do whatever you want!!!’

‘Oh, but it’s a question of what _you_ want~~ I’m not going to do anything till I’m _absolutely_ _certain_ it’s what you want too~~’

 

‘……… !!!’ In frustration, Sehun snapped his head down, burying his face against Primus’ coldly metallic body, his voice catching ‘Why are you – Tao is just a big bully!!! You’re just being MEAN, I **_hate_** you!!!!!!!’

 

 

‘………………………… Se…Hun…..??’

 

 _‘Sehun!!!’_ Gasping in shock, Tao immediately lifted off – for a moment, only to wrap both hands around him, pull him in tight and close – well, as close as he could with Primus still between them – enveloping his legs about Sehun’s to wrap about him in a cocoon, suddenly frantic with worry ‘Sehun!! God-  I’m sorry, my Hunnie, I was just teasin’, I didn’t – I took it too far, right? I’m sorry, babe!’, covering him with little kisses everywhere he could reach, over his neck and forehead, panicked little pecks, that soon had Sehun giggling, slowly creeping out from under cover of the super robot man and raising his head – slightly, not all the way, of course – to smile crookedly at him. ‘That’s…funny…’

‘…Eh?’

‘Tao…’ he wiggled in closer, pushing one hand out to finger the print on his tee shirt, glancing up shyly at him through his lashes. ‘..calling me ‘babe’ all of a sudden….’

‘Ah… erm.. it _is_ weird right, sorry, I – ‘

‘no.... no.. it’s alright…..as long as you…’

‘I…? What is it, love?’

‘…as you admit…’

‘…yes?’

 

‘That I totally won, muhahaha!!!!!!!!!!  _Stuuuuppiiidd_ Tao, **_A_** kiss, ha! You just kissed me like a dozen times, _two_ dozen times n I didn't have to say _a word_ ~~~ HAAAA!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha, Dumbhead, ‘oh, nothing’s gonna happen till you tell’, muhahhahaaa, guess who’s an idiot, it’s ……it……erm…..Tao…. ‘ his crowing gleeful voice replaced by trepidation, Sehun slowly pulled his hand back – ‘.. Ta…o….’ – before squealing at the top of his voice, rolling out back to the other end of the wall in a flash, , before scrabbling up to his feet, dodging sharply away just as Tao’s fingers closed into the air right where he’d just been – ‘ _Tao!! I_ was kiddin’!! It was – Oyy’ – yowling, he jerked away, squealing louder than all of Tao’s roars to ‘get back here, you idiot!’, running and dodging and spinning, feinting expertly while Tao hounded after him, grabbing at him –

Frequently tossing his head back to stick his tongue out at him, or flapping his hands, make kissy faces at him – just to egg Tao on, just to see his grudging appreciation of Sehun’s skill at dodging him in this tiny space, even with Primus still in his arms - and his growing frustration at Sehun's skill at dodging him in said tiny space with aforementioned robotic superhero still in his arms...  

 

Till he stopped short, right at the edge of the tunnel opening .

 

‘ _Whoa_!! _Sehun_!!!’ Struggling to stop in time, Tao skidded through the sand, white grains flying as he yelled at Sehun to move, latching onto his collar and twisting brusquely away, managing to yank them both backwards just in the nick of time before he crashed into him, and they both hurtled downwards. ‘What the hell are you _playing_ at!!’

‘Tao!!’

 

‘ _What_!! You almost got us bo-’

 

‘…’ Giggling, Sehun reached up to ruffle his hair as they both huffed up to their feet, vigorously musing it up n making Tao swat at him – ‘Look!!’  

 

‘………. what am I supposed to be looking at?’

 

‘You idiot~~ _look_ ~  ‘

 

‘……….. Sehun!! The water! It’s lower than it was earlier!’

 

‘….. _Yeah_!’ Grinning, Sehun rolled his eyes, making sure he was outside the idiot’s surprisingly long reach. ’The tide’s goin’ down!’

 

‘……………….’

For a brief moment, Tao just stared at him – before unceremoniously reaching out, clutching him with both hands and bodily lifting him into his arms, clear off the ground - ‘Then we have to make the best use of the little time we have left, ne~~’ – swerving his head sharply, easily dodging Primus whom Sehun’d chucked at him as a last resort, as he yelled and smacked at him, trying to escape –  only squeezing him tighter, mock growling as he worried at him – at his neck and shoulder where his buttonless shirt had flapped open, nipping into the hollows of his collarbones, sliding his tongue over the velvety skin all dampened with the exertions of the chase, the heaving chest, the milky, rich cream of his flesh porcelain, perfectly white, buttery, like the most luscious Belgian chocolates, and Tao was suckling in mouthfuls, sucking at it as if he would actually eat him, drink him up – Sehun’s squeals of protest long transformed into mews and gasps of pleasure as he twisted about in Tao’s arms, willing him, urging him, turning so he could offer up every possible bit of his body – before, impatiently grabbing Tao’s face, pulling his head up to catch his mouth with his own and thrusting his tongue ferociously into his – bossy and sassy, tarty and oh so sweet at the same time, that potent combination he was so thoroughly helpless against, Tao just dropped to the ground, turning over to push Sehun down before pulling his shirt right off, trailing his fingertips teasingly over his bare chest and stomach, right to the waistband of his shorts, before following the imprint of goosebumps with his lips and tongue, feathery light, making Sehun groan in frustration, arch his back to try and make Tao take – _more –_

 

 

‘Ah!’

 

‘Hrmg?’

 

‘ _Tao_ – stop!!’

 

‘….Sehun?’

 

‘Just..wait.. – ‘

Gasping for breath, as Sehun held up a hand between them, Tao raised himself onto his knees, frowning at him, still straddling him as he sat up

‘Tao…’

‘…..yeah?’

Tossing his head, Sehun planted his palm into Tao’s chest. ‘How come _I’m_ the only one missing clothing!?’

‘…’ Bursting into a guffaw of laughter – _he’d been worried there for a moment_ – Tao covered Sehun’s hand with his own,  keeping it held to his chest as he leaned forward to kiss the very corner of Sehun’s lips, which were thrown into the cutest pout.  ‘well, you can always do something about that now, can’t you~~’

This time, there was a different gleam in his eyes – sure, the heat from ..being..like **_this_**..with him, and the mischievous light of teasing him, but this time, Tao was also _daring_ him to – his smirk saying he was absolutely sure Sehun didn’t have it in him – and of course he couldn’t back down in the face of that, could he! Also he really…kinda…totally _did_ want to, so bad it was with absolute relief that he growled, as Tao sat back, splaying his arms wide patronisingly, the dumb idiot; and rose up on his knees, reaching his fingers to his collar –

 

As Tao’s eyes widened in surprise he gently stroked down his throat, that long throat he’d lusted after for so long – wildly for a moment in panic pushing aside the fantasy that slipped unbidden into his mind – he _had_ been imagining that particular wish for days now, after all – before stopping – suddenly realising he probably _didn’t_ have to stop himself thinking about Tao like that, now –

 

Quickly he glanced up at Tao – _huhhhmmhh!! - s_ omething of the desire in his mind must have shown through coz Tao was burning down at him, biting his lower lip into those cat like teeth, Sehun’s skin immediately setting up a flare of recognition just at the sight – the points on his neck and shoulder and chest that had felt them just moments ago prickling with desire, itching to have them back – but as quickly as it had appeared, even that urge faded under the tumult of breathless anticipation – Tao’s look was so utterly one of being two seconds away from shoving Sehun over and setting down to do exactly what Sehun had been fantasizing that he froze completely, his fingertips grazing against a bit of sand that trailed white against the glossy tan –

 

Before continuing down, the pounding in his head so loud he couldn’t think, each heartbeat resounding in his ears in gushes of red - peeking his fingers into the round ribbed collar, sliding out to trace over the thin cloth of his tee, down..

 

_Down.._

 

The sand that had stuck to the sweat seeping through…

 

_His collarbones.._

 

 

_His breast bone.._

 

 

_His ribs…_

 

Through the cloth, the heat just that bit dampened to make it horrendously sensuous, like dark chocolate laced through with spice….

 

_Purposely avoiding the peaks where his nipples had pebbled out, just to tease him…_

 

_Tao…_

 

_TAO'S….!!_

 

_Down…_

 

 

_His stomach_

 

 

 

_The indent of his belly button, clear through the thin cloth of his shirt…_

 

Mimicking the way he’d teased him earlier, running his fingertips lightly over his muscles, feeling them spasm and clench just like his had, and slamming his palm in, squeezing tighter…

 

All the way to the bottom, reaching both hands to clutch at the bottom of his tee, at the slightly thickened seam, before tugging it upwards – Tao obligingly – well, dazedly -  lifting his arms so Sehun could pull it off…

 

Inch by inch, pulling it up, revealing the brown toasty cinnamon of his skin, the indents and margins bathed in shadows – so rugged and strong, Sehun squeezed his knees together, his toes bent right into his soles, his mouth suddenly so dry..

Tao’s arms.. his biceps… the heaving of his chest, the nubs just a couple of shades darker than his skin and the dark, black hair on his chest.. _fuckfuckfuck Tao’s so damn fucking manly, I  -_ Sehun didn’t know why that affected him the way it did – he was a guy too, right? – but the bulge and curve of his muscles, the way the dark line of hair led in a straight line from beneath his belly button to disappear into his shorts, Sehun could feel himself growing so hard looking, his own stomach was so slender and smooth, nothing at all like this… the indentations of the muscles on Tao’s abdomen, tanned so gold– _even here –_ uniformly bronzed, just like the sun exposed part, even his stomach – of course he’d seen his bare torso any number of times before, fuck, they’d been roommates, shirts, they always changed in front of each other, it was no big deal, ever – but …

_This_

_This was so different!! This time… he could_

 

Sehun spread his fingers out, splaying them till the webs hurt, over Tao’s stomach, diggin in, squeezing the entire width of the muscle into his hand – _he_ could..

 

He was…

 

_All that time sneaking glances.. spying under cover of a comic he was pretending to read, or ‘focused’ on his dancing …._

 

_Now he…._

 

 

_He could do whatever he wanted with him!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

_For… real... everything he'd ever fantasized, furtively, guiltily, while pushing his fingers against his own skin..._

 

 

 

_coz Tao was... . Tao belonged to him now!!_

 

Sehun gasped at the sudden rabid pain that lanceted through him – bitter and heart-stoppingly agonizing – he should have been excited, happy, and he _was_ – but fuck, something still – something inside – just hurt so bad!! - but the very next instant it was wiped out- passing in the quickest flash as Tao leaned over to plant a kiss on the top of his downturned head – almost like he could read him, feel what he could feel – and Sehun snapped up, in shock and gratitude and love, reaching for Tao’s mouth with his own

 

 

_After all this time…_

 

 

 

 

 

 

_After all this time!!_

Tao dragged his fingers over Sehun’s face, twisting his chin about so as not to break their kiss, turning sideways as he pulled him onto his lap, before laying him down, laying over him as Sehun wound his arms about his neck, thrusting his hips, arching his whole body against Tao; their bare skin rubbing against each other, the grains of sand – few now, most had been brushed off by their playing – but the few that lingered, gritty and painful against their spasming, clenching, heaving flesh, their writhing bodies; the sweat that trickled down, dripping off Tao’s chin to plop over Sehun’s cheek; dribbling off Sehun’s arms to splotch a trail down Tao’s sides… catching the golden sun and glinting off their steaming skin in the beams from the skylight almost exactly above their heads..the wind tossing in, ruffling Tao’s hair a second before Sehun thrust his hand in, clenching into his roots so hard he nearly pulled out a handful as Tao slid one hand down his side, sliding over his skin, before pushing down, flexing his fingers around him, through the cloth of his shorts, curling his hand around  –

‘ _Ta.o…rhng!  ‘_

 _‘_ Seh- please- fuckIcan’t – ‘

‘..gmngfff  - ‘  the look on Tao’s face was enough to drive him completely ‘round the bend – the hunger, the desperation, like he couldn’t hold on another second without.. _me_ … - _fuck, he.. **there**..ohgodfuckk I’m already_ – he could feel the wet slipping down him as he curled his toes wildly into the sand, pushing Tao away, off him, with both hands on his shoulders – before immediately shoving them down to his waistband, to the button on Tao’s shorts, to yank at it – _fuck fuck I -_ vaguely, he could feel Tao’s fingers slip down to join his, before reaching for his own shorts _,_ but he didn’t even care-  all he wanted was to _get to him –_

Pulling his chin up, Tao tugged his head to him, seizing his mouth, his tongue thrusting into him just as he pulled them both to their knees, the last bits of their clothing shoved away –

_Fuck!!!!!!_

Unceremoniously, without the slightest warning, Tao’s fingers slid over his dick – _overmy!! -_ slipping over the precum that was dribbling from the tip, slathering it over the head, his fingers reaching into the swollen fold before encircling him fully and running down, reaching deeper  - _Tao ohfuckingcrap Tao’s! there - oohhhhunnffgnf shitshit **THERE** he’s touch-uunnn  - _ in fits and bursts, in a frenetic rhythm that was impossible for Sehun to follow, each movement catching him unawares so his mind was unable to seek the comfort of foresight, each touch jolting him, thrusting knife edges of pleasure up and down his engorged dick, bloated with desire, _so tight oh godhe’s squeeze-fuckk his fingers are so STRONG!!! goddamitdamnit ohfuuuuckk-_ reaching progressively lower each time _-fuckfuckfuckfuckFUCCKKK he’s actually literally jerking me off!!!!!! -_ right to his hilt, before winding up, his tongue all the while ravaging into Sehun’s mouth – the unreality of what was actually happening - till some dark recess of his mind, that primal thrumming that was the only part of him that seemed to still exist at this point just exploded, shockwaves of need bursting insistent through him – undeniable and commanding, and -   _gooddd ohgod I wanna touch him rightnowfuckki **need** to touch him –_ Sehun pushed his hands down Tao’s body, in the scant space between them, right down –

Somehow resisting the urge to claw at him like he wanted, to fill himself with him, Sehun slid his fingers lightly over the tip, making Tao groan deep in Sehun’s mouth, the sound vibrating through his throat – **_OHHGODD_** _he’s wet too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! – he’s … spilling under myfingers_ Sehun’s fingers slid easily over the engorged, fleshy head, the thick, slithery liquid coating his fingertips – he could feel the spit sliding out the corners of his lips in an incredibly sexual parody, Tao’s lips and tongue and mouth preventing him from swallowing – _Fuckkk I  - uunngff –_ unable to hold off any longer, he thrust his hand abruptly down, from where it had been teasing over the slit at the tip, to wind about the shaft – _hhmmm!!!!!_  - It spasmed in his hand-  _Tao’s_ dick, leaping, growing harder than before in response to his touch, swelling so big his fingers could barely close about three quarters of his width, even the feel of that size – the wet, hot organ, muscular and so rigid in his palm sent a thrill through him, making him moan out loud  - before Tao pulled him closer somehow, tugging him in till –

**_Oohhhhhhhffuuhhh_ **

Tao’s…

Fuckckhe’dnever-Mmmnnnnooohhhh- even _touched_ anotherguybefore -  uhh…uh…uh…nn… - even felt another guyandnow –

Tao’s dick pressed up against his – their heads rubbing – slick and wet at the top, and lower down, rugous, even with them rigid and full and distended, the wrinkled parts rubbed together with a gorgeous friction, their pre-cum – both of theirs, mingling, splattering, glutinously dribbling down to coat him in a sandwich as Tao’s dick pressed into his  – but these were just words, words he fought to hold onto to try and calm himself down but the _sensation_ –

 

 

_ah…._

 

_Ah…._

 

 _Mmnnnaaannnnnhhhh_  

 

 

He’d never ever felt anything this fucking good.

 

 _Fuucckkkk ohhh god Tao’sfingnnn -_ Tao’s fingers pounding up and down, their angrily red, engorged heads slapping against each other,  the pleasure budding and swelling in exquisite waves so immense he –

_Hot_

 

_Hard_

 

_Wet_

 

_Full_

Tao shifted and their balls slapped together and Sehun moaned again – and again and again, his voice completely out of control, the impossibly heady, boozy heaviness of their balls hitting each other, he could feel their heat, yet the weight – the almost-pain was like an icy steel blade stabbing through him, right to the centre of his soles; Tao’s tongue thrusting into his mouth over and over and over and over and over again, deeper, harder, twisting, curling, undulating in his mouth right to his throat; his fingernails caught at the hairs smattering the base of Tao’s cock, coarse and curly in their wetness and reflexively he thrust his hips up arching his whole back off the sand, the rough yet silken feel of their dicks grinding up and down as their hands worked each other, his knuckles hitting against Tao’s at the end of each draw, the alternating up and down rhythm they’d set up

‘ _ta..o I – ican’t – Tao I’m gonna – Tao… ‘_

Instantly Tao pulled away – his eyes widened, his lips swollen so large, a tiny pinprick of blood where his skin had split, his chin wet – from his or Sehun’s spit? – his chest heaving, his hair completely mussed up and standing on end from Sehun’s fingers –

 

If he’d even thought Tao was hot ever before, it was _nothing,_ absolutely nothing, compared to now, and he felt the pit of his stomach spasm – just from _looking_ at him, dear god, he was going to – helplessly he moaned Tao’s name, reaching for him with his free hand, once he’d started it was like he couldn’t stop, _Tao Tao Taoo…ngmmff….ohhhtao…._

 

‘Sehun no!! Not yet!! Please I – I want to…’ his forehead creased with desperation, his words red hot needles stabbing into Sehun, thrilling him and in riotous response the blood in his veins pounded, from every part of his body rushing to hips, pouring the fire into them till they’d melted completely away – he’d been feeling it all day, this sensation of something deep deep inside him liquefying and pooling off in a stream down the insides of his thighs, but now suddenly he _got_ it - with his hand grasped around Tao’s swollen, engorged erection, hardened so stiff, it was impossible not to understand, the heat sparking red hot inside him, scorching, melting, his hips seeping away….

Boneless, his head floating weightlessly at least a couple of feet above his neck, his ears feeling like they were burning, Sehun gasped up at him, instinctively clenching his butt in so tight  - gasping at the rub of the sand that had somehow gotten into the folds of his skin, grating – and reflexively, Tao winched his fingers tighter –

 

A series of spasms burst like waves in the pit of his stomach, crashing down to his cock trapped powerless in Tao’s fingers, which clenched about him like a vice, cold – almost chilly to his fevered flesh, strong, ruthless, grasping so tight he - his balls turning to lead _fuckhe’ssoSTRONG –_ ‘Sehun.. I…’

 

 _Oohhfffuckk fukckkc -    in…fucckk INSIDE me ..a guy – a guy’s!! **Tao’s** – FUCckkkk _ His fingers clenching around Tao’s dick at the thought, his nail scrabbling over the rough silk – _this?? All this.._ in _me..?? shitshit I can’tican’ –_

 

_In me_

 

_Ican’tican’tican’tohgod_

 

_Pushingright.. **In** me_

 

_nggffohhfucck goddohgodTaohurryup OOHHGODDDIWANTIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

‘….kngro - _know_ …?’

‘..I guess…’ Panting, Tao somehow formed the words in reply to Sehun’s near-incomprehensible growl  - making him suddenly freeze – his eyes – the eyelashes trailing sand and stardust – narrowing at him, a single bead of sweat dripping off his hairline to stroke down his cheek. ‘…… _how_!’

Even in that situation, Tao chortled – winding his index finger up Sehun’s incredibly long dick, the sight and feel and touch of it driving him crazy, fuelling that primal part of him that screamed for Sehun, so loud and insistent…pinching it with the web between his index and middle fingers ‘Wrel..it’s – uh..ah…uhm what the-ey teach in Wushu..ah..an… we practiceeach – aahh…other..’

‘……. _idiot’_ Sehun hissed, barely opening his mouth, his teeth biting right into that deliciously juicy lip. ‘Shutupnfuckme’

 

 

Tao froze – staring at him, his mouth actually hanging open –

before he yelled and growled and snarled all at once, letting go of Sehun’s cock, grabbing his shoulders with both hands and slammed him into the sand – crashing down over him – his mouth ravenous as he bit Sehun’s lips, nipping them, before laying little bites over his jawline, continuing down onto his neck – Sehun pulling both hands up into his hair, clenching as his teeth grazed and glanced and loitered over the sensitive delicate flesh of his nape, sharp and forceful enough to hurt – delicious – and distracting him while his fingers shoved themselves into his stomach, moving downward… twisting his hand, Tao slipped his fingers over both of them, scooping up their precum, the thick, glistening wet coating his fingers, the seeping from both of them mingling on the whorls of his fingertip, before slipping his fingers down – behind Sehun…

_Huunnhh!!_

As his wet, cold finger grazed against his asshole, Sehun reflexively bucked backwards, a stab of fear shooting instinctively through him – Quickly, Tao pulled his mouth off his neck, reaching up to grab his lips, suckling at his tongue, nipping at his lips mimicking what he’d been doing on his neck, only sharper now – within seconds, Sehun’s whole body melted against him, his neck arching, the indescribably molten heat spreading right down to his toes, as Tao slowly, gently, stroked his fingers back and forth over his anus, lingering longer each time right over the hole – framing the edges, his sodden fingertip circling it before moving away, without ever reaching in.. over and over till Sehun, so desperate he was close to tears, pulled away off from him, tearing his mouth out of Tao’s kiss to snarl at him ‘ _Trao!! fuckjustDOITalready!!!! Ican’t – ‘_

His lips parted, Tao panted down at him – he was so close too, so close there were spots floating in front of his eyes from the effort of holding it, _fuckfuck_ – but this – Sehun who was so _hungry_ for him, it was –

Growling, he jerked his head, moving down and forward again, positioning himself between Sehun’s legs – that had splayed open, his hips lifted in response to Tao’s stroking fingers, his knees already bent up, Tao only had to hold his dick down, pushing the tip against the gorgeously pink little opening –

_Aahh!!_

Sehun, who’d raised himself on his elbows, blearily glaring at Tao as he manoeuvred, flopped back down into the sand _ohhgod –_ the feel of… of Tao’s head, congested and full, so huge –pressing against him – it felt so foreign and alien… cold… _terrifying_ and fucckk he wanted it so much!!! The wave of heat, the clenching rhythmically cresting in the pit of his stomach, checked momentarily by his earlier fear now back, strong and and insistent and damning... His eyes screwed up firm, Sehun pushed his hip higher, straining against Tao, vaguely pounding desires to impale himself on him floating through his mind, words – half words, moaned curses unheeded flying past his tightly narrowed lips, as he felt Tao’s hands on his thighs, his fingers digging into the soft, sensitive insides, holding them up, before –

 

**_FFUUUUUUCCKKKSSSSSGGGHSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!_ **

 

With one slaughtering thrust Tao pushed his way into him - the force of his plunge driving him almost halfway in, right into Sehun’s tight, virgin ass, the rings of muscles unyielding, inhumanly strong resisting, closing about him so tight he felt like his vessels were bursting –  _gmmrrhhhggrrhhhhh!!!_ _-_ so hot and tense he’d never felt anything so exquisite, he could feel his muscles- his hips and thighs and stomach screaming, pouring fire into his dick, urging him forward, _more moremoremore_ push in – god deeper, fucckk Sehun ohhFUCCK you’re so tight –

 

Before Sehun’s scream cut in, ringing in his ears.

 

Freezing, Tao stared down at him, the red haze lifting slowly – and panic setting in, terror crescending through him, he bent down, still halfway inside him, afraid to move he gingerly leant in, yelling Sehun’s name – ‘Hunnie!!!! Sehun, are you – ‘

 

‘…fruhk don’t _fruckks ah…_ uhhnnmm… unnmMMMMMM ….’ Breathing like a racehorse in mid stretch, Sehun cracked his eyes to look up at him – burning, wild eyes, tears clinging to the lashes, his pupils impossibly wide with ecstasy ‘ _don’tstop_ ’ he managed, before reaching up, his hands digging into Tao’s shoulders as he pushed his lips against his – the change in position driving Tao even deeper in, both of them groaning inside each other’s mouths

 

Somehow pausing long enough for Sehun to get used to his girth – as much as he possibly could, his need was overpowering, like in the grips of an insane drug, toxically demanding, Tao gritted his teeth with his lips still pressed to Sehun’s – _fucck Sehun’s lips – his mouth, his skin, the gorgeous beautiful richness of his flesh_ – his thighs so silky and perfect under his fingers, and the furnace-hot, iron bands of his hole, squeezing and clenching, Sehun’s walls closed so tight about him, so rigid against him  - against his width, _so fucking tight – but still somehow soft fucck it was_ \- barely yielding, but that fraction of melting – _oohhgodd the softness_ he could feel it soaking into him, into his skin, dribbling right into his stomach and pulling him - groaning, Tao pushed in even deeper – right upto his hilt, his balls bouncing against Sehun’s butt – _oohggoddd that-uunmm fuuckk –I - ohgodhis butt ohh  -_ sliding one hand round, Tao cradled it – his tentative fingers firming as the cushiony flesh filled his palm, every bit as juicy as he’d always imagined – no, _more_ , oohgod he could never have - even one cheek couldn’t fit into his hand, spilling out through his fingers – _godhowwasthis even possible_ so squishy, but so firm – as Sehun tensed the muscles Tao was holding, he squeezed harder, rolling it about under his hand, even as he pulled back, sliding his dick out – bit… by bit….

Till he was halfway out before slamming in again – _‘FFUUMMmmmmmmmeeoonnnmmffffTaaoo!!!’_ so forcefully this time, he hit right at Sehun’s sweet spot, thrusting in so deep, the bulbously swollen engorged head of his cock hit perfectly against the little edge of his gland, making him writhe, his entire body convulsing under Tao with the pleasure, even the pain of having Tao’s thickness inside him totally effaced under the barrage of sheer gratification, he was just spitting, incomprehensible sounds spewing from him as he somehow lifted onto Tao even harder – his hips rocking at an impossible angle, working Tao even deeper – with each cresting torrential wave, his muscles clenched – _ah…ah…uhh….. mmmnnffoohgodT.ao… ohhh_ squeezing against Tao so hard, the heat, the wet he couldn’t even speak – not even grunt or groan even, lost in the throes so glorious they were almost agony, and blindly – wildly, he pulled out and in again, and out and in, thrusting again and again – his hand slipping off Sehun’s butt to reach back to the front to grab his cock, jerking it frantically off in rhythm with his thrusts, against his stomach, Sehun’s balls slapping against the base of his cock _heavy pillows_ with each plunge feeling _so fucking good_ it was crazy –

 

Sehun balanced himself on his shoulder blades, shoving them so deep into the sand, they were grating against the rock floor underneath, the sand tearing into his skin everywhere, flying into the air as they bucked and reared, rubbing in – _mmnnf…gfmmm….. ohhgoodd fuckk Sehun ooohhmmnn ohhgod you’re so tight ohhgod  - ohhgoddbabelikethat shittoohhh -_ into his butt, grating over Tao’s balls and his knees and legs,  the friction adding yet another layer of pain that was beyond pleasurable, driving them insane, wild, primal – every iota of refinement or  thought stripped mercilessly away– as Sehun’s back slammed onto the ground again and again, as he lifted onto Tao’s lap, almost sitting up all the way, before thumping back onto the ground with each pound, as Tao pushed deeper into him, his muscles, loosening and gripping, his need overriding even the instinctual affront at this penetration making them cave, widen and tighten alternatively till they were actually sucking Tao in, pulling so tight….

 

 

Sehun was mewling continuously, a low pitched moan, without even realising it, his fingers rasping as they clawed over Tao’s back, and the sound of their skin slapping together echoed wet and thick, slobbered through the cavern in a glutinous viscid dribble accompanied by the sloppy, messy suckling as they kissed each other over and over… the sun burning over the angry red marks, stigmata of their hungry mouths burned into their skins, over Tao’s nails shining as his fingers desperately drove into Sehun’s flesh, over the streams of sweat, pouring onto each other’s bodies, the salty tart dripping into Sehun’s open suckling mouth, squelching between the folds of their arms and legs and sliding over their kneading, thrashing fingers, the beads swiping over Tao’s chest off the points of Sehun’s nipples each time he jerked forward, mingling with the sand to for an excruciatingly shredding mixture that scraped deeper into Sehun, scouring Tao’s most sensitive nerve beds raw, till at last, their bodies tensed – contracting and holding so intensely  Sehun tore his mouth off Tao’s to lunge for his shoulder, biting down over the perfect smooth tanned globe so hard his teeth broke the skin, as Tao thrust in one last convulsive time, deeper than ever before, both of them screaming as they crested together….

 

 

Wave after wave of orgasm hit them, Sehun splattering against Tao’s stomach in spasms over and over as the cold, sharp pain of Tao’s coming _inside_ him, right inside the deepest part of him, _filling_ him, ripped through his body, turning into pleasure so concentrated he actually blacked out for a moment – like he was really dying a little death,  each jerk and burst super perceivable, clear and sharp inside him, till they were dry heaving – the convulsions, the after echoes of the spasms still jerking them, with nothing left to come….

 


	28. Chapter Eight - Promises

 

Panting, Sehun flopped back onto the ground – just as Tao did beside him, both of them gasping for air, their ragged breathing filling the cavern, echoing off the stony outcrops and resounding over the rugged rocky shelves, before slowly… gradually falling into silence…

 

 

Out of the corner of his eyes, he peeked over at Tao – he was swiping his hand over his forehead, wiping the sweat off it, and the sunlight caught it against his long, shapely fingers just as Sehun glanced towards him, making them – those fingers that he could _still_ feel roaming all over his body, over his most intimate, private niches -  gleam..

_Tao…_

_shit I can’t believe this is really happening_ – even as he gingerly flexed his limbs, catching the ache in his hips as proof – _it **had** happened, it really really had!!!_ – Tao twisted slightly to look at him…. – their glances touching – Grinning, he turned on his side, wiggling close enough to draw out a hand and stroke back Sehun’s hair that was matted to the side of his face with sweat.. before reaching down to take his hand, holding it against his cheek as his eyelids fluttered tiredly.. 

A lump rising in his throat, Sehun smiled back crookedly… it was so stupid, he knew it was totally lame, but…  it was all – everything, every single _second_ so damn fucking _perfect_ , he wanted to cry – like that part of him, deep in his heart, that part that had always been so empty was now... suddenly - As Tao’s lips gently grazed the back of his fingers - … _Alright_ …

 

Abruptly pulling away, swallowing down on the choking sensation, he sat up, reaching for a piece of cloth lying discarded in the sand, and hurriedly wiped himself over – turning away from Tao, shyness gripping him as the cloth sent little rubs of pain over his raw skin… Just as he leant forward to shove the cloth against the backs of his knees that still felt sticky with sweat, though, he unconsciously relaxed his butt – and a thin tendril of Tao’s come trickled its way down his legs, thick and slimy, cool against his fevered flesh…  Quickly, he rammed the cloth over his thighs, he could feel his cheeks heating up and he just _knew_ the back of his neck was gonna turn crimson – _shitshitshit that idiot will_ \- ‘he..re…’ gruffly, he chucked the balled up cloth behind him to the dumb head, hastily trying to turn attention away from himself – though apparently, he really needn’t have worried -  Tao just caught the cloth, sitting up while he casually, _absentmindedly,_ sup-remely un-con-cernedly, dabbed at the splatters on his stomach – like he really couldn’t care less about being covered in…Sehun’s…..

 

_‘Uggh!!! You are such an IDIOT!!’_

 

..eh?’ Tao looked blankly at him – before looking down at the cloth in his hand…. and…back up at him, his eyes popping  ‘SEHUN! This is my tee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

 

‘Whatever, hurry up and ..’ Sehun made waving motions at him – urging him to hasten -  and slowly… shaking his head, but grinning all the same, Tao wiped himself down, muttering about never having agreed to being _someone’s_ slave, look at him ordering me around like _he’s_ the –

 

‘Argh, are you _done!!!_ ’ Impatiently, Sehun grabbed the shirt away from him and threw it into a corner - before promptly slamming himself into Tao’s chest with a huge sigh at finally having gotten there, squirming his way in to rub his face against him – groaning in pain, yet determinedly wrapping Tao’s arms around himself; and butting his forehead hard into Tao’s sternum when the idiot chortled above him, pulling him closer and sliding his leg between his, the grin in his voice chuckling through the air as he whispered against Sehun’s hair ‘My Hunnie, if you just wanted to _cuddle_ , you shoulda just said so~~’ 

 

 

‘ _Mfgrf!!!’_  Too comfortable to move, Sehun just growled against Tao’s skin – unintentionally blowing raspberries against Tao’s chest, making him snort and swat at him - but his fingers only got till the lightest flick against Sehun’s sweat dampened midnight curls, before they were stroking…

 

 

 

 

Gently, lazily, rhythmically petting Sehun’s hair.. the back of his neck, and down between his shoulder blades, before sweeping back up…

 

 

 

Languorously, Sehun stretched under his fingers like a cat – almost purring, before curling up even tighter into him..

 

 

 

Even though they were lying all wrapped up in each other, their skins pressed up together, damp and sweaty, radiating a heat that still smelled of the other… totally naked… even after what they’d just been doing.. even with their bodies still raw and aching and bleeding in places, even with their breathing still faintly ragged and raw, each puff laced with the cinnamon and chocolate of the other, even with the tightening drying ooze, the thick discharges crusting over their bodies… even with all that, there was absolutely nothing sexual between them just then – only pure tenderness and caring... gentle…… soft……  warm… just the undemanding happiness they shared right then, the genuine fondness for each other, and whole hearted love… simple, yet more powerful than anything else on the planet…  Tao’s fingers lightly stroking him – unconsciously, sweetly - were writing the accounts of their very own fairy tale in affectionate devotion against his skin…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 ‘Sehun?’

‘Mmbf?’

Too sleepy – his limbs felt drenched in laziness, heavy and weak, his muscles aching tiredly in such a delicious way… the sand was soft, forming a warm cradle under him, and Tao’s skin, the chocolate almost luminous with their combined heat, cocooned him in..

‘Sehun!’

 

‘mmbfg mbbfbf mbf.’ Sehun stated against his skin, his eyelids pressing against Tao, the dark, new moon blue of their insides cool and inviting…

 

‘……. _Ok-ay_ , whatever that was, Sehun, listen to me!’

 

‘…… Do you know I can actually _feel_ you talking like this? And _hear_ you – like through your chest, _and_ from outside.. like if you’re talking to me on the phone while you’re sitting  in the same room~’

 

‘…Do you always get weirdly…. observant…. after sex?’

 

‘….’

 

Grinning, Tao caught Sehun’s wrists as he swiped at him, pulling him back into his arms.

 

‘Stupid gorilla!! Elephant!!! Efu ha, Wouldn’t you like to know’

 

‘Oh, well, I’m sure I’ll soon learn everything there is to know about what you’re like after sex, my Hunnie~~  also _during_ , and _before_ \- ‘

 

Giggling, he reared away from Sehun’s outrage – _god he’s blushing, he’s so cute!!!!!!! even after we – tooottaaalllyyy just went **all** the way… goddd could he be more ADORABLE!!!! And it’s not even human how god damn fucking  beautiful he is when he’s pink!!!!! Lookithim!!! he’s all MINE!!!!!! - _ before grabbing him, pushing him down to plant kisses all over him – over his forehead and his nose and his cheeks while Sehun spat curses at him, wriggling his nose and tossing his head trying to jerk him off – both of them spluttering and giggling by the time he finally managed to smother him firmly against his chest again, his hand automatically moving to pet him, the rhythm already ingrained into his muscles..

 

 

Drawing deep long sighs of contentment….

 

 

 

 

 

 

Glancing at each other to press light kisses on the other’s lips… or just to catch their eye and smile…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘Sehun..’

‘mm?’

‘Sehun….’

‘mm!?’

‘…See~Hun~~’

‘What??!’

‘……aahhaahh~~ I can’t believe it…’

‘ _What_?’

With a laugh, Tao bent to press a kiss against the top of Sehun’s head, his arms tightening about him. ‘That you’re - that we’re really  - …..ya know..’

‘…oh..’ Sehun pulled away to smile dazzlingly at him, before scotching upwards to plant a kiss against his cheek, repositioning himself to lie with their faces pressed together.. Tao still stroking his head and back gently… ‘That’s coz you’re an _idiot_.. stupid Tao just thinking stupid stuff on your own..’

‘Ha!! _You_ were the one who just went thinking even stupider stuff on his own!!’

‘..well……. okay we _might_ have both been idiots about this..’

‘Idiots… keke, Can you imagine…we were so totally stuck in our own heads, we were just about _hating_ each other..’ Tao’s hands moved still, stroking Sehun, rubbing at his shoulder blades… ‘we always end up doing this, just like last time – I mean, I don’t even remember _what_ we were fighting about, how it started -’

‘Me either!! And then, after so long, we _finally_ made up and stuff and a _day_ later we were at it again!! And its soo totally all your fault!!’

‘ _My_ fault!!! Exactly _who_ started it, huh!!’  

 

‘Umm, that would be you?

………………… ………….

…….. …

 

Oyyy!!! Tao!! geroffff stopitt _that tickles_!!TtaAAooo!!!’

 

Laughing Tao let up, deliberately tossing his legs over Sehun’s. ‘You’re snorting’

 

‘ _You stupid_ you stupid idiot popsicle’ ‘…… _popsicle_?’ ‘Oh, _shuttup_!!! Stupid nut. After you started everything!!’

 

‘..no I didn’t!!! I just came back to the dorm room, and you were all… crazy!!’

 

‘…ah…’ Sehun froze.. before hurriedly burying his head in Tao’s shoulder. ‘That time..’

 

‘AHA!! That _was_ you!’

 

‘……whatever, I’m tired, so stop talking.’

 

‘Oohhoho Sehun~~ Sehunnie~~~’  

 

’ _stop!!’_

 

 ‘na-a-a-aaa tell!!’  

 

‘ _No!!’_

 

‘I swear I won’t laugh!’   

 

’I SAID _no!’_

 

 _’_ C’moonnnn~~ Hunnie please Hunnie puhleease~~’  

 

’Shuttup!!!’

 

 

‘Sehun.

 

Sehun.

 

Sehun.

 

Sehun.

 

Sehun.

 

Oh Sehun.

 

Oh baby Sehun.

 

Sehun.

 

Sehun.

 

Sehu-‘

 

‘OKAAYYYY!! Enough!!!!!!!!!’  

 

’yes~~???’       

 

’……………………………..

…………………………………………..

……………………….

 

……….

 

………………

….  I……………. Erm…… that…… err… ……. i..wsajrelaous’  

 

‘….huh?’    

 

‘……….iwas… jeralsou’   

‘HUH??’

 

‘ _Okay_!! I saw you!... ya know… coming out of that hotel, with that..that..that… _girl_!!!!’

 

 

‘……………………..omg you were _jealous_???’

‘ohhshuddup.’

 

‘omg you were _jealous_!!!!’

‘ _Shut up!!’_

 

‘..Wait – _Sehun!!_ ’ Tao suddenly pulled away, almost sitting up. ‘That was… months ago!!! How long have you…ya know.. I mean…ermm…’ blushing, he turned away – though he kept looking at Sehun through the corner of his eyes, the whites shot through with a red hot bolt of desperation… ‘ _like…liked…me…’_

 

‘Huh???!! Who the hell….’ Snorting, Sehun pushed his face into Tao’s neck, hiding his expression, though his blush still burned red over the back of his neck.. his breath tickling Tao’s ear. ‘whatever.. Tao’s always just Tao.’

 

‘I’m always….?’

 

Tao’s fingers – shaking a bit – threading into Sehun’s hair….

 

‘…… _whatever!!_ God, you’re so stupid!! Uggh, I’m just saying, the way I… see you – ‘

 

‘Feel about me – ‘

 

‘SEE you!! Hasn’t changed..it’s… always been the same.’

 

‘… _always_ …..’

 

‘….Mmhmm..’

 

‘……… Sehun!’

 

‘Well _– stop_!! ‘Sehun pulled away from him as he reached to kiss him, to narrow his eyes, biting his lip as he looked anywhere but at Tao, his skin a cross between a fire hydrant and a stop light. ‘not back.. _then,_ coz we were too young obviously, and afterwards -  I mean till..ya know a… month or so ago, I didn’t even.. _know_ what it was I was…humph.’ Spluttering with his embarrassment, Sehun dove for the only cover available – Tao – before giving up and instead slamming his palms over Tao’s eyes. ‘Sehun!! Stoppit you donkey~~’ ‘ _You_ stop it!! Don’t look at me!!’ ‘But you’re so delicious to look at~~’ ‘…TAO!!’ Giggling, Tao reached to tickle Sehun again – it was so scrumptious, his Sehun’s body – so familiar yet so different, the thrill of touching him – the excitement of just being able to run his fingertips over his flesh, Tao thought he’d never ever get over it… of being able to evoke the responses he wanted, he was already starting to learn - with a pride and wonder he could barely believe himself, he was getting it -  which parts of Sehun’s body were sensitive to his squiggling fingers, which curves and folds and edges would make him laugh and squirm…  which would paint his skin crimson and pink like the sunset, and which ones would make him tuck the corner of his lips into his teeth to shyly stop himself from smiling…… those mysterious, special areas that no one else would ever know about… those secrets that only belonged to him, that even Sehun himself didn’t know…   -  

 

 

till Sehun grabbed his hands and tucked them into his, refusing to let go. ‘Whatever, anyway we’re just gonna be fighting again tomorrow so whatever.’

 

‘……. ……. We are _not_!!!!’

 

‘Yes we are!!!! You – you’re just gonna be thinking something dumb, and doing some totally crazy weird shit, and I’m gonna think obviously _rationally_.. and then we’re both going to believe our own assumptions and then…we’re.. just…’

 

‘Ohh, Hunnie! We are not going to do that, okay!! Ever again!!! We’re just… not!!’

 

‘Yeah right, puh-lease, we can barely last a day – ‘

 

‘But that was because of this, right?? Because we..felt..like …’ Tao paused, clearing his throat, before waving his hand descriptively over their naked bodies, and blushing, continuing. ‘..ya know… and we were trying to hide it, and imagining what would happen if we got found out, and dreading everything and…. See, from the beginning, right, from our first fight, this was what it was all about! Keeping it secret from each other.. But now we don’t any longer have anything hidden, right?? No more secrets or anything!’

 

‘.....I’m not – ‘

 

‘-getting your hopes up??’ Smiling quirkily, Tao reached for him, pulling his face to his. ‘Sehun, I _love_ you, okay? I really truly absolutely love you. And I’m not saying we’re never ever going to fight, but..’

 

‘……. … Tao..I…’

 

‘But we’re not gonna be like that again. Okay?’

 

‘…mmh..’

 

‘Okay look, let’s make another promise.. like the secrets one, right? Only this time we’ll _actually_ really keep it.’ Looking him in the eye, the glimmer in their depths matching Sehun’s, Tao held out his hand. Slowly, blindly, Sehun held his out too.. both of them not breaking eye contact as they spit into their palms, just like the cowboys on TV they’d admired so as children, before clasping them together. ‘Okay, so from now on, whenever one of us thinks something – something we think we see or hear or know or feel, that in any way concerns the other person, that worries us, we _have_ to tell each other about it.’

 

Chewing his lip, Sehun looked away, his voice thick when he finally replied, struggling to sound casual, even brusque – anything other than the tearfulness he felt  ‘ Ergm…. erm… that.. Argh, that’s just dumb, like if I think you hate me, I’m not gonna say, Tao I think you hate me.’

 

‘YES you are!!! That’s exactly it, you’re gonna think I hate you, when in reality I’m probably just trying to avoid you coz I’m in the middle of planning some big surprise for your birthday I don’t want you to find out about, and then you’re gonna be all cold with me, and then I’m gonna think _you_ hate me, and we’ll be right back at the beginning again, see??? That’s exactly _why_!!’

 

‘….. _are_ you planning a surprise for my birthday?’

 

‘….. ……………. …….. …………………… ………. no, your birthday’s like, over, and its _months_ till the next one…’

 

 

 

 

‘….. you remember when my birthday is?!’

 

 

‘ …well.. yeah… April 12th…. ’

 

 

‘…. _God you’re such an idiot!!!!!!!!!_ ’

 

‘……………… huh?’

 

‘You– you-  Aarghh!! Okay okay, I promise, you promise, we all promise, now can we _leave_ , it’s getting late!! Stupid Tao.’ Huffing, Sehun dragged himself up, smacking at Tao a few dozen times for good measure – before groaning and flopping back down.

 

‘Se..hun?’

 

‘It _huuurtss_ , you asshole!!!!’

 

‘…isn’t it _your_ assho-‘

 

‘SHUTTU- oowww ow oww i think you _broke_ something – ‘

 

‘… Sehun….

………………………

……….

 

 _Sehun_!! Ohmy god Are you actually hurt?? Ohmygod!!! Oh my god, Sehun I’m so sorry!!! Does it hurt too bad – shitshit shit SHIT did we – ‘

 

‘Okay…. It’s – oh, stoppit you goose, I’m not really hurt okay, just….sore…..  – ‘

 

‘Are you sure??? How do we know?? We didn’t really know what we were doing, we were just – ‘

 

‘Yeah yeah, I’m fine, dumbhead stop panicking… I’m alright.’ Grinning at Tao’s total all-out alarm, Sehun patted him on the cheek, before holding his arm to haul himself up – groaning and sighing, wincing, but managing to stay on his feet. ‘and yeah we totally didn’t have a clue, it’s called lube, for fucks sake.’

 

‘…ohhh…right!! Of course, we should totally have used _lube_! Wow, I totally…. ah Well, never mind, we’ll get some on the way home, don’ worry~~’ Winking back at him, Tao climbed to his feet too, circling about the cavern picking up their clothes and handing his to Sehun.

 

‘Don’ worry?? Why would I worry, next time, its gonna be _you_ – ‘

 

‘Uh-huh, nope, it _has_ to be you next- ‘

 

‘WHAT!! Why the fuck???? You ass, it’s – ‘

 

‘Coz we _have_ to do it with you turned around the other way, duh~~ I – we _need_ to do it so I can see your butt while we’re - ’    

 

‘- AAAGHJKLLKLLSASRRRHGHGGHGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!  HUANG ZITAO, I’m going to KILL you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

 

 

………………..

……..

 

‘Sttoppp you idiot!!! I thought you were – OUUCHH stop you  - Sehun!!!!!! I thought you couldn’t move – _ouch_ – ohh that’s it c’mere you nut – ‘

 

‘No! No no no Don’t you even dare _– Get yo hands off_ me you jellyfish brain, you fish gut, you rotten piece of driftwoo-‘ Sehun kicked out at him blindly, but Tao was quicker – wrapping his arms around him, and lifting him in the air, twirling him about till Sehun threw his head back and hooted…

 

Only then did he let him down… slowly… along the length of his body..

 

Sehun twisting his neck to reach Tao as they kissed – long and deep..

 


	29. Chapter Twenty Nine - Loosen Up My...

 

 

 

‘C’mon, let’s go home’

‘Umm. As long as you carry me~’ Smiling smugly, Sehun prodded Tao’s nose – making him pretend to snap at his finger.

‘That can be arranged~~ here, hurry up, before you catch a cold’

‘Yes Mom~’

‘It’s kinda weird that you’d call me that… given..recent..-‘ 

’Shuttup you freak!! God you are _so_ weir- …….. ……………………………… Tao….’      

‘Hmm?’

‘Where are the buttons?’

‘Huh……’

‘The buttons!! On my shirt! Thi – wait I’m wearing it the right way out aren’t I – yeah, it’s – _where are the buttons!??_ ’

‘..Wtf are you talking about, look – ……. what the…..  Sehun, there aren’t any…. ……………….. Oh!! Ohohohohho~~~’

‘…you _freak,_ I can’t believe you – Stop grinning like an idiot, you idiot!!!! ‘

’Me?? I bet _you_ were the one who – ‘

‘Dammit this is such a cliché; I can’t believe you actually ripped my buttons off, uggh, this is so embarrassing!‘

‘ _You_ ripped them off yourself, I don’t even remember anything like that happenin’ – ohh look, here’s one!’

‘…………….. wow you found a button – _in the sand_. Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for the astounding Wushu Wonder boy~~ ’

‘Whatever, c’mon, just wear it like that, we’re at the beach, so its fine – get off my shorts though, you're standin' on em’

‘ _Whatever,_ it’s Tao’s shirt anyway, so it’s fine, ha.’

‘Is not, it’s totally yours~~’

‘Is not, it’s yours you dumb-head, I took it from your closet today morning remember? Stupid jellyfish brain~’

‘Is too, you took it from _your_ shelf in my closet, remember~’

‘I don’t have a shelf in your clos - What are you doing?’

‘Huh?? What do you mean, ‘ _what’_ , we’re leaving?’

‘You’re not dressed!!’

‘….yeah I am?  - Oh you mean……… oh no way, I am NOT wearing my tee.’

‘Ehehehe, why not, Taozi babe~~’

‘…..omg and you call _me_ the freak, you freak, there's no way – ‘

‘Tao!!! I’m serious, you can’t leave like that, we have to go back through the beach – the main beach, with all the people!!’

‘…yeah but it’s not such a big deal right, it IS the beach, loadsa guys don’t wear shirts – ‘

‘ _Yeah,_ but none of them have bleeding shoulders or…stuff.. ‘

‘…………………………….. huh… whoa omg you’re right, my shoulder’s bleeding!!!! Wai– this…

looks like…..  

 

 _teeth marks_?? The fuck??!

……….. ………

…

 

Oh mmy go- _Sehun_!!!!‘

 

‘SHUTTUP!!! Stopstopstop don’t you dare say a word!!!!!!!!!’

 

‘Seeehuuunnn~~~’

 

‘SHUTTUP!! STOP LOOKING SO PLEASED WITH YOURSELF!!!’

‘Whoa look, there's more – see – here, look it’s a hickey – and here – and _here,_ my my – ‘

‘Yrou-roury – _stop_!!! For that matter, that’s _nothing,_ look at _me,_ I’m the one – ‘

‘Whoaa…. – ‘

‘Oy!!! I said _look_ , not _touch –_ stoppit!! Why won’t you ever listen to me!!!’

‘I dunno, coz you look so adorable when you’re all huffy with me? Wow, your back, wtf did you _do!!_ It’s scraped raw!! Sehun, doesn’t it hurt!?!’

‘Of _course_ it hurts!! It stings like hell, but it’s nothing compared to…well…’

‘…awww my poor baby~~ ’

‘………….. …………. …….. Tao, I’m not five, kissing my hurt isn’t gonna make it go away.’

‘…ohh…well, yeah, you’re right, sorry, of course, I was ju- ‘

‘I didn’t say to _stop,_ I just said it wouldn’t work, but there's no harm in trying so you can continue…’

‘………. Yrfjkou……. ………. You…….. _monkey_ , c’mon, put this on, put on my tee and gimme your shirt, let’s get going, you haven’t eaten all day either – ‘

‘Huuhhhhh??? Why should I give you _mine_ , you have – ‘

‘Yes, but if you have a problem with ya know… everyone on the beach finding out, then you can’t wear a button less shirt flapping open, coz you have hickeys all down your stomach, and bruises, and…well…  ya know, so you need to umm…. ‘

‘…grff-mff and just whose fault is _that_ , huh, stupid dung beetle, does whatever he wants and then _I_ have to? Humph! I’m _not_ wearing that tee, it’s- ah……..ermm…..’

‘Hahaha, you should have thought of that before using it to…. Umm…’

‘Well, at that time I didn’t know you had ripped my shirt!‘

‘A. I didn’t, and B. – AHA, so you _do_ admit it’s your shirt!!’

‘Uggh whatever, give it here!’

‘..Eh! You’re really wearing it?’

‘Obviously you dumbhead, do I even have a choice, I’ll wash it in the beach below..’

‘Ohh, that’s a good idea.. and we can wash your back too, there's sand still in the scrapes.. I don’t wanna brush it out, that’ll hurt more, right? … kay, that’s everything right, let’s go – ‘ 

’Ah!! Wait, Tao, Primus!!’

‘We’re taking him?’

‘…….. Of course we’re taking him!!!!!! What’s that even supposed to mean????’

‘Well..ya know.. he’s been here all these years, he’s like.. the guardian spirit of the cavern, isn’t he..’

‘….. Tao….. are you even….. you’re fuckin _sixteen_  you dumbdumb!!!!!! ‘guardian spirit’?! There's no such thing!! Are you feeling okay?? You’re watching too much telly~~’

 

’………………… oh my _god_ , _werewolves_ are real, but there's no way _guardian spirits_ can exist??????’

 

 

 

 

 

Sighing, Sehun stretched, straining up onto his toes, before reaching for a new towel, wrapping it about his hair as he headed into Tao’s closet, mooching his way through the racks and shelves of clothes… Outside, the evening was painting the sky in opalescent dusk, the light reluctant to fade.. the full moon was already riding on the wind, a perfect spring yellow, round and cheesy; and the stars already starting to peep out.. the warm weight of his strawberry shampoo wafted around him, and sighing happily again, Sehun pulled out one of Tao’s tees and an oversized pair of PJs – checking to make sure they smelled super yummy and all Tao, before yanking them on.. ‘Uggf!!’ Sehun winced as he lifted each leg into the bottoms – even after soaking in the tub for an hour [and carefully and painstakingly removing all traces of discharges and such - which had been _waay_ more difficult that it sounded, there’d been like… _stuff_ , still like, _inside_ , for fuck’s sake!!], with every bottle of bubble bath the idiot had  [which was a rather surprisingly extensive collection] his body still ached; his butt, and places he didn’t even know the names of, deeper inside, sending up a constant throbbing pound… that flared to a blaze everytime he lifted his legs or moved at an angle…. even firmly telling himself he ought to be mad couldn’t still the voice inside him that was just crazily going ‘yehehehet!!!!!!’ – this ache was absolutely the most delicious thing, _ever_!!!

 

This was the most delicious _day_ ever!!!

 

‘Aaah-aahhh!!’ Sighing yet again with pleasure, Sehun closed his eyes, pulling the neck of the shirt up to rub it against his nose.. fuck sneaking sniffs at Tao’s clothes, now he could just…... omgomg it was so incredible, but right now, Tao could walk in on him sniffing at his things, and if he said ‘what are you doing’, and Sehun said ‘smelling you’, fuckit, he’d totally end up ripping those clothes _off_ him – to….. to… Sehun squealed, hugging himself at the thought – _shitshit who’d have thought – ohh dammnit it was soooo worth it, aaahhhhhhnnn…_ the way Tao looked at him now….  those eyes all hungry and burning and….

 

 _Kyyaaaaaannnhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck we totally just had sex, okay_ – _like..third base – fourth?? Aah, I dunno, but we just totally had sex!! **SEX**!!!!! _

 

_Me and TAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

_omgomgogmgomgomggommg!!!!!!!! Like we actually… DID **IT**!!!   _

 

_!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_**We're fuckin... WE'RE A FUCKING COUPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** _

 

 

_Shit okay breathe, me, breathe, calm…. Calm….._

 

The way Tao had just… put his hand _there_ –

 

The way he had – _nononoKYAAAANNNNokay Stop, Sehun, don’t even think about this now he –_

 

_Shit next time, ohh god he’d already – FUCCK dammit he was actually literally already planning ‘next time’?!!!!!!!!!!! like, going on all ‘no-oo we have to do it with you turned the oother way~~’ coz I have to……’_

_Fuck fckfuck that idiot that IDIOT stupid donkeybrain!!!!!!!!!!_

 

 

_Shit I really really wish I had someone to talk to about this – I mean, the only person I’d tell something like this to is.. HIM, and I can’t now coz it was him who… stuck the relevant parts of his anatomy into the relevant deficiency in mine. _

 

 

_…………………….. Kyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhnnnn omgogmgomg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

_God, and he is SOOO **into** me??!!! Like all the time – Sehun you’re so hot, Sehun you’re so tight, Sehun your butt….. _

 

Crawling back through the tunnel with the idiot squidhead behind him going on in waayy too much detail about exactly how ‘having his butt bobbing in front of his face’ made him feel…..

Sehun twisted around, craning his head… _is my butt all that hot~~ That donkey brain always goes crazy~~~_ He had to stuff his fist against his lips to stop himself laughing out loud in glee – damn it, he hadn’t even _done_ anything to like…….  – at one point crawling in the dark with Tao breathing down his..well… he’d – Tao had -  said something about how he was sure it was all thanks to his dancing – he’d said,  as if Sehun’s dancing wasn’t hot enough already, it had even turned his butt so bubbly, etc etc….  

_Goddamit, he really really had been noticing me all this while, hadn’t he… I mean, not about my butt or anything – stupid grasshopper – but my dancing….._

 

_Kyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

_Omg I really can’t breathe now_

 

 

Shaking his head, he quickly tugged the bottom of the tee straight – god it was so hot the way it enveloped him – smelling just like Tao, wrapping around him just like Tao did… He’d fallen asleep on the bus ride back and Tao had pulled him against his side, holding him close... stroking his head so gently…  he’d even carried him all the way back home from the bus stop, piggy backing him… it’d been so much fun, everyone had stared, and Sehun had happily waved down at them, smug and proud from atop his royal carriage and they’d all started laughing, waving back at him….  though Mrs Lin, on her way back home with her bags stuffed with vegetables from the market place, had been thoroughly scandalised at seeing her beloved Tao playing pack horse… He could even make Tao go in a particular direction by squeezing his knee, like a well trained royal mount - There had still been a whole gaggle on the street outside Mrs Chuo’s house, it looked like the news of the mysterious ‘gang’ had spread through the city, attracting a steady trickle from all the way across town – as they passed, Mrs Chuo had been standing by her gate, expounding on the huge gang of men, all with frightening masks and bandanas across their faces, who had surrounded the house with knives and guns; how they’d shot at the windows to break in, and run into her bedroom with their muddy, hobnailed boots clattering, brandishing their nasty evil knives at her, threatening to rape her and make off with her jewellery, but ‘my brave little snookums’ [who was currently happily mauling the front-liners of the entranced crowd] had chased them off.. Sehun had dug his knee into his side, and Tao had quickly ducked down, hiding behind the group of college kids right at the back and they’d managed to get past without her noticing them..

 

Looking over himself one last time, and tugging a few strands of hair into perfect place over his forehead - not that he cared about how he looked, or anything, you understand, and besides, even if he _did_ , it had NOTHING to with the oaf downstairs..or anything.. Sehun tripped his way lightly out of the room, flashing a ‘V’ sign at Primus, who was sitting on Tao’s desk, and headed down.. the maid had just been leaving by the time they got home, and Tao’s parents wouldn’t be home for another couple of hours at least – well, first of all he was starving, the first order of business was definitely stuffing his face – but after that…well….. yehet~~

 

Giggling gleefully to himself, he strode down the corridor, following the sounds of Tao’s voice – he’d showered quickly first, then left Sehun soaking in the tub.. he was probably watching TV or something, kekeke  - _for now_ , Sehun was planning all sorts of distractions..

 

‘No!!’

‘No it’s not _like_ that, that’s why-‘

 

_Ehehe, it sounds like he’s on the phone, awesome!!!!!  We are totally playing ‘try and keep your voice normal, while I…’_

 

 

‘Will you listen to me, I’m trying to – ‘

 

 _Eehh~~ I wonder what he’s going on about, he sounds quite serious~~ Stupid dumb head~~_ grinning – somehow he couldn’t _stop,_ he’d been laughing since forever, like his muscles were frozen wide, a bubbling fizz popping through his body, tingling through his skin and freezing his face in a grinning rictus…Opening his mouth to call to him, Sehun turned at the door post, yanking on the edge of the tee shirt he was wearing – supplying the dual purpose of displaying to Tao he was wearing his clothes – plus showing off his collar bones and shoulder, of course –

 

 

When he froze

 

 

All trace of the smile fading from his lips, a cold, inexorable vice gripping his chest

 

 

 

His knees weakening so he was clutching at the wood, without even realising it, his fingers turning white as they held him up, his ears ringing –

 

 

 

 

 

As Tao’s voice echoed clearly through from inside the open door..

 

 

‘No, that’s why – please, just listen to me a moment, Mai, I _do_ love you!!’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_…no……_

 

 

 

‘Mai, we have such fun, you’re one of the _closest_ people to me … every moment we spend together, I enjoy them soo much!! Tha-‘

 

 

 

 

 

 

_……….No……….._

 

 

 

 

 


	30. Chapter Thirty - Ohana

 

 

 

‘No, that’s why – that’s what I’m trying to say, I DO, I really do love you – it’s just not the same, it’s not in _that_ way anymore…. It’s not you, it’s totally me!! But I really want us to stay friends if possible…’

 

 

_Huh…….._

 

 

_What is he…_

 

 

‘I…well…. Well, I guess you could say that I met someone new, but it’s not really..well… _new_.. -‘

 

 

 

‘EEHHHH!!!! How did you know it was Sehun!!!!!!!!!!????????????’

 

 

_What the hell…._

 

‘Eh…ehh~~ really?? Ah, I never realised it myself.. ehehe, was I? ‘Always interested in him’, huh… well, ehehe of course I would be… I mean.. obviously I would be bothered by everything he did and stuff, I mean… I mean, it’s _Sehun_ , after all, he’s just…. He’s so amazing!!!!!!’

 

 

_…………… …… erm………_

 

‘Oh my gosh, Mai, you know the way he licks his lips?? Like, that habit of his, when he’s – oh oh ohh, and have you noticed how he flips his hair? He just runs his hand through it like that~ and fluffs it up, and it’s just so damn silky and fine, it falls – ‘

 

 

‘………………….. Why are you yelling?’

 

 

‘Huuhhhhh???? But you were the one who started talking about him!!! I didn’t say anything!! But I mean, it _is_ true, right? Ya know, he’s _just_ the same as he always was, from the very first moment I met him, back when we were kids… God, n te think how mad I was coz I thought he’d changed so much… hehe, dya remember how pissed I was all that last month in school, after we fought n he moved out n stuff?? AH!! And you were the one who kept tellin’ me to talk to him and fix it, right?? Aaaahhh I should’ve listened to you, I just wasted a whole month when I could’ve been – See?? This is what I mean, I love you! You’re such an awesome friend; you give the best advice ever!! I mean, it’d have worked too, coz all that while I kept bitchin on about how he’d changed… he really hasn’t, Mai!! It’s so cute, he’s so damn stubborn and proud and god, is he strong –I swear, he’ll never ever run from a challenge, even when he ought to know better.. kekekke it’s just… aaahhhh it’s so adorable, but at the same time, you can’t help being kinda.. in awe of him, right??’

 

‘Mai? Mai, I can’t understand what you’re saying- Mai!!??’

 

‘I can’t understand what you’re saying!!! Anyway, where was I…… Ah! And he’s soooo utterly good looking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My god, I just can’t get over it.. no matter how many times I see him, it still takes my breath away… God, I am _actually_ the luckiest person alive, Mai, you have no idea, his expressions sometimes, they’re just  –  

 

I…I guess…  

 

 

Actually I… I guess it was my fault, I was lying to you all along.. to myself too, lol, but that’s no excuse –  I didn’t realise it….  it was him I was in love with all this while.. right from the beginning, there's no one else I’ve ever looked at; there’s no one else I’ve ever wanted…. I mean, I would’ve never even asked you out or anything if you hadn’t reacted that way when they brought out the chocolate cake at that party.. Sehun _loves_ chocolate, you see, he’s absolutely in love with _anything_ chocolate –Ehehe, when we were kids, he used to say ‘choco!’ for everything, like ice cream? Choco!! Bubble tea? Choco!!...and when he finally gets some – god his face – and when he eats it- Mai, it’s unbelievable – he closes his eyes, and almost moans out loud, his fingers curl into his palms – it’s just _utterly_ -‘

 

 

 

Abruptly, Tao – who’d looked like he wouldn’t stop anytime in the next year or so, suddenly fell silent – Sehun, who’d been banging his head in frustration against the door post had finally had enough – this was too much, even he was feeling bad for… _that woman_ …  - bursting out to careen to a stop in front of him, waving his hands wildly, and glaring at him, trying to get him to stop –

 

‘…ehh…?’

 

‘TAO!!!’ Sehun mouthed at his blank face, stamping his feet, crossing his arms into giant ‘X’s’. ‘STOP!! Stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just – _god_  - Stop. Talking!!!!’

 

‘….eh?’

‘Arrgh!! Look – say sorry.’

‘…….. sorry…?’ 

The level of volume streaming from the phone he was holding increased sharply – and Sehun waved him on, nodding encouragingly. ‘Sorry.’

‘…Sorry.’ Hesitantly, Tao repeated after him again

‘I’m really really sorry.’

‘..I’m…really really sorry….’

‘Now hang up.’

‘Now hang – er – AH!!’ Quickly, he snapped the call off – fumbling and almost dropping the phone in his haste – and shock, over the sudden extremely infuriated yell that exploded from it.

‘ Give it here.’

 

‘…er?’ Frowning, but still obedient, Tao handed him the phone. Deliberately, Sehun took it, folding it into his hand as he firmly strode over to the TV, placing it on one of the shelves of the stand that stood to one side, bearing dozens of CDs and DVDs. Turning around, he just held up a finger as Tao stepped forward, now even more bewildered – something in his face making the hulk stop short..

 

Purposefully, Sehun stalked over to the couch..

 

 

Picked up the biggest, hardest cushion amongst the many cosily smothering it..

 

 

Stalked back over to Tao

 

And  – holding the edge with both hands, he brought it down on Tao’s head – and again, and again, whacking Tao, all over his arms and head and back

 

 

 

‘Seehuuuunnnnnn!!! Sto-‘ spluttering and yelling, Tao finally managed to wrangle it out of his hands – but Sehun wasn’t having any, even deprived of his weapon he fisted his hands, punching and kicking at him – till Tao wrestled him to the ground, folding his arms up and sitting firmly on his legs – ‘Sehun!!!!!!!!What the _fuck_?????’

‘…yoro- rouy – you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You!!!!!!!!!!!!! What were you _doing_???????????’

‘…ehh…? That…I… I was just…. ‘

‘You _idiot_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s it, I wanna break up!!!!!!!!!!!’

‘…………..huhhhhhh??????????????????’

‘…urou – you!!!!!!!!!! You – just -  AAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHHHH!!! I Hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

 ‘…………Sehun….are you really mad? But… I’m sorry, I was just – I was just ya know… breaking up…. thing… with Mai, ya know… coz she all like, texted me, and I just realised I was officially still  going out with her and shit, coz like, ya know, smiley face smiley face, kissy face heart heart heart, so I texted her back straight off, saying like, we’re through, sorry, we’re breakin up, ya know, and then she called me all-’

‘……………………… you texted her saying you wanna break up?’

‘…well…yeah… I mean, it’s just a formality at this point, right, that’s so over… lol, it was over even before it began, she was just a stand-in for you… I mean, there were so many things, I can’t believe I never saw it before, like when she puts her feet on my thigh – that’s exactly how you used to when I was tying your laces, remember? Man, it always got me going.. oh oh oh, and she has this lip balm – strawberry flavoured, of course – that looks exactly like she just licked her lips, it’s like, absolutely the _sexiest_ thing ever on the planet, _ever_ – fuck she even has this _abnormally_ cute mole on the side of her neck…. I mean, god, it’s so obvious in hind sight, right! All this time, everything that turned me on was something that subconsciously reminded me of you, lol isn’t it-‘

‘OHmy _god_ STOP TALKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

‘…………. …………. Eh?? Sehun, are you really really mad??’

‘YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES I AM!!!! I HATE YOU!!! And secondly, I HATE chocolate!!!!!!! And thirdly, I- ‘

‘Eehh… that’s too bad, ne~~ coz I just remembered we still have a whole bottle of caramel-chocolate syrup in the kitchen, I was thinking we could take it upstairs … but~~ since you hate me.. _and_ chocolate…..’

‘……..          …………………………………………        …………….             that big bottle your mom got the day before yesterday?’

‘Yeah~~the bi-ig one, the extra thick syrup~~’

‘……………. And we can finish all of it?’

‘Yeah, she got it for us, anyway… lol she totally doesn’t expect to see that again~~’

‘………… ………………… …………… Okay, go get it.’

‘Ehh????? But I thought ~~~ Sehun hated me.. and chocolate….~~’

‘I’ll hate you after an hour or so, now hurry up.’

 

Wisely, Tao forbore from crowing – man, he really did want to – but there would be plenty of time ‘an hour or so’ later for that, ne~~  biting his lip – _hard_ – to stifle his grin, he went through to the kitchen, closely followed by a Sehun who was fixedly keeping his head down, his chin tucked into his chest..

 

_Ah.. he’s still ..walking awkwardly too… aahhhh it must still be hurting ne… it’s my fault…._

 

Filled with a sudden gush of determination-  to make it up to him, make him feel so good he’d totally forget all about the pain – _fuck just hold on, you’ll see my Hunnie~~_

_Ah! And I can’t let him move!! That’s okay, I’ll manage – I just have to do everything myself. That means… first I’ll get him down.. then I have te get him out of his clothes without letting him move…. – nope, **My** clothes, he’s wearing my clothes. _

_……………………_

_……._

_You bloody dim-witted dickhead, dammit, ‘m trying to stay in control here you idiot!!!!!!!!! As if that isn’t hard enough already!!!_

 

 

Shaking his head, Tao pulled open the cabinet, reaching for the bottle – the plastic wrap was still over top, the cover gleaming and new, the syrup inside so thick and creamy and rich it barely flowed as he jostled the bottle around – purposely shaking it about right in front of Sehun, watching the naughty gleam that glowed in his eyes through the demurely lowered lashes _this is **so** unreal… he’s so perfect – even more than I ever knew… he’s so perfect!!_

 

 

Slowly, his wrist stilled – the bottle coming to a stop, hanging in mid air. Confused, Sehun looked up at him.. his lips falling open in an ‘O’ as Tao stepped towards him… before the answering demand rose the colour on his cheeks, and he titled his chin up slightly – every bit as bossy as ever, his little imp – and grinning, Tao curled the fingers of his free hand around that imperious little chin, angling it higher – he could feel the tingle under his fingertips; the feel of Sehun’s skin hot wiring his blood, making it burn as he leaned in.. Sehun’s freshly bathed, strawberry flavoured skin… radiantly cool..

 

 His glistening lips..

 

 

‘Ah!! I’m so tired, Tao-er, can you get out the groceri- …. Eehhh….’ Mrs Huang stopped short, one hand still massaging the opposite shoulder as she narrowed her eyes at the two boys who had sprung apart at her entrance, hurtling to opposite ends of the room with the most suspiciously innocent expressions…

‘Okay, what are you two up to?’

‘Nothing!! Nothing, mom, the groceries, right, in the car, ehehe, yes of course, I’ll – ‘

‘Ah!’ grinning, she strode forward, blocking Tao’s way, and reaching behind him – in spite of craning backwards away from her as far as he could, his progress was hampered by the solid block of the counter, and she had her hand around in moments, prising away the bottle she’d glimpsed him hiding behind his back.. ‘Ehh… were you two trying to steal my syrup~~’

‘No!’      ‘No!’    ’Absolutely not!!’  Laughing, she tossed the bottle onto the counter, and shooed them out. ‘Well, get all the groceries in and put them away, and I’ll think about letting you have it, now go on~~’

……………………………………………….

 

_…………………_

_Oh! That’s right, there's nothing…… iffy about syrup per se… she obviously has no idea what we meant it for!!_

Sighing with relief, Tao held the door open, moving aside so Sehun could go through, before following him. ‘Man, that was close!’

‘All coz of _you_! Stupid pervert!! Paedophile!!’

‘….we’re the same age!!!’

Gasping in mock-outrage, Sehun kicked his ankle. ‘You’re a whole _year_ older than me, grandpa!!’

‘..it’s kinda weird that you’d call me that..ya know, given… recent…-‘

‘Shuttup!!!! Stupid Tao!!!’ As Sehun punched him in retribution for pulling that line on him _again_ , Tao caught his wrist, dragging him along. ‘C’mon, we’ve to earn that syrup~~’  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘Here, Sehun, have some more chicken – here, serve him some – ‘

‘Ah! Thank you!! Aahh, I shouldn’.. but this is soo good! You’re the best cook _ever_ , Mrs Huang!’

‘Aww~~ _darling_!! Thank you!!  Ah! Take the big one! Honey, give him that piece – the meaty one-‘

‘Moomm!! You’re spoiling him!!’

‘Ara, Xiao-er, when I just came in I was thinking, you have put on quite a bit of weight since you came home, ne~~’

‘Ohh, yes, you have to be careful or you’re not gonna fit into any of your clothes~~’

‘That’s right! Here, let me help~~’ Joining in as both of his parents teased him, Sehun shot his chopsticks into Tao’s plate to steal the slices of stir fried beef he’d heaped up in a mountain right in the middle – making Tao yank it off the table, out of reach, while yelling at all of them – Sehun laughing so much at the idiot he was nearly choking, when, to Tao’s even greater indignation, he got told off by his mom for ‘playing with his food’.

‘So, you two went to the beach today?’

‘Ah! Yeah dad, we were there all day, it was so much fun!!’

‘Ehh… you should have told us, one of us would have driven you down, ne’

‘Mmnm, it was fine, we took the bus-‘

‘Aah, see, you had to take the bus… We would’ve driven you down-‘

‘Mom, it’s okay, we were fine‘

‘They’re big boys now, ne~~’

‘Yup! We can manage on our own!’

Smiling, Mrs Huang reached over to pat the side the Sehun’s face as he firmly assented with Mr Huang. ‘That’s true ne… already so big..aaah-ah, I still remember, it was just like yesterday when you-‘

‘MOOoomm!!! Noo!!’

‘- When you two were chasing each other up and down the beach, throwing your clothes off-‘

‘MOOOMMM nooo!!! No embarrassing tales from the past!!’

‘especially when they’re actually descriptive of the present~~’ Sehun whispered at Tao under the guise of picking up the napkin he’d dropped – making him snort and struggle, trying his hardest not to laugh out loud as his mom continued.

‘- and running into people, and stepping all over the tourists buried in the sand, and- ah! The time Tao ate 4 ice creams and threw up all over-‘

‘Oh my god, Mom!!!!! Stop!! Not that one!!’

‘Poor Sehun got so scared for his friend, he wouldn’t stop crying, and -‘

‘I wasn’t crying about that!!‘

‘Eh? ’

‘ Yeah!! Who cares about this pig, I was crying at all that chocolate going to waste!!’

‘ Sehun!! That’s so mean!!!!!’

‘What ‘mean’, you dumb head, just wasting all of that  - that was the Delectable Choco-Chunky Crackle Special, remember, he just started selling them that day, chocolate ice cream on a stick, all chewy and thick in the middle, with a hard chocolate covering outside with about a hundred  chocolate coated nuts embedded in it…. Aahhhh…. and you had _four_ and… just… ohh the horror!! Oh, The humanity!! You don’t deserve to _eat_ chocolate, you ..you…’

‘ _You,_ you!! I can’t believe you were worrying about the _chocolate_ over your best friend!!!! I could’ve _died_!!’

‘It’d have served you right~~’ Sehun stuck his tongue out at him, setting him off about how he’d even abandoned his brand new water gun on the beach that one time he’d thought Sehun had been bitten by a crab, just to get him to a grown-up; how he’d been so worried about him, he hadn’t even _thought_ about it till _days_ later – when Sehun cut in with a coldly polite reminder that it had been _his_ water gun, not Tao’s - and Mr and Mrs Huang rocked over the table laughing at them

‘Oh dear.. ooohh my side hurts..’ wiping her tears, Mrs Huang sat up. ‘Sehun dear, I can’ believe you still remember that ice cream so perfectly!!’

‘Of course~~’ Smugly, Sehun picked up a piece of chicken, popping it into his mouth delicately. ‘I remember _all_ the good chocolate I’ve ever had!! Remember that chocolate pudding you made that week after Tao’s birthday, Mrs Huang? That one’s still top of my list! The chocolate crumble.. and the layer of mousse.. and treacle.. it was sooooo yummy!!!! And thank goodness this idiot was running a fever and couldn’t eat any hahhahaaa!!!’

That set them off again, so it was a while before Mrs Huang had regained control enough to ask, ‘Did you two get more ‘choco’ ice creams today?’, her voice still hitching with giggles

‘Yup~~ Tao took me to the new place, that shop on the promenade’

‘Umm, that one Mrs Jung’s aunt owns, mom, at the end of the walkway?’

‘Aahh, mmm. Mmm.. they have a sort of café place right? I hope you ate some proper food, not just ice cream.. at least a couple of sandwiches or something…’

‘……erm…….’

‘Well, I had a parfait, it had fruits in it, and stuff, so… ohh and biscuit rolls – so that’s like, a complete meal, right!’

‘…No….’

‘Ha! See, I knew it!! You two… What am I ever going to do with you, if you’d _just_ told the maid, she’d have made up a picnic for you to take, wouldn’t she!’

‘….ohhh..oh that’s right!! Well, we left before she came, but..’

‘A picnic sounds awesome!!! Next time, we’ll totally get her to make up a basket!!’

‘Oh oh oh, we can get those tiny little packaged roulades from Yuki Nai-Nai’s! Does she still make those?’

‘Haaa!! Yeah, if _Mr. Friskums_ hasn’t bought out the whole lot as usual~’

‘Oh, that reminds me, did you two go past Mrs Chuo’s?’

 

……………………..

………..

‘Ah! Yes Mr Huang, there was such a crowd about!’ Sehun cut in quickly, trying to draw attention away from Tao’s suddenly glassy eyed look.

‘Ah!! I feel so bad, ne, I thought it was the usual-  ‘

‘Yes, can you imagine, in our town!’

‘That’s right, I never expected anything like this could happen here!’

‘She was saying they shot her windows up..’

‘They targeted her specifically, almost like they knew she was living alone…’

‘It’s horrifying!! I bet they scouted out the place beforehand… that’s what they usually do, right?? An old lady, without even a live-in maid or _anyone_.. all the other houses around have either entire families.. or like, Widow Fu, she has a whole battalion of servants living with her….That they would target the _one_ house that… Ne??!!’

‘Yeah! And a street like ours, someone would definitely have noticed a stranger hanging about, _watching_ the place, right?? That’s what’s even scarier – if it was someone from our town itself who…’

‘Oh, I feel so terrible, leaving the boys alone.. I’m going to take another week off from work, we really can’t- ‘

‘NO!!’

‘NO!!!! No, Mrs Huang, we’re perfectly fine!’       ‘We’re absolutely alright, they’re-‘   ‘no one’s gonna attack us!’     ‘Besides, it was probably just a..’    ‘a prank or something, I really don’t think there was a gang after her!!’     ‘That’s right mom, you know how she is..’       ‘It was probably just a prank!’

‘Prank!! Don’t be silly, who would sneak up to an old lady’s house in the middle of the night, with guns and knives and what-not, _on a prank_!!’

‘That too living alone..’

‘You boys are just small, you don’t know what the world is like!! People will… _do_ things…. Especially to two little things like you!!’

‘Mom…..!! We’re not _little_ at all!!!’   ‘we can totally take care of ourselves!’   ‘Yeah, why did you make me learn Wushu all these years!!! I can totally defend myself – and him – even _if_ someone was after us….which they totally wouldn’t be!!’    ‘Yeah, I bet she imagined a lot of it.. even if there was _some_ grain of truth in all that, I bet loads of it was just exaggerated!!  ‘Anyway, Mom, you really don’t have to stay back!’  ‘Yeah, Huang Tàitai , we’ll be absolutely fine!!’ ‘Yeah Mom, go to work!!’ ‘We’ll be _fiii~ine_!’

‘….Ok-ay..what’s going on?’

‘Yeah, what’re you two up to?’

‘…..what?? Us????? Nothing……..’

‘Yeah!!’

‘Oh come off it, why are you so eager to get me out of the house, huh~~ what are you planning~~’

‘Nothing!’     ‘Really!! Nothing!!’

‘That doesn’t sound like nothing’

‘Mom!!! Dad!!! We’re not five and six okay, we can be left home alone, sheesh~~’

‘Ohh really~~ and this wouldn’t have anything to do with the syrup you were trying to sneak, right~~’

‘…………………………. Err………………..’

Laughing, Mrs Huang scraped the last of the chicken from the big bowl into Tao’s plate, pushing her chair back to go get the cheesecake she’d bought from the new patisserie on her way home.

‘Well, at least _this_ mystery is easier to solve than Mrs Chuo’s; why the two boys want me out of the house – the clue being, it involves chocolate syrup~~’

‘Ah!! I think I know!’ Mr Huang grinned broadly, turning to his wife. ‘Honey, remember that time we were having a dinner party out in the garden? When Sehun’s dad got that promotion at work..’

 

 

‘Hmm… yes, it’s coming back to me now…. We invited the whole street..’

 

‘You two women were in the kitchen all day… and we were setting up the barbecue outside….’

 

‘Oh, we started prepping the day before!! But, yeah, all of that day, we were busy cooking… we were making some shrimp, and all the marinating….. steaming celery and bean sprout… apple slaw, and there was this zucchini and squash salad too… a cream n corn pudding.. and bacon and potato sliders… and the pièce de résistance was this giant torte..’

 

‘You had gotten the recipe from Yuki Nai-Nai..’

 

‘It had like a bazillion layers.. chocolate, and whipped cream.. flakes from a chocolate bar, strawberries and raspberries and chocolate ganache….’

 

 

‘and of course - chocolate syrup..’

 

 

 

‘We’d gotten bottles and bottles of chocolate syrup, big new shinning brown bottles, and we left them in the Oh’s house while we made all the salads and sides over here…’

 

 

‘And we were doing the barbecue in the garden there, of course, so we had all the bottles of barbecue sauce in their kitchen, ready for when we were gonna get grillin’…’

 

 

‘………. Oh God, I think I remember this..’

‘Oh my God, I remember this too!!’

‘It wasn’t our fault, the bottles looked _exactly_ alike, how were we supposed to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

‘Yeah!!!!!!! We heard Mom saying she’d put the chocolate syrup over there, so we just…’

 

 

 

 

Mrs Huang, who was bent double with laughter, clutching at the counter, straightened halfway up, sobbing with guffaws. ‘At any point, did it not strike you geniuses that it didn’t taste at all like chocolate syrup, and maybe you should stop??’

‘That was the brilliant part – they were so determined, they kept drinking it – it must’ve tasted _awful,_ an entire bottle of barbecue sauce each.. but they wouldn’t quit, they just kept on swallowing~~ Aah, so hard working, ne~~’

 

‘ _We_ _thought it was the chocolate syrup!!_ ’

 

 

‘Oh, and remember, we couldn’t find them, it was right before the party was to start, and we were searching for them _everywhere;_ we had to get them bathed and dressed before the guests started arriving, and these two were _nowhere_ to be found… ’

‘You got so mad, thinking they’d gone off somewhere to play, after you’d specifically told them not to wander of…’

 

‘ _Well we hadn’t wandered off, had we!!_ ’

 

‘Oh no, we found you two nearly passed out under one of the tables we’d put out in the back…’

 

‘Ohh dear, I don’t know what it was, the corn syrup? They were positively boozy for _days_!!!’

 

 

‘We… thought it was the chocolate syrup…’    ‘it was supposed to be the chocolate sauce…’   ‘Yeah, it might’ve tasted somewhat wrong, but it was _supposed_ to be the chocolate syrup…’   ‘If anything, it was _your_ fault, you were going to kindergarten, you _ought_ to have been able to read the label on the bottle!’   ‘ _My fault_???!!!! I didn’t know how to read that much yet, I had just started going!! Besides, _you’re_ supposed to be the chocolate expert, the only reason I kept drinking even though I thought it tasted wrong, was coz _you_ didn’t say anything!’

 

 

Mrs Huang, dropped the cake on the table just in time, before she went off into hoots again at their doleful accusations – catching Mr Huang’s eye and setting both of them off even harder…

 

 

 

‘I think they’re planning on recreating that torte! They were so devastated they couldn’t have any~~’ Wiping her eyes at last, she winked at them – the boys had been laughing too – it was silly looking back at it now they totally remembered how upset they’d been over not getting any of the torte…  - even after they’d been through being sick, they’d stayed in bed, just sulking for _aages_ \- even their nervousness of the topic under conversation [the syrup] driven away by the recollections…

 

 

‘Well, if you’re planning on cooking something, make sure you clean up the kitchen after you, alright………. ’

 

‘And do NOT burn down the house.’

 

‘Oh dear..’ Mrs Huang stopped with her knife halfway through the rich, strawberry drizzled glazing. ‘Now I really think I should stay back from work tomorrow…’

 

‘Moommmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

 

 

‘Oh, by the way Mrs Huang, we ran into Mrs Wade, she said Book Club would be at the Liu’s place this week?’

Sehun winked in reply to Tao’s mouthed gratitude at his brilliant move distracting her, as Mrs Huang frowned. ‘Oh dear!!’ Grimacing, she went back to cutting out big slices of cake for everyone, pushing the teetering piles onto little saucers she handed to them. ‘All those cats!!’

 

‘Cats?’

 

‘Mm. They have like, 50 cats – strays, pets, you name it… they take in every cat that happens to wander by, and they set out food for the rest… it’s sweet I guess, but boy, that house could use with some air freshener!’

 

‘Yeah, like a dozen industrial grade ones.’ Snorting, Mrs Huang picked out the strawberries from the side of the remaining cake, layering them on top of Sehun’s slice, making him gleefully thank her, and stick his tongue out superiorly at Tao – who stuck his nose in the air, claiming he didn’t even like strawberries  – before secretly leaning in as his mom turned around to replace the cake in the refrigerator, and his dad bent down to dig his fork into his slice, to whisper ‘I’ll rather taste it on you, anyway’  - turning Sehun such a brilliant red, he had to drop his spoon and duck under the table to hide his face.

 

‘Finish off the rest of that cake tomorrow, okay, loves, ask the maid to make some coffee with it, that’ll taste good.’

‘Yes mom’   ‘Thanks!!’

‘So, what plans for tomorrow, then, besides setting my kitchen on fire~?’

‘Moomm!!’

‘Nothing much actually, we just thought we’d stay in..’

‘Watch some DVDs..’

‘Yeah!!! There's that whole shelf in the living room, we haven’t seen any of those movies, right, we’re gonna marathon them!’

‘..ehh? Which shelf?’

As Tao turned to him quizzically, Sehun started ticking off on his fingers.

‘The shining.. The exorcist.. The exorcism of Emily rose..’

Immediately, with broad grins splitting their faces, Tao’s parents joined in - ‘the grudge, the ring..nightmare on elm street, and the conjuring..’

‘The Blair witch project.. ‘

‘Oh, that one was good! And Rosemary’s baby, of course… and what was that movie with all the bugs taking over the town?’

 

 

‘..………………… …………….  I’M GOING TO RUN AWAY!!! ALL OF YOU ARE SO EVIL!!!!!!!’

 

‘Oh dear, Xiao-er, I had to throw away your Scooby-doo backpack after your last attempt, we’ll have to get you a new one if you’re planning on running away again~~’

 

‘Don’ worry, you chicken, I’ll protect you from all the terrible ghosties~~’

‘Ha!!!! _You_??! The one who’s still afraid of werewolves?!’

‘Ehh~~ I think we have that werewolf movie, too, don’ we honey?’ Archly, Mrs Huang raised her eyebrows at Mr Huang, all innocence and charm – and he answered in kind, neither of them looking at Sehun. ‘Oh yes!! That one where all those kids turn into werewolves and start ripping the townspeople open~~ yes, you should watch that too~~’

 

 

 

‘…………… I’m running away with Tao.’

 

‘Oh dear.. so two Scooby-doo backpacks, is it, I’ll need to add that to my shopping list tomorrow~~’

 

 

 


	31. Chapter Thirty One - Ace

 

 

 

Even as Sehun defiantly yelled out that he wanted Perry the Platypus, not Scooby-Doo, Mrs Huang had gotten up to lean into the living room, where the phone had abruptly started setting off a raucous peal. Cradling the cordless receiver against her shoulder, she was back in moments, laughing as she spoke into it.

‘Oh, just fine – though apparently they’re planning on eloping together.’

Laughing even louder, she pulled it away from her ear, turning to Sehun and holding it out to him. ‘Your mom said to make sure to pack lots of warm clothes, and remember to change into clean underwear every single day~’

‘Moommm!!!’ As Sehun reached for the phone in affront, Tao quickly stuck his fork in his cake, stealing all the strawberry slices in reach and taking a giant mouthful, his eyes closing with exaggerated pleasure as he swallowed it – not all the way of course, he still left a sufficient crack to peer for Sehun’s reaction – which wasn’t long in coming as he yelled at him, grabbed his plate back and scurried off into the living room. Grinning in satisfaction, Tao stood up and stretched luxuriously, before hefting up the big pot that had held the beef and carrying it over to the sink. As he helped his mom clear the table, they could hear Sehun’s voice coming from the next room through the open door –

‘Oh, we went to the beach… It was _so_ much fun, just like in the old days – but waayy more crowded! Till we went off to our super secret base, eheehe~’

 

‘No Mom, the lake is our _secret_ base, this is the _super_ secret base, on the beach ~ we even found Primus!’

 

‘Mom!!! Primus!!! The robot!’

 

 

 

 

 

In the kitchen, Mrs Huang turned to Tao. ‘Robot?’

‘Our robot toy!! Primus.. you remember right, mommy, that action..figure..kinda toy I got after that movie, we kept carrying him around everywhere we went that year? We found him - He was in our super secret hideout all this time!!!! I was _so_ surprised, I’d actually forgotten all about him – well, right until I saw him there and… I can’t believe I don’t even remember leaving him there! Isn’t that crazy – for ten whole years he was right there! Ehehe, Poor guy, all alone…. But he’s home now~~ He’s upstairs~~’

‘…… Tao…. Wait, _What_!?! You picked your toy up off the beach???!! Tao! You-‘

‘No, mom, not the _beach_ beach, it was from our secret base! It’s perfectly safe, there aren’t any.. disused needles stuck in him or… anything weird at all, ehehe, he hasn’t been touched in ten whole years! No one ever goes there… No one _can_ get in anyway, the entrance to the tunnel was always really secret – _hidden_ , ya know, and it’s gotten even more hidden now - the only way to the cove is past this beach where nobody used to go – n now they _couldn’t_ , that whole stretch is actually underwater! No one could find it, or even know it was there - It’s _only_ Sehun’s and mine!! …..Well..well, I mean… what I mean is, no one’s gotten into the caves in all this while, so no weird germs on him momma, he’s as clean as the day we left him~~ And…… and even _if_ someone did somehow find the opening, they’d have to go through all of the tunnels – it’s like a labyrinth in there! In the dark? Ha, No way! And now when the tide rises it _floods_ all the way in -  ‘

‘….. I’m liking this less and less.’

‘Mommy~~ ‘ Laughing Tao came around to hug her, rubbing his face against her cheek. ‘Don’t worry, it’s absolutely safe. We know our hide-out inside out~~ N I’ll even boil Primus in disinfectant if it’ll make you happier’

‘Oh alright ~~’ Smacking a kiss on his head, she dampened the towel she was holding, going over to run it over the table. ‘I bet it’s not as dangerous as you make it out to be, I know you, the boy who’d freak out if someone made you climb a tree?! Go on with these tall tales about an underwater beach and a secret cave!! Just think of all the sea cockroaches~~’

‘……….. Sea…. Cockroaches…………….????????’

‘Yeah! Big red things, as huge as your face - with wings, so they can fly out at you~’

‘…………………………………………………….there’s…… no… such thing…….’

‘Ehh??? What are you sayin’, don’t you know about Sea Cockroaches?? They live in caves – in the dark.. big and red with long wavy antennae, and sharp bristles on their legs… they especially like undisturbed sea caves.. they live in huge tribes, and fly out at you, land on your face and start walking over your skin – hundreds and thousands of them -’

 

 

 

‘………………………………. …………….’

 

 

 

 

……………

 

…….

 

 

‘Ohh alright, alright, I was joking! Don’t start crying now!’

‘..I’m…not……’

‘Ohh baby, it’s okay, I was just making that up!! There's no such thing, alright~ Here, have some more cake, here… don’t cry, alright? That wasn’t real’

‘..o….kay….can I have the part with the chocolate spiral? – yeah, that one….thanks!’

‘….well, that’s a 180’ She laughed, looking at his little smug smile, which just moments before had been threatening to start bawling. ‘But……… Just be careful, alright? And watch out for Sehun~ he’s not spent all these years running about here, he’s not used to all this, so make sure you go at his pace -’

‘Of course mommy! I’d **never** get him into anything dangerous or.. or… anything that would hurt him _at all_!!’

 

Laughing, she kissed him again, wiping the cream from the corner of his mouth with the ball of her thumb, before waving him off. ‘Ehehe, I guess I don’t have to tell you that, you’ve always taken good care of him, huh~’

‘Of _course_! He’s my …. bestest best friend! Plus you’re worrying too much – Sehun’s… actually super strong, you have no idea.. He’s a real tough kid, mom, I’m the one who can’t keep up! He’s super brave, and he’s super strong; he just _looks_ all slender, soft and curvy and delicate and so fragile and preciou– AH!! I mean – erm – ah – weak – ya know.ehehe..ehe..ehehe.. arrmm… like.. like a girl, I mean, he just ermm.. _looks_ like that, but actually he’s really strong.. he’s really muscular and physically strong, his core strength’s amazing; plus he’s super fast on his feet – light and so flexible! Dya know, he can actually reach – ah! Aahh..ermm.. well, that doesn’t matter either.. of course…  Erm…

Ermm..well, basically, well.. he’s really really really strong – much more than me -  even something I would be frightened of, if he wantsa do it he gets so determined, gets his will up about it, he can totally do _anything_! He’s so far above me, I wouldn’t stand a chance against him~’

 

‘……………..   Whoa…..‘ For a moment, she just gaped at him open mouthed, before turning about with a smile to swill water into the dishes in the sink. ‘…wow~~…’

 

‘………… what????’

‘Eeehhhh~~It’s nothing~~ Just _…_ the first time I’ve seen you say something like that….’

‘…eh?’

‘Be so happy and proud of someone like that…. You’re positively glowing!’ Laughing to herself, she shook her head slightly. ‘Ahhhh, honestly, I was worried there for a bit…. since you came home, I thought…..

 

 

…………… oh well,  I guess it was just nothing, ne~~ You two are just as close as you always were~~’

 

 

‘….…..Oh… ohh you noticed that, huh… ah.. umh.. we…. kinda.. ya know.. we were just fighting a bit back then – ah!! Ah, but it was nothing, really – I mean, we’re always fighting, but it’s not serious, just fun..so…’

 

As if on cue, from the living room, Sehun’s voice rose again ‘No mom, I just had one parfait!!! Tao had more anyway~~’

 

‘Did not!!’

 

‘Did too!!!’ Sehun immediately yelled back at Tao’s indignant cry –

 

‘Did not!!’

 

‘ _Did_ too!!’

 

Glancing around to check that the table was cleared and everything put away, Tao kissed his mom goodnight and headed out and up the stairs – pausing right at the top to bellow down – ‘DID NOT!!’ before hurtling into his room and slamming the door, only his giggles drifting in the air –

 

‘Did TOO-!! Ah, he’s gone upstairs’

 

‘Good, maybe now you can stop _YELLING IN MY EAR!!!_ ’

 

‘…oh….ohh sorry mom!!’

 

‘So, what else have you two been up to, hmm~~’

 

‘Well…. Well, today we went and played on the beach, and found our –‘

 

‘ _Super_ Secret Base, yes you already told me that part’

 

‘Well, the water comes all the way onto the beach now, mom, its changed so much! Oh, n our goldfish!!’

 

‘Goldfish?’

 

‘The ones we got at that festival remember?’

 

‘…Mmmhh…’

 

‘We’d left them in these pools – in the rocks? They’re so _huge_ now, mom, even though we didn’t feed them or anything, they’ve grown _ginormous_! Mr Huang said that’s what happens to all these aquarium fish usually – if you put them in a big enough pool, they grow big! So Tao and I are going to get some and put them in our lake too, all sorts of really pretty ones..  Ah! We went to the lake yesterday – oh my gosh, mommy, it was soo funny, see, we found the vine – the one we used to play on, it was still there? So we thought we’d try to swing on it like we did back then – out onto the lake.. it’s wonderful, the spray from the waterfall hits you just as you swing out, and you’re rushing through the air like _whoooshh!!_ It’s sooo awesome!! So we held onto the vine and-   ‘

‘You swung out on the lake on a vine??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh Sehun, are you mad!!!!You’re not … _Tarzan,_ you could’ve been hurt!!!!! What were you thinki-‘

‘MOOMMMM!!! We did it all the time when we were small!! If we could do it safely when we were five, why not now???? It’s perfectly alright, mom, it’s totally safe – if worst comes to worst we fall into the water, and the drop’s not that far – listen, so anyway, we held onto the vine just the way we used to – ‘

‘Hhmmmm.’

‘Mommy!! Don’t sound so disapproving!! This is a really good story!’

‘Alright alright you daft child~’

 

‘Mmmooomm! Okay, well, we both got hold of the vine, and we pushed off – and it was _just_ like always – the wind, the spray… the water’s all around you, and the drops are just shooting at you, icy cold… aahhh so amazing!! We reached all the way to the waterfall almost, almost into the fall, and swung back through the air, it felt like it was the waterfall that was rushing away from us, the wind pushing it off – and right then -  suddenly – _suddenly_ out of nowhere – there was this sound – like a creaking, ripping, tearing sound….  and the next moment we were falling through thin air!! First a jolt – then the sky was upside down, and my stomach almost came out of my mouth, it was so scary, I thought we were dead!! And right then-  the next _millisecond_ , we splashed into the water – a huge SPLASH!! And we were in the water – the muddy swirl, it was everywhere, in my eyes and nose and mouth, and I couldn’t breathe – I thought we were goners! – my whole life flashing before my eyes – well, it would’ve, but everything was happening so fast! – and I was trying to remember those death-bed prayers – ya know.. -  I was so terrified!! –  and then, suddenly, I hear Tao yellin’ at me – like, from really far away, his voice screaming, _sit up you idiot_! – and I did – and the water barely came up to my ankles!! hahhaaaaaa…………….’

‘Sehun…. I think you should come home-‘

‘Mommy~~ ehehe, stop teasin’, I’m having the best time in ever!!! Well.. the best time in ten years!!.... No, no, in _ever,_ it’s even better now than before, it’s soo much fun!!’

‘You think it’s all fun and games till someone really gets hurt, Sehun!! This is so dangerous!! What were you thinking, you-‘

‘Mom! It’s totally fine… after all, we’re boys, right.. we’re _supposed_ to play around like this!! Playing around running through the beach, and exploring the woods, and diving into the lake.. everyone else just doesn’t know what they’re missin’! Besides, Tao’s really good at taking care of me, he’s always watching out for me, so you don’t have to worry at all.. he knows Wushu, ya know!’

 

Sehun’s mom’s snort burst in a puff of air through the phone lines – this old line again, her boy had always found it so thoroughly fascinating….  Even that very first day when he’d gone away to boarding school, n she’d called him in the evening, ill-prepared to deal with the tears she was expecting, definitely certain she’d break down too, her little baby away from home and all by himself, so far away from her… – but hardly had the call connected when her _baby’s_ hyper excited squeals had burst around her going on about how Tao was still doing Wushu, he was in the Wushu club, he was the captain of the whole entire club even though he was only in second year, he was so good, even better than the seniors, he’d won this competition and that tournament – oh, and they were rooming together, this was the best moment of his life, thank you both so much for letting me stay, etc etc..  

‘Oh, you and your Tao and his Wushu; go on with you’

‘..Bu.. Bu.. But it’s true!!!!!!! Tao is awesome!!!!!!! And… playing around like this is soo much fun!!!!!!’

‘Well…well I guess it _is_ better than having you stuck with your head inside the telly all day~~ or on one of those awful games..’

‘Right??~~ Oh, and then today, we went to the beach – there were all these kids there, at the balloon man’s – mom it’s the same guy!! The same man selling balloons as ten years ago – he looks _exactly_ the same!! We were chasing each other around the beach- up and down, and I was running from that Wushu gorilla, I …’

 

 

 

As Sehun told her all about all the fun they’d had, his mom slowly started humming along – abandoning her misgivings as he excitedly retold all the tales that reminded her of her own childhood.. and of that wonderful year they’d lived back there, in the lovely villa next door to the Huangs.. He sounded so… well, she had no other way to describe it, but _free_.. like something.. some weight, some tension that had been wound about him all these years had been lifted… more enthusiastic than she’d heard him be in a long long time, like he was her little five year old trouble maker again, and years away from all the teenage attempts at laid back ‘cool’… the reserve that had affected his behaviour in the intervening years blown away, that sense of wariness she’d always noticed around him suddenly, wondrously missing… his happiness unapologetically, robustly bubbling through the line all those miles away -  his laughter making her feel so nostalgic and painfully happy, the wistful noises slid out of her throat as she wished she could be there too. When they’d finally said goodnight, blowing kisses through the receiver across the ocean, and he handed the phone back to Mrs Huang, and she settled down to talk to her friend, she realised she wasn’t the only one – the nostalgia painted Mrs Huang’s voice too, as she regaled her with the story of how they’d trooped in the day before covered in mud, the twigs and leaves and various other detritus dripping off of them – they’d actually walked through town like that, hadn’t they, the idiots!! And it seemed they were trying to redo the barbecue sauce incident – with syrup this time, of course - Soon, they were screaming with laughter, reminiscing over the old days, retelling all their favourite stories; Tao’s mom saying how lively and fun her house had gotten after so long, and how happy both the boys seemed – both of them wishing Sehun’s dad and she could come down for a few days, too…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Smiling softly, Sehun crept upstairs, easing the door of Tao’s bedroom open gingerly – he was sooo gonna get back at the giant mothbrain – ha! Did he think he was just gonna let him have the last word, after stealing his strawberries, no less??! _Muahahhahaa, no mercy!!!_ The lights were off, as the door slid open; the room lay bathed in darkness save for the light of the full moon – slightly less swollen than last night -  washing silver through the midnight blue.. the freshly sunned futons the maid had laid out before she left gleamed a pure, downy white, and an electric glow sparkled over Tao’s face as he scrolled down the page he had open on his phone. Carefully sliding in, he gently pushed the door closed and sidled over to crouch behind Tao – he was engrossed in the page he was looking at, totally unaware of Sehun’s presence – this was perfect, even the horror movie marathon would be nothing compared to this – hahaha, before he was through, the idiot is gonna be wishing he was _in_ Saw –

 

 

But as Sehun leaned forward to breathe heavily in Tao’s ear, though, the page he was looking at caught his eye – and startled, he fell back – before slowly, unbelievingly, crawling forward again…  

 

 

It was…

 

Some sort of…

 

 

 

Well, right at the top of the page the curly, sparkling lettering spelled out ‘The Yaoi Fan’s Handbook’ – the giant flashing type doing nothing to obscure the header pic beneath it, the picture of..

 

Well………..

 

 

As Tao scrolled down the page, there were loads more pictures – flashing gifsets and even video clips..

 

Like.. a…. err….. for…..

 

Cept Tao – coz Sehun really didn’t have the words for names to call him that were sufficient at the moment – was studying them super _super_ carefully  - like he…

 

 

Pausing at the pic of one guy bent over a table while the other one..

 

 

Another of a guy in some sort of cowboy outfit, twisted sideways whilst a fireman……

 

 

 

Tapping his finger thoughtfully against the picture of the guy who was… strung up… on this like …system of ropes and pulleys and levers… black leather and spikes…  with a ball gag in his mouth, a trickle of spit leaking out the corner of his lips so clear even in the small image, his eyes rolled back in – something – Pain? Pleasure? - an expression that had Sehun..feeling… really… _strange_ … - Pain? Pleasure? Was there a difference? - …. inexplicably… _breathless_  -  while underneath, this other guy was  –

 

 

But right then, just as Sehun gawped at the image, Tao muttered something under his breath – and this close he could easily decipher the softly drawled out murmur of ‘Whoa, Sehun would look really good in this!’ –

 

 

_OOOHHHHHH THAT’S IT!_

 

 

Yowling like an enraged wildcat, Sehun flung himself over Tao, scratching at him – grabbing his phone, and hitting him over the head with the head with the edge of the casing, making sure he got in the full strength of his arm behind the strikes – all the while yelling – sotto voice – so his parents wouldn’t hear, spitting and hissing abuses and swears  - the fucking – the _fucking_ asshoollee!!! He was really – ‘You ASSHOLE- AREYOU RELLAYY -  YOU THINK WE’RE ATUALLY – ‘  hitting him over and over with the phone that he’d just been – looking at _that_ sort of thing on –   _planning??!_

 

 

This stupid donkey ass monkey brain stewed dog breath weasel fried jellyfish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

‘YOU FUCk’ – Sehun’s voice hitching accidently high in his outrage – ‘iNG PERV!!!!!!’

‘Se-‘

 

‘YOU HORNY ALPACA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

‘Sehun sshhh Mom’ll - ’

 

‘GO AND CHEW CUD YOU COW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

 

‘……………………………………………… you _do_ know alpacas aren’t from the cow family, right? They’re camels…’

 

 

‘GO AND CHEW CUD YOU CAMEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ Sehun yelled with even more vehemence if anything, not daunted in the slightest, though he did raise an eyebrow [mentally] at this demonstration of the idiot’s knowledge of zoology [while making sure he kept his glare fixed, there was no need for the idiot to see he was kinda – just a teeny weeny little itty bit impressed] [well, not impressed impressed, just…. Ya know…] [it was unexpected, that’s all] [yeah!] [stupid idiot! Ha!] ‘GO HUMP THE STUPID DESERT YOU GIANT CUD SPITTING FUCK!!!’ - 

\- The next second, another sound burst out – so odd for moment, both of them froze – it was so odd, right there, right when they were just getting hold of each other, like this super weird tailed on continuation to Sehun’s swearing  – a voice - and another, a conversation without any dialogue, just deep grunts and answering groans – but not them, not either of them; unfamiliar male voices raised in effects that were already embarrassingly familiar –

 

_‘OOhhhhrr’_

 

_‘Ohh that’s it!’_

 

_‘Ohhhh yeeaaaaahhhh’_

 

 

_‘OHH babyyy~~~ fucck yeah..fuck just like that…’_

 

 

……………..

 

 

 

For a  moment in incomprehension, they stared at the earphones that had clipped out of Tao’s phone in the scuffle - the wire twisted about Sehun’s fingers, the buds swinging uselessly through the air – and the noises filling the room, moans of encouragement that……

 

 

 

 

 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

‘ShitshitShit’   ‘Tao- SHIT!Get-‘   ‘Ah!!Quick!!!!!‘     ‘ turn it off, TURN IT OFF!!!’

 

 - squealing for altogether different reasons now, the boys scrambled for the phone – their hands getting mixed up as in their panic, they kept dropping the darn thing, which merrily bounced over the pillows, the sounds of pleasure, the moaning and slapping and grunts and – in a heart-stoppingly scary moment – the cry of one incredibly deep, husky, manly voice telling the other dude ‘fuck baby, I love your big fat hairy cock in me!!’ - growing louder and louder –

 

_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

-  Till at last, Tao managed to grab hold of it, prising his hand out of Sehun’s to reach the flashing electric light, to flick the back cover and battery of his android off in one shot – before flopping back down, panting, onto the covers, like he’d just run a marathon – slamming both hands over his mouth to stifle the sound of his breathing as they frantically hushed…

 

 ‘shit….’

 

Holding their breaths, they listened –

 

 

 

Their stomachs flipping over at each creak and rustle from outside the door; peering with their hearts in their mouths at the light still shining through under the crack at the bottom of the door from the landing beyond…

 

 

………..

 

 

But only silence filled the house.

 

The doorknob stood undisturbed, no shadows falling onto the moonshine skittering over the floor…

 

 

 

 

 

At long last – after what seemed like hours, but in reality was only about 5 minutes, Sehun flopped down too. ‘……ah….ah..huh… my heart….’

 

‘Shit I can’t breathe….’

 

‘Why’d you take out the batt too, you dumbhead?’

 

‘………….. coz you freaked out and pulled – the sound!!! N then _obviously_ , I freaked out!!’

 

‘…….. of course I freaked out!  YOU PERVERT! Were you actually…………………………….

 

………………………..

 

Waitaminute………..What’s……. that…’

 

‘…erm…. What?’

 

‘Your face…’

 

‘……….. my face?’

 

‘Why does it LOOK like that….’

 

‘……… hey, it’s my face! I was born like this!!’

 

 

‘……………………………..no….that…..’

 

‘…………..ermm…………’

 

‘OH MY GOD!!!’

 

‘…….. Sehuuunnnn -  Stop!! Don’t **think** , don’t try to figure stuff out, you’ll only - ‘

 

‘ _You ASSHOLE !!!!! You KNEW!!!! HOW!!!!’_

 

‘Whr-whaa – hahahahhheehehe - Sehun-gerroff!!! _Ouch!_ Dammit it’s like you’re getting stronger everytime, chu-ahh!! Not – _SEHUN_!  Oh, hohoho, Is this supposed to be the hold I took you down with on the beach~~’

 

‘HOOWWWWW!!!!!!!‘

 

‘Wffh! Ouch! Whaa~~ look at that, your grips’ gotten so strong~~ ehehe, you learn so quick, dontcha~~’

 

‘I don’t want to hear that from you!!  Stop your face you – ‘

 

As Sehun tried to push him off, pressing both palms into his face, Tao was leaning in, planting facetiously sloppy kisses all over him, going ‘Ohh who’sh sho shtrong~~who’sh the fastest learner~~ who’sh my shehun~~’ –  Till Sehun, burning fiery all the way to his ears in second-hand embarrassment, _honestly what the FUCK was wrong with him, how could he do stuff like this without wanting the earth to open up and swallow him up, didn’t he ever feel any shame!!!!!!!!!!!! -_  gave up and punched him firmly in the middle – sinking such a good one even the Wushu idiot let go of him to clutch at his stomach, falling about moaning.

 

‘If you don’t stop it, the next one’s gonna go somewhere its gonna hurt a lot more!!’ Panting, Sehun narrowed his eyes in warning – but Tao only twisted upwards, one cheek still pressed into the futon as he winked at him, for a moment a particularly handsome masquerade mask. ‘If you do, the one who’s gonna lose out in the end is you, though~~’

‘……………. SHUTUP – who would – whyw ou – I – aarrghh!!! Just tell me!!!’

‘…what? Why you’ll be the loser? Well, I assume the ‘place that’s gonna hurt more’.. is the one that is gonna be used more by you from now on than me, right, coz -’

 ‘SHUTTUP YOU PERVERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS _OBVIOUSLY_ not WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT, I _meant_ , Tell me how you knew I was there!! _Here_!!’

 

‘Ouch!! Okay okay alright, Well, duuhhh~~ I heard you ‘ _sneakin’_ up the stairs, you elephant’

 

 

 

‘…………… but…………….

 

But………

 

 but I was being super quiet!!! I was being all ninja!!!’

 

‘…… Muhahahhaaaa your ninja is no match for this invincible Wushu master~~’

 

‘You idiot!!!!!!!!! You’re just a giant _stupid_ , you did that on _purpose_ , finding the site and posing with it, just coz you _knew_ I’d freak out!!’

 

‘..well..initially…yeah, that _was_ the idea, but Hunnie, there _is_ some ..rather…interestin- OYYYY!!!  Stop!!!  - interesting stuff on here – like really great idea – OUUcchhh!!!!!   Stoppit!! – _really great ideas… -_ _SEHUN!_ Not there! - look, let me just switch my phone on, I'll show you - and they even have links to sites to buy this ….equipment – you’d look _soooo_  incredibly fuckin' good in some of that stuff, did you see the suspension thing, wasn't i- Ouuuchhhh!!!!’

 

 

 

 

 


	32. Chapter Thirty Two - Love Poems

 

[a/n] i just tried out something with this chapter, the writing style.. lol, it was ~~totally~~  kinda difficult, so i'm totally not gonna do it again >//

ps. some parts are.. like... fluffy.. even for me.. lol, sorry~~

pps. the random weird changes in font are coz... the right aligned, italicized parts [that were meant to also be in a smaller type, only AO3 wouldnt let me >//< ]are like.. >intimate< so you havta read 'em in whisper in your head.. lol, sorry, i have NO idea what i'm doing.. >//< [like seriously, i'm just ya know.. learning while writing and trying stuff out..so..]

 

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

 

But even as he grabbed at Sehun, trying to stop the attack, he was pushing him down – sliding his legs over him…

………………………………………………

………………..

_..... Aahh Hunhun... How do you... do this…_

 

_…what…_

 

 

_…this…_

_strawberries… You always… taste…. like strawberries…._

 

 

_….. ehehe…ass…. We just had…..  some, right…._

 

_…na… like real strawberries…._

 

_….huh??  Those strawberries…we ..ate… were real!..._

 

_…no..i mean.. yeah.. but… I mean… you taste more like strawberries than strawberries do… ya know….._

 

_No I_ don’t _know~ Ehehehe stupid Tao, What the hell is that supposed to mean?_

 

_… I dunno…..god.. every bit of you…_

 

_…. Ehh~~ Every bit~~??_

 

_Uh-huh!  Here…_

 

     _….And here…._

 

_And here…_

 

_And most especially ….here…_

 

 

_Kyyunnfff! Tao!! Stoppit don’t – don’t put – your mouth!!! –_

 

_Stop being so selfish_

 

_SELFISH?????????_

 

_Yeah! Keeping all this yumminess to yourself~~_

 

_For – god! – Tao!!!!! You big STUPID IDIOT!!!!!_

 

 

 

Even as he grabbed at Sehun, trying to stop the attack, he was pushing him down – sliding his legs over him… the warm, soft, velvety comforter enveloping them, the sheets so smooth and satiny….

_…_ _……………………………._

_…………….._

_Ffrhvvbffffffffbbss!stop!! Huang Zi-stupid-Tao, gerroffme – get off!! Idiot!!  ssffbff – that ti-ckles!_

_You have the cutest little belly button~~_

_Stop that!!_

_I’m claiming this¬_

_…. Ffheheheessbfff – ahh ah.. fhhehehe..Tao – stroopp I can’t breathe -  ahh… My stomach?_

_Yup~~ it’s so pretty~~ see how it curves.. mmbfbfbff soft~~~~ slender.. and delicate….. It’s mine! from..now on… ..  it’s all mine… from.. here… to..here… and everything in between~~_

 

_Eeehhh~~ that’s so mean, ne~~_

 

_…huh?_

 

_Tao only likes my stomach… he doesn’t want the rest of me~~ aa-ahhh… just dumping.. everything… else.. so easily…._

_……………….. …………………._

_…………  AH!! No no no I didn’t mean it like that!! I want every single bit of you!!!!!!!!!_

_Nope! No don’t touch me, go away~~_

_Noooooo~~ Sehun~~~ I’m sorry!!_

_Nope~~ don’t – you can only touch my stomach, nothing else, so don’t even –_

_Nooo I’m sorryyyy forgive me, I want every every part!!!!!!!!_

_Na-ah, you were the one who said it, now you can’t go back, you’re not getting anything else~~_

_….fine!_

_Fine!!_

_Fine!!!_

**_ Fine _ ** _!!!!_

 

_………………….._

 

_…………………………._

 

_Okay you can have the rest, now kiss me properly!!!_

 

_Ehehe~~~_

 

 

 

 

so smooth and satiny .... floating over their skin like they were bathed in clouds.... 

_Psst~~_

_Hmmbm….. ah…ahhh…..hhmmm?_

_I still like your stomach best~~_

_……………………………… …………_

_Ahhwaahh!! I was kiddin!! I was kiddin!! I love everything~~_

_NO!!_

_..awww cmon Hunnie~~~ I’m sorry!!! whadda I gotta do~~_

_……………._

_I’ll do anything! Forgive me~~ pllleeaasssee~~_

_Any..thing~.....??_

_Absolutely!!_

_……… well….._

_Yes?? Anything you want, anything at all!!_

_…well… in that case…. You could start by……_

 

 

 

 

\- only the feel of each other rough and insistent in the cool dark night…

_Hey….._

_Hmm?_

_Can I tell you a secret?_

_Yeah~~_

_I… actually….kinda….  like…. it when you’re being a big stupid idiot… ……  even.. though I… keep scolding you for it…._

_Hey_

_Hmm……?_

_Can I tell you a secret?_

_Mmm…_

_I like it when you keep scolding me all the time like you do ~~_

_….rea…ally….? don’t you get mad? On the inside…_

_What!! NO!!!! I **love** it!!  I l-o-v-e… abusive… Sehun_

_………………………………._

_………_

_………….. ………………… ……grf-ffmf – stupid idiot Tao!!! What are you, some sort of masochist!!???!!!!_

_…...maybe I am, huh~~_

_………………………… AJHGSAKJH!!!! I TAKE IT BACK!!! I DO NOT like it at all!!!!! There's a limit to – you big donkey brained retarded llama – hey – What’r- Oyyy!!! Put me down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop – stop it – stop it – this!! See, I hate this even more, you keep …manhandling me, this is the thing I hate the mostest!!!_

_…ah…uh….. yeah…?_

_Mmnnhh…nhhohh…oh.. – ahm – yeah!!!!!!!!_

 

 

 

The smell of soap and shampoo, the freshly laundered sheets, their clothes…

_Hey… Zi.. Taozi..._

_...ehehe, why the zi twice~_

_coz i felt like it!! shuttup n listen to me!_

_yes yes, what is it, your majesty~~ - ah! is this another secret~~_

_.....maybe...._

_ohh wait, lemme guess! Errmm.. you think i'm the greatest awesomest person in the universe!!_

_...no._

_You wanna spend the rest of your entire life as my personal slave coz I'm so awesome~_

_HA! You wish!!_

_You wanna spend the rest of your entire life as my personal pet?_

_........ do you wanna die?_

_Ehh~~ Whhyy~~ you can be like my doggy~~ AH!! i think that site had like, collars n stuff, ah - wheres my phone, if you'll just let me-_

_I will kill you. Like,_ _seriously_ _KILL YOU kill you._

_eehehee okay okay, i'll let you pretend you totally don't wanna do that even though we both know full well that you're just~ drooling ~~ in the mouth at the idea- OOH- Ooowwwwwww!!! Sehun!!!! God, that actually hurt - see, you even nip like a puppy- OUuuchh!! ok ok sorry sorry, c'mon, tell me the secret~~_

_I don't wanna now. Stupid Donkey WushuGorilla._

_Aaawww heyy~~ Hunnie~~ i said i was sorry, c'mon~~_

_No. Die._

_Sehunnie~~_

_.......... go to hell_

_Who'sh my liwwle cootie patootie puppy wuppy kins~~_

 

 

_.............................................................._

.............

 

 

 

 

_Ta-oo~~_

 

_Uh…ah?_

_Can I tell you the secret now?_

_keke.. yeah.._

_Promise you'll behave, first!_

_..yreaahh……_

_Ssoo... ermm...…. that I.. I mean… that wasn’t .. in truth, it’s kinda… hot.. how strong you are .. I mean… like, when you hold me – see.. your hands.. so strong… and when you hold me to you.. your muscles, when I feel .. like.. contracting against me…  I mean I like that you can…uermm…._

 

_Manhandle you?_

 

_….shuttup!!!!_

_………………………….. yeah…………._

 

_Even though I’m a Wushu gorilla? Eheheheeeee~~~~~~_

 

_………….. okay, that’s all, change the subject now_

 

_Well, I love doing that, though… I love how you fit into my hands, in my arms.. I love your weight so much – light.. but solid and warm, like you’re really really **here**..ya know… _ with _me.. and… how I can do that - lift you about when I want… being able to push you down, I never ever ever could have hoped – dared to hope…  you’re so … fragile, I – ah! I don’t mean weak or anything like that, at all, ehehe trust me, I know how strong you are.. but ..i.. when I hold you like this, you seem so delicate… fitting in my fingers… so soft and slim and …I just never wanna let you go, I wanna take care of you and protect you no matter what, ya know? So precious when I touch you, it’s just….  god it’s … just…  so damn fucking hot!!!!!!_

_I said, CHANGE THE SUBJECT!!!!_

_Hey!!_

_What!!!!_

_Can **I** tell you another secret???_

_WHAT!!!_

_.. I also love it when you boss me around like that~~~~ especially when it’s just you trying to hide how hard you’re blushin~~ _

_………………………………_

 

 

 

The breeze wafting in light and cool in the chill of the spring night, bearing a faint hint of salt from the sea that painted the horizon in ink

................................................

.........

 

_Hey… Tao.._

_…hmm?_

_Tell me another…._

_Eh…? Secret?_

_..yeah…._

_Well…okay, this is a good one.._

_Okay~_

 

 

_…. It’s a really huge secret…._

 

 

_Ohh…okay! Tell!_

 

 

_…aah…. Okay…here goes…_

 

 

_Yeah???!!_

 

 

_…………mmm_

 

 

_Tao!!!!!! C’mon!!!!_

 

 

_I love you._

_………….._

_…………………….._

_………._

_You’re shocked right?? Wasn’t that a super big secret~~_

 

 

_….asjhdahsgd!! what secret!!!!!!!!! that was the worst!!!!!!Those sort of lines SUCK!!!!! That’s not a secret, you say that all the time!!!!!!!!_

 

 

_Ehehe… well, I don’t want you to forget.. ever. I love you, Oh Sehun~ I love you I love you I love you……._

 

 

_Shuttup!!!!!!!!!!!_

_…………………….._

_………._

_……………. Why did you stop???_

 

 

_…er?? You told me to shuttup!!_

 

 

_…………….. literally the_ only _time you listen to me, n it’s when you weren’t supposed to_

 

 

_Hehehe, okay okay, what do you wanna know?_

 

_…………well……….. well.. like… okay, since when did you…ermm.. ya know.. start to like me?_

 

_………………………………. …………………. ….AHHH!! Thats too embarrassing!! Ask me something else!!_

 

_….eeehh??_ Embarrassing??? _You don’t even know what that means!! Huang Zitao,_ embarrassed _??_ _The guy who every day does and says things so embarrassing they would just blow up any other guy who tried, without the slightest bit of hesitation???!! No way, so spill!!_

 

_…… what!! I_ do _get embarrassed too, ya know!! There's no way I’d answer something like that………._

_for free…_

 

_…………… okay, whadda ya want…_

 

_A kiss_

 

_….huhhhh?? we kiss so much already! We’re kissing..right..now!!_

 

_Na, **I** kiss you all the time~~ I want **you** to kiss me.. like you did..ya know the..first time, in the cove… but like, totally hot.. n I’m gonna sit here doing nothing, and you have to kiss me_

 

_……………………… no way!!!_

 

_Fine! I’m never tellin’, then~_

 

_………….. Tao!_

_No_

_Tao!!!!!!_

_Nope~~_

_Tao~~_

_Pout all you want, you’re not getting through me this time~~_

_Wkjahs why – so mean!! You’re being so mean to me!!You’re being cruel!!_

 

_Yeah, that’s not working again~~_

 

_……………………………. Fine! Okay, alright, answer n..then.. .I’ll.. ya know…_

_What? Say it~_

_…… kiss you…_

_What?? I didn’t quite hear that~_

_SHUTTUP!! Tell me!!_

_…ermm.. what was the question~~ ehehe I forgot.. already…._

_Tao!!! When did you start liking me!! Like.. like like, ya know….how did you start… ermm…liking me…_

 

 

 

....................................................

............

 

 

 

_Sehun…_

_Ah?_

_I take that back_

_…eh?_

_About earlier, I mean, your stomach is not my favourite part_

_~~ eeehhh is that so~~_

_Yup~ it’s **this** -_

_Oyy!!!sto-taaooooooo-don’t –_

_Wigglewigglewiggle~~_

_Huang Zitao!!!!!!stop- oommOOMMMMmnnf_

_… ehehe, that was an interesting sound~_

_Laksjdjhstop!!!!!_

_Hey.. don’t do that, don’t cover your mouth, let me hear you~_

_Mmbmbmb!!_

_Sehun~~c’mo- ah!!_

_….wha..at…???_

_Ah – whoa…Sehun…..  your butt has my handprint on it.._

_WHAT???!!!! What-wah- let go!! -  ahh I can’t see –_

_Whoa!! I didn’t even hold it tight or..all that hard!! Why is it so sensitive~~_

_STOP INVESTIGATING!!!! JUST LEAVE IT ALONE!!!!!!!_

_Aaaahhh oh no, it’s fading – ah! Sehun, don’t scream okay, I’ll just-_

_NOOPPE na-ah, whatever it is, no, no no no, whatare you –_

_Eh? Ah, don’ worry I won’t smack hard-_

 

 

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. No. no. no smacking. You’re not smacking me. I am not getting smacked. There will be no smacking. No._

_No._

_No._

 

 

_Really? You hate the idea?_

 

_YES!!!_

 

_Really?_

_YESSS!!_

_~~reeaaally~~~~~~ then.. just..why… is this…. All… haarrdddd ~~_

_Th-akjahs-that is NOT an argument – iasjhda – that’s – jus- first of all, stop giggling!!!!!_

_But~~ you look so cute!!! Have I ever told you how adorable you are when you are blush?_

_….no……well.. not_ properly _.. ._

_Well you are!! All pink and shy.. but somehow somewhere, you look so pleased with yourself too, ya know~ ah!! Ah ah just like that!! When you chew the corner of your lip and look away like that!! God… you’re so cute!!_

_…mmm.. how cute~~_

_The cutest ever!! Mmmnn… cuter than…_

_Than?_

_Pokemon!! Cuter than puppies!! Cuter than…ahmm… er…_

_Stop comparing me to cartoons!! And animals!!_

_…ah!! Okay okay, cuter than Zhang Xinyu, Cuter than Liu Duoduo, cuter than…_

_.. Miranda Kerr?_

_Haaa?!??!?!  Kekekeke ass, YOU’RE the one who likes her!_

_..well..yeah.. but who’s hotter?_

_You¬_

_Ehehe, you’re just saying that~_

_No I’m not!! I’m serious!! See, she doesn’t even have half as sexy a butt as you!!_

_…rea…ally…._

_Yeah!!!_

_Just my butt?_

_..wha-no! no, all of you!!!_

_Eehhh…_

_NO, I mean it!! Your face, and your body and your flexibility –_

_Wha- heeeheeee ah she’s flexible, man_

_Na, you’re better~~_

_Eehh~~ so I’m like.. the absolute cutest?_

_Uh-huh!_

_In.. the whole world…?_

_Yes!!_

_More than… anyone…else?_

_Yup~~_

_And Tao likes me best?_

 

_Absolutely bestest._

 

 

 

 

 

Even as he grabbed at Sehun, he was pushing him down – sliding his legs over him… the warm, soft, velvety comforter enveloping them….  the sheets so smooth and satiny, floating over their skin like they were bathed in clouds – only the feel of each other rough and insistent in the cool dark night…

The smell of soap and shampoo, the freshly laundered sheets, their clothes…

 

The breeze wafting in light and cool in the chill of the spring night, bearing a faint hint of salt from the sea that painted the horizon in ink

............. a pointed, bubbly scent of the champagne that they’d been drunk on in the afternoon… their need for each other…

 

Moonshine and strawberries… liquor drowning…. Sehun’s skin… his lips reaching for him, glossy in the drunken moonshine.. soft as strawberries.. warmed and mulled.. …

 

 

Gleaming silver, Tao’s fingers chasing the shadows across his stomach… his neck.. blue as they ran down his spine, blue then midnight, full then hollow, like trembling ivory keys…

 

Cool and sleek, Sehun’s touch against his chest.. curling down to his hips…feeling..

tasting…

 

 stroking…

 

Their rhythm budding slow and long, unstinted….

 

luscious…

 

rich, decadent chocolate, pouring over their flesh in ripples, thick and creamy and dark… sweet and just a tad bitter…  

Chasing the umber with his tongue, the devil’s food that was Tao’s taste… the smooth strength of the thighs that gripped him enrobed in cocoa..

like truffles and fudge and mousse all melted and trickling down over him, spilling into his greedy mouth…. the buttery droplets that were dribbled deep into Tao’s skin, an inescapable honey trap… so sweet… so intoxicatingly addictive…

smoothest couverture..

 

 

The frantic, chilli pepper fire of the afternoon replaced by silver mead.. drawing slow and long and potent… learning… watching.. breathing…

 

Breathing……

 

Puffs in tones of nutmeg and ripe peach exhaled over their skin and setting the little hairs on edge, raising, stiffening in response to the seduction…… inhaling straight from his throat, Sehun drawing the breath from him to swallow it down so wet and suckling he couldn’t give enough….

Breathing…..

 

Unable to breathe…..

 

Curaçao blue whispers hypnotic in the hushed little gasps as their names cleaved the moonlight, soft and light as the petals of a hurtsickle flower as they whispered.. praying.. pleading…  crying…

Isabelline secrets… traced by skin against skin, hushed through their breaths, through their touch, secrets hidden even from them, whispered by their bodies to each other…

 

The stars in the sky outside dimmed by the blaze, glowing instead under Sehun’s skin, budding in his giggles in the heaving of his chest, like the beautiful fluttering light was drawing Tao’s heart straight into him..

 

The centre of the universe

 

His whole world

Wrapped in his arms

 

Refusing to close their eyes – even as they kissed, the midnight reflected in the depths of their burning irises..  imprinting every single breath, pulling every sensation as deep inside as they possibly could….

His whole world… where magic was real…

 

Memories…

 

Hopes….

 

Promises……

 

When nothing more needed to be said….

 

When their drowning senses were everything.. smothered in honeycombs so light, they were floating…

 

 

The breeze wafting in light and cool in the chill of the spring night, now bearing nothing save that shimmering scent of their combined heat… the mingled aroma a rush they were diving into, an exquisite exhilaration, soft slender arms raising to catch him…

 

 

Moonshine and strawberries… this couldn’t be real… this happiness… This pleasure… Tao’s lips covering his gentle and sharp…

Feeling….

Tasting…

Luscious……

 

Chasing the vermouth with his tongue, the honeydew sweetness that was Sehun’s taste… the slender fingers stroking him dipped in amarula…

 

Breathing…

 

Unable to breathe….

 

 

 

 

 

 


	33. Chapter Thirty Three - Best of Intentions

 

 

‘Sehun…’ Frowning, Tao broke away from their kiss, raising himself up on his elbows to look Sehun in the eyes -  taking care to shift his legs off Sehun's from where they were entwined. He had to still be... hurting.. from the afternoon, and Tao had been so careful all evening, making sure he didn't put any weight on all the parts that would’ve been achin' - it hadn't been easy, Sehun had seen right through him, and yelled for two whole minutes, telling him not to be such a  _big stupid idiot_ [ehehe~~ he hadn't been kiddin when he'd told Sehun how much he loved that~~]  

‘Babe… what’s wrong?’

 

‘….I….’

 

‘Sehun?’

 

Suddenly really worried, he pulled away further, to let the light fall on Sehun’s face – there was something dark in the flutter of his eyelashes, in the trembling of his lips and the sudden wet that he'd felt on his cheeks that had stopped him.

‘Sehun?????’

 

‘Tao……

 

 

Taozi, I…. –

 

 

…..   mmnm, no.. no, it’s nothing… ‘Like he’d suddenly decided something, Sehun reached for him again, shaking his head firmly once, as if to dismiss whatever was bugging him – 

 

 

but hardly had they touched, hardly had Tao’s lips grazed his, when he pulled away hastily - actually  _shuddering_ , turning his head to one side

 

 

_Pulled away….like he……._

 

 

 

‘..Ehhh… Hunnie? What's..goin on..? Did I hurt you??’

_shit!! How could I have been so careless!! Of course he’s still hurt from the afternoon and I just - fuckfuckfuck_

 

 

‘No.. That's not...it,  Let’s............

 

                                                        Let's just stop.’

 

 

 

 

In that one second it was like his heart just stopped beating – the finality and assurance in Sehun’s tone a 64 tonne mega truck that slammed into his chest, the echo reverberating in shock and incomprehensibility through every last bone in his body, like some fataly important concept he just could  _not_ understand

 

 

‘Sehun!?? Eh… what? Ehehe.. what do you mean?‘

 

 

‘Tao… I…..Ah,  I’m going to sleep, kay, aahhh, I’m so tired~~’ Yawning exaggeratedly, Sehun stretched, rolling over onto his side, away from him, while firmly tugging his PJs back up and straightening his shirt down - Tao’s clothes, that he had worn like a visceral badge of belonging, smoothening over the skin he hid from view.

 

‘………………………….. oh… ohkay…..’

 

_Aahh, that was all~~ he was tired~~_

 

 

 _That’s all._ Slowly letting go, and simultaneously blowing out a long breath of relief, Tao pulled away to sit up, fluff out the comforter and drape it over both of them, before laying back down.. _ehehe.. whew!! I was really..going there for a moment~~ Ehehe, what’s wrong with you, Tao~~_ Reaching an arm about Sehun to snuggle him in, drawing him in to snuggle that warm silky head into the curve of his neck

 

The stiff, unyielding boy in his arms cold as ice…

 

 

_He’s really tired – of course he is, who wouldn’t be…. After the day we had…._

 

 

 

 

 

_Yeah, he’s just tired….._

 

 

 

…For a moment, before Sehun shrugged under him like he was trying to dislodge his arm – and when that didn’t work, wiggled away, rolling over to the other end of the futon and sticking his arms under his pillow to tug it down to his side.. effectively placing it  _between_  them

 

 

 

..........................................................

 

 

.................

_But..._

 

_But we'd just been.._

 

 

_The best time_ **_ever_ ** _!_

 

_did I..._

 

‘…Se..hun…. babe, are you….. ah…. Are you mad with me about something? Did I hurt you?? I’m so sorry – I know I did, right? I just – ahh, I’m so _sorry_!! It’s so impossible to keep my head when we’re-‘

 

 

‘…..n..o.. I’m just…  just sleepy.. erm.. good night.’

 

 

 

 

‘oh….  …….. …….

 

 

 

….. oh…….Then....come over here…ne~’

 

‘..Tao, I’m tired, I just wanna sleep, alright?’

 

‘…well… yeah, I mean, I won’t  _do_  anything, we’ll just sleep!!’

 

 

'..................... ..… It's - I'm good here. Good.. night...’

 

 

 

 

 

 _I'm overreacting - he just_ said  _he was tired, why am I making such a big deal out of fucking nothin!!??_

_it's nothing!!_

 

_what the fuck is wrong with me!! Turn around and go to sleep, Tao, stop bugging him!!!_

 

Gritting his teeth against the nauseating feeling of the bottom of his stomach dropping out, Tao resolutely scrambled over to Sehun’s side, moving the pillow away to lie down beside him, reach around and slip his hand into his - trying his hardest not to notice the way Sehun stiffened immediately, drawing himself..somehow..  _into_  himself, like he..

_He was….. minimise.. he was trying to minimise the amount of..contact…….._

 

Suddenly he couldn’t breathe – not an inch of air managing to find its way to his lungs, they were screaming, like the dread had shoved a cannonball down his throat....  His hand, that he'd slid into Sehun's, broke out into a cold sweat - he could feel the wet sliming between their skin, the sheer icy terror that Sehun would pull his hand away, with that same disgusted shudder – the image blew into his mind, in that moment, evolving into a full blown phobia – an obsessive idea that went round and round in his mind – Sehun’s gonna pull his hand away

 

_But we were – How could he have – just moments ago we were like..that..!! It’s impossible!_

_It’s impossible_

 

Sehun’s gonna pull his hand away –

 

_Just tired.._

_He just wants to sleep, that’s all_

 

I just know it

 

_Don’t think don’t think don’t_

 

He’s just gonna -

 

 

But the seconds ticked away, pulsing in the flashes of blue from Primus’ lasers, and he still didn’t move – letting Tao push his palm to his, keeping his hand still beneath his.

 

 

_ohhmygod, thank goodness!!!!_

 

 

 

 

 

_But…._

 

 

_This isn’t right_

 

 

_\- NO! no its fine, everything is fine, he’s just sleepy – look he didn’t pull away, right?? Right?? It’s fine!_

 

 

_No…_

 

_Something’s…._

_This is wrong, something’s wrong…_

 

He just  _let_  him…. He didn’t press his own fingers against Tao like he always did, didn’t lock their knuckles together, or…  _or.. anything_ , just let his hand lie in Tao’s like a dead fish….

 

 

 

....For all of one minute, before he jerked it away, tucking it under his body as he rolled over to lie on his stomach, his face turned to the other side, away from Tao.

 

 

 

As much as he fought to maintain control, he absolutely couldn’t stem the tide of the fear that was pounding on the lid that he’d closed over his insides; the fear, the dread, like he’d just stepped out onto a ledge a gazillion feet in the air – and realised right when it was too late that it had never been there at all

 

 _Sehun actually… physically_  _rejecting him……_

 

It was……..

 

 

 

Like he was…..

 

 

Like he was…actually…  _disgusted_  …

 

 

Coz this was exactly the reaction he _had_ been expecting, back..  _before_.. when he’d been **so** terrified of facing something just like  _this_!!!! -  Sehun pulling away from him, holding himself away from him, like  _he … he.. hat..hated being touched by me_ …  Back in those days when every moment he’d spent hoping and praying he wouldn’t give himself, his feelings for Sehun, away, and every moment terrified that he had –

Back  _then,_  in the before _,_  before the time in the cove…

the past that he’d already started to forgot when he realised he didn’t have to worry – Sehun liked him too…

the past that had disappeared as the evening deepened..

 

The dead hopelessness that had filled him back then – until five minutes ago, it had seemed to be so far away, aeons ago, like something that had happened in a whole other lifetime…

 

Yet..

That was a lie, it seemed. A stupid, flimsy lie, as brittle as the lid he’s slammed down over his heart trying to suppress the pain.. As unsubstantial as rice paper, ripping as easily.. In reality, all those fears, all that dread was **_right_** **_there_** , just a single layer deep – and as Sehun pulled away, moving to bury his head in the pillow in a movement that was as natural as it was unnatural, it all rushed back into him so quickly…

 

The time when he’d been so afraid Sehun would find out how he felt about him, and  _despise_  him for it.. the fear that had by a miracle of epic proportions not come into fulfilment – no, the very opposite, the joy he’d never ever ever have dared to hope for had been his –

 

And the icy cold darkness that threatened to swallow him up right now made all the more terrifying by the warmth he’d held

 

 

_After all…_

 

 

_Just …the afternoon..and then now.._

_twice… it..just twice, we’ve actually gone all the way.. it didn’t really mean anything at all did it?_

_And Sehun hadn’t even let me….finish……. now, he’d stopped me before…. just when I was about to…_

 

_so just once?_

 

 

_Just once…_

 

 _Doing.._ _it_ _just one time - It could’ve been anything! It could’ve be so many things.. curiosity… ex..experimenting… maybe even that he liked me so much as a_   _friend_   _and when I… when I’d said_   ** _that_**   _– when I confessed my feelings to him, he’d.. he’d been so scared of losing his best friend that he’d.._

_Just…_

 

_Gone along with it…_

 

_Unable to think of any other way at that moment to…_

 

 

 

_Worried that if he..if he turned me down they’d…._

 

_Till he couldn’t… pretend..anymore…._

 

_After all it’s my Sehun.. always ..always so giving and kind and…_

 

_After all, he hadn’t – I mean, yeah, sure, he’d said he’d been jealous of Mai.. and… how the way he’s seen me had always been the same…. but, well,_

 

_They were both guys…._

_It isn’t something that’s… normal…. That they normally.. that was ‘normal’….There’s no way Sehun could’ve actually…_

 

 

NO!!!! There’s no way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We were just…  However kind he is, there's NO WAY he’s that good of an actor, he was really genuinely being honest, everything we did, there's no way he could’ve been just ‘going along’ with it, or..or..pretending, or anything like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

_But.._

 

 

 

 ‘Sehun… Sehun, we can’t go breaking our promises just hours after we make them, so I’m telling you now, this is bothering me.. so whatever it is, whatever’s bugging you, just tell me’

 

 

For a long while, Sehun lay as he had – his back to Tao, immobile and frozen, his body unnaturally forbidding even though Tao was so close he could feel his breathing right through his skin.

 

‘And don’t say it’s nothing, coz I’m not that blind, ya know… and you’re not that much of a stranger to me that I can’t read that something’s really wrong here.’

 

 

For a long while, Sehun lay as he had, immobile and frozen.... - till…..

 

 

‘I don’t think we should do this.’

 

 

 

 

‘…………………………. What?’

 

 

‘Tao I..’ in frustration, Sehun pulled right away, sitting up, to rub his hands over his face. ‘It’s just…’

 

‘Do  _what_ , what are you-‘

 

‘THIS!! Us – being like…

This….

 

 

 

…….…. I don’t think we should do it anymore.’

 

 

‘…………………………………….’

 

Sehun spun around, reaching for him – but this time, it was Tao who moved away, jerking back so Sehun’s fingers missed his shirt –

‘Tao!! Don’t – god, don’t look like that, okay??? Just… just hear me out, alright? Please – Taotao, don’t be mad, kay, just…. It’s just….’

 

‘………………….’

 

‘Tao, look – ‘ Sehun inched forward, sliding his palms into his chest, before his fingers clenched and tugged and held, fisting themselves in – against the cotton that covered his skin, without dampening the heat from his body in the slightest; Tao’s special warmth that was a drug he already couldn’t live without –

 

 _Almost_ already couldn’t live without….

 

 

Before he slowly drew back himself, his fingers trembling as he forced them away from Tao - letting his empty hands fall onto his lap.. He’d slipped up for a moment, when he saw the look on Tao’s face, he’d forgotten.. for a split second; till he’d realised what he was doing – and realised how wrong that was, how he totally shouldn’t – _couldn’t –_ do stuff like that anymore

Gritting his teeth, Sehun turned away, so he wouldn’t have to look at Tao – the effort that simple movement took so great, the tears started in his eyes, his throat clogging up with thick, cloying vines of loneliness and sorrow.

 

‘I don’t think we should do this.’ Quieter, yet with his voice firm, he repeated again – to Tao, to himself.. to the moonlight bathing the room, the paired futons they’d been sleeping on since forever.. Primus on the table, his fittings shining in the light, the white curtains that fluttered whimsically.. the familiar walls of Tao’s room – the old playroom, now changed so much… yet..still… just the same.

 

 

‘If we… I… I didn’t think.. before, but – God, Tao, Your mom! Your parents… They’re so _so_ nice to me, they’re so kind… even beyond just letting me stay here, or just keepin an eye on me or anything, they….

 

 and in return I…’

 

Groaning, he turned helplessly back to him, as if somehow begging him to prove him wrong; his beautiful face uplifted, tears sparkling like diamonds over his porcelain skin, his whole heart desperately clinging onto the impossible hope that Tao would somehow show him exactly how mistaken his words were… Argue, and fight, and come up with some theory that would ascertain that the dread certainty dribbling boiling oil into his chest was completely questionable. ‘it’s not like I’m a girl, we’re..we’re….’

Shaking his head as if he was telling the sobs to go away, Sehun edged over right to the other end of the futon, drawing his legs up to tug them into his chest… like being any closer to Tao would cut through his resolve – the determination that was twisting him up, choking him, but which he still held onto, coz no matter how hard he wanted it to just be some ridiculous fear his overactive imagination had come up with; however hard he wished he  could see some hint of nonsense; however hard he searched, sifting through his words hoping to find that one sticking-out thread, that he could yank to bring the whole thing unravelling - its legitimacy was irrefutable

 

‘If they found out – if they knew they’d…be….. We can’t do this, we’re both guys and… Tao they both love you so much, they’re so proud of you, and they have such big plans for you, I…If I do anything to - Tao, they’d never – no one would _ever_ forgive us –

……….

 

 

Forgive....

 

Me.

 

 

We’re both _guys_ , Tao!!!

 

You’re so close – your parents.. your whole family…. And This Town!!If they ever found out about.. us…. Can you even imagine how bad it’d be????? What will people say about you?? Your family???!!!You _know_ you couldn’t bear it if someone said something..bad.. or derogatory.. about your parents coz of.. Can you bear that?? You know how much… hatred.. there’d be, you know how everyone will react, how they’d feel.. _How will they even be able to live here_ … They wouldn’t be able to bear it!! And _you -_ Can you honestly say you could ask them to put up with all of that?? It’s not a game, it’s not something anyone will brush aside saying young blood, or..or..youthful spirits or anything, this isn’t like.. something naughty we did, this is actual serious stuff, and..

 

And you’d just end up resenting me in the end, wouldn’t you?? For making you go through all that.. We’d probably end up hating each other, and I -

 

 

 

I _can’t,_ don’t you see, I can’t!! they trust me so much, they’re so kind and sweet and I…just can’t _betray_ them like this…

And more than anything, I couldn’t bear it if we.. if we… I just… - you starting to hate me…’

 

 

His voice slowly petered out, and for a long moment, for an eternity, silence settled its smothering blanket over the world – not even the drapes moving, everything still and quiet, like the universe itself was holding its breath.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Till finally, Tao cleared his throat, his voice light – even offhand – as he said, ‘So that’s it? That’s it… we – Our – _this_  - is just over, just like that.’

‘Tao, I-‘

‘No~~ It’s fine. Well, it was fun, and stuff, right, but hey, what can you do~~’ sighing, he stretched luxuriously, before settling himself back under the comforter – pulling it cosily about himself, plumping up his pillow, and fixing his phone together again, switching it on, and flicking through to some running game.

 

 

……………….

……………………………………………

………………………………………………

 

 

 

 

 

 

The weight he’d been holding in…

The dead, cold weight that had been making it difficult to swallow, that had been twisting in his chest suddenly impacted into itself – compressing into a tight hard ball so massive yet so perfectly compact, he felt like there was a cricket ball stuck in his throat – before exploding outward in a riotous maelstrom, rampaging fiery, pure unadulterated rage dying the world in flaring orange.. Brokenly Sehun dug his fingers into his palms, feeling the hot, steaming tears spilling out onto his cheeks -

_So easily!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

_How **could** he!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

 

‘Howdareyou!!!!!!!!! How shspaskaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!’ His outrage felt like it was ripping fangs into his already shaky heart, and absolutely unable to take it anymore, Sehun flung himself away, into his futon, burying his face in the covers, a sob shivering deep in his throat, on and on and on, till it felt like that was all he was – one long, never ending cry

 

 

‘weell~~’ his voice still carefree, Tao tapped his phone, the faint click of the side of his nail hitting the screen echoing ominously loud. ‘If you’ve decided you can’t – if you feel like you can’t be with me, then there’s nothing I _can_ say about it, right? If you don’t want to do it… even if I force you to, it’s no fun for me, ya know…. Even if I kiss you now, it’ll just be super lame and well… the opposite of hot~~ hehe, you’d the-opposite of turn me on’

 

 

 

_There it was again – teasing, laughing – how can he say that like that!!!!!!!!!!!! What were we even talking about!!!!! I didn’t – this is more than just a stupid make-out session, this is about -  How can it not matter to him any more than just a… just a….._

 

_And even_

_If…._

 

_The opposite??????!!!!!!!!! Like he_

 

**_ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!_ ** _This fucking asshole!!!!!!!! When everything I do drives him fucking wild, it does, it really really does, he’s actually so INTO me_

_He is!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

_it’s the truth, he…._

 

 

_He HAS to be!!_

 

 

_We’re together…. Really truly properly ‘together’, so why is he.._

_Now.._

 

 

 

 

_Like I have no hold on him at all, like I have no… like he doesn’t think I’m….. irresistible any more…_

 

 

 

................................

_Like he doesn't.. think I'm irresistible any more......._

All thought of his reservations completely incinerated, even the ashes blown away in the wind; not even caring in the _slightest_ about family or responsibility or gratitude or any sort of  higher thought, in the heat of the far more pressing issue -  the actually tangible one he could touch and feel and hold, that he could _prove;_ it’s very authenticity putting it on such a visceral, primal level there was no way any more refined thinking could stand against it,  Sehun slammed about, his words wrenched out of him more powerfully than any sob ‘…………. You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _You_!!!!!!!!!!! Ha!!!!!!!! _As if_!!! Every single time we kiss, you just get super turned on, even if I didn’t want to _at all_!!!!!!!!!!!!! ’

‘…….ummm… no I don’t’

‘…………. YES you do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I _never_ want to, you’re the one, always forcing me, you stupid old perv, you senile depraved ass, and you _always_ get so hot, just cause I _touch_ you!!!!!!!! ’

‘……………ermm….. no, I really don’t think so~~ Besides, it hardly matter any longer, does it, it's only something I'd be discussing with my _partner_ ~~’ laughing superiorly, Tao flicked his phone off, stretching again. ‘Well, I think I’ll turn in.. goodnight~~’

 

 

 

 

 


	34. Chapter Thirty Four - Building Castles in the Clouds

 

 

‘……………………………………………. You……….. _you_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

 

 

Madder than he’d ever ever ever ever ever ever _ever ever ever_ been in his entire life ever before, Sehun scrambled upto his hands and knees, before launching himself at him,  grabbing his hair – yanking his head up, then slamming his lips into him – into his mouth, thrusting his tongue between Tao’s suddenly pliable ones.. shoving him down harder and straddling him, Tao was suddenly so easy to move around, to manhandle- his limbs supple and muscular, yet somehow powerless.. And taking full advantage, Sehun pushed him down harder, suckling at his bottom lip, then the top, coiling his tongue inwards..the strange defenceless of Tao’s body driving him on so urgently

 

Thrusting his whole body against him- arching downwards, forcing his hips and chest into Tao, grinding, gyrating over him so suggestively –

 

Pushing his hands against his face, cradling it –

 

 

 

 

 

 

Till he pulled away, panting, realising he was lying prone over Tao, who had both arms wrapped around him –

‘See – ‘ gasping, he squeezed out the words – ‘See, you’re.. totally..

………………….

 

 

 

……………………………… why………

 

 

 

 

why are you……. Smiling……..

 

 

Asshole… see…. I **_WON_**! Then why………….’

 

 

As Sehun glared down at him, Tao _was_ smiling – even though he tried to bite it down, Sehun _knew_ – he knew every expression on his face after all, and this…. this wasn’t just a smile… This was Tao’s absolutely-full-of-himself-pleased-smug smirk!

 

 

_Wha......  But...Why??????!!!_

 

 

 

_At a time like this, after I just SHOWED him, after I so totally won, ha, just get a load of……. this, all this… so hard, just coz I kissed him – just a stupid KISS and he's so...  the asshole, thinkin he can just try to lie, to pretend like I can’t -  _

 

_I'm the one who won!!!_

 

_So why the FUCK does he look like it was him!!!???_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Wait…._

 

 

_Waitaminute…………_

 

_NO!!!_

 

 

‘You….weren’t………………’

 

 

With a hoot of laughter, Tao slammed his face into Sehun’s chest. ‘I’m sorry, you’re just too full of openings!’

 

 

‘…………………………………………………….. YOU……….YOU……………..YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

 

‘Sshfjsppsss’ Tao spluttered into his skin – his hands gripping his sides even as Sehun tried to wriggle out of his hold – to move away – but Tao wasn’t letting him, his lips already nuzzling against Sehun –

 

‘DON’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO _NOT_ DON’T TOUCH ME, YOU ASSHOLE YOU ASSHOLE YOU IDIOT YOU – ‘

 

‘Sehun.’

 

‘YOU FUCKING IDIOT I HAVE **NEVER** BEEN THIS MAD – DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

 

‘Sehun, if you don’t stop yelling my mom’s gonna hear you’

 

‘YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE, YOU KNEW ACTING ALL DICKHEAD LIKE THAT ’D MAKE ME MAD ENOUGH TO -!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

 

‘……….Se…..Sehun….. oh god hon, stop cryin, I was…..’

 

‘SHUTTUP I SAID DON’T TOUCH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

 

‘Sehun, I’m sorry!! I, I just… babe, you’re going to get me going too… Sehun, listen to me – _please_ my love, I understand what you’re saying – I know where you’re coming from,  it’s the same for me too  – look at your parents, letting you stay in this country, _while they’re all the way across an ocean, s_ ending you to school here, and even letting you stay over during the hols!! Just……   _just_ coz they trust me that much!!!!!!!!

 

And I’m... taking advantage of their kid in the….. _worst_ , most reprehensible possible way…..

 

How do you think _they_ would feel????? After trusting me so much, if they knew we were…..

 

And _my_ parents??!! How guilty they’d feel – after promising your parents to take care of you, their son goes and.. does _that_ to you…

 

Don’t you think I feel like a shit too, when I think that??!!!!!!

 

But……

 

I don’t have the answers….  I love them – my parents..yours, everyone.. I know how they’ll take it.. I know how they’d hate it, even hate _us_ , if they knew. I totally get everything you said…  How..mad and disappointed and angry and hurt they’d be.. How everyone will talk and… the huge mess it would be, the ….scandal.. I know all of it, but I..

You…

 

Sehun, I can’t let go of you even for them.’

 

 

 

 

 

For a long while, for the pulses of Primus’ lasers to cross an entire galaxy and return, for the moonbeams to trace their way across the seven seas, for the wind to sift through the silvery sand, building whole continents, Sehun sat, his body strangely frozen while the tears ran unchecked down his cheeks.. trickling over his beautiful skin and dripping down, like discarded dew drops, onto the comforter..

 

Before he sniffed once, loudly, turning to Tao and allowing him to wipe his cheeks… rubbing his face against his palm. ‘What….what are we going to do………..’

 

‘Sehun… I …. I don’t know…’

 

‘Hey!!’ Tao continued, as Sehun jerked his head, snorting. ‘ _I_ _don’t_ _know_! It’s just the truth… Sehun, we actually – look, no one gets a second chance, okay? You lose – you slip up, you don’t see what’s right in front of you – and you’re out! That’s how it always is.. but us… God, _how_ many times… how much did we mess up, and somehow – _miraculously_ – we managed to end up here… Is that something you can just overlook??

Look…’ He locked his hand into his, holding their fingers up to the moonlight. ‘We fit together, Hunnie.. you and me, we fit together… Even if everyone else doesn’t get it, you do, right?’

 

Sehun huffed, pulling away ‘ _So_?? Yes, we fit together, yes, we’re meant to be together.. if the world only had the two of us in it, everything would be perfect! But now…. Ha, what, you’re just going to fly in the face of all of them, just …  just for me???!! Puh-lease -‘

‘Sehun!! Look,… look, first of all, do we _have_ to have this conversation now??? We’re just – ‘

‘Yes, Tao, we _have_ to have this conversation now!! What do you think, that we’re gonna ramble along, doing whatever, being like.. _this,_ till one day your parents find out and there’s a huge blow up, they step in, and then it’s just gonna be ‘goodbye, have a nice life’?????????? We’re just gonna keep getting more and more… involved every moment, and at some point this _is_ gonna explode, people are gonna find out, and then what, Tao!!The longer we…do this, the deeper in we’re gonna get and…..already I can’t – even _thinking_ about is so hard, I - ’

 

‘What do you want me to do!!!!!?????? Forget about each other, go out with some random girl, just coz that’s what’s ‘acceptable’???? Just to please all of them???? Can you even do that??? Sehun, fuck, if you tell me right now, that you can actually just.. just pack this all up, forget about us, all about _me_.. if you can go off and live your life pleasing every darn friggin person you feel indebted to, without ever ever thinking about me n wanting us to be together.. without being utterly miserable every single moment – hell, even if you can tell me you could go **one** entire day without missing _this_ , then I swear to fuckin god, we  - you and me – we can be through right now!

 

 

But you can’t, can you?????

 

Fuckkit you idiot, there's nothing we can do about it, okay??  If people find out…. Well, we’ll just have to be careful no one finds out, that’s all!!!!

………….

 

Aaaahhh-ah..… Look, at this point, as long as we don’t actually start making out in front of them, no one’s gonna even suspect a darn bloody thing, kay…

………………

 

…….

Yeah!!

 

Hey, that’s right!! It’s no big deal, everyone’s used to us being really friendly and close around each other, right?? Everyone’s used to us spending all our time together… they’re never gonna find out. Hehe!

 

 

 

N Worst comes to worst, and they do….

Well…

Well, I dunno, but we’ll figure something out then..  – but I swear you idiot, it’s not gonna involve us parting ways, that’s for sure!!!’

 

‘You…you don’t mean that.’

‘Yeah I do!!’

‘You would never – ‘

‘Wow, you’re so stupid.’

‘……………………….. ……… WHAT!!!????!!!!’

 

‘Kekeke… stupid _Sehun_ ~~ Seriously you dumbhead, you keep saying that, n it’s just senseless – you’re assuming I love all of them more’n I do you, which is just lame, coz I love you just as much – if not more – than I love any of them!!! I _would_ actually… fly in all their faces for you… I wouldn’t _want_ to.. but if there's no other choice… then….’

 

‘I don’t… I don’t believe you.’ Sehun’s voice was tiny – so small Tao could barely hear him, but his reply was almost a shout – ‘What do you want me to do, _prove_ _it_??????? Should I go right now, tell mom and dad, and we’ll conference call in your parents, and your brother and my grandparents, and our entire families, and we’ll announce it?????? That’s what you want, then fine, let’s do it!!!!!!!!!!!’ He’d pushed off the covers, scrambling up on all fours as he got up – before he stopped short – ‘Can we at least wait till I get a job, for fuck’s sake, till I start earning, before we go about getting thoroughly disowned?~~ coz right now, I can probably get you _one_ choco ice, n then we’re starving…. ‘ Grinning, he flopped back down, reaching to pull Sehun back into his arms. ‘Let’s just keep it on the down low till we get through high school, and preferably college, ‘kay? I’ll work hard enough to get a job with a starting salary that will keep you in daily choco parfaits and bubble tea, for the rest of your life, and _then_ we announce it, okay?’

 

 

Infinity had passed through them again, time wreathing itself in the shadows of the pebbles that lined the end of the world, during which Tao held his breath, hopefully, desperately... and Sehun kept his face buried in his chest…

Twiddling with the button on his shirt..

 

Before a shy little voice slipped out of him.

‘….stu…. pid….. Tao… I’ll get fat….’

 

 

 

‘Oh don’t worry, we’ll keep you _exercising_ enough to work all of that off~’ Tao laughed, his chortle rising involuntarily high in relief

 

 

 ‘….. idiot’

‘…Oohhh you’re smiling~~’

‘Am not!’

‘Are too – look – ooohh there~~

‘Stoppit, don’t look at me!!’

‘Why not~~ You’re _my_ choco parfait~~’

‘…’ Sehun snorted, stabbing him with a finger. ‘That’s so cheesy!!’

‘Ah! That reminds me, we didn’t get the syrup in the end!’

‘… _stupid Tao_!!’ Fumbling upwards, Sehun dragged himself totteringly upright, before stepping over Tao to reach his side of the futons, and flop down, dragging the comforter over him.

‘Oyy!! Come back here!’

‘No! You’re a asjdhkjas.‘

‘….i’m a what?’

‘aksjdhaklsgdmbmbm’

‘….ermm…. asjkbansabmbm??’

‘ **aksjdhaklsgdmbmbm**!!!!!!’

 

 

 

Somehow, inexplicably, he suddenly found himself under him - Tao was straddling him, punching him with the pillow, n laughing so hard he was barking – ‘How the _hell_ did you make the _exact_ _same_ incomprehensible cursing elephant noise again??!!’

‘Ehehe~~ coz you’re stupid.. I just had to sound confident enough’

‘Ass..’

Grinning and too happy even to play-fight, Tao leaned down.. shoving his hand into Sehun’s hair and through to the soft, fluffy pillow underneath, his fingers sinking in as he bent into him..

Smiles hooked at their lips as they met and clung – Sehun angling his chin up, rubbing their noses together as he pressed his lips to him. Just before his lids slid closed, he caught a glimpse of a blue pinprick over Tao’s shoulder – the lasers on Primus’ back, winking over them in softly pulsing benevolence.. before he reached his hands up, into the moonlight that shone like a halo around the darkness of Tao’s head, and simultaneously let his eyes shutter..

Letting his fingers fall too, gently tracing Tao’s skin with his fingertips as they kissed… giving himself upto it, the long.. ….

 

sweet… ……..

 

 

charged

 

moment…

Even with his eyes closed, he could still see them so clearly in his mind, the ridges his fingers traced… the strong angle of Tao’s jaw… the fleshy curve of his cheek, the taut cords on his neck.. each pattern so familiar, so beloved – fuck, just being able to touch him like this… touch him and _know_ he could, coz he..

Coz they…

 

A tidal wave of relief crashed all over him; like he’d fallen headfirst into a whirlpool -   _thank goodness!!! Thank goodness thank goodness thank goodness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If he’d – I could_ never _have –_

 

There was _no_ way he could have actually given Tao up – despite everything he’d said, the thought of losing him had been so fuckin’ _terrifying –_ just the thought of how fucking much it would _hurt_ was immobilisingly frightening…. It was only now, when the threat was no longer a sword dangling over his neck, that he realised just how afraid he’d been.. it was enough to bring a mist dewing his skin, a drop breaking off to trickle down his spine as he physically trembled, making him clench his hands even tighter against Tao’s sides as they kissed, almost viciously jabbing his tongue along his – _shit what if he’d… actually….  –_ Arch his back teasingly, pressing himself into him – and feel his strong, gorgeously muscular arms slide under him to yank him sharply closer – then _slide down.._

Right down to cup his butt, each hand squeezing into a cheek..

Grinning to himself, Sehun flexed the muscles that were now in his boy’s hands, _feeling_ the effect he was having right into his body – the ragged breathing against his chest.. the lips that were so appreciative, they even forgot to kiss him, going completely still over his.. the heat that burned from the skin above him right through his clothes to his.. and that hard bugle lower down….

 

 

 

 

 

‘Okay, stop.’

 

 

 

‘..…’

 

 

‘Tao!!!! I said, _stop_!’

 

 

 

‘Wha…. – _ah_ \- what??

 

‘ _Ess. Tee. Oh. Pee.’_

 

‘…bu- wha- ………………………. Are you _kiddin’_ me??????!!!’ Gasping in outrage, in waayy more deadly seriousness than the situation called for, Tao gaped down at him, panting – his features twisting into a dark scowl as he caught sight of the little smile plying Sehun’s lips before he could hide it.

 ‘No, duh, I’m not~~ Get off me.’

‘ _ARE YOU KIDDIN ME??!!!??’_

‘ _No!!_ ’

‘… Bu… … _WHAT NOW???_ ’

‘…’ Sehun, who’d opened his mouth to scold him, just had to stop to laugh at that – Tao’s super frustrated angst was just too hilarious _\- and_ _gratifying_ , _and just all round **cute**_ – But of course _he_ didn’t see it, the idiot, getting even more worked up instead – which was just totally cuter, as far as Sehun was concerned, who thoroughly enjoyed the next 3 minutes listening to him sputtering and spluttering nonstop, without even takin a breath.

 

‘Okay, now _you_ sound like a weirdly strangled elephant~~’

‘… _akjshdhskkkaalaaarrghhhhh!!!!!’_

‘Tao, I’m serious! Go away – go lie over there, and go to sleep!’

‘ _WHYYYYYY???!!!!’_

‘Coz!!!!  I’m not doing.. erm… … _that_ – this – _anything…_ ya know.. with you.. while your parents are in the house!!’

 

 

‘….oh.’

 

 

Suddenly mollified, he stopped short, furrows cleaving his brow as he turned it over in his head. ‘Oh… o..kay… alright…’

 

 

 

Sliding off of him – though still grumbling, Tao curled up at his side, pulling him against his chest…

 

 

His mutterings gradually fading as he cuddled Sehun close…

 

 

Till finally, he sighed deeply.. nuzzling into his neck, his eyes closing, so his lashes brushed gently against Sehun’s skin..  

‘Na-ah! I said _go over there_ and go to sleep’

 

‘.. _whaat!!_ why??? I’m just – we’re just – I’m not gonna _do_ anything!!’

 

‘….. No! Just go!’

‘Why??????!!’

‘ _Just!_ ‘

 

 

‘…..Uh uh. Nope. Not moving.’ Pouting sulkily, Tao wrapped his arms even more firmly about him, holding his squirming body even tighter.

 

 

‘ _Taaoooo!’_

‘Nope.’

‘Will you _just –_ look, it’s too much of a distraction, okay, I’m trying to keep a cool head here, so – ‘

_‘….. …….. …. ohohohoho…’_

‘…NO!! no, I did _not_  - ‘

‘Are you sayin’… it’s difficult to.. _control yourself around me_ ~’

‘I _did not_ say _anything_ of the sort you-you- you big STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

‘but you just did~~’

‘I just did _not_!!!!!’

‘You did, too~~ you said – ‘

‘FINE!! Whatever!!!! Now just go!!!!!!!!!!!!’

 

‘…….. _Fine_!!’ Miffed at Sehun’s stubborn refusal to melt as he teased and tickled him, Tao tossed his head in annoyance; before scrabbling upto his knees and rolling over to the other end of the futon – grabbing more’n three fourths of the comforter with him as he went.

 

‘…………………………………’

Biting his lip to keep from chuckling at all the dark imprecations, the mutterings of ‘blasted cock teaser’ and ‘see if I care’s that threatened from the opposite side, where Tao had firmly slammed about to turn his back to him, Sehun turned around himself, stuffing his fist into his mouth at a particularly venomous ‘just coz he’s so hot he thinks he can..’

 

 

_Aah-ah.. he is just SO cute!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

   

_Fuck..what am I going to do! I meant it, every word – I can’t.. it’s not just like I’m ..betraying the trust Mr and Mrs Huang have in me, but.. I’m also… I’ll end up being a reason for a rift between them. I’ll be..coming between them, and I… I really really **can’t** do that!! Dammit, he loves them so much – his whole family and I.. .. even putting him in a position when he has to pick..or.. o r even think about picking between them and me, I just… _

_But that’s totally how it’s gonna end up right?? Even if we say, we’ll keep it quiet now…. Just how the fuck long will that work!!?? It’s HIM!! The idiot with the biggest mouth on the planet, fuck, he couldn’t keep something hidden if his life depended on it!! He’s always so super fucking honest – even when he really shouldn’t be, even if its fucking embarrassing..or..or..just plain DUMB to be, he’s so ..open about everything; he hates hiding things, keeping secrets, going behind people’s backs, he just…_

_He’s gonna_ ** hate ** _it, esp doing that to his parents of all people, and.._

 

_And he’ll end up blaming me, right? He’ll end up resenting me for it, right???_

_Even if it isn’t consciously, inside, he will, right??_

 

 _Even if he… lo –_ says _he.. lo…lo… loves me…  - kyaaaaaahhhhhh!!! He Luurvvess me~~~~~!!!-_

 

 _\- fuck, dammit!!Arrgh Sehun!!!! Wtf is_ wrong _with me, I can’t even_ think _that without squealing!!!!!!!!!!!! – okay, arghh deep breath - now,  where was I –_

 

_Ah_

 

_Right._

 

 _even if he says …_ **that** _.. now, what about a couple of years from now, when … -_

 

 

 

 

_Wait……_

 

_Just a minute….._

 

_Couple of years?!!!_

_holy shit, I just totally imagined us being together for YEARS!!_

 

 

 

_Like.. omfg wait wait WAIT, like.._

 

_Well, I mean…_

_We.._

 

 

 

_We ARE planning on staying together, right; this isn’t like, oh lets date for a month..or..let’s date till Christmas..type of thing right, we’re reall…._

 

_OMFG for real????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

 

 

_we’re.. like.. planning on being together forever, aren’t we…._

 

 

**_……………………………………………_ **

 

**_…………………….._ **

**_Forever_** _, like till we’re_ dead!!!!!!!!!   _And OLD!!!!!!!!!_

 

 

 

_Like, we’d … live.. together??_

_get a…house..together???????????!!!!!!_

 

 

 

_Ah!_

_On the beach!! We should TOTALLY get a beach house!! And do it up all super cool… And of course, we’d have a holiday home on an exotic tropical island somewhere, too – with extreme water sports, and a fucking yacht in the marina… Ah, but we’d also vacation at other places, all the best most gorgeous holiday spots on earth – like… ah! Paris, _definitely – _we’d stay in a hotel with a view of the Eiffel tower, n we’d spend all day shopping, he’ll **love** it!! We’ll go to every big name brand shop, and every little eccentric avant-garde one, and we’ll get the most fashionable wardrobes…God that idiot would prol just spunk his head off just at the thought!!!  And then, in the evenings, we’ll go for long aimless walks along the Seine.. roam about Montmartre… and gorge ourselves on freshly baked _ _bread and cheese and wine every afternoon, and the most exclusive gourmet cuisines at night… and oh oh oh, we should go skiing too! we’d have a gorgeous cabin on a mountain side.. in Norway or Switzerland; we’ll get a sled and a snowboard, too~~ and a sleigh!! and we’d get snowed in - we’d have to spend days stuck there, wrapped up together in a blanket.. making cocoa and marshmallows in the fireplace and…_

_Ehehee~~_

 

 _But even if we don’t go on any super luxurious, expensive holidays, to all the most incredible, splendid destinations, we’ll still have so much fun!!! Every Friday, we’ll go for a movie – we’ll share buckets of popcorn and get nachos and fight over ‘em, and.. ohh, we’ll go really late at night, when the whole place is empty, and it’s just the two of us ehehe –_ es-pe-ci-ally horror movies!!!!

_Muhahahhahaaaaa omg, aahhhh that’s gonna be so good~~_

_Ah!_

_But it has to be a proper date, so he HAS to be super romantic – obv not the movie itself, duh, the movie has to be something fun [horror ;P] not some chick flicky crap – but he has to like, hold my hand the whole time [or, ya know, with a horror movie, climb all over me, ehehehe~], and keep kissin me, and being all super complimentary and..and take me to dinner afterwards…_

 

_And then, Saturdays or Sundays – amusement parks!! We’ll challenge every roller coaster in the country!!!_

 

Just thinking about it – just imagining it, it was like the darkly cool room had erupted in helium filled neon balloons- fluffy and full, like something popping and sparkling with firework vehemence inside his chest, so happy – so fucking _happy,_ it was like his breath was rolling over and over on itself unable to escape out of his throat for sheer gladness

 

_Omg, we could totally get a cat!! Yeah!!! Ah, I know, I’ll totally surprise Tao with a cat one day, like for our anniversary? Like, he’ll come home, all tired out from work or whatever, and I’ll give him a basket, and – coz he’s such a total idiot, he will NEVER guess, eheheheheheeeee~~~ he’ll be like, oh are we havin a picnic?, or something… ehehehe~~~ but then, I’ll be like, open it!.. and he will, and kyuuuhhhn~~~ohh he’s gonna get his wrinkled-nose, eye crinkling big beam – ya know, the one…._

 

 

_and then, Christmas, we’ll have a HUUGGEE tree and go all OUT with the decorations – the gorilla will totally come in handy, he’s gonna be climbing up everywhere to hang up the lights.._

_And the mistletoe…_

 

 

_Oh and Halloween too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We’ll have HUUUUGGGEEEEEE Halloween parties n stuff..we’ll make our house a haunted mansion!!! HEeeehheee!! He’ll be so terrified, he’s gonna cling to me every second!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kekekeke!!!!_

_PLUS,  when every else leaves, he’ll have to wear all the …special..costumes I gettim~~ ehehehe_

 

 

 

Live with Tao….

Be together with him……

 

_Forever and ever??_

 

It would be heaven!!!!!!!!

Even the stupid regular mundane days… _we’ll wake up together..n go to work or whatever, and then come back, we’ll be together... carp to each other about how sucky work was, we’ll sit on the balcony together and drink beer, -_ legally - _and play with our cat, and tell each other all about what a dick everyone at our office or whatever is…whaa~~ we’ll be so grown up!!!  N we’ll go out and play about together… eat..hang out… fight each other at some game, watch all these random anime, go shopping together and try out all these clothes just for fun, and end up buying all of them, n stop at a warm, scrumptious bakery on the way back home and get slices of the most lovely cake for dessert.. come back home and… we’ll take turn cooking dinner, but of course, the other person has to hang out in the kitchen all the time too!! Just to keep the chef company… We’ll eat together… bathe…. together… n sleep together… fall asleep holding each other, and wake up together the next morning and do it all over again…._

 

 

 

_Whoa………………………………………. ………………………………. ………._

 

_Oh oh oh oh, and we’ll be old enough to get licences, so we’ll totally have cars!!!!!! Omg, we can go for like, long drives.. in the middle of the night, when all the roads are empty…. When it snows.. and in the rain, It will be so romantic!! Driving really fast down the empty deserted roads, only the streetlights glowing in the night.. the wind gushing through, to all the most beautiful places - like ah! Like the Skywalk!! In the middle of the night!!!!!! It will be SO perfect!!!!!!!!!! All the lights down below..in the cold night, just the two of us, in the dark… just us…_

 

_Ah!! And omg, after we… do… ya know… that….  I’ll be hungry, so I’ll be like, Tao! I’m hungry!!, so he’ll get up, and we’ll go searching for food……_

 

_n maybe we’ll find some dinky little place that’s still open, and we’ll have…….  pancakes at midnight….  And of course, he’ll have to feed me, coz I’ll be guilt tripping’im about how much pain I’m in, hehe~~  with soo much syrup.. and then of course, he’ll be like, oh, lets ..let’s steal the syrup so we can…._

 

_Ehehehe..stupid ass monkey~~_

 

 _But he’s tooottaally gonna have to keep getting me food, pfft~~ or taking me out.. oh, I am SO gonna find all these really good restaurants that are like,_ at least _three hours from our house, right, and like, get reeeally fond of these really specific particular dishes you only get there? **Just** so he’ll have to drive me all the way every time I say I wanna eat that~~ which I will, like, every other day!!_

 

_Aaahhhh… but knowing Tao, he’ll be just as into that as me, the pig, he loves to eat waayy too much!! Every time we order pizza, we’ll have to get TWO, coz he can totally eat an entire one on his own!! Hmpph I’m jus sayin’, if he turns into a fat middle aged man, I’m dumping him._

_Totally._

 

_Well, at the very least, I’ll make him keep doing Wushu, I’ll make his exercise every single day!!_

 

_Omg…_

 

 

_Omg that is so hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He’s gonna be so hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kyyaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!_

_Though, If he gets any taller, **then** I’m totally gonna… _

 

 

 

 

Omg…

Till we get old OLD old…

When we’re actually… **grown** **up** ….

 

 

_Ha._

 

_Hahahahaha. As if._

 

_What a load of bull-fucking-shit. There is NO way ANY of that could possibly happen!! We’ll be found out WAAAYYY beforehand.. There’s gonna be such a god awful ruckus,everyone will find out, everyone will know..  my parents and his parents.. they’ll….  And then us… whether he fights for me..or just… goes according to his parent’s wishes – either way, we’re screwed. Finished. Coz if he ends up fighting with his parents for me, he’ll only end up hating me.._

 

_There's no way anyone will ever forgive us._

 

 

Live together with him.. have a life together, even when we’re all grown up… _ha!!!_

 

_HAHAHA!!!!_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Fuck._

 

 

 

 

_It hurts_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_FuckfuckfuckFUUCCKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

_Aaahhhh Even though I know this is all just wishful thinking…..– eventhough I know that, I can’t…._

 

 

 

_Shit my chest hurts._

 

The grumbling from way across the other end of the bed had started winding down to an occasional rumble – deep enough that the reverberations flowed to him through the futon, echoing soft overtones.. The ache in his chest felt like a hand thrust in, squeezing his heart  - it was unbearable, the tears spilling hot and salty, trickling down the side of his face – _why!!_  - just when they’d… finally

He’d thought.. if only..

If only they could be..

If only Tao would..

 

For _so_ long, he’d lived holding onto the ‘if only’s…. - And somehow… it had happened. His deepest, darkest brightest strongest desire.

 

But now…. -  

 

_\- No!!_

 

Suddenly, it felt like a bolus of lava had burst in the pit of his stomach -  a rioting, uncontrollable sweeping bolt, as powerful as an unstoppable volcano, crushing through him.

_No. no no nono I don’t want that – I don’t nononono!!!! -_

 

 

 




 

 

 

 

_Tao was right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

 

 

_If only for a while – even if only for a moment – I want to be with him. He’s right – this chance..right here, that we’ve been allowed –_

 

**_ I can’t give up on that!   _ **

 

 

_I WON’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

 

 

_I WON’T I WON’T I WON’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

 

 

_Whatever happens afterwards…_

 

Still on his side, Sehun wiggled backwards – rolling across his futon and the next, right upto Tao..

Quietly, without making a sound, swallowing back his tears…

So close the whispered muttering was comprehensible, the heat of _his_ body palpable…

 

_Whatever happens afterwards…_

 

Still on his side, with his back to Tao, Sehun wiggled in closer –

 

Till his spine hit his; his shoulder blades pressing themselves against Tao’s broader, roughly hewn ones; the back of his arms grazing against those sexy triceps..

 

_Whatever happens afterwards…_

 

A sharp intake of breath cut right through Tao’s muttering – the shocked pleasure as he felt Sehun press his back to his, softly but so surely – his skin cool against his fevered flesh, the silky rub of his clothes against his.. the squishy, fleshy curve of his butt, and the hard globes at the end of his bones…

 

Grinning to himself at the way Tao had frozen, Sehun closed his eyes.. the cool midnight breeze wafting over his stomach, while Tao’s body turned into a hot water bottle behind him..curving against his back as he finally relaxed – Sehun could _feel_ his happy beam trough his skin almost – heaving a giant sigh, before settling down to sleep..

Back to back through the night…

 

 

_Whatever happens afterwards… this moment right here, this closeness.. it’s enough to last me a lifetime._

 

 

 

 


	35. Chapter Thirty Five - Round and Round

 

 

The train journey back to school was far different from the one at the beginning of the vacation – the air filled with soft whispers under cover of the ceaseless rhythm of the wheels; the noisy rattle encasing all their teasing and sweet musings in secret… affectionate pets and mouthed kisses; caresses sneaked when no one was looking… flesh imprisoned against the warm, worn, slippery seats…  gently pressed fingers and softly brushing glances… The magic of the summer, the glorious bliss they had feared would deaden with the end of the holidays seemed to have strengthened itself over a hundred times, as if to prove just how very much alive it still was –

 

Dozing against Tao’s shoulder, feeling his arm slip around to hold him close as the train rattled its way through an avenue of trees, endless lines of old gnarled branches with leaves so dense, even the brilliant spring sun could only bathe the world in a mossy, hypnotic olive; filtering muzzy through the panes to form rectangular patches of gentle, warm green on their skin, turning the smattering of little hairs golden… just like the green light of the woods, the hidden waterfall and the secret lake. They’d gone back armed with the strongest, thickest rope at Yuki Nai-nai’s, which Tao had gripped in his jaw as he crawled up the tree, carefully inching his way out onto the sticking-out limb to tie it up, while ignoring all of Sehun’s yelled out ‘commands’. Unfortunately for him, the first time they’d swung out, the knot came unravelled and they found themselves knee deep in churning water – leaving Sehun free to tell him in all the most creative ways, how he’d ‘totally told him so’… Despite that, it turned out so much fun they kept repeating the pattern – swinging out to purposely let go so they could splash right into the water.. the icy bursts even more refreshingly exquisite as it splattered all over them… slamming their hands onto the surface of the lake to splash each other, and to try and catch the gleaming crimson and gold fish that teasingly slid through the waves in hyper speed. They’d scooped the fish out of a big tub at a local festival, and gleefully set ‘em free at the lake hoping to recreate their island miracle; Sehun eagerly claiming these would grow to even _double_ the size – after all, he’d caught most of them himself, this time!!

The festival had been so much fun – it had actually just started out with Tao hearing about it from Mrs Chuo, and the boys planning to go for the sole purpose of getting fish [they were determined to follow the same procedure as last time, as if formulating inviolable Rules for Raising Giant Fish].. but somehow the news had spread, and the idea grown.. An amused Mrs Huang had set them practicing bobbing for coins in the blow-up duck pool; Yu and gang had enthusiastically offered their nature rearing skills; Yuki Nai-nai had been adamant they buy the sets of traditional clothes she’d had specially delivered for them… it’d ended up being a highly anticipated occasion allround. They’d wound themselves up in the robes, Tao tying Sehun’s for him, somehow finding it even more erotic to dress him _up_ , as opposed to all the times he’d ripped his clothes off him – and then of course, right when things were getting…. interesting, to their heart-stopping panic, Mrs Huang had burst in with her camera, insisting on taking photographs of them ‘all dressed so nice’…They’d finally ended up so late, they had had to run all the way to the bus stop where the others were waiting, ready to curse n cry out their complaints as soon as the boys came into view – Tao almost carrying  Sehun who was stumbling about like a new born fawn all the way, before he got the hang of the wooden heeled shoes. Meeting up with the rest of the guys, with all the other neighbourhood kids, many of whom Sehun had actually never even seen before, had been such a blast! The driver on the bus had had the radio on, and no sooner had a pop song come on, than everyone started singing – teasing Yu, who was apparently a huge fan of the idol group.. before too long, a karaoke battle had started up,  keeping up all the way as they drove inland, into the town, where the festival was being held in a natural hollow below the Temple. Even the grownups riding the bus with them had joined in in the uproarious fun – they were all going to the festival too, and everyone was in high spirits.. By the time they reached the festival grounds, a friendly rivalry was running high, and they’d immediately started challenging each other to every single game available - cork pistols, ring-the-hoop and hammer the bell, darts and goldfish scooping and superball scooping; rioting and brawling and squealing and screaming as they vowed vengeance and boasted of their feats; Sehun laughing behind his hands as he pitted Tao against everyone, then making him follow him about all evening, carrying all the giant stuffed toys he’d won him.. gorging themselves at the sweet stalls trying out every single flavour of every single dish, candied apples, the sticky, sweet juice and the crisp, cool nectar so perfectly scrumptious; and shaved ice, shivering delicious in the chill of the night… quite a few of the stalls exclusively featured local delicacies, and Sehun’d demolished about five sticks of grilled sea bream, salty and tangy, before a laughing Tao pulled him over to the stall with grilling scallops, right in the shell, with butter oozing over them.. Tearing out handfuls from each other’s sticks of cotton candy, stealing bites from the other’s choco banana, splitting a crepe stuffed with whipped cream and chocolate n fighting over the fried octopus… Tao had fallen totally in love with the katanuki stall, squatting beside the wooden board for what seemed to an amused Sehun like hours, playing over and over as he tried to win by breaking the candy into the imprinted shape with a pin….From the roofs of each stall, there had been ropes and ropes of lanterns, strung up to cover every inch;  golden and red balls so big and dazzling, they seemed to grow fuzzy as you stared at them, setting the whole fairground dancing in flames.. The smell of all types of food, frying, crisping, grilling, sautéing boiled over from every corner. Voices rose in a pleasing cacophony as everyone laughed and talked and cheered; the vendors hawking their goods, customers haggling; the bells and whistles from the game stalls announcing a winner, and the whooshing snaps of the toy pistols; the constant tinkle of bells form the long, low stall that was selling charms and fortunes and blessed items from the Temple.. the sounds all sparkling in perfect melody with the traditional music that was being piped from the Temple grounds higher up the rise.. There had even been a Ferris Wheel set up right at the edge of the grounds, and the boys lined up again and again, [Sehun making Tao hire out another compartment just for his stuffed toys] -  the light and sounds and colours all blurring about in a dizzying kaleidoscope as they whirled through the spring night…  Playing around with everyone _was_ so much fun. They were in a big group, fooling around and goofing about; talking and laughing and mock-wrestling, the conversation, the ribbing and teasing a general free-for-all ….and yet, Sehun was perfectly happy – after all, Tao had barely let go of his hand; even with everyone around, holding onto him.. directing his words somehow particularly always to him.. almost unable to take his eyes off him, even when someone else was talking or secretly letting his fingers rise, running along his forearm in an unconscious caress, resting his chin against his shoulder every now and then..even the others had quickly fallen into the old habit of addressing both of them as one – and each time, Sehun lapped it up happily, the greedy, glutinous beast inside his chest sated and replete… So much so he was somewhat taken aback when Tao slid his hand above his elbow, as the night deepened, tugging him away – he’d have been happy enough to hang out with everyone else for a while longer.. Nevertheless, grinning to himself in smug superiority at how smitten the idiot was – _Heeheehee_ \- , he’d silently followed Tao, as he led him over a rabbit-path through the trees that surrounded the grounds… climbing their way up behind the Temple-hill, clinging to the side of the rise as they stumbled and scaled their way between branches and rambles and bushes in the dark, moonless night, till… Sehun had gasped in shock, his whole body freezing at the sight – they were on a wide knoll-like ledge, jutting out even above the Temple. The fairgrounds spread out below them, a magnificent whirlwind of light.. That high up, the wind had even born an occasional trace of his favourite sea salt, briny and rich…  - and to make the view even more spectacular, hardly had Tao sat down on the grass, pulling Sehun down with him, than it had begun –

the fireworks show…

 

 

As the train thundered along the tracks, the blue tinged hills in the distance sped by, seeming to come closer only to fade away into nothing. Sehun sighed as he pressed his cheek upto the window pane, remembering what had happened then, right as the first firework blossomed in the sky, a coiled dragon of golden droplets, showering down on to the earth – for a moment, he’d felt, helpless even against his higher rational thought that told him it _couldn’t_ be so, like the earth had suddenly started responding in kind. Melting into perfect globules, incandescent and shining, the entire planet had suddenly turned into mercuric beads of frozen shimmer that negated gravity as they started floating up towards the lights in the sky – unknowingly, they’d sat down right in the middle of a firefly nesting ground… and whether they had disturbed them..or it was just the usual time for the luminous bugs to take wing.. or even, if they were _responding_ ; magically, inexplicably being drawn to the showers above head… whatever the reason, in a moment Sehun was sure he would never _ever_ forget – hell, never even be able to remember without feeling just as breathless with wonder - a whole sea of fireflies had taken flight from around them.

That sight… that moment… golden explosions iridescent and sparkling in rainbow bursts across the sky as the fireworks went off – only to be met by the very earth under them rising up in shining light in response.. Around them, about them, beside them, under them… thousands and thousands of fireflies soaring into the night… There had been so many of the little glowing bugs, it really felt like _they_ were floating up too -  up.. up… along with them, into this disorienting world of beauty, with no end or edge or boundary, only an eternal ocean of light, flashing and dancing and pulsing and sparking – Tao’s fingertips reaching under his clothes had matched the rhythm so perfectly, so _incredibly,_ his heart raced just remembering!! Even later, much later that night, as they lay panting in each other’s arms, the lightning bugs had still been streaking over the grass around them, more than a few doddering drunkenly onto their bare, sweat drenched skin, dewing them in pools of luminescence…. Sehun had made Tao empty one of the goldfish bags, dumping two of the fish together in one; turning it inside out and drying it properly, before catching a bunch of the flies in it. They’d nudged them free again in Tao’s bedroom… letting them walk all over their hands and legs, holding their fingers spread out linking a bridge over which the little flickering lights hiked…..

 

 

Beside him, Tao shifted sleepily, tucking his face deeper into the hollow of his neck, and Sehun grinned, reaching a stray finger to ruffle his hair – and froze. The warm, fresh smell of his shampoo wafted up so deliciously he just _had_ to stop n breathe in for moment, tilting his head… Before shaking his head mentally at himself, and reaching for a pack from the pile of food Tao had dumped on the table in front. This time, he’d made sure to go to the dining car even before they’d settled into their seats, categorically forbidding Sehun from even _looking_ at any of the innumerable giant cartons and boxes, all packed to overflowing with Mrs. Huang’s special treats, that covered the seat opposite – those were for term time, and he was already calculating how to make them last all the way to Christmas.

‘ _Nrrgng!!!_ ’

‘…eh?’

‘Don’t!!’

‘….huh??’

‘Ass. Stop eating!’ Waking up fully long enough to rub his nose, Tao reached for him again, tucking both arms around his waist, and cuddling in, pressing his cheek to his jaw like he was a particularly squishy body pillow – making Sehun roll his eyes in mock exasperation and purposefully stuff another handful of crisps into his mouth. ‘Why not~~??’

‘Coz! I can _hear_ you eating! And I’m trying to sleep’

Raising an eyebrow and smiling slyly at his reflection in the window, Sehun shovelled an even bigger mouthful in, crunching as hard as he could. ‘thfeeng move yfourff headff somewhere elsegrff~’

‘No.’

‘cruccggff cruungfgffnch munchff.’

 _‘Stop_!!! Shut up, you pig~’  

‘CCNNRRUUNCHCG CRUUNCCHHFGFRF MUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH!!’

‘……………….. ………….’

‘CRRUNNCHHHHHH!!’

 

……………………..

………………

………

 

……………………………….

‘Oh well, I guess it’s good exercise~~ your jaw action’s been weak lately~~’ –

 

 

Across the aisle, the couple who were travelling with their elementary school-aged kids started in shock, the dad even rising in concern as Sehun spluttered, coughing and retching as he choked loudly – sitting back down with a smile and a shrug when he saw Tao was just rolling about the seat laughing, while half heartedly slapping Sehun’s back whenever he could remember to.

 

‘is- crrffsssss-ah ahh… – whose -   _What!!!_ ’ Sehun finally gasped, stray fragments of potato crisps spraying Tao.

‘ohOy oy!! Watch it!!‘

‘you… _Monkey_ head!!!’

‘Ohh, just shut up and eat – stuff your mouth as much as you can, get those muscles limbered nice and stretched~~ and don’ forget the sour candy, so you can _practice_ sucking _–_ God knows you need it. _’_

Gasping in outrage, Sehun slapped Tao’s thigh as sharply as he could. ‘ I  - _need – practice????????_!!’

‘Sure ya do~~’ sighing exaggeratedly, he threw his arms over the  back of the seat, hooking his wrist about a red faced Sehun’s shoulder. ‘ You’ve been really… _so_ incompetent lately~~’

‘…………….. ……… ……..’

‘Really.. really… hopeless.. bungling… tsk tsk. So inept…’ shaking his head in elaborate, long-suffering sorrow…. ‘Aaahh, really, just coz I’m so forgiving.. honestly, if it had been anyone else……’ -

‘Ohh that’s it!!!’  hissing in fury, his whole body vibrating visibly, turning red to the very tip of the index finger he almost stuck in Tao’s eye as he pointed at him, Sehun leapt to his feet like he’d been stung by a live cable. ‘You. Toilet. _Now._ ’ Without even waiting for him to follow his order, he was already grabbing his collar, dragging him up – bracing himself against the table as the roiling, rattling sway of the train inclined the heavier boy’s weight onto him; starting up the aisle, towing Tao behind him, totally hell bent on removing him wherewith to the tiny little water closet at the end of the car to **prove** – _PRACTICE????!!! I need practice??!! thisstuipdfuckin  - I’ll  - FUCKING JELLYFISH BRAIN!!!!_   - how very vast his expertise was….

 

When…

 

The most… suspicious.. sound resonated through the guy he was all set to teach a lesson to –

 

a..

 

 

 

almost like…a…

 

 

 

 

 

The trees whizzed past, racing against the gorgeously wispy, whipped cream clouds in the dazzlingly blue sky, as the train rattled time – shaking from side to side as if to dance along with the distant ink-brushed horizon that bobbed in and out of view. The clackety clack rhythm.. the gushing, rushing ocean of wind… the blindingly brilliant sun.. More summer than spring, the blazing azure seemed to be a whole universe above their heads, the ceiling immeasurable… Hopeful, Tao quirked his eyebrows at Sehun’s reflection in the window, but he wasn’t having any – sniffing angrily, his angel just wordlessly tossed his head even higher as he sulked. Mentally, Tao kicked himself - again. _Dammit!! After getting him all worked up, I just_ had _to go and_ **laugh** _, he was totally going to –and I just ruined it!!!!! He was_ totally _gonna – damn he was actually shivering with rage…. All hot and bothered…_

 

_Fuck he is so fucking hot!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

 

_Imagine doing it with a Sehun who’s actually really totally steam-out-of-his-ears pissed off..in a tiny little washroom on a moving train…_

 

 

_fuck!!!_

 

 

 

 

_Eheheee, but fuck he always falls for those, though, doesn’t he~~  my perfect innocent little lamb… his buttons are so fun to push!!!_

_Ah…_

 

_That’s right!!!_

 

Carefully, making sure his movements were supremely casual and seemingly above board, Tao reached for the last pack of Kisses, pulling the cover open and picking out a chocolate triangle to unwrap – taking his time, deliberately letting the foil crinkle – and studiously pretending he wasn’t watching Sehun watching him in the window pane reflection. He didn’t have to wait long - as expected, within a minute, the pack had flown out of his hands as Sehun’s shot out -  grabbing it and cradling it to his chest as he turned back to face the window, his back firmly to Tao… muttering under his breath about jellyfish, for some reason, and how they didn’t deserve any…. Grinning, Tao held up the chocolate kiss he’d already opened between his thumb and forefinger, waving it tantalisingly in front of Sehun. ‘Hunnie-ah~~~ You missed one~~ - ‘ but even as Sehun flashed out his hand, Tao had moved – he’d been ready n waiting, and all it took was the work of a second to grab Sehun’s wrist and tug him right around to face him – and then keep going, keep pulling till he’d yanked him onto his lap so he was falling onto him, his precarious position making him cling reflexively to Tao’s shirt. ‘Here~~’ Grinning even broader, he quickly slid the chocolate into his mouth, holding it between his teeth, keeping his tone mockingly sing-song – or as he thought of it now, doing the ‘taunt Sehun so he gets pissed and starts making out with you’ voice, injecting into it all the sneering challenge, all his ‘conviction’ that Sehun wouldn’t _dare_ , in a public space like this…  After all, it was guaranteed fool proof, it always _always…_

…worked….

 

 

His eyes widening, Tao stared at Sehun – whose own just narrowed superiorly as he slid his knee onto the seat to balance himself, crossing his arms against his chest. ‘Do you really think I’m gonna get mad enough that you’d think I _couldn’t_ take that, that I _would_ try to take it~~??’

 

‘………………….’

 

 

In total shock at this suddenly unnaturally wise avatar, Tao gasped up at him – plucking the chocolate out. ‘…..You’re….not….?’

 

‘HA!!!’ Smirking smugly, Sehun stuck his tongue out at him. ‘You’ve _only_ done that same old thing, like, a bazillion times, it’s totally _not_ gonna work!! how dumb dya think I am!! ‘

‘…err…….’

‘HUHHHHH????!!!’

‘Ah!! No, ermm..I – no of course I don’t think you’re dumb, it’s just that… it’s _chocolate.._ ’

‘Stop waving that about with that sort of face, you look like a suspicious child-luring stranger~~’

‘…….. ………… Fine! I’ll eat it then!’

‘ _Fine!!’_ Sniffing, Sehun slid back off Tao, squeezing himself back between him and the window, still clutching the big bag.  ‘I have _all_ this, why would I even want his stupid measly little _one_ …’

‘Fine!! I’m really eating it!!’

‘Go ahead!!!’

‘I really am – look it’s almost at my mouth..

Almost…

 

Almost..

 

Getting closer..

Loomk it’smn touchingmnm mmy lips….

……………

……………………..

 

…………..’

 

Swallowing the chocolate down, Tao leaned back against the seat, throwing his arms out again over the back – Sehun still stiff and unyielding beside him. Licking the last traces off his teeth, he whistled softly.

‘What???’

‘…well, nothing~~ just… well… whoa…’

‘ _What_??!!’

‘Well… just… a Sehun who can’t be teased to get a rise out of, AND who can’t be bribed with chocolate?? I totally just unlocked your Final Boss level, didn’t I~~~ Somehow, I can’t help being proud with myself.’

‘…… _Huuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh_???????’

‘ Yeah!! The Final Boss doesn’t appear till you clear like, _everything_ else,  right~~ it’s the _ultimate_ Heheheeee~~ n I got all the way there in less than a month~~ whose your daddy~~’

‘hrrummh- mnbsdfhjk Aahhrgh!! _Definitely NOT you, You stupid monkey jellyfish beetle brain!!!!!!!!’_

Grinning teasingly as Sehun spluttered in outrage, Tao leaned in, nudging his shoulder. ‘I can’t even imagine what the pay-off of defeating the Boss would be~~’ whispering against his cheek. ‘does this mean I could get to do that thing in the bubble bath – ya know, that one where – whoops!!’ Giggling, he jerked back as Sehun tried to elbow him in the chest, before moving back into position, ‘cept even closer now – one hand palming Sehun’s, ready to block any further attacks. ‘And the one with the pop rocks!! And the one where  I’d get to tie you up over a table for an entire day… and oh, I’d totally be able to film you all the time!! Ahhhh… damn, this is the best!! Oh, n you’d _finally_ let me use the chocolate syrup, right, honestly, I’ve been lugging that bottle around for _so looonnnggg_ , for crying out loud..’

‘…… ………………………………. ……………….. ‘ Sehun paused in his attempts to inflict grievous bodily harm on Tao, while simultaneously pretending he couldn’t hear a thing he was saying, to blushingly gape at him. ‘you actually _brought_ it??’

‘eh?? Yeah, of course!! It’s in my backpack…’

‘……………………. ……… ……… you… you _Sea slug!!!_ ’

‘ohh oh oh, and that _site_!! Hunnie, remember that site, I found on my phone – we could even order that …outfit..for you!! Remember, the ..strappy..leather..thing you liked so much!!’

 

 

 


	36. Chapter Thirty Six - The Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship

[a/n - i up'd 4 +1 chps at once, so if you started here, ya need to go back to chp 33 ^^,]

* * *

 

 

 

Outside, the morning was swelling into a piercing afternoon, the skies so clear, the blue so seamless – without even the slightest change in shade, without even the most minimal gradation; almost oppressively beautiful… A solitary bird formed a crayon ‘V’ in the vast, endless expanse, wheeling effortlessly in the nothingness, spiralling and swooping midway down, before changing its mind and flying straight out.. Somehow the sky itself already looked so different from that back home, Tao couldn’t help a sharp tinge of nostalgia as he watched it’s flight, shifting to tug his arm tighter around Sehun, who was sleeping, tired out from trying to beat him up, his face buried in Tao’s chest. Everyday had been so perfect – all day long, hours and hours with nothing to do but spend time with his Sehun… the beach, their cove – how many times had they gone back, reliving – ehehe, actually _literally_ replaying that first time… going into town, browsing about the marketplace, or to the park, playing soccer and basketball… just hanging out at home, the house empty but for the two of them – fuck, even just being in the same room together, even if they didn’t talk, or.. or if they were like, doing their own thing, totally different things, still, it felt..it just felt so right!!! Just looking up every now and then, to see Sehun’s head bent over something.. just hearing his breathing, or.. best of all, catching his eye, just to share a smile – it was just so…. incredible…. Fuck, everything they did – every single stupid place they were, it was suddenly just so unbelievably gorgeous, so magically spectacular, _just_ coz he was there. I mean, for ten years, I’ve been coming home to that very same town, right??? And it had _never,_ in all that time, been even half as perfect… the woods, the lake, swinging out on the rope and playing about in the water, then winding their way through the woods…. They’d found a clearing on the slope, lined with the softest, most fragrant grass, and they’d lie there, picking berries from the bushes at the edge and carrying them back to their spot in the centre wrapped in their shirts.. sprawl out, in the blazing sun, the skies so clear the air shimmered before their eyes, like once the typhoon had passed, it had leeched away with it every possible cloud and shadow; each ride of the wind like a scythe through the grass, bursting silver horsetail and lavender… stuffing their faces till their mouths turned purple, as they let their clothes dry.. more than once deciding it would only happen if they took them _off_ – which of course, led to….

Heading down to the beach as the sun went down, with the neighbourhood kids, to build huge bonfires as the tide rose...large constructions that slowly came to life, the flames blazing high and wild and free, throwing off sparks and embers towards them as the sea breeze impatiently pawed at it, the harsh brine stoking the fire in fevered bursts... Everyone sat about in a circle, perching on driftwood, or the blankets some of the girls would bring, having paired off into couples - including the oblivious twosome, who cuddled together on a log, Tao's arm draped about Sehun as they passed a can of beer back and forth, watching the first stars wake up, and the majestically gliding spring moon come into view..Reading their fortunes in the figures in the fire, whispering and giggling in joy.... 

 

 

 

Those blazing, clear days were indeed heaven – but so was the week before that – when the typhoon had come…

 

Almost like in accordance with his thoughts, with a rushing hurtle, the train sped into a tunnel. The lights dimmed as the old fashioned coach was wrapped in darkness, only the faint glimmer of electric blue as the sign over the exit lit up – and immediately, Sehun slid his hand onto his thigh, to Tao’s surprise, who’d thought he was fast asleep – angling his head up to catch his lips under cover of the sudden dark, sliding his tongue past his teeth, his fingers moving higher.. prodding, stroking.. cupping, pressing, _moving_ ; his breath in his mouth hurried bursts, his tongue flicking a seductively languorous pattern in contrast..

Only to pull away, nonchalantly picking up his phone the next moment, as the sunlight blazed in, perfectly calm and collected and composed in his absolutely flawless rendition of innocence…. While Tao spluttered, his cheeks burning, his chest squeezing in desire.. a drop of sweat dislodging itself to roll clammy down his spine at the effort to..control…

Fuck

Fuck!!!!

It had happened so quickly – but –

In just a minute, he’d –

Shit damn get a grip!!!

 

Panting, he flopped back against the seat, glaring at Sehun who was smugly beaming a Cheshire Cat grin upto his eyelids.  

_Hehehe, idiot~~~ thinks he can just.. play around, and play all sorts of games with me, and I’ll just let ‘im!! Ha!! Stupid donkeyTao!!!!!!_

Turning to flash a sweetly polite smile at the people across the aisle, rubbing in the fact that Tao would just have to swallow all his threats for retribution, Sehun leaned back comfortably against his side, stretching his arms above his head and pulling his muscles out.. The land was throwing itself in rises all around; thickly forested with trees with tall, straight trunks and heavy branches, shading them perfectly from the blazing sun. One after another, the train ran through a series of tunnels – smaller, too short for Tao to try for revenge, but cool and dark enough to cocoon them momentarily in night….. just like all those nights, those endless succession of gorgeous, delicious nights, when they’d fallen asleep wrapped about each other – sinking into sleep the way they had when they were kids, so tired out and happy; exhausted yet so damn fucking satisfied, it was heaven – nothing pricking at them, no worry, no thought, not even the slightest shadow of discomfort – falling asleep almost the second their lids closed, and sleeping long and deep.. yet somehow aware, all throughout the night, of the other so close by.. right beside them.. their arms wound so tight  about each other, they were breathing as one…

Sleeping, warm and cosy, wrapped up in each other, curled up in the comforter, fluffy and downy…

Every night, the heat of the summer-masquerading spring would fall away, replaced by a cool chill, reflecting the moonbeams in its cold –

Until of course, _that_ day, when a sudden ice had poked a needle through Sehun’s dreamless drifting – A  chilled wind guzzling through the room, creeping into his skin where Tao’s arm had pinned his shirt up – nippy..With such a definite bite to it, his skin had pebbled goosebumps right upto his eyelids…

 

_Nnnggrmmmm…_

 

Moaning in protest, he had curled deeper into Tao’s warmth.. pushing and grunting his arms under his torso, thrusting his legs under his –

When –

 

 

_‘WHHOOAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’_

The next minute, he’d leapt up to his feet – just as Tao sat up beside him, yelling a strangled cry in shock  -

Both of them gaping at the desk that had been standing against the wall, just beside the window –

 

which was now on its side.

They had had to screw their eyes tight against the wind that was crashing violently through the window, so strong, it had actually blown the table over; setting the curtains whipping frantically into the room, crazily, madly, like they were gonna rip right out,  before slapping back against the wall with cracks as loud as pistol shots…

 

‘ _Ah_!’

 

‘ _The fuck!!??_ ’

 

 

 

As quickly as it had exploded in, the wind had died down – leaving behind only a constant shivering chill, wreathing an ice almost static through the room, the light drenched in a dark gloom, so they couldn’t even tell how far the morning had progressed…

 

 _‘Whoa…..’_ Whistling through his teeth, Tao had gaped at the mess his room had turned into - Pens, pencils, an old mug – random bits of debris rolled into the far corners of the room; pieces of paper fluttered in a tornado above their heads.. magazines piled under the toppled surface, their pages bent and twisted as they were crushed under the weight of the wood –

 

‘ _PRIMUS!!!!!!!!!!!_ ’

Crying as one, the boys had hurtled across the room, scrambling over each other as they grabbed for the table where their precious Robotic Commander had been sitting  –

_‘Primus!!!’ ‘Shitshitshit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’_

_‘no!!_ ’ His eyes widening, Sehun had gasped as he spotted the dim pulse of blue, right under the desk – the light peeping out from under one of the drawers that had half fallen out of its runners –

‘Ah!’

Faster than him, Tao’d seized one corner of the desk, lifting it up – the drawer clacking as it fell right out, thudding onto the floor, before he could grab it up, barely managing to reach it with two fingers  –

 

 

 

‘ _whoa!!!’_

 

 

 

 

_‘WHOA!!!’_

 

Picking up Primus, Sehun had twinkled his eyes at Tao, his smile sparkling from ear to ear as he delicately held the miraculously unscathed toy in his pretty hands – so cute, Tao had grinned involuntarily as he reached to ruffle his hair.. bending forward to lean his lips into his….

 

 

 

 

Suddenly, the train took a turn, whipping round a corner fast enough to make him fall onto Tao, who had given up trying to take revenge, pulling out his phone instead to defeat all of Sehun’s high scores, while frequently cursing at him not to think he’d gotten away with it, just wait, I’ll get you back for it…

‘Ohh – Hunnie, you okay??’

‘Umm.’ Shaking himself like a puppy, Sehun used the opportunity to flick his hair against Tao’s face, making him laugh and wrinkle his eyes closed – and giving him the opportunity to quickly seize possession of his phone, crowing as he checked the high score list – _ahahaa_!!!! ‘Tsk tsk tsk  Taozi – 600 points.. Hunnie 990 points~~~ heeeheeee and someone thinks he could beat _me_ ~~’

‘Ah!!!!! If you hadn’t just bumped into me, I so would’ve!!!!!!’

‘Yeah right!! You couldn’t even come close~~’

‘……… ……………. …….. Ahh, you might be right, ne…. Hunnie is really fast.. and your reflexes are so good.. ‘ Sighing, Tao pulled his phone out of Sehun’s hands, tapping it despondently. ‘I might never be able to beat you~’

‘You _bet_ your ass you couldn’t!! It’s time you realised that’s _true!_ ’ Clicking his tongue, he rammed his head huffily into Tao, who winced, closing an eye as he rubbed his chest. ‘Eh? Ehehe.. but.. but I’ve always acknowledged how good you are~’

‘…….. ….. ………………………. . …………..wait.. you’re not..’ Twisting around fully so as to get a better look at his expression, Sehun peered up at him. ‘ _Tao’s serious????_ ’

‘….huh??? Yeah!!’

‘……….. ….. ehhhh I thought you were just.. teasin’ ‘

‘huhhhh?? Ehehe, you’re too sensitive! Of course I meant it – look, _all_ the high scores on every game on my phone has your name on it, right?? You’re way better than me!’

‘……………… whoa……………… you’re actually……….. - ah!’ Suddenly recovering, Sehun cleared his throat noisily, blushing, even as he tried to sound brusque ‘I mean, hell yeah!! When did you get so smart!!!’

‘What, I _always_ knew how ridiculously good you are at this sort of stuff.. your coordination’s off the charts, _everyone_ knows that, pfft~~’

‘………….. ……… ehhh….’ Even biting his lip couldn’t smother the smile that was stretching his cheeks, and, blushing and looking resolutely at his feet, Sehun brusquely pulled out a Kiss from the bag he was still holding clutched in his hand, pushing the chocolate through the air at Tao. ‘Here… I’ll let you have one.’

‘Oh!’ Bursting into a pleased laugh, Tao took it, popping it into his mouth. ‘Thanks!’ Biting into it slowly, he was _almost_ certain he could taste the slight damp heat of Sehun’s’ hand on it – it was impossible of course, but if he concentrated hard enough… Swallowing, he leaned forward, bending so his lips were grazing Sehun’s ear. ‘Final Boss ~~ Defeated~~’

 

 

 

 

 

Leaving the room to Tsai, the Huangs’ maid, who had rushed in upon hearing the noise, convinced one of them had had a _terrible_ accident, the boys had headed downstairs, to their tea – apparently they had slept all day, and it had already been well past noon, but the whole house lay bathed in shadows, like caught in the grips of a motionless twilight.. The wind had completely died down, yet the odd chill permeated the air, almost unbearable to Sehun, who’d gotten so used to the relentless heat of the little seaside town...

Everything seemed to be frozen in a strange petrifaction – even the now familiar bits of furniture, the paintings on the walls, the wooden tables, the bookshelves.. everything seemed to loom and grow, somehow ever so slightly different, like they’d unknowingly woken up in a different time flow… Seized by the same eerie stillness, feeling somehow drained and lifeless, the boys just hung about the rest of the evening, lying on the floor with the sliding doors pushed wide, doing absolutely nothing save watching the light turn deeper and deeper shades of purple as thick, dense, solidly heavy clouds filled the sky… the heavy oppressive silence of the day made it almost impossible for them to even speak to each other…  By the time it became too dark to see, the wind had picked up again – not the sudden burst of earlier, but a steady, relentless rise building and building and building, turning their limbs heavier and heavier..

Mrs Huang had rushed in sometime after the maid had left, only staying long enough to change and grab her stuff, before breezing out to her book club. Raising himself half heartedly for a moment to call out a joke about the Lius and their cats at her retreating back, Tao had flopped down again, going back to watching reruns of a detective show on his phone, and, abandoning the Rubik’s cube he’d been playing with [he’d found it in the aftermath of the Desk Upheaval, and was determined to figure out Lu  Han’s tricks] Sehun crawled over to him, pillowing his head on his arm and scrolling back to replay the episode from the beginning, ignoring his pointed sighs…

 

By the time Tao’s parents were back, and dinner ready, Sehun was half asleep, curled up by his side, dreaming hazily of floating corpses and locked rooms, and nearly woke screaming when Mrs Huang called out to them… Still drowsy, it had taken him a good while to understand what everyone was going on about – it turned out they’d been playing some game at the book club, and Mrs Huang had won a 3 day, 4 night trip for two to a hot springs resort! By the time Sehun had wrapped his head around the news, Tao was already trying his hardest to convince his parents,who were both insisting they couldn’t leave them alone for three whole days, to accept. Without missing a beat, Sehun joined in too, pressing in whenever Tao stopped to draw breath..

It had taken almost all night, but in the end, after endless rounds of ‘once in a lifetime’ and ‘how they’ll regret it’ and Tao spectacularly bursting into tears saying they didn’t trust him even to let him stay home alone for just three days when he’d always been the perfect son, and listened to everything they said all his life, what had he ever done to deserve this suspicions, etc etc, they’d finally convinced them to take it - And two days later, they were waving them off down the street, suitcases neatly packed into the trunk; waving their hardest till the last glimpse of Mrs Huang’s flowered scarf had disappeared down the road, the last echoes of Mr Huang tooting the horn in farewell faded.. Two days during when the wind had swirled about, like a rambunctious kid dying to pick a fight, whipping doors out of their hands to bang so loud the whole house would shake; or crashing the flower vases off the side tables, till Mr Huang had gotten so fed up, he’d had them take everything down; two days when the world lay silent and dark and chilled, as if waiting in anticipation for the sky to fall…

Despite all their plans of how hard they’d celebrate once Tao’s parents had left [Sehun was still intently enforcing his ‘no hanky panky while they were in the house’ rule], somehow, the boys found themselves dozing off even before 9 pm, nodding off over their pasta as they watched some comedy routine on telly… Finally, after Sehun had half suffocated on white sauce, Tao had dragged him off to bed, and they’d promptly blacked out… only to wake up again, in the middle of the night, when an utter pitch black poured into the room – the electricity had gone off, even the streetlamps outside switching off, and the heavy, leaden clouds wouldn’t even allow the slightest glimmer of moonlight through.. the cold seemed to ratchet up even further as they wind roared through the trees, the ominous creaking of branches like a triumphant chorus marking the loosening of whatever bonds had kept it contained these past couple of days. Of course, it was so cold.. and they were so awake.. there really seemed only one thing to do to get their circulation running again….

By next morning, the television was full of typhoon warnings, flashing lists of safe shelters, warning everyone to stock up on drinking water and canned goods, and not go out unless necessary.. they even had a van drive by during the afternoon, a loudspeaker blaring the same warnings, a middle aged man jolting about the neighbourhood with a towel wrapped around his head and a piercing, garrulous voice. Tsai came in for a bit, cooking mounds of food and airily dismissing Tao’s concerns that the electricity, which had made a comeback sometime around 5 am, might go off again, as she stocked the refrigerator from top to bottom in neatly labelled microwave-safe containers, and, with a cheery warning that they should lock the wooden storm screens over the doors, and ensure all the windows were securely fastened, she skipped out, promising to return in two days, once the typhoon warnings had been lifted, her laughter ringing in the air at Tao’s rejoinder of ‘if we were still alive’… Sehun, however, had other concerns – The storm doors were all manageable, and between the two of them, they had heaved all the heavy screens closed; but the windows were a problem – they were all fitted with wooden screens too, that slid over the outside, locking shut to prevent any damage to the shutters or the glass..unfortunately, they’d pretty much never been used, and most of them had jammed stuck in their recesses, from which, try as they might, they were impossible to release.. Finally Tao had had to go around outside the house, with a chisel and hammer to free the swollen wood, n by the time he’d dragged the big ladder out from the garden shed, pulling it all the way to the house to go the rounds of the upper storeys, he’d worked up enough of a sweat to pull his shirt off, as, armed with his dad’s tool belt, he climbed up and set to with the metal handled chisel…and the hammer…

 

Of course, Tao just assumed the resulting hour, after he’d finished putting the ladder back and carefully locking down the shed, dragging the ducks and their pool with him as he slouched back into the house wiping his forehead with his discarded shirt, tool belt still in place about his very low rising jeans, was just Sehun’s way of thanking him for not making him work too – and Sehun didn’t disabuse him of the notion, after all, there was no _way_ he was gonna give the stupid idiot gorilla any more ammunition, he was just waayyy too fucking sexy as is!

 

By evening, the rains had started –  a little drizzle at first, but just as Sehun was snorting, saying, was this what all the fuss was about, a loud clatter rung out as something hit the side of the house –and the next minute, with a rushing roar, like a waterfall had opened up in the heavens, a whole torrential outpouring had begun..for two days, it raged on, letting up slightly every now and then, so they gasped in relief, sitting up in anticipation – only to pick up again in moments. It was a weirdly uncanny time.. with all the screens drawn, almost no light at all entered the house, so it was impossible even to know if it was night or day.. the air inside was still, so motionless, it was like they were in a complete vacuum, so it was shatteringly shocking every time something flew against the house, reminding them the wind must be raging in all its fury outside.. their voices echoed through the empty house, mingling with the hollow honking the ducks occasionally sent out, the creaking of the old house and the deep throated groans of the shutters – but over it all was the endless sound of the rain, crashing down on the eaves, petering against the roof, dripping over the sides, gushing down the drains, flowing past the tiles of the veranda… on and on and on… An endless drone, so they quickly forgot to hear it – only those moments when it started dying away, or rising up again, did they even realise it was there; only those moments when they paid attention did it resolve into anything other than the most cosy picturesque background to their perfect cocoon. For two days, they spent all their time wrapped up in a couple of blankets by the fireplace – they’d dragged their bedding downstairs, and built up the most comfy, snug little nest; toasting themselves with hot cocoa and marshmallows as they played around, enfolded in a queer innocence…like they were new-born calves, discovering each other’s bodies for the very first time… without the slightest guile or objective, without any goal or intent – touching, tasting, feeling, talking and laughing, making love like it was the most natural thing in the world, holding the other like they were extensions of themselves… or they were extensions of the other.. their voices low, as if not to disturb the frozen harmony of the silent vacuum, their rhythm as languorous and as frantic, as slow or as rushed as the rain they never consciously heard… Breaking off occasionally, they’d climb the stairs to the bathroom, soaking together in the warm bubbles for hours, running the water as hot as they could stand it, till Tao was uniformly lobster red, and Sehun’s skin competing with a dried prune for shrivelled-ness… Wrapped in sheets and towels, they’d wander into the kitchen, unpacking one of Tsai’s boxes to watch it revolve on the microwave plate, then eat straight out of it, fighting their chopsticks, crumbling slices of bread for the ducks they’d shut into the utility room.. Every now and then, they’d worry about their fish, in the secret lake, and the super secret cove; every now and then, they’d lend a thought to the piles of holiday homework neither of them had so much as breathed on; sporadically they’d do the rounds watering the house plants and wonder if they were getting enough sunlight, or check to ensure all the windows and doors were still bolted down… but mostly, they just laughed and whispered, holding each other as they cuddled in front of the fireplace… their limbs glowing in the warm red of the fire, toasty and hot; the trickles of sweat down their silky backs incandescent in the light; shining against the glimmer of their skin; the crackling of the logs sliding neatly between the showers outside, a gentle sound board behind their gasps and pants……..  Tao found the key to the liquor cabinet and they tried out shot glasses of everything, careful not to take too much of any single drink, and inventing the most horrendous cocktails ever, watching the light sparkle into the most gorgeous colours through the glass and woozily sloshing the liquid around; They burnt about five potatoes trying to make fries before realising they ought to try the stove; argued over who would clean up the mess the ducks made; downloaded a really weird boys love show they couldn’t sit through more’n five minutes of, comforting themselves and assuring each other they weren’t that ridiculous – and if they happened to try out a similar..position.. it was just by accident; filled a bottle of chartreuse they had emptied with lemonade and hoped the Huangs wouldn’t notice – at least, not until they were back in school; made entire meals out of all the boxes of chocolates they could scrounge up – which was a surprising number, even Sehun had had enough by the end of the first day, groaning as he leant on his elbows beside Tao, picking chocolates from his lips…

 

 

 

 

 

Grinning at the memory, Tao reached over to Sehun who was resolutely staring out of the window, totally ignoring him, trying to wheedle another Kiss from him – but he was still being all adorably huffy, cursing at him in, even for Sehun, highly imaginative terms. ‘remember when you said you had enough of chocolate, and never wanted another bite of it as long as you lived~~’

‘Haaaaa!!!!! I _never  -_ when did I even!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

‘Ehehe~~ that time during the typhoon… right after we finished that pack of caramel nuggets, remember, I ate those pieces off your – ‘

‘Aaahh!!!!!!!’ Blazing fiery, Sehun punched him in the stomach, quickly stuffing a whole handful of chocolates into his lap. ‘Tao – Tao – Tao’s just imagining things!! Ha.. ha haha.. sleep talking is for when you’re _asleep_ , just.. just shut up and eat these, you stupid – ‘

 

 

 

‘Eeeehhhhhhh… and here I was thinking our special memories where worth keeping..aaahhhh-ahh.. and you just threw all of them out…..’

 

 

‘….’

Gasping, Sehun stopped short , stung into silence at Tao’s seriously upset voice. ‘..Ta…Taozi, I was just – I wasn’t – ‘

‘Well, gimme a kiss and I might forgive you’

‘Here!!! I gave you _lots!!_ Here  - ‘ Hurriedly, Sehun pulled out another handful, dropping them over the pile already rising over his lap – when Tao gripped his wrist, stopping him.

 

‘I didn’t mean _those_.’

 

‘….. o…h…. Tao!!! Not – ‘ Blushing upto his narrowed, glaring eyes, Sehun hissed at him. ‘Not _here,_ you ass!’ flicking his eyes pointedly towards the seats across the aisle. ‘St….stupid horny camel!!!’

‘Ah!! Penalty!! You’ve used that one before!!’

‘Shuttup!! Rotten peach-skin!’ puffing his cheeks out, Sehun grabbed the finger he’d pointed at him as he caught him out, quickly glancing around – before flashing up to plant a lightning fast peck on his cheek, the impression of his lips, the warmth of his breath barely grazing Tao’s skin, before he was burying his face in his hands, whipping around to face the window in frustrated shyness.

‘…………….. ………’ taken aback – he really hadn’t been expecting Sehun to… , Tao gaped at his back for a moment, before gleefully throwing his arm about his shoulders, leaning towards the window too. ‘Eeehhhhh~~ what’s with all acting shy now, just a bit ago, when we went through the tunnel, you were all – ‘

‘That’s different!!!! Stupid Tao!!! No one – ‘

‘Aaah-aahhh~~’ Sighing in exuberant happiness, Tao flopped back to his place, unwrapping a chocolate and ignoring Sehun’s smug-yet-simultaneously-really-shy-plus-totally-drowning-in-secondhand-embarrassment-but-nevertheless-totally-smug spluttering as he drawled. ‘Never mind, I have nothing to complain about now~~~ that one was sweet enough to keep me supremely satisfied…

at least for another half hour…’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

** THE END **

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

It's OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [wow, it took so long!!!!!!!!!!!!]  Sorry i was so slow writing and updating, i've been really really busy lately, and all sorts of stuff happened, so..... Thank You for sticking with me m(_ _)m  i'm  _so_  very very grateful to you for commenting, subscribing, kudo-ing and/or reading, [lol] thank you SO much!!! I really hope you enjoyed it~~  I personally really really like this story, and I think it beats anything I have written before [with the possible exception of Spring Sleeps, and The Last Snow], so I hope you enjoyed it as much as I ❣❣  Please drop a comment telling me how you thought it was, all the way to the end - and don't forget to check out the epilogue, to find out what happened to the mains after, and the notes page for all the author notes-ey stuff~~ 

once again, thank you SO much!! m(_ _)m

 

 

 


	37. Epilogue

It took two whole days for Sehun to pack up all his stuff – which had spread over a surprising distance, and an amazing number of rooms; and cart them all back upto Hill Crest Dorms, and Tao’s room – or, like he added firmly in magic marker to the little placard outside the door, SEHUN and tao’s room – small type for the stupid gorilla who absolutely refused to help, saying Sehun deserved it for moving out in the first place, and instead sprawled on his bed eating twinkies and calling out useless bits of advice…

Of course, Sehun got his own back by refusing to let him into his bed for the next two days, till he caved and begged his forgiveness in suitably grovelling couplets – luckily, coz Sehun was pretty much at his limit too…

The summer term passed happily like that, long sunny days of basketball and soccer, heated races in the pool and water gun battles and mountains and mountains of ice creams and shaved ice, Tao having seamlessly melded into Sehun’s group of friends – or maybe they had, into his, coz somehow they _all_ started hanging out together – Sehun’s ‘It Crowd’ and Tao’s Wushu club comrades, Lu Han and Xiumin and the guys from Tao’s club in their class, Bo Xian and Chan Ye; hanging out during breaks and between classes, playing around the town, and holding parties in their room on weekends – ‘SEHUN and tao’s room’ had somehow developed into _the_ hangout spot of the school….

Of course, that might have had more to do with the seemingly inexhaustible supply of food Mrs Huang had packed and sent with them, than any actual merit the room might’ve had - her guilt over leaving them behind and going on what had been an incredibly fun trip to the hot springs resort had held firm through the remainder of the holidays, so she’d ended up cooking for almost a week straight, with a mutinous Tsai in tow, salting fish, drying seaweed, making all sorts of jams and pickles and spreads and relishes; crackers and boxes and boxes of cookies [Sehun hid all the peanut-butter and chocolate ones before anyone came] and cakes and stuffed shortbreads and shrimp-flavoured chips and corn crisps and homemade honey from Yuki Nainai’s…..

But the room held secrets even the most frequent visitors were unaware of – like the secret identity of the toy robot figure who held the seat of honour on the topmost shelf of the bookcase – everyone assumed he was ‘just a toy’, or at most a valuable collectible after witnessing Sehun yelling at Fang when he tried to lift him out..

Or that the tiny enamel box that stood alongside held two little white teeth that Mrs Huang had let them have – Tao’s first tooth to fall out, and, following Sehun’s exertions with a string and a fist sized rock, his first tooth to fall out, miraculously, on the very same day; that the collection of really cool shells that lined the windowsill came from a super secret cove that was used by a ruthless gang of smugglers, or that the yellowing, dog eared photo album they always took care to shove out of sight when company was coming held a thorough and exhaustively embarrassing account of two overly attached preschoolers, and, in the final pages, high schoolers…

Or that the cupboards had been de-organized – the two were no longer ‘Sehun’s’ and ‘Tao’s’, but just ‘casuals’ and ‘really good clothes’ – and anything in either was up for grabs by either of them…

Or that the shower in the room shared by _two_ people was run just once a day.. Or that, while the beds lining the opposite ends of the room were always innocently messy during the daytime, at night, after they’d all left, the mattresses were dragged together onto the floor in the middle of the room….and of course, everything that happened afterwards….

At least, so the owners of the room assumed.

Summer slipped into winter, bringing with it an intense chill that lasted for weeks before the first snowfall – and Christmas decorations went up everywhere; everyone, from the first years to the thirds, from the teaching assistants to the headmaster, pitching in to wreathe the school in yuletide cheer, as was tradition.. impromptu snowball fights kept breaking out in between the buildings as everyone dashed through the courtyards during breaks.. someone [pretty much the whole school would’ve bet on Chan Ye] daringly stole the Headmaster’s toupee to crown a giant snowman right at the entrance, and the mistletoe always went missing moments after it was strung up, with every hot blooded young male on the premises fighting to grab a bunch for a more… convivial location.. - Tao came back to the room with a whole forestful, successfully winning over Sehun who’d been pissed with him for a couple days, coz of his Wushu practice schedule – the year-end marked the prefectural tournament, and as captain and ace of the Wushu club, Tao found all his time taken up with practicing – and Sehun, who’d initially been peacocking through the school, smugly superior as he extolled on Tao’s invincibility to anyone who’d listen, quickly got fed up with the whole thing when he realised how much it cut into their private time – Tao was practicing every spare moment he got, and when he did finally return to the room, he was always too tired out to do more than black out…

Of course, even the effect of the mistletoe would’ve faded within hours under this attrition, if Sehun hadn’t chanced upon a grand scheme – shocked at hearing how the school had basically always been ignoring the Wushu club, he worked out a huge Top-Secret plan to get everyone to attend the tournament and support the team; spending all his free time while Tao was practicing busy making up banners and flags and horns, roping in every clique, enlisting the cheer squad, getting approval from the teachers, even applying for and obtaining permission to use the school buses for transport to and from for everyone who wanted to go watch – it was during this time that he made up with Mai too, who, while stiffly keeping their secret, had still maintained a stony displeasure all summer that radiated off her in waves whenever she was anywhere in proximity to Sehun – with a little timely help from Chan Ye and Bo Xian, and driven by guilt over that phone call he’d heard Tao having with her, he’d managed to fix her up with a third year from Tao’s club, Terrence, and she had ended up as enthusiastic as him about supporting the club…

And so it was, when Tao and his team of nineteen walked onto the gym at the regional stadium where schools from the entire prefecture were gathered for the opening ceremony, their anxiety and nerves, frank fear and excitement were all blown away by a moment of utter shock at the overwhelming crescendo of noise that greeted them - as an entire quarter of the huge stadium rose to their feet cheering…

As if to thank them, East High had swept the tournament, eight members of the team ending up in the top fifteen individual scoring, with Tao right at number one; they’d placed second at the group items; leading to a resounding victory for the school with the maximum points overall…

Afterwards, Sehun would think of that tournament as a turning point for them – coz within days, a magazine team had arrived at school eager to interview this two-year old team that had accomplished such a remarkable feat.. and maybe it was there that the seeds were planted - coz two years later, Tao had enrolled in a famous arts college at a university in the capital city, with a renowned photography course, and bagged an internship at a magazine company…

No one was very surprised when Sehun got into a commerce college at the same university too, or when the boys rented out an apartment together – after all, throughout high school, they’d been an inseparable unit, even Sehun’s parents having long given up any attempt to have him fly out to them during the hols, and instead, worked their schedule around so they could fly down themselves; having bought a holiday home in the same town as Tao’s parents.. [After they both retired, they moved down here for good, but of course, that came much later]… Nevertheless, for the next few years, ‘family’ held a rather strained tension – the boys dreaded phone calls from home, when broad hints, that became progressively narrower and more pointed as time passed, were thrown out regarding marriages and successions… letters and emails never failed to include references to someone’s friend’s sister’s cousin’s daughter, ohh such a pretty girl, and cooks so well too!

But other than that, the boys had a blast during their years at college; working hard, partying wildly, driving all over the country during their vacations and spending entire weekends locked up in their house, just ordering in, coz they didn’t want to let go of each other even for a second… window shopping, eating out, going to movies and amusement parks, or just long drives through the night - Life had actually managed to turn out pretty much the way Sehun had dreamed, that night all those years ago… Of course, they had their individual interests and hobbies, Tao’s internship and Sehun’s addiction to the dance and drama societies he’d joined; they had their own particular friends too, friends they’d made in their individual courses, people they enjoyed hanging out with – but once a lecture was over, they’d meet up with the other again, often dragging those friends with them, so that all of Sehun’s and Tao’s friends were soon mutual friends _both_ shared… 

And of course, they did have their share of fights, stupid senseless misunderstandings that invariably got blown up out of all proportion – but now they had a couple of unlikely saviours at hand – Lu Han and Xiumin, who had also moved to the capital; Lu taking courses in international relations, political science and anthropology, and a couple of the same economics electives as Sehun, already on the fast track to a job in the Foreign Service; and Xiumin having won a place to the top law college in the country. They’d all four remained good friends, and still hung out together often; and between Xiumin’s no nonsense talking-to’s and Lu Han’s kindly mediation, somehow, their fights never reached the horrible intensity of that first year back together..

But even Xiumin and Lu Han were stumped the summer right after they graduated from college – Tao, who had gotten a job at the magazine he’d been interning at, as the lead photographer’s assistant, was loaned for a couple of weeks to a famous, multiple international award winning foreign photographer, who was free lancing an article for the next issue. For a week, all Sehun heard was Kris this and Kris that; Kris had said this and Kris had said that; Tao had even gone and spent all the money he’d been starting to save up to buy a new car on the state of the art camera and lens kit that was the same model Kris used… To Sehun, who had completed an economics and statistics program, and gone on to an entry level managerial post at a financial corporation, most of the stories Tao recounted about work were a little over his head – especially the technical aspects, exposures and angles and whatnot, though of course, he absolutely _loved_ to hear Tao talk about his passion – he was so driven and fervent about it… but when Kris - an annoyingly good looking guy, tall, with soulful eyes and full, bee stung lips , and a body you could easily tell was magnificent even through his clothes – in short, someone who ought to be on the other side of the lens, started dropping by unannounced every other day for dinner, for the first time, Sehun found the difference in their fields painful – coz _he_ actually understood everything Tao said, and could reply, and… and.. have a fuckin conversation; while Sehun, who was totally fed up with it even before it began, would go to bed, leaving them to talk into the night… And when the model Kris was using turned out not to suit his idealistic, multiple international award winning tastes, and he fired him and made Tao model for the article instead, things only got worse.

In the end, after two weeks of building tension, a couple of knock down, blow out fights that never even came close to skirting the actual reason for the animosity, and a week of total silence during which they refused to talk to each other – which only served to make Tao spend even more time with Kris [unknown to Sehun, all he did was complain for hours about his stupid boyfriend who was acting crazy and how he had absolutely _no_ clue why, resisting all of Kris’ attempts to turn the conversation even for a second, away from Sehun], which in turn made Sehun madder, and so on and so on….. the article featuring Tao actually went on to win Kris yet another international award – and raised quite a lot of interest in the heretofore unknown model… who quickly started receiving offers from enthusiastic photographers. Confused about what he ought to do, the situation impossible for him to get through without Sehun’s input [which he stubbornly didn’t offer, and Tao stubbornly refused to ask for] Tao just felt mired down, more and more hopelessly lost. In the end, goaded on by the cold chill that permeated their house, the angry, accusatory silence, he went off to model for a photographer friend of his on location in Macau, leaving Sehun behind at home –

And by the third day of fuming by himself in the empty house from which Tao had just packed and left without a _word_ to him, Sehun had decided he would too – pack up and leave, only for good, so when the idiot came back, _he_ wouldn’t be there! Worried, Lu Han offered to let him stay with him for a bit, and that’s how, when Tao finally came home, still confused about his career, but thoroughly convinced he _had_ to clear things with Sehun, he couldn’t _bear_ to fight any longer; all he found was an empty house, devoid of Sehun’s belongings.

Months slipped by, both of them realising anew how widely their paths had diverged, now that they didn’t go to the same college, or school – with them no longer living together, they moved in totally different neighbourhoods, lived totally different lifestyles, and never even crossed paths once... despite secretly wishing and hoping with everything they had that they would….. Most of their friends were mutual friends they both shared, so they _knew_ they must be meeting the other – but they were too proud to even enquire about their ‘ex’, and besides, it was just too infuriating to think _they_ could get to see the other, when they couldn’t.

While their personal lives were sinking thusly, their careers, however, were taking off in spectacular ways. Sehun wrested his way up to be put in charge of a team handling the account of a small advertising company, that was being bought out by a television conglomerate – a big undertaking for a kid fresh out of college. Of course, whispers abounded about ‘family connections’ and ‘money’ and what not, and the work itself far tougher than anything he had faced before, and fuck he needed Tao more’n ever – it was like he couldn’t let any of it out, even whining to Lu didn’t come close, he was stressed out and frustrated and just…. But somehow, he managed to make it work, getting in some concessions in the deal, and working out a staff lay-off bonus, that both the company and the higher ups at Sehun’s office were more than happy with – the whispers were hushed, and he found himself quickly put in charge of three separate accounts, one belonging to a bakery chain that was a long standing, respected, highly valued client of the firm!

Meanwhile, after a couple more stints at modelling, Tao had reaffirmed his love for photography – as much as he enjoyed being in front of the lens, he really did belong behind it, capturing for all eternity those moments that could make his heart stand still… With his head clear, and his faith renewed, he set about working on his training again, switching companies to join a high end photography studio – albeit at the junior-most position… But his talent, his skill and the nature that made him totally unafraid of hard work, combined with his innate sense of aesthetics, flamboyance and style, had him quickly rising through the ranks, working on myriad assignments, from brochures for a travel agency, to photoshoots for a high end brand [the later so successfully, they asked him personally to shoot their campaigns for the next season too].. with miraculous speed, his style came to be recognised among professional circles, despite the fact it was constantly evolving and changing, there was still something about it…

Yet, the higher ups still felt he lacked something integral, and try as he might, he was never chosen for _the_ most prestigious position available - the chosen photographer who shot the centrepiece spreads for the magazine their agency put out. He was repeatedly told he was too young, he still had time, he needed experience, etc etc.. _empty words_ , he thought, _they’re just trying to foist me off_ ; as he renewed his efforts – and finally, tiring of the constant appeals, his immediate superior signed him up for a competition – telling him he would be given the assignment if he could win it.

Frustrated, Tao, for the first time, thought seriously about quitting – it seemed to him like he was getting nowhere – and that stupid competition was a super huge deal, all the great contemporary photographs participated, and the prices went to those famous icons he couldn’t even _dream_ of coming close to - even in their own agency, it had only been won once, that too by the Boss himself!!!

It was at this point, that Xiumin, thoroughly furious and completely frustrated with both the idiots – who very stupidly thought they were being subtle with their frustration, and actually believed that all their friends believed they didn’t give a fuck about the other, in fact, had even forgotten all about the other – stepped in, tired of waiting for them to see reason, or behave like rational adults – brusquely inviting Tao over to Lu ’s place, instead of having dinner at his, as usual; then, on the appointed night, in a manoeuvre he really hated doing, feeling how _ridiculous_ and cliché it was, but pretty sure nothing else would work when dealing with such utter _idiots;_ circumvented Sehun who stood up in surprise when the bell rang, wondering who it was; grabbed Lu and headed to the drawing room to open the door; let Tao in, then slipped out, dragging Lu with him, just as Tao bent down to remove his shoes –

and bolted the door after them.

Leaving the two idiots trapped in Lu ’s house, securely imprisoned - he’d already locked the back door from the outside, and ensured all the windows were too small to get out of…..

By the time Lu went back home in the afternoon the next day [having happily crashed at Xiumin’s place for the night], all of Sehun’s things were gone, save for an indecipherable note stuck to the fridge about how he was going back home…. Of course, he wouldn't have been quite as gleeful as he was, surveying his refreshingly empty home, if he knew what the note omitted to mention - Sehun's gratitude, which had triggered the formation of a brand new Grand Scheme - how to set their cupids, Xiumin and Lu Han up - with each other, so they'd find the same happiness Tao and Sehun had.... 

And at his very first major competition, Tao won a Special Mention by the Judges, for his enchantingly alluring black and white photograph of a tall, slender, gorgeous model no one had ever seen before, with an eye-catching mole on his neck, and the tiniest trace of a scar on his cheek that somehow gave his young features a definition and timeless character that was simply breathtaking.. the whole picture resonating with ideas of impermanence, of hope amidst tragedy, of kindness and forgiving, of harshness and pain, of second and third and more chances… how fleeting beauty and innocence were – and yet, how strong and powerful, so tasting them was well worth the price…

or as one newspaper journalist put it – ‘the photograph simply breathes of love.’


	38. Notes

 

This was one of the ‘possibles’ I played around with, while working on The Last Snow. I tried many variations of the story, and this is the one that seemed workable on its own as a short.. but in the process, however,  it took on a life of its own, and turned into something I had never thought of, either while writing the Last Snow, or while initially ‘one-shot-izing’…  ending up as this full length story. If you have read The Last Snow, you will recognize the OCs and side characters, many of the names familiar n the  personalities and characterisations of the mains more understandable, plus of course, more about the Xiuhan Angle, Tao's Club, the tournament, etc etc.. If you haven't, it's absolutely not necessary - this is a totally different story. 

 

 

  * **Chp 1 - Have We Met?**



First of, characters - Tao, Sehun, Lu, Xiumin, Bo Xian [Baekhyun], Chan Ye [Chanyeol] are classmates, with the later two also being part of Tao's wushu club; Yixing is their homeroom teacher + language teacher, Chen is their math teacher, Suho is the warden of Tao's dorms, DO teaches history and Jongin is the school nurse [though i forgot to include those parts, sorry].Kris somes later. All the rest are OCs.

Second, location - I had initially planned to have the whole story set in the school and the city it was in, which i had planned as Qingdao.. but then the vacation thing happened... so i set Tao's hometown as another seaside town, only more ..provincial, much smaller and more 'countryside' than the big city that houses their school

  * **Chp 2 - Prime Concerns**



The title is a reference to the leading character, Primus [who is, obviously, entirely a play on optimus prime]

note the parts about the vine across the lake, Mrs Chuo's Lab, and Pirates and their cove, these come around again later ;]

  * **Chp 3 - Maneaters in the Sand**



Maneaters are ''animals, usually lions or tigers, who have incorporated human flesh into their usual diet''; but the boys pictured them as fantastical Giant Beasts, that somehow [magic?] despite their huuuge size, managed to hide in the sand of the beach to a depth of their little ruler-long sticks. 

  * **Chp 4 - Somebody to Love**



Somebody to Love by Queen, coz the title describes the chapter perfectly, and also provides a serendipitious reference to Mai ['queen']

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kijpcUv-b8M>

Kiwi Cafe in Qingdao - 

 

  * **Chp 5 - Despair**



Bored? Let's play the 'see how many 'Sehun' traits Mai has' game, in this and the prev chapter~~ 

  * **Chp 6 - Amtrack Blues**



Amtrack Blues by Alberta Hunter - <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWNFfrH6KIs>

  * **Chp 7 - Through the looking glass**



................ i have nothing besides the Lewis Carrol quote....... 

  * **Chp 8 - Offside**



Or, How Oh Sehun got his scar

  * **Chp 9 - Poker Face**



Or, Why One Should Lose at Slap Jack

  * **Chp 10 - The Fairest of Them All**



The 'Raise your hand if you have, at some point, thought Sehun was like, a friggin fairytale character' Chapter

Also, heres the reward for anyone who actually played the Chp 5 game

  * **Chp 11 - Me Tarzan, You Jane**



Please listen - <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlDjEd8gAkI>   [i've got this song stuck in my head and i'm takin y'all down with me] [it's even better if you actually picture tao and sehun in the mv]

  * **Chp 12 - Full Moon**



if you paid attention in chp 2, you know where this is going... 

  * **Chp 13 - Shadows on the Wall**



I wrote this the day ZTAO came out, n i ended up listening to One Heart on repeat while writing this [and then kept listening to it all day, like almost 12 hrs straight!! 0.0'] coz the feels... the fuckin feelsssuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sobs* the lyrics of the song are too..easily made into ship material; i also used the line, 'Holding your hand tight, and never let go, Then i will lead you home', so... 

yeah... 

music to listen to while reading this - One Heart by Z.Tao

~~ ps - this has nothing to do with it, but theres also a really cool movie by the same title, which i love [but everyone else i've made watch it doesn't...] so if anyone likes psychological thrillers, give it a try! ~~

  * **Chp 14 - The Hulk**



.... is app a sex symbol for 16 yr old boys *shaking my head at myself*  >// 

  * **Chp 15 - And the Bigger green Monster**



[that's Jealousy...]

  * **Chp 16 - Salad Days**



so, the title is a quote from Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra, where Cleopatra says, 'My salad days, when i was green in judgement, cold in blood'.. personally, I think our blood runs hottest during out 'salad days', [when we are young, green teenagers], so i basically plundered the phrase. [Acc to Wikipedia, Fowler's Dictionary of Modern Eng Usage also questioned the phrase, wondering if it meant that youth, like salad, is raw; or if it meant salad is highly flavoured, and youth loves high flavours; or etc etc basically concluding by saying since most ppl who used it werent sure themselves, it was better suited to a parrot's vocabulary than a human's]  

  * **Chp 17 - The Infamous Blood Dragon Crime Syndicate**



TaoHun Gangsta crossover. [not][i wish it was, tho] 

  * **Chp 18 - Summer Nude**



This is the song that i listened to almost throughout the whole time i was writing this story, i think it really influenced the whole plot, and like, every single event and episode that happened.. well, at least the non-angsty bits, lol - Summer Kids - <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpsDsuLIkZo>

[It's part of the soundtrack of one of my fav dramas of all time, Summer Nude, starring Yamapi, Karina, Masataka Kubota....] 

  * **Chp 19 - Tag!!**



Did anyone spot the Balloon Man part in Chp 3?

  * **Chp 20 - Crossed Lines**



It's prol a huge pain to read, but angst for its own sake is so much fun to write~~~ 

  * **Chp 21 - Yo Ho Ho and A bottle of Rum**



From Treasure Island by RL Stevenson  

Fifteen men on a dead man's chest  
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum  
Drink and the devil had done for the rest  
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum... 

  * **Chp 22 - Come as you are**



Come as You Are by Yuna -  <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0dwfRt8LcI>

  * **Chp 23 - Open, Sesame!**



From One Thousand and One Arabian Nights, the story of Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves, whose magical treasure hoarding cave was opened by the words

  * **Chp 24 - Roll Out!**



So i really like optimus prime, sue me.

  * **Chp 25 - Clueless**



After the movie, and totally laughing my head off at my horribly clueless characters**

  * **Chp 26 - Love in the Afternoon**



After my all time fav Audrey Hepburn movie

  * **Chp 27 - Punch Drunk**



well...... 

  * **Chp 28 - Promises**



[that get broken pretty easily]

  * **Chp 29 - Loosen up my...**



Buttons by the pussycat dolls - <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCLxJd1d84s>

  * **Chp 30 - Ohana**



Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind. - Lilo and Stitch

  * **Chp 31 - Ace**



Huh... i thought i'd titled this 'The Horny Alpaca'........... 

  * **Chp 32 - Love Poems**



i rewrote this chapter,, i hope someone rereads it!! m(_ _)m and i hope its okay now.... 

  * **Chp 33 - Best of Intentions**



Best of Intentions by Travis Tritt - <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNwMFcFqSPw>

  * **Chp 34 - Building Castles in the Clouds**



[basically a list of actual TaoHun moments, inc - amusement park trips, playing with cats, vacation w yacht etc, driving three hrs for chicken, find all these less known secret restaurants, going for movies, go shopping together, bathe together, sleep together [def when they're staying at hotels, n prob that last yr in the dorm too] hang out together all the friggin time, shopping, long drives esp at night, the Skywalk....] 

  * **Chp 35 - Round and Round**



\--> Katanuki is that thing they did in the showtime episode, when you try to break the shape of the candy with a pin.. and Tao really really really liked it?  i forgot what the Korean word is, and i'm not watching ST again [like EVER, i dont need the angst]

Remember the leather strappy thing from chp 31? 

[+ 10 p if you actually imagined Sehun in it] 

  * **Chp 36 - The Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship**



[the ending, quoting the ending of Casablanca] 

  *   **Epilogue**



 The school parts - well, i skimmed over these, if you want more details, it's basically like the last snow.. 

Also, duh, everyone else basically found out about them before the first month back was out, and they, esp Chan Ye and Bo Xian, had a really fun couple of years playing them...

 As for the college, work bits - this was my attempt at writing a yaoi manga plot lol ~ how is it~ 

 

 


End file.
